Be More Careful

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and took place in the bathtub.  I spent a great deal of time in the bathtub today actually.  What was supposed to be an hour in the tub with meditation and a little relaxation turned into two hours… and included a nap. Yes, I know that I need to be more careful about that.  I promise… it wasn’t intentional.  It was just so comfortable that I ended off dozing off.

Funny enough, I did my first reading for someone else in the tub today as well.   Mostly because I didn’t feel like getting my ass out and going to my reading table.   I have a few waterproof decks beside the bath so I just did it there and laid them out on the bath mat beside the tub.   Oddly?  I think it gave my interpretation ability a bit of a warmer tone.  Like… as in the reading seemed a bit more emotion based than normal.

Tarot of the Sidhe - Pan, The DevilToday’s draw is the Pan card (The Devil), which is traditionally a representation of temptations and self destructive behaviors.  This can include things like addictions as well as the development of bad habits, or allowing oneself to be “lead astray”.

This is me… sleeping in the tub.   I mean it’s really that clear to me in this moment.  I know it’s supposed to kind of look like sex or surrender, but what I see here in this imagery today is her… floating.  She looks like she’s floating.   In fact, when I first pulled this card today, I barely noticed the Pan at all, only her.

The message in this card is a warning that I need to pay attention to.  It tells me that sleeping in the tub is more than just “flirting” with danger, but is truly dangerous, and I need to make more of an effort to not doze off when I’m in there.


#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: What boundaries must be established for me to feel safe when confronting my trauma?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary: The Nine of Wands popped out while I was considering whether I wanted to have this question be about boundaries for myself or boundaries for others. This card indicates that the boundaries are about myself.

Both the Nine of Wands and the Queen of Swords are pointing to the past (to the left) indicating that I need to make sure that I am keeping my past out of my healing process.

The High Priestess indicates that in order to make the decisions on when my past can be incorporated and when I can’t, I need to look inside myself and make sure that I am taking a healthy path and not a hurtful one (indicated by the Priestess’ heart crossed arms).

Take Away:  My past is not there to help me heal… it’s what I’m healing from. I need to be judicious in how I incorporate my past into my healing journey in order to ensure it only does good and not harm.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to hear right now?

Tarot of WhyReading Summary: It’s OK to take control (The Chariot) of your personal time and retreat when you need (Four of Swords) to as long as you’re doing it in healthy ways (Four of Cups) that make you happy and bring joy to your life (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading should be titled “Don’t Be A Sourpuss”.  If you’re going to take time for yourself, that’s okay… but make sure it’s for the right reasons.  Healthy reasons.  Don’t retreat just to wallow in a crappy mood or allow yourself to be a grump.  Alone time needs to be a time of restoration and enjoyment.

This is actually good advice because when I’m feeling grumpy and pessimistic, I have a habit of retreating into myself.  This habit has a purpose, as when I am dealing with an actual major depressive episode, this allows me to continue to function even though I’m a complete mess on the inside.  By pulling into myself, many people can’t even tell what’s really going on… and thus I can continue to put on the appearance that everything is fine and function normally under the observation of others.

The thing is, though, I don’t need to use this method outside of my MDEs.  It’s become a habit to retreat for any negative emotion, regardless of whether it’s clinical grade depression or not.   And that…. is not healthy.


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best support and nurture positive growth in my community at this time?

Sacred Rose Tarot

Reading Summary: You have the tools (The Magician) to help others reason out (King of Swords) their conflicts (Five of Wands) and come to a resolution (King atop Five). Spend some time with your friends and have some fun (Three of Cups). You can bring them together and resolve their disagreements to restore positive balance in the relationship (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading is about J and his parents.  Both J and his dad are out of work right now, and living in the same house.  They butt heads a lot when they have to spend too much time together, which has been their situation for the past few months.

I stopped by J’s place today on my way home from my hike and threw horseshoes out in the yard with him and his dad.  His mom came to me before I left to give me her customary hug and thanked me.  She said that coming over helped disperse some of the tension in the house, and especially between J and his dad.  She told me I should come over more often and stop avoiding them because of the pandemic issues.

It was nice that I was able to help.  I very much do worry about the whole pandemic thing and accidentally bringing it to their home tho, just as J does… which is why he’s not hanging out over here at my house much these days.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better focus on the future while being present in the present?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: When things build up and eventually get to a point of  noticeable change (Death), it can sometimes create an emotional mess from worry, pain, and sense of loss (Three of Swords). But, if you focus on your passions and hold steadfast to your goals in the present (King of Wands), you’ll have the tools you need to move forward into the future (The Magician).

seraphimSide Note:  You know, I just realized something about this deck. A lot of the imagery in these cards remind me of the Catholic representations of the higher hierarchy angels like the Seraphim and Cherubim. Multiple wings, multiple eyes… and just sayin’?  But the image I’ve chosen to share here in this post is one of the least freaky of the depictions I’ve seen.

Okay so back to the reading…

Take Away:  That’s the thing about the present, yeah?  It’s full of changes.  Every day there are changes, some good and some not so good.  Sometimes they slip by without being noticed, but other times it’s like you trip over them and skin both knees in the process.    Those changes that you trip over are why it’s so hard to stay in the present sometimes instead of becoming overly focused on the future.  The fear and other emotions they illicit make you want to turn away and look to something better, to disengage with the change and the feelings they create.

The cards here say that instead of disengaging by looking forward, a better path would be to focus on the things that spark your fire and keep you going.  Focus on what you can do now, and apply your attention and abilities to these things.  Let the future take care of itself.


That Whisper is You

Today’s meditation was… thwarted. I pulled an all-nighter yesterday to bet orders done and shipped out today as planned. When I settled in to meditate, I fell asleep almost immediately.  I then tried again later in the day… and had myself a second sleep when I fell asleep almost immediately a second time.  I’ll try again when I go to bed tonight, but I have a feeling that today’s meditation just was not meant to happen.

Tarot of the SidheToday’s draw is is the Dreamer Nine (Nine of Swords), which is traditionally a representation of nightmares, torturous thoughts, worries, headaches, insomnia, and other anxieties as well as their effects.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card’s imagery today is the hand that hovers in the air above the sleeping Fae.  It comes from her breath, swelling out ethereal and insubstantial from deep within her body only to rise up and out of her into the physical.  Blood and bone and claws that hover over her as she dreams.

The message here today is about where anxiety and worries come from, and feels like a reiteration of yesterday’s message about where heartache comes from.

This card says… That scary ass dream that wells up in the night? It comes from you.

Our worries and anxieties are self created, and not something inflicted upon us. They come from our brain and build as we let them have free reign.


#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: How can I focus on healing my traumas rather than trying to erase them?

El Gran Tarot Esoterico

Reading Summary: Don’t depend on your conscious mind alone. Your spiritual path (The High Priestess) is an important part of looking forward into the future (Page of Swords). Allow your friends to lift you up (Three of Cups) when you are feeling overburdened (Ten of Wands).

Take Away:  There is encouragement here about shadow work, and about using shadow work to heal the subconscious.  This is where the spiritual path comes into the equation, because when you work on your inner self, it influences how you see the future and how you confront it and plan for it.  There is a need, though, to have a support system in place when you are doing shadow work, as it can quickly become overwhelming without a strong support system of loved ones there to help keep you from sinking too deeply into the work and doing more harm than good.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What kindness do I need to gift myself with?

Pride TarotReading Summary: Taking things slow does not mean that you’re not in control (Knight of Pentacles), it just means that you need some time for yourself (The Hermit) and you’ll get there when you get there (The Chariot).

Take Away:  Make the world move at your pace, instead of allowing it to dictate yours.   This is something I’ve sort of lost sight of over the years I’ve been growing my business. This used to be my standard mode of operation.

When I started my business, though, the pressure and stress and added responsibilities sort of welled up and drowned out that slower pace and easy energy.  It seems like it might be time to start exploring this again, though.  Maybe that is what is lacking in my efforts to slow down.


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: Water, what should I take to heart about being myself?

Tarot of Why

Reading Summary: Sometimes it can feel really risky (Ace of Pentacles) to put yourself out there (Ace of Cups), but you’re strong and capable and able to connect with others (Three of Pentacles). That connection is very rarely an emotional one, but on other levels (Again, Three of Pentacles combined with Ace of Pentacles being on top). So don’t get disheartened (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  Ok so the question here that’s posed in the answer that these cards give is… do I really want to have a more emotional connection with people?  Or am I happy in connecting with them in the way that I already do?

I think it’s fair to say that I’m pretty damned emotionally fulfilled in my life.  Gideon does a very good job of making sure I’m emotionally happy and healthy and contented.  So I guess the answer is that I need to stop looking at the ways that I do connect with others as less-than just because I connect to them in a different way and on a different level than most.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What memories bring me joy?

Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary: Removing myself from my uncomfortable situation (Five of Cups) so that I can own my life and my destiny (Queen of Wands) and turning that into something of value (Nine of Pentacles).

Side note: This deck really loves to hand me the Nine of Pentacles. It’s like a deck-specific stalker card, which is really interesting because usually stalker cards carry across multiple decks for me when they show up.

Take Away:  Emancipation. I wouldn’t have really considered the emotion I feel when I think on these things as joy, but definitely happiness.  When I emancipated from my parents, there was a sense of elation and hope that came with it. The independence and power of having my future in my own hands was like a breath of fresh air, and what I have done with those gifts is a source of pride for me.


Pay Closer Attention

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was focused upon pain reduction through pranayama (breathing exercises). Honestly? I was having a bit of an anxious morning to begin with, as my family doctor’s phone was on the fritz and when I tried to call there was a “this line is no longer in service”.  It gave me a serious “oh fuck” moment as I worried if I was going to be able to get my refills.  (It’s all sorted now. I ran down there and talked to the receptionist in person. Apparently they’re having “phone problems”.)

Next World Tarot - Two of SwordsToday’s draw is the Two of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of struggling with a difficult choice and weighing your options in an effort to come to a decision.  It can also indicate an avoidance of making a choice, as is demonstrated by the blindfold.

Okay so… I didn’t see the significance of this when I pulled the card this morning.  I didn’t even guess that the fact that the rock the woman is sitting on looks like a toilet would be a warning of what was to come today.   Totally missed that message until it was too late.

And then… I look closer and realize that it actually is a toilet.  Jesus christ I really wasn’t paying attention this morning.

Right.  Tummy problems.  Today’s message was to watch out for tummy problems.  I did not listen… and I’m now paying the price.

Okay, really tho.   Today’s message is about making good choices.  I made a really bad choice today and the card gave me a very literal warning that I completely missed until it was too late.   It’s all about the good choices.


#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m plagued by anxiety.
Question: Why have I struggled to hear anxiety’s messages in the past?

Tarot of Why

Reading Summary: Because the newness of it (Ace of Swords) has blinded me (Eight of Swords) and causes a need to regroup (Four of Swords).  This then smothers out the light (The Sun) by muffling my motivation (Knave of Wands Rx).

Take Away:  When a spike of anxiety happens, it feels like it’s coming out of the blue.  It’s painful and so “new” feeling that it leaves me stumbling blindly, as if reeling from a blow.  Because I react in this way, I then need recovery afterward, which steals away motivation and muffles out opportunities for more positive experiences.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Use Care / Be Carefree

Stunning TarotUse CareWarrior of Swords – Use care both in your ambition but also in your comebacks. When you quip, sometimes it can be taken as more cutting than you intend it to be. Make sure that you are not getting so focused on your ambitions that you lose track of everything else around you.

Be CarefreeThree of Swords – You worry too much.  You spend too much time focusing on the negative and viewing the world through a pessimistic lens.  Stop closing your eyes to all of the good that surrounds you and work at being more carefree in enjoying things from a more positive and optimistic viewpoint


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Water, when I am ready to release and flow, what should I know?

Alan Tarot

Reading Summary: There are always going to be others that care about me (Two of Hearts) and have the same vision as I do to help me along the way in my endeavors (Three of Diamonds).  Make sure that you aren’t leaving these people behind in your effort to find something better (Six of Spades).

Take Away:  “Release and Flow” is such a foreign concept to me. But the advice here makes sense.  If “release and flow” means going with the flow to move on from something crappy into a better situation, then it’s important not to leave those behind that are your support system and have a piece of your heart in their hands.  They should be along with you for the ride.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What are my gifts?

Sacred Rose Tarot

Reading Summary: Diving into creative endeavors and passionate goals (Knight of Wands). Knowing when to cut and run (Six of Swords)… and when to stay and fight (Five of Swords).

Take Away:  Sometimes a gift can also be a curse, and the first part of the answer for this question is definitely one of those.  The gift of being able to hone in on my focus and plow into my intent, to go after what I want with single minded determination is both a gift… and a curse.  Because when you have that kind of focus, and that kind of drive?  Sometimes you forget about all the other important things that need to be tended to as well.

The second gift is the ability to know when it’s time to walk away, and when it’s time to stay and fight.  When I walk away, I do so for good reason.  It’s for my own health and well-being, and I rarely look back on these decisions.  On the other side of this coin, when I dig in my heels and decide to stay and fight for something I believe in, I become relentless in that and the determination and conviction I bring with me into these situations more often than not turns the table to my benefit.


Everything is Temporary

Today’s meditation was curtailed in preference for more sleep. I’m not recovering from the all-nighters the way that I used to.  I guess it’s one of those “getting older” signs that I can’t just bounce back the way I used to.   Instead of meditation, I chose to go with more sleep and more time with you.   Tomorrow, I’ll get back on track with the self care, but today?  I really just wanted to spend time with you and get through the crapload of mail that I’d picked up yesterday.  I’m happy with the fact that I was able to manage both of those things today.

Tarot of the Sidhe - Dancer EightToday’s draw is is the Dancer Eight (Eight of Cups) card, which is traditionally a representation of walking away from a bad situation, abandoning what isn’t working, or releasing emotional burdens.

I like the interpretation in the key words for this card.  “Escaping Stagnation” is a beautiful interpretation of the Eight of Cups.   The imagery here of the woman leaving the dead grey waters behind her in preference for a path towards life and the sun speaks strongly to me of climbing out of the dark pit of depression to once again be able to recognize and seek out the light.

Depression, at least in my case, is not a choice.  Although there is much I can do to stave it off and lessen its effects, the fact is that it isn’t a situational reaction but rather an imbalance.  When climbing out of a depression, it feels an awful lot like the sloughing off of shadows that cling to one’s form and weighs one down, just as in this image the gray mud may try to cling, but slowly releases and sloughs away as she pulls free of its grip.

The message here is one of encouragement.  A message to bolster the heart and mind and soul when things are feeling dark or overwhelming.

Everything is temporary… including the bad stuff.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Can we understand good without evil?

Tarot of WhyReading Summary:  Defenses up (Nine of Wands) in response to sloppy drunkenness (imagery in the King of Cups). A resting time for to gear up and recover from being overburdened (Knave of Wands), followed by depth of understanding through empathy (Queen of Cups).

Take Away:  No.  When we are approached by something unpleasant, we learn to create defenses, but we also grow, and through growth something good is born (empathy).  This is the pattern shown in these cards.

Although I’m sure that good can exist without evil, I do not think that humanity is able to understand good without the existence of evil.   The cards here speak of the things that create defensive feelings, and how we learn through growth.  None of this is possible without lessons to help us in learning, and one of those lessons is given through the contrast we find between good and evil.  


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: How can focusing on creation support my path/journey?

Hero Analysis for the Future #79 MHA Tarot

Reading Summary:  Youthful enthusiasm (The Fool) kindles the fires of creative ownership (King of Wands) and create a sense of emotional fulfillment in my creative endeavors (Ten of Cups).

Take Away:  Focusing on creation instills a sense of eager enthusiasm in my life that feeds my creativity, swelling it to a point where my creative endeavors become consuming.  This process is a part of the secret to my success and the sense of fulfillment that I receive from what I do.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What lesson do I need to learn?

Magic Tarot

Reading Summary: You can’t get nectar from a stump (imagery in the Ace of Wands).  Take what you’ve learned from the pain in your past (Ten of Swords) and compare it with the things in your life that make you happy now (Nine of Cups).  Allow this contrast to soothe you to into resting (Four of Swords).

Take Away:  I’m working too hard and I need to learn to truly rest.   To do this, it will be important to take a look at how far I’ve come and all that I’ve over come, and compare it with what I have now and what makes me happy in my life at this time.   In doing this, I can then allow this comparison to soothe my guilt over taking the rest that I need, and it will help in releasing me from the need to always be advancing.


Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Tarot of Why, Ashelon Oracle, Embody Oracle

EarthThe World and Balance – It’s time to put things back in balance and this is the week to do it.  You need to look beyond the now and plan ahead, so it’s time to put away the desires for instant gratification and focus instead on making sure that your path into the future remains as smooth going and balanced as possible.  Take some time to evaluate and restructure so that you achieve a better equilibrium.

AirKnave of Pentacles and Awakening – Dream time is coming to an end and it’s time to firmly plant both feet on the ground once more.  The dragonfly indicates change. It’s time for an awakening from the lackadaisical moments with your financial stability. These careless moments need to now come to an end as you begin to truly focus on what’s important once more.  Make the concentrated effort to be mindful and start upon a path of strategy once more.

WaterAce of Pentacles and Certainty – Re-establishing the path towards financial stability may take a bit of a tole on your emotions.  In order to ease those feelings of being tossed up into the air, focus on your confidence to reach your goals and allow doubt to fall away.   It is through this sense of certainty you will find comfort and ease in the newness of redirecting yourself back on track.

FireQueen of Wands and Wishes – Wishes are the beginning of dreams, but
without the means to achieve them.  To achieve your dreams takes hard work and perseverance. Sometimes the steps you take to reach your dreams are a fast sprint, and sometimes they are slow and arduous. But with each step you take, you learn along the way and build upon your experience and know-how.  This week is a time to lean into those dreams and desires, and use the experience and know how you’ve achieved to pave the way to even better things.

WaningWhole – It’s time to start picking things apart and examining the pieces.  If you leave things to rest for too long, you will find the chinks and cracks too late to actually do anything about them.

WaxingInventory – Taking stock is important now. As you pick things apart, make sure you are paying attention to what you have… and what is needed.  Make lists and use these lists to prepare for what’s to come.

Take Away – My self care this week has a lot to say about moving into the busy season that’s to come and making sure I’ve started the process for preparing for it.   I’ve already set up a schedule to put in one hour each day in the “restocking” project needed to get things ready for the holiday rush… but I’ve yet to actually put that plan into action.  The cards this week say that now is the time.  I need to begin preparations now so that I can do it all in small bite sized pieces rather than having it pile up and have to be done in huge time-consuming chunks later on.  There is promise in these cards that I will feel better once I’ve begun and in being proactive than in procrastinating and letting things build up in the background.


Grounded Creativity

Today’s meditation was… skipped.  I know I should have done it and I even thought that I should do it.  But you know how sometimes we avoid doing things or procrastinate on them even when they are little tiny things that are super simple.  We don’t know -why- we procrastinate on them, but the urge to do so is nearly irresistible?   That was how my meditation ended up getting skipped today.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Tarot of the SidheToday’s draw is the Maker King (King of Pentacles) which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of finance, resources, manifestations, health, and the physical world.  This often presents itself as themes that have to do with authority figures with good solid financial sense, health authorities, etc.

What stood out to me the strongest in the imagery of today’s card when I first saw it was the vines that grow up beneath the anvil, creating the anvil’s base and swirling  to coil upon it as if to support and stabilize it.

This speaks to me of a sense of grounding and stabilization in one’s creative manifestations.  When you take an idea and apply passion to it… it then manifests into reality.  Sometimes, in order to take that step to manifest something from the insubstantial realm of ideas into a physical presence,  you need a little extra support… a little extra grounding.

I need a little extra grounding.

Everything feels better when I have that support and grounding in place.  Everything feels much more right when I’m well grounded… and that “everything” includes the creative process that swirls within me and allows me to take my ideas and passions… and turn them into something real in the physical world.


#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I feel like I’m struggling to see clearly.
Question: What role does fear play in my willingness to invalidate my personal experiences and perceptions?

Pride Tarot

Reading Summary: The instability of a world with so many ups and downs (Wheel of Fortune) can often cause me to doubt my strength (Strength Rx) and give rise to the urge to retreat (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  I’m not sure how this answer relates to the question asked, although the cards were extremely clear with me on what they were saying.  I’m just… not seeing the connection. Yes, fear of instability invalidates me, but I’m not sure it invalidates my experiences and perceptions…. unless it is in reference to the fact that I have -less- of them due to retreating from the world when my fear kicks in.  Oh… and there it is.


#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care this full moon?

Odd Hand TarotReading Summary: Taking things slow (Knight of Pentacles) and with care (the spikes along the border of the Knight of Pentacles make me think of those nails that they put on the edges of rooftops to keep away birds). Allow yourself some impulsivity (Knight of Swords) as long as it doesn’t involve spending money (King of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Practice some practical impulsivity… just do so with care.  It’s okay to slow down.   Those nails really stick out to me in that card today and warn of needing to watch my step both in my impulsive actions as well as in my finances. 


Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: Where can the element of Earth support me right now?

Tarot of Why

Reading Summary: The earth is not just a stabilizing force, but also a teacher (Hierophant). Spending more time in the earth’s embrace can help to teach me a better path to stability (Four of Pentacles) and how to not just experience joy, but embrace it (The Sun and the man’s hand that actually holds onto the sun in the sky).

Take Away:  I am happiest when I’m out in the woods.  This isn’t a secret, nor is it a surprise. But even beyond the forests and the trees, the earth is the element that is my greatest teacher in life, as well as my greatest of stabilizing forces.  I find joy in spending time with the earth, whether that is in the forests I love, tilling my boss’ fields, or just sitting in the park with my shoes off.  The energy that the earth provides is not just stabilizing, but lightens and brightens my soul.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What stops me from slowing down?

Hero Analysis for the Future #79 MHA Tarot

Reading Summary: What steals away (Seven of Swords) my ability to slow down, and keeps me overburdened (Ten of Wands), is my constant need/want for more (Page of Swords).

Take Away:  This is about my need to push.  It’s not my drive that is the problem, but rather a sense of insatiability when it comes to doing better and doing more.  It’s not healthy, and I know that… nor does it come from a healthy place.  And yet I continue to allow it to be a problem because it allows me to accomplish so much more than I would otherwise. 

It’s a bad (but very honest) excuse.