tarot for self care

Enjoying the Journey

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Today’s meditation was skipped this morning because the girls would just not leave me the fuck alone.  Between that and the running of the vacuum, I just couldn’t make it happen.  I will be doing it before bed, though.  Absolutely.   I won’t skip it entirely.

Tarot of Haunted House - King of PentaclesToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home and hearth, health, and manifestations. This often translates into themes that have to do with business acumen, a strong sense of responsibility, and financial growth and stability.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card is that the king is surrounded in all of this wealth, but his sword is down and he looks bored as hell.

We all have goals to aim for, dreams to reach for.  We all have those things that we strive for in our day to day lives.  The thing is?  We spend all of this time striving… and then once we get there?  We’re bored.

The message in today’s card is about enjoying the journey.  It’s not about the end zone.  It’s about the game.  It’s about each step you take along the way and living in the moment instead of being so focused on the future that you miss all the good stuff in the now.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: I now call in my ancestors, how do you respond?

Ritual Abuse Tarot

Reading Summary: My ancestors respond with a hopeful outlook for this new connection (The Star), and an eagerness to play a more open role (The Sun) in helping me find balance (Justice).

Take Away: I wasn’t really sure how this reading would go, but it went really well and the answers came through loud and smoothly.  My ancestors are eager to have a more conscious role in my life just as my guides are, and hope to help me on my journey to make good choices, enjoy life more, and have a better sense of balance in my life. 

DECK USED:  RITUAL ABUSE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What healing lesson is waiting for me to realize and accept it?

Halloween TarotReading Summary: That you can carry forward and reap the benefits of the lessons you’ve learned (Page of Pumpkins) in the past (Six of Ghosts), while still letting go of the bad stuff and leaving it behind (Death).

Take Away:  Although I know that this is possible and have been able to do it in some cases, there are other cases where the crap that taught me the lesson still clings to the lesson itself. In these instances, I struggle to pry my emotions about the incident away from the lessons learned.  Although I realize this struggle is ongoing for me, I haven’t yet gotten to a point where I’ve been able to accept it in all cases yet.  Its something I’m working on, though.

DECK USED:  HALLOWEEN TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: What in myself do I need to strengthen to understand my Guides better?

The Gothic Tarot

Reading Summary: The stronger your intuition is the more you’ll understand (The High Priestess rising up from beneath the Eight of Swords). Use the spark of passion that you have in your soul (Ace of Wands) to search for ways to develop this slowly… a bit at a time (Death).

Take Away: This is a message about taking things slow and steady while continuing to develop my intuitive abilities. The interior cards here are all about my intuition, and allowing it to emerge and slowly bring clear sight to murky moments and the things I’m not yet ready to see.  The outer cards are then about taking my time and allowing my curiosity to lead the way forward into this change and through it’s slow development.

DECK USED:  THE GOTHIC TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What beautiful aspect of my life am I ready to embrace?

Dead Waite Tarot

Reading Summary: Gideon is helping me in making better choices (The Lovers) that don’t involve retreating into myself (The Hermit Rx). As this help continues,  I’m learning to lean into that response as my go-to reaction less and less (Eight of Wands).

Take Away:  Each time situations arise that I would have previously retreated from the world and curled into myself, I more quickly jump to use the tools and methods that Gideon has been helping me with learning.  Healthier methods that allow for me to connect with others instead of close myself off from the world.  The beautiful aspect of my life that I am ready to embrace is two-fold in this reading.  First, is Gideon’s help.   Second is the healthier methods he has helped to teach me.

DECK USED:  DEAD WAITE TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – Sovereign Self Spread

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The Gothic Tarot - Sovereign Self SpreadWhere have I let my guard down?
Three of Swords

Despair and disappointment have been allowed to creep in and just because you’re trying to ignore that it’s there isn’t going to make it ease up or go away.  The reason you’ve been feeling like crap lately is because your negative inner dialogue is whispering to you and although you aren’t exactly listening? You’re not doing your all to fight against it either.

Where are my boundaries weak?
Four of Wands atop Queen of Cups

Your boundaries are weakest with those that you share a roof with and an emotional connection to.   You want to give them a chance to enjoy themselves, and because of that you’re not setting down boundaries as firm as you need to be.

How might I step up and reclaim sovereignty of myself?
The Moon

Stop entertaining all your self doubts and uncertainties.  That inner dialogue is fucking up your perspective and causing more doubts and uncertainties to come to the surface with each day that passes.

How might I step up and reclaim sovereignty of my space?
Three of Cups

Make things fun for everyone.  Being together so much is a struggle and it makes all of us a little techty.  It isn’t as if they are going anywhere right now, so in order to reclaim your space it’s important to take control of the energy in that space and turn it into something positive that reinforces the bonds between all three of you.

 How might I step up and reclaim sovereignty of my experience?
Ten of Cups

Focus on what you have and just how good it is. Fill your life with positive emotions, positive hope, and a positive outlook on the present.  In doing so you leave no room for that negativity that’s trying to drag you under.  This is not always easy, focusing on that positive aspect.  But it’s necessary.

 How can I continue to create and maintain strong boundaries moving forward?
Knight of Cups

Know what it is you want and go after it.  Good things come to those that reach for the stars, so decide what stars you want to pluck from the sky and do what is needed to make obtaining them possible.

DECK USED: THE GOTHIC TAROT

Quality Rest vs Wasting Time

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a quiet non-guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.  I really just needed a little peace, and I felt that the guided meditation, or even a bit of music, would feel like a bit too much over-stimulation.

Madam Lydia Wilhelmina's Tarot - Four of SwordsToday’s draw is the Four of Swords, which is traditionally about rest and recovery, especially after a time of struggle. Recuperation is an important part of making sure you are able to carry on and the pause traditionally depicted in the tarot is one of not just recuperation but also reflection.

What stands out to me the most strongly in the imagery of this card is the face of the resting individual. Looking closely, you can see that the lower half of the figure’s face is covered.  That combined with the angle of the head and the wreath crown make me wonder if this is not a corpse instead of someone taking a moment’s respite.

Set in the window in the background is a portrait of a woman and a little girl that looks like she is bend to whisper in the prone figure’s ear, though… which to me hints at the idea that there is indeed some consciousness present still, even in this moment of deathlike stillness.

The message in today’s card is more about the quality of one’s rest than taking rest on its own.  You can sit around all day and dawdle, get nothing done, and spend the entire day wasting time and still feel exhausted at the end of the day as if you’d been on the go for hours. On the other hand?  Sometimes you can take a ten or fifteen minute break, and feel fully refreshed and ready to take on the world.  The whispering little girl does not bode well for a restorative rest, no matter if the figure has passed or not.

Don’t allow your inner whispers to disturb your rest the way that the little girl is trying to disturb the figure’s rest in this card.  There’s no point in resting if you’re not going to make it count…. otherwise you’re just wasting time and not getting anything from it but more stress.

DECK USED:  MADAM LYDIA WILHELMINA’S TAROT

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: Draw a card for an ancestor or loved one who crossed.

The Vampire Tarot - The HierophantI asked for advice from my grandmother on my mother’s side. It feels like this card turning up in response is an encouragement that I am on the right path. Although I enjoy my creative business and creative endeavors, I’ve found a real joy in helping others as well, which is something I’d explored a bit when I was younger by teaching now and then, but didn’t really delve into in great depth until the last couple of years.

I’ve always had a really hard time socially, but it seems to have helped me immensely in this department to be able to actually contribute to other’s journey.

At the same time, I feel there is also a reminder here to make sure I am delving into my own roots and staying true to my own path. Having been raised Wiccan, a great deal of my current Pagan practice comes from these roots in my childhood…. which come from roots in my family that go back generations. Spellcraft, especially, has ran in our family for many generations on my mother’s side and many traditions and practices have been passed down from one generation to the next and then to me.

If I do not share my practices and beliefs with others, and share the traditions that have been passed down to me, they will then die with my sister and I… as there is no next generation for either of us with which to pass on this knowledge further.

DECK USED:  THE VAMPIRE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #3

Tarot of the Sweet TwilightSmoky Quartz – Nine of Swords – To purge negativity from my life and develop greater stability, I need to stop listening to that negative inner dialogue that encourages anxiety and causes me to feel down on myself, my performance, and my abilities.

Apple – Six of Cups – To improve my physical health at this time, it is important to look back on the things that have made me happy  in the past and have me feel good…  then, stop thinking about them and start doing them.

Chrysanthemum – King of Cups atop Seven of Pentacles – The defenses that need fostering right now in order to foster my growth have to do with making sure that I don’t allow vulnerability to creep in and screw with my  emotions just because things are taking their time in growing and getting where I want to be.

Aquamarine – Knight of Wands – The calm found through meditation can bolster my confidence by allowing me to more easily focus on where I want to go, what I want to do… and how to get there most efficiently. This, in turn, sets me free from the restraints that anxiety and doubts use to chain me up.

Mint – The Tower – Factors in my relationships that are in need of reevaluation and adjustment have to do with how I deal with chaos and catastrophe.  Instead of retreating into myself, ducking my head down and plowing forward on my own, I need to seek support from others instead (like the figures in the card sitting together at a distance watching the tower burn).

Carnelian – Ten of Pentacles – Including more creativity in my life can lighten my daily outlook because, at least in my life, creativity is the path to my greatest goals of stability and security in my life.  These are the things I want so much and focus on achieving with neatly each breath I take. My business is based on my creativity, and therefore fostering creativity allows these things to happen… while others look on and wonder at how it’s done (last part added in from the little figure at the top of the stairs in the card’s image).

Pomegranate – Six of Wands – The wish of mine that is ready to be manifested into reality right now is that desire for success… and the acknowledgment of that success by those that matter to me most.  I hate admitting that I need that desire that acknowledgement, that I feel a longing for those “atta’boys”.  But, not wanting to admit it doesn’t make it any less true that I do desire them.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SWEET TWILIGHT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: What changes do I need to make to understand my Guides better?

Carnival at the End of the World Tarot

Reading Summary: Stewing in your own misery (Four of Cups) and seeing everything in a defensive/offensive viewpoint (Seven of Wands and Nine of Wands) is a habit that you need to get out of (The Devil).

Take Away:  When my mind is clouded in the smoke of my wallowing, it muffles my ability to hear my intuition and thus also my guides.  Same goes for when I am too focused on protecting myself and what I value.  When I am feeling defensive, I try to build walls.  Walls are a bad habit that are very much not healthy for me and do not foster open communication with the living, the dead, or the spirit guides trying to help me.

DECK USED:  CARNIVAL AT THE END OF THE WORLD TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What deep fear am I working through?

Catton Candy Nightmare Tarot

Reading Summary: That fighting for (Seven of Wands) what I want out of life (Queen of Pentacles) is going to make me a hard and calloused son of a bitch (Queen of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  As with the Mystic Star question for today, the answer here is about my inner walls. It’s about shutting people out and burying my emotions so that I become someone I do not want to be.  I want to stand up for those things I believe in. I want to fight for those things I value.  At the same time?  I need to make sure that I do so in a way that doesn’t… turn me into my mother.

I believe that the work I have been doing with Gideon about getting in touch with my feelings and my growth in the areas of dismantling those walls and developing a stronger sense of emotional intelligence are helping me in making sure this doesn’t end up my fate.

DECK USED:  CATTON CANDY NIGHTMARE TAROT

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Dark Mansion Tarot, Agatha's Pendulum Oracle, Witches World Oracle

Earth – Ace of Cups and Crow / Destiny – Sometimes it’s okay to make decisions with your heart. Keep your eye cast in the direction that you want to go in, and seize the opportunities that come along to improve your position.  This week, it may be that you have to lean more into your gut than your head in doing that… and that’s okay.

Air – King of Cups, Nine of Wands, Rosemary / Focus – You’re not feeling all that “large and in charge” this week, but you’re faking it just fine.  The thing is?  This isn’t one of those times when you can fake it until you make it.  Take a breath and do what you need to find your center and your focus.  This means picking back up your meditation and letting it help soothe some of that defensive tension you have going on right now.

Water – Five of Pentacles and Carnelian / Motivate – That general malaise that you’ve been feeling the last few days is messing with your motivation.  This will continue to be a struggle throughout the week, but keep in mind that action is the kindle that sparks motivation’s fire.  Make sure that you’re doing even a little bit each day toward your goals and that the girls are as well.  It’ll keep you moving, even during this week that may otherwise feel like dragging feet through quicksand.

Fire – Ten of Cups, Pyrite / Success, Black Tourmaline / Eliminate – This week is going to cause you to feel a bit hopeless and as if you’re progress towards your goals has come to a grinding halt. Business is going to be slow, but it’s temporary.  Remember that your reaction to this is an entirely emotional reaction.

Waning – Origin – This is about my father’s influences. It’s about my origin story and the need to focus on leaving that in the past where it belongs.  The emotions and demons that allowing it to come forward are demons that I can’t wrestle with at this time, and so allowing them to come forward will only allow them to harm me.  Keep the past in the past where it belongs.  Now is not the time.

Waxing – The Harvest – This week is the final week of the last harvest, and this card couldn’t be more fitting considering that fact. It’s time to start gathering up everything I will need for the winter months… that means gathering up everything that I need for the holiday rush that’s only getting closer and closer.  Don’t allow your feelings from the Fire position above to dissuade you from the preparations you need to make.

Take Away – Business is going to be slow this week and it’s going to fuck with your emotions, but don’t let that keep you from doing what you need to do to prepare for what’s to come. Make sure that you don’t let the general malaise that you’ve been feeling create a vulnerability that your father’s influences can then slip into and start eating away at you. Listen to your heart this week when it comes to any opportunities coming your way.  This isn’t easy for you as logic is your go to, but the heart that needs a say this time.

DECKS USED: DARK MANSION TAROT, WITCHES WORLD ORACLE, AGATHA’S PENDULUM ORACLE

Don’t Be “All Talk”

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Today’s meditation was skipped.   I know.  I shouldn’t be skipping anymore but I’m confessing here.  I skipped it.   I need to get back on track with doing the meditation on a daily basis each morning.  I know it helps, and would probably help my current feeling of malaise that I’ve been struggling with.  So I need to just do it.

Tarot of Haunted House - The EmpressToday’s draw is the Empress card, which is traditionally a representation of a nurturing earth-mother type of energy, abundance, and the sacred feminine.

There are a couple of things that really stand out to me in the imagery of this card today. The first of which is how svelt the Empress is in this imagery. That just feels a little weird for me, but I think it’s not so much something the card is speaking to me as it is just a personal preference for the Empress to have a bit of meat on her bones.

The second, and far more relevant, aspect of the imagery that stands out to me today is the delicate curl of her hand as she cradles the glowing orb. The tilt of her head indicates regal authority, and yet she holds the orb with a gentle touch (indicated in the light curl of her pinky finger). She listens and cares, and the orb comes to her in trust.

The message here is about being good to yourself. As good to yourself as you are to others. And that has to be more than a thought or an idea. It has to be an action. It has to be something you actually do. Because if it’s all talk? Then it’s not going to get you anywhere.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: Select your Death card and ask the Spirit World to guide you in something you could move past. Now draw another card.

Cute and Creepy Tarot

My Death Card is the Seven of Wands, which is about being so defensive all the time, indicating that this is something within myself that I need to work on changing.  Not in one fell sweep, but a little at a time.

When asking the Spirit World for guidance in moving past this issue, I was given the Star card, indicating that I need to approach this problem with a mindset geared towards hope while striving for an outlook of gentle balance and self-kindness.

The Two of Swords and Death card then dropped out as I was setting the cards down.  This added input indicates that this endeavor is not something that will happen on its own but rather is something I will have to make a choice to work on, and have the patience to let it unfold slowly.

DECK USED:  CUTE AND CREEPY TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What positive generational gift has been passed down to me from my ancestors?

Dark Angels TarotReading Summary: The ability to take things in stride (Wheel of Fortune) and move you and your loved ones forward (Two of Cups atop Two of Wands) no matter the amount burden involved (Ten of Wands).

Take Away:  I would not have considered this a generational gift, and yet… perhaps it is after all.  The fact that I carry those that depend on me forward, continuing to keep them moving and keep them together even when things fall apart or the burden of it all feels too much is something… I have done and do today.  Is something my father has done.  And I imagine it is something that those before him did as well.

Perhaps this quality of being able to move forward even under that horrible weight of responsibility and the ever changing sands of life under my feet is hereditary after all, yes?   At least… that is what the cards are saying.

DECK USED:  DARK ANGELS TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I strengthen my connection with my Guides?

Cryptid Tarot

Reading Summary: My cards are singing to me that old Bill Withers “Lean On Me” song.

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow (The Tower)

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on (Two of Cups)

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry (Seven of Cups)

I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me (Two of Cups)

Take Away:  In a previous reading, there was a question about how can I honor my connection with my guides, which was to strengthen that connection.

The response to how to strengthen that connection is to use that connection. Don’t ignore it or leave it in the background, but actively reach for it and my guides, and use the tools at my disposal to ask for help and connect to them on a conscious level.  To actually ask questions, seek out their advice, and acknowledge them and their guiding hands.

DECK USED:  THE CRYPTID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is ready to be released from my life?

Tarot of Vampyres

Reading Summary: Emotions (Lord of Grails) and intuition (The Priestess) taking the forefront (imagery in the Lord of Grails). That whole “steady as she goes” mentality (Four of Skulls) is great when there’s not a bombardment of chaos to deal with, and fun and games have their place (The Sun).  Unfortunately, none of that is going to help me in the couple of months ahead.

Take Away:  It’s time to release fun and play and relaxed methodologies as well as the distractions that I’ve been enjoying so much through the spring and summer (emotional growth, intuitive growth, etc).   There is a seven week stretch quickly approaching that is going to require setting all that aside for a bit.  Releasing all that is hard, but it needs to happen. 

DECK USED:  TAROT OF VAMPYRES

Morning Bonus Read – Challenging an Old Habit

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Continuing our theme for the month, some questions to ponder this week…”

Flonz Vintage Halloween Playing CardsWhat is something in your life that you are struggling to put to rest?
Ten of Clubs

My need to overburden myself with craploads of stuff to get done. Each week brings me that much closer to my six week nightmare of the holiday rush, and with each week that passes I feel more pressure (from myself) to put more and more on my plate and try to get more and more done.

What do you need to do to finally move forward with that goal, emotionally?
Seven of Hearts atop King of Clubs

It’s all about the choices we make and owning your actions and drive. If I want to move forward into keeping myself from being overburdened, I need to lean into leading rather than slaving.  Taking control rather than allowing the vast array of things I feel that I need to get done to control me. In other words?  if I want to move forward emotionally with this, I need to take control of my obligation oriented emotions that drive me to overwhelm myself with work.

What do you need to do to finally move forward with that goal, physically and mentally?
Nine of Hearts

Understand that I don’t need that overwhelm and strife  in my life in order to feel like I’m succeeding.  That means stepping back from all these things that are overwhelming me and allow myself time to re-evaluate.  The world is not going to fall apart if I don’t pile these things on my shoulders, so maybe I need to just… not do it.   It’s okay to not do it.

How can you best celebrate the steps you are taking to put to rest this thing in your life?
Eight of Spades

Putting to rest the tendency to overburden myself is really hard.  To celebrate this, I need to move forward with my eyes closed.  That is to say… allow yourself to be blind to the pile of work that needs to be done for once.  Allow yourself to move forward with your eyes closed and do only what is needed instead of looking at the whole picture and everything I could pile on my plate.  Find freedom in wearing the blindfold.  Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.  This is one of those times.

DECK USED: FLONZ VINTAGE HALLOWEEN PLAYING CARDS