tarot and psychology

Scarcity Issues Redux

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on indecision, especially that which is spurred by fear of rejection.

I found the meditation itself very relaxing, but I didn’t really relate well to the topic of the day.  The only time I really feel indecision is when I’m in subdrop or feeling extremely vulnerable.  This means that my indecision is caused by something very specific, and is not due to some sort of fear or worry of rejection or the judgement from others.

I’m not sure how I developed this confidence, but I’ve never had an issue with judgement.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  There was a time when internally my soul bled due do the judgements pushed on me by my father, but even then… there was no indecision.  Not about my sexuality, not about what I felt was right or wrong, not about the things I liked, and the things I didn’t.  What my father contributed was to further teach me is the “what’s the worst that can happen” aspect (with reasonable common sense added in, of course).

You do what you want because…. what’s the worst that can happen?  Someone laughs at you?  So what?  Someone says no?   Well at least you asked and now you know.  Thinking of trying something new?  Yes, you might fail, but if you had fun along the way or learned something during the process (or from the results) then it wasn’t really a loss at all.

Today’s draw was yet again another double drop, with no jumper as they both came out together.  The cards in today’s draw are the Nine of Wands (Anxious) and the Five of Coins (Poverty).  I’m considering ceasing defining the cards for this deck, as I keep getting intuition hits before I reach for my knowledge of the suits in the tarot, or even read the key words on the cards..

This one was a no-brainer, and is pretty much the message that’s been coming through for a while now.  The repeat message is not a surprise, as it is a subject that I struggle with.

That is… scarcity issues.

More specifically, the obsession with ensuring I do not return to a place of poverty and desperation.

The cards today are reminding me that I am not poor.  I am not destitute.  Everything is okay and there is no need to be anxious.  That, in fact, the general anxiety I deal with may be a part of what keeps me in this mindset.

The repeating theme of this topic means it is something I need to look at deeper, and work on more diligently.  I think that this is not just a reminder, but an encouragement to take action and put some focus and work into finding ways to ease my anxiety in this area.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

 

Its Better Together

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on the concept of gezellig, which is (apparently) a German adjective that means a kind of thing or activity that embodies a sense of joy or peace.

The guided meditation started out with a very broken down mindfulness technique or the breath that involves first focusing on the rise and fall of the belly, then the expansion and contraction of the ribs, then the rise and fall of the chest, before then focusing on how the breath moves like waves through each part. It was extremely relaxing.

After this, it spoke about the importance of adding activities into each day that help to restore the soul. These are things that bring you a sense of peace, joy, contentment, or fun. I think sometimes we all forget to do this, and forget to truly appreciate these things even when we do actually do them. I know that I am guilty of this.

Today’s draw is another double without a jumper. It is the 11th card in the Major Arcana, the Justice card (with chimpanzees), and the Two of Cups (with seals).

Today I’m not going to bother with traditional meanings because I got an intuitive hit (and currently riding in a car which means I’m flirting with getting car sick by working on this right now.

Today, the Justice card is telling me that we are going to get pulled over sometime today (or some other event that is going to deal with an authoritative figure and reckoning).

The Two of Cups is a reminder of emotional support. It says that I may either need it, or need to provide it, in relation to the above mentioned event. I’m traveling with J today, so we’ll just have to see how things go.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

What is Important

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty six seconds, and focused on finding that balance between hard focus and full release during a meditation practice.

This can be difficult in the best of times.  If you focus too hard on the breath or whatever you’ve chosen as your focus in the moment, then you are not reaping the benefits of your meditation’s relaxation… on the other hand, if you are too loose in your focus, your mind wanders and you do not experience the benefits of mindfulness during meditation.  In fact, if you are too lose in your focus, you may end up simply sitting and thinking quietly, or daydreaming, instead of meditating.

The guided meditation spoke on how the key is to adjust your levels of focus and relaxation much like a guitar player tunes their guitar before each time they play.

I really like the analogy, and the story that went along with it (which is where the analogy came from).  My meditation, over all, was quite relaxing, and I’m finding that my left hip is finally starting to loosen up a bit.

Today’s draw is the Six of Wands with the key word Triumph on the card. The Six of Wands is a representation of, yes, triumph, but also public and private achievements, progress, cooperation, and a sense of vitality in the area of one’s willpower, drive, passions, and ambition.

I often take a minute to read what is written in the Journey into the Hidden Realm (which is the guidebook for the Tarot of the Hidden Realm) even though that’s not the cards I’m working with.  The thing is that I love the little stories that are written about each card’s imagery, which are all very Human/Fae liminal space in their tone and earth based. In today’s, there was a line that really stuck out to me.

That line is… “This card promises not only that you will be successful but that you will utterly amaze yourself.”

I like that.

Many times the Six of Wands is seen as a card dealing with public accolades and accomplishments on a public scale, but for me that is not really the case.  I have no interest in any of that.  What I have an interest in is my own personal goals, my own personal sense of successes and failures.

The only time I really seek accolades is in the hope that the jewelry I create finds a home with someone that appreciates it.   Even then, that is not -why- I create, or why I sell.  I create for me, because I need that outlet.  It brings me joy and balance.   I sell my creations (aside from the finance aspect) because I want my creations to bring joy, comfort, or enjoyment to another and enhance their life in some way.

This is very important to me, and I think the inner examination in this post was the entire message of today’s draw of the Six of Wands.   A sort of…. getting in touch with what is important to me.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

History’s Quicksand

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

What Seeds Take Root

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Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 10 seconds and focused on transforming negative emotions into positive ones. More specifically, it dealt with irritation, but I really do feel that this could be applied to any negative emotions.

The example used in the meditation explained how you can use your meditation practice, mindfulness, and breathing exercises to transform such emotions as irritation into a more positive light.  This is done by taking a minute and a “step back”, just to take a couple of deep breaths and seek a bit of perspective outside yourself.

The meditation itself included a breathing exercise where you rhythmically count your breaths in, then hold, then breaths out.  I found it so relaxing that I had a hard time getting up after the meditation was done.  I just wanted to lie there and dawdle the day away.   Of course, my stomach and metabolism had other ideas.

Today’s draw is yet another duo, which again had no jumper but came out together. That would be the 14th card of the Major Arcana, the Temperance card, and the Nine of Swords. The keyword on the temperance card is “balance”, and the keyword on the Nine of Swords card is “sorrow”.

To be honest?  I’m not even going to bother defining the traditional meaning for these two cards today, because my intuition is working overtime on this deck, to the point it seems to be almost “mentally blocking” the more analytical, educated side of things.

What I see in these cards is, first and foremost, that Sorrow is at the back.   When I read, the rear card in a double jump is always the subject, and the overlaying card is the commentary.

What the cards are telling me is that, although depression is often a brain chemistry thing for me, in order to assist myself and my meds in keeping myself afloat and out of the mess of a deep pit that my depression is prone to throwing me into… I need to make sure I continue to focus on balance.

I’ve been very tempted lately to up my hours on my part time jobs, because things have been slow with the business.  Not surprising, things are always slow this time of year.  Still, I push myself so hard that the temptation is there even if I don’t really NEED to struggle and strive and push for more.

I need to make sure I remember that this time of year is a time for rest for me.  Next month I have to start gearing up and preparing for the busy holiday season ahead.  June, July, and August are the only months all year that I have to essentially “slack off”.

I need to stop feeling guilt over that “slacking” and see it as what it is.   A time for healing.  A time for restoration.   A time to refill my cup for what’s coming, and repair the damage (emotional, spiritual, physical) that I’ve done to myself over the past year when things were so busy I couldn’t barely breathe.

If I do not give myself that balance?   I will pay for it later in not just my mood, but in my energy levels, creativity, and enthusiasm as well. Which would create a prime set-up for a bit of darkness to creep in and root into the soil.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

 

Don’t Be Such a Bastard

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on our internal dialogue and the language we use.   That is to say, how we talk to ourselves (whether aloud or in our heads).   It went into detail on asking why we would treat ourselves worse than how we treat others.  Are the things you say to yourself something you would ever say to another person?

In my case?  This is a hell no.  I know I’m very hard on myself, extremely judgemental of myself and very confrontational in my language to myself.  This is not how I am with others at all, and yet when it comes to myself… I’m mean as fuck.

The meditation encouraged noticing these times and, when you do, gentling your approach.   It is about being mindful of how you are treating yourself… and it’s something I definitely need to work on.

Today’s draw is (again) a double without a jumper.  In today’s draw we have the 8th card (in some decks this is the 11th card) of the Major Arcana, the Strength card which is represented here by a bee eater bird and a lion.  With the Strength card came the Seven of Pentacles, which in this deck is represented by the peacock.

Like all cards in the Major Arcana, the Strength card deals with the “bigger picture” of one’s life rather than one specific aspect of the human experience.  This card most often represents inner strength rather than outer strength, which includes courage, skills in persuasion and influence, as well as qualities of compassion.   In this deck, the strength card depicts a lion and a bee eater bird, which in the guidebook are described as….

Lion: power, protection, courage, patience, wisdom, and passion Bee Eater Bird: unity, family, tranquility, support, comfort, and balance

The Seven of Pentacles is a representation of progress, sudden leaps ahead, and the unknown in the area of finances, resources and the physical word.  It can also indicate the entrance of spirituality into a situation, and looking beyond the self.    This deck depicts the Seven of Pentacles as a Peacock, which in the guidebook holds the qualities of rebirth, confidence, victory, patience, resilience, and devotion.

Whew… that was a long one for definitions today.

My interpretation of the cards in today’s reading boils down to that I need to spend more time lifting myself up, rather than tearing myself down.  And, in doing so, I will foster more strength within myself and a calmer, more centered outlook concerning not just my family, but the world at large.

It’s a good message, as I have been struggling a bit with being a right bastard to myself lately, and I have a visit coming up with family that will do plenty of that “tearing down” for me.   I don’t need to be so harsh with myself, instead, now is a time to foster my strengths and build myself up for what is coming. (Which, of course, I’m referring to  either visiting those family members out east, or staying here and helping my mother through her surgery, depending on what she decides she wants to happen.)

Deck Used:  The Animism Tarot