tarot self care

Synergy

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and took place in the bottom of my shower with paced rhythmic breathing exercises and the trailing of water drops along the side of the tub as the water rained down.   I needed a moment’s retreat, as it’s the third day in a row that I’ve woken up with that tight fissure of anxiety threading through my veins.

It actually felt so good I wish that I’d had some time to take a nap there. I didn’t, of course.  But I have in the past and regardless of the hard surface of the tub beneath me?  It’s some of the best napping I’ve ever had.

Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means the two cards came out together as one instead of individually.  The cards in today’s draw are The Magician and the Creature of Clouds.

The Magician is a message of capability and control, while the Creature of Clouds is about precision and keen mind.    The combination of the two in today’s draw is a message about not just having the tools to accomplish my goals, but also the judgement to use them to their best purpose and control their use to the best timing.

When you combine decisive and cunning thought with skillful expertise, it creates a synergy.   A harmony that’s rich in potential and promise.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I foster a better relationship with my spirit?

The Stretch Tarot

Reading Summary:  Better balance (Two of Pentacles) and a long term view (Judgement) in relation to looking at what I need to accomplish (Page of Pentacles) so that I can foster better “flow” between the different elements of my life (Temperance)

Take Away:  Balance brackets the matching cards in the middle.  Two different kinds of balance.  One is the juggle and struggle of keeping things together and up in the air.  The other a flowing balance of elements, like musical notes flow together to create a song.   In order to move from the jagged effort of juggling into the smooth flow of energy my spirit seeks, I need to stop falling into the trap of “everything has to be done now” and take a longer view.  I’m not on a time table.  There is no clock.  No punch card.  No deadline. 

DECK USED:  STRETCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Where in my life do I need to set stronger boundaries?

Sola Busca Revisited Tarot

Reading Summary:  My mother’s (Empress over Page of Swords) bullshit manipulations (Fool) using good memories (Sun over Six of Cups).

Take Away:  My mother is usually represented by the Queen of Swords reversed.  She is currently being represented by the Page of Swords and the Empress because at this moment she is looking for a new foothold with which to “work her will” into my life after the mess I made of her social standing.   The cards are both an indication of where I need to set stronger boundaries, and also a warning of how she is going to eventually approach once her silent treatment of me has ended.

DECK USED:  SOLA BUSCA REVISITED TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Where am I slacking? / How can I motivate?

Golden Tarot of KlimtWhere am I slacking? – Progress.  I am lacking in progress.  Yeah, that’s pretty accurate.  Although I’ve begun to get a fresh breath from the fog of fear and uncertainty that had been so stifling through the end of December and all of January.  I’ve yet to hit my stride since digging out that fear and uncertainty.  Part of it is just that these things take time, but another part of it is that I feel like I need a break.  I took a few days off to go to my mother’s at the beginning of the month, and yet I just don’t feel like I got any rest out of the time off at all.

Take Away:  This ties into the Tarot for Growth reading I did today.  It speaks of needing to take a long term view and accepting that everything can’t be done right now.   That mindset of everything having to be done right now is holding me back from getting anything done at all.  When you plant seeds, they don’t just miraculously sprout into towering trees.  It takes time… everything takes time, and I need to stop being so hard on myself about that fact, because it has nothing to do with me.  It’s just the nature of how good things grow.

DECK USED:  GOLDEN TAROT OF KLIMT

 

Connections and Longing

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_2375Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and focused on finding happiness not through all of the consumerism and excess in the world, but by moderation.  And how moderation assists in setting the soul free because there is less to weigh you down.

Honestly?  Moderation is not usually my strong suit.  It’s something that I struggle with a lot, in fact.   And the message in today’s guided meditation was well needed, even if this particular topic is one that I feel  I fall short on pretty regularly.

The Moon - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Moon card of the Major Arcana, which is a representation of uncertainty.  The thing is, though, that I see more in this card than just illusion and confusion.

To me, the imagery of this card speaks to me of an inherent need to connect with the earth, and that sometimes that’s not always possible.   Heading back home means that I have to work a little harder to get into the forests I love so dearly, and it creates a longing within me.

The appearance of today’s card is a reminder that it’s okay.  Even at times when you can’t be as close to those things you love as you want to be… it’s okay.  That connection is still there, and will be there whenever I need it.  I just have to make the effort of seeking it out.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN REALM

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with my spirit?

The Guided Hand Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m putting a good deal of effort towards learning (Eight of Pentacles atop Page of Pentacles), but I need to set aside the dance and relax a bit (Judgement crossed over the Two of Pentacles).

Take Away:  My relationship with my spirit of this time is one of seeking and learning.  The problem lies in the fact that I’m trying to do too much juggling of different responsibilities and endeavors, which causes tension instead of just relaxing and allowing things to flow.

DECK USED:  THE GUIDED HAND TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Over what element of my life do I need to release some control?

Regretsy Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation from Imagery:  I can’t control everything all the time. I’m going to have to ease up on controlling every little thing and let things flow instead of trying to fit more and more shit on my plate.

Take Away:  The element of my life I need to release some control over is the fact that I’m trying to fit so much on my plate and control every little piece of everything.  I don’t need to monitor everything.  I don’t need to control every little thing.  It’s time to discern which things I can ease up on and that can take care of themselves without my constant monitoring and meddling.

DECK USED:  REGRETSY TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Open / Close

Tarot of the Hidden RealmOpen: It’s time to reconnect with my passions (Ace of Wands) concerning my artistry and expertise (Three of Pentacles).  During the month of January, I had to put my passion for creativity on the back burner because I was struggling under that cloud of self doubt and fear caused by the letter I’d gotten in the fall.   Now that we are dealing with that fear and self doubt, it’s time to reconnect with my confidence in my work and the passion I have for what I do.

Close:  It’s time to release my negative thoughts concerning that letter and the emotions involved with it.  The Queen of Swords makes it clear that I’ve allowed the effects of that letter to go on for too long and cut too deep.  I need to let it go.  I know that’s going to take time and is not an immediate thing, but I also feel I’m well on the way to that outcome.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN REALM

Stand Strong

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and attached to the end of my yoga/physiotherapy practice.  After a handful of days away, getting back into a full practice is really important, and even in just those few days, I can feel the difference in my body from not doing my full routine.  There is a decrease in flexibility, and a tightness in my hips and shoulders that will take probably about two weeks to work out probably.

I used the meditation at the end of my practice to do some deeper stretches and focus on my breath as a way to breathe through the pain and keep my body relaxed through the process.

Nine of Trees - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Nine of Trees, which is a representation of resilience and strength.  I really like the little caption in the book for this deck, to be honest.   It speaks about a tree standing strong through the elements and the struggles of harsh environment and harsher weather.  And yet, even on the edge of a cliff in the blowing wind with the weight of snow on it’s boughs, the tree stands straight and tall, a figure of endurance.

This is a beautiful message and I love the use of the tree to convey it.  It speaks of standing strong through adversity, and is something that I need to hear right now when I’ve made my own stand so recently and a hint of guilt teases back in the shadows, not quite reachable or visible, but there all the same.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I foster a better relationship with my body?

Lion's Gateway Tarot

Reading Summary: I need to make time (Two of Pentacles) to go to the gym with Jer (Three of Cups), something that will not just help me physically, but emotionally as well as being a bonding experience for my friendship (Nine of Cups).

Take Away:  January was so confusing and I can’t even be sure where all the month went.  I feel like I went through the month in a fog of confusion and fumbling in the dark.  But it feels like I’m pulling out of that now since we confronted my fears concerning that letter.  So maybe now that clarity is coming into play, it’s time to start looking at scheduling that time at the gym.

I need to start going again, as the weight I dropped five years ago during my chemotherapy never really came back.  Since then I’ve managed to gain a few pounds, but as soon as I get sick?  I lose them again.  Hell, those purple leather pants from Sunday were from back when I was sixteen.  I need to get some weight on me, and the only way to do it is to get my ass to the gym. 

DECK USED:  LION’S GATEWAY TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I best work at improving that skill?

Hide Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation:   I need to stay the course concerning finding those connections I need for a more stable and protected mediumship experience. This is about going slow and steady, but also staying focused.  If I want to improve my abilities with both grief readings and mediumship, that connection to my guides is going to be necessary, and after having ignored them for so long and leaving them to “do their own thing” and essentially do all the work in communication with me, it’s now my turn to show that I am also willing to work at it.

DECK USED:  HIDE TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: What to attend to / What to leave behind

Majestic Earth Tarot

What to attend to: Optimism.  I need to work on my optimism, which includes working harder at holding each day’s positive message with me throughout the day.  It’s great to have that positive message in the morning, but sometimes I lose sight of it through the day.  I saw an idea lately on one of the Discord servers where someone uses the card for their COTD as their phone’s wallpaper each day.  I think I might give that a try as a way to help me keep in touch with each day’s positive message throughout the day.

What to leave behind: It’s time to take a step back from my more analytical mindset and allow my emotions to have a piece of the action.  Sometimes decisiveness and analytical thinking just isn’t enough, and you have to reach for more.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

You’ve Got This

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was not a guided meditation.  Instead, I used the time as an opportunity to center and calm from the burst of anxiety I woke up with first thing this morning.

The meditation involved some breath counting exercises, and a body scan that went from head to toes and then slowly back up again.  It was relaxing, and actually did help a bit in getting that tight anxiety knot in my gut to ease up some.

Prisma Visions TarotToday’s draw is The Magician card of the Major Arcana.  This card is an indication of being resourceful and having all the “tools” you need to manifest what you want to come into being.

The appearance of The Magician in today’s draw is as a cheerleader.  The Magician has appeared to essentially tell me “You’ve got this”.

After my exploits at mother’s club yesterday, I woke up today feeling a bit awkward and out of sorts.  Sort of like a hammer might be about to drop at any moment. The Magician’s appearance is a reminder that IF a hammer drops (or even if it doesn’t and it’s just me having a bit of a tweak at what I did in humiliating my mother) that I have everything I need to deal with any issues that arise as a result.

DECK USED:  PRISMA VISIONS TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with my body?

The Binding of Isaac Tarot

Reading Summary: I really want to be good to myself (Queen of Pennies) and have lots of ideas on how to do so (Page of hearts), but when it comes to the doing part of the equation, I’m just not following through with the skill and solid dedication that is needed (King of Keys).

Take Away:  Essentially, the cards are saying I’m “all talk and no action” when it comes to the self care of my body.  And they aren’t wrong.  A lot of my self care focus rests not on my body (other than the need for rest), but on my emotional and mental well-being instead.

DECK USED:  THE BINDING OF ISAAC TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What skill in my tarot practice needs improvement?

Gay Tarot

Reading Summary:  Providing a sense of stability and uplifting messages (Four of Wands) in times of grief and loss (Three of Wands and Five of Coins).  There is also a modicum of conflict in these types of readings where I am concerned (Five of Wands).

Take Away:  Even before I was mute, I didn’t do too great with grief readings.  My delivery is a bit too blunt at a time when most people need a gentler approach. The conflict in these cards has to do with me avoiding mediumship in readings. If the reading from last fall is any indication, there’s clearly a latent ability here that I have been actively avoiding.

DECK USED:  GAY TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Morning message / Nighttime reflection

PrismaVisions TarotInterpretation:  It’s not surprising at all that I would receive the same card for this reading as I got for my morning COTD.  The Magician’s message is that “You’ve got this” and the reiteration of the message means that there is more.  The second appearance references not just my trepidation concerning yesterday’s escapades, but also today’s game of “catch up” as I try to get orders ready to go out tomorrow after having spent some time out of town.   The nighttime reflection message has to deal with

The appearance of the Devil card as the nighttime reflection has to do with the amount of distraction that I allowed into my day.  I couldn’t really afford any distractions at all, but I did.  As a result, I ended up more behind than I’d like and needing to carry some of my work for tomorrow’s shipments over into the morning, which will in turn set me behind in my trip to the post office, and cause me to be later in getting home from that trip.  Repercussions and consequences from the bit of distraction I allowed myself earlier in the day.

DECK USED:  PRISMA VISIONS TAROT

Knowing Your Values

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I had an extremely difficult time staying focused today, which is not particularly surprising considering what I had planned for later in the morning.  I think it was good that I did sit down and do it, though, as it helped settle my nerves a bit.

Now that that part of the day is over, though, I will probably try again later this evening before we begin the drive home.

Today’s draw is the Hanged Man, which is also apropos for this morning’s activities.  Although in this case it is me showing others a different perspective than taking one myself.   There is a part of the Hanged Man’s interpretation that has to do with criminal behavior and payment as well, which is also appropriate.

The appearance of the Hanged Man in today’s draw is a reminder of who I am and what I stand for.  It is here to keep me from getting lost in my rebellion or the upheaval that it causes and is sure to cause down the line.  My acts today were done with reason and purpose, and when the chaos is swirling around me I need to keep hold of that and remember that.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE INNER ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve my relationship with my mind?

Reading Summary:  A strong and stable connection with my mind (King of Swords) will require me to stay true to my values (Judgement) and that intrinsic sense of fairness that I need so deeply (Justice).

Take Away:  My inner sense of self and moral compass requires a balanced approach and a fairness to be incorporated into my thoughts and actions.  When I occasionally stray from this, it weakens that connection I have to my mind and it’s level and logical approach to seeing and processing the world.

DECK USED:  THE INVERSION TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I be a better friend?

Reading Summary:  Be there for my friends when they need a helping hand (Nine of Wands) and provide the emotional boosts that they occasionally need (Knight of Cups) when they are trapped into feelings of uncertainty (The Moon).

Take Away: Sometimes friends need more than outside the box thinking to help them work through a problem and find a solution.  Sometimes they need emotional support as well.   It’s not really my strong suit, but the cards indicate if I want to be a better friend, this is an area I could improve on.

Deck Note: Oddly?  I really love this deck, which considering the subject reminder is a bit surprising to me.  The deck reminds me of those tiny green plastic soldier toys from the dollar store. I know that these are actual WWII propaganda posters, but they all have that “toy soldiers playing out card meanings” feel to me.  I kinda like it.

DECK USED:  WWII POSTERS TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Where should I emerge? / What do I see in my shadow?

Reading Summary:  I don’t know the system for these cards as they are a recent gift without any sort of book, so the read off these is 100% intuitive off the imagery.  The cards indicate that I need to step out of my shell more with others at large rather than just hiding away.  In the shadow behind me is pride and depression… or rather that indulging in pride can lead into depression.

Take Away:  It’s true that I have a habit of closing myself off.  It’s not elitist or that I mean to close people out, so much as that it is a defense mechanism that was created through experiencing some pretty damaging betrayals.  I don’t mean to project that on others, but when I feel vulnerable I retreat rather than stepping forward.

As for what lingers in my shadow.  The “pride” I am seeing here is my demand to live up to some imaginary standard that I can never quite reach.  In this context, the fact that I fail to reach this standard can absolutely be a trigger for depression.

DECK USED:  DISHONORED TAROT

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Self Care Saturday

Earth – Seven of Swords – What I steal away and betray this week will come to haunt me and I will need support from others to get through the repercussions.  In other words, there will be repercussions for playing the karmic justice card at the club this weekend, and I’m going to need the support of those that love and care about me to make it through and be alright with it all.

Air – Three of Cups – I need to speak up and communicate clearly what I need from others.  No hemming and hawing about it, just open up and let them know “this is what I need right now”.  They know that if I’m asking it’s not for anything frivolous, and I won’t be refused.

Water – Seven of Cups – This week is not a week for providing emotional stability and strength to others.  Don’t over extend yourself, because you’re going to need that stability and energy for yourself this week.

Fire – Eight of Swords and Horseman of Pentacles –  I’m still in a “dry spell” creatively and I need to take this time to give my creative spark the break that it needs and to instead focus on the more administrative and organizational matters this week.

Waning – The Primary Problem With Language Is Its Magic – Self fulfilling prophesies are a very real thing.  Be careful about what you think and how you communicate with others.

Waxing – Magic Is Either Everything or It Is Nothing and Glitch –  Remember that sometimes people just take things the wrong way, and there’s no controlling that.  If you try to explain and they refuse to listen, they have made the choice to close off rather than allow for things to be fixed.  That is not on you, but their choice.

Take Away – Buckle in.  This week is going to be a bit bumpy, but you have the support you need to make it through.

Your communication skills are going to go through a really crappy phase this week, and there will be a number of misunderstandings and issues because of that.  Just remain calm and centered, and remember that as long as you make an effort to fix things, if it is rejected that’s their choice and not yours.   The repercussions of this weekend will unfold through the week and I’m going to need support to keep myself stable. 

DECKS USED: THE INVERSION TAROT, DIXIT CARDS DAYDREAMS PACK, POSTCARDS FROM THE LIMINAL SPACE ORACLE