tarot and psychology

Morning Bonus Read – Negative Patterns

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“The very simplest, most basic premise of shadow work is that when our subconscious wants something different from our conscious, our conscious choices and magic are ineffective because they are being sabotaged by our unconscious. This book is pointing out that SOMETIMES (not always) when we see a repeating “negative” pattern in our lives, it is because that thing is fulfilling some subconscious desire. The only way forward is to drag that part of us out of the shadows and integrate or accept it so that we can consciously choose how to fulfill those desires instead of letting them drive our life. This is a very basic idea and there are obviously many facets to this, but this week, if you like, join me in exploring this most basic idea with one or more of these questions (or others if you so choose).”

Playing Politics 20/20 Vision Playing CardsAn area in your life with a recurring “negative” pattern.
Five of Diamonds

Scarcity issues. God fuck do I ever have scarcity issues.  It is a recurring problem in that it drives me constantly to try harder and do more, spurring my constant craving for security and stability to the point of near obsession.

What would I stand to lose if this negative pattern were to magically, suddenly disappear from my life?
Five of Spades

My fight. My push. As mentioned above, I use my scarcity issues as a motivational shove to get things done and stay on track with my plans, goals, and responsibilities.  Without those issues there to create drive, things like depressive episodes and mood swings as well as a variety of other situations and distractions would make staying focused on those goals and responsibilities nearly impossible.

What feeling does this negative pattern give me that I might, deep down, secretly enjoy?
Four of Spades

Exhaustion after a job well done. Honestly?  Burnout sucks ass, but it does occasionally create a perception of having done a lot and accomplished something.  Otherwise, why would you be so tired?

Am I experiencing pleasure in relation to the guilt I feel for having and using this negative pattern?
Seven of Clubs

Yes. I’m fighting the good fight… Or I feel like I’m fighting the good fight using this negative pattern as a weapon against laziness, failure, and distraction. It feels empowering.

If I let go of guilt about this negative pattern, What feeling would be left?
King of Clubs

More strength and security to support my business and my endeavors.  This last question was an interesting turn in perspective for me about this pattern of behavior.   So often my negative patterns and behaviors are things that I feel need to be resolved or healed.  Yet in this case, perhaps it is more about finding a balance of moderation instead.

DECK USED: PLAYING POLITICS 20/20 VISION PLAYING CARDS

Motivations and Sneaky Shit

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with an interval timer added in for my piriformis stretches.  

The topic of today’s meditation was about closure.  The example used was about romantic relationships, but honestly?  I think the need for closure goes beyond just romantic relationships and can extend to friendships and even acquaintances sometimes. Something said in the meditation about how some people disappear from your life without warning or a trace (triggering in many that need for closure that they didn’t get) brought up a different topic for me.

I am one of those people… one of those friends that sociable people often consider a “bad friend”. I disappear for months at a time… then reappear back in other people’s lives as if no time has passed at all. Sort of like starting a conversation, walking out of the room for an hour, and then just picking the conversation back up exactly where ti was left when you return to the room again.

This is something that a lot of people don’t understand, I’ve found. But honestly? To me? It doesn’t -feel- as if any time has passed. That gap of time and absence? I don’t see it and I don’t realize it’s there.  It’s like, because I think of these friends, sometimes on a daily basis, they are not absent even though I might not be in contact with them. To me, they are still in my life. Still present. (Other times, I just lose time and have no clue that so much time has passed because my memory is missing a few days, weeks, or months. This particular issue is due to a combination of a head injury when I was younger, and mental health fluctuations.)

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - Seven of SwordsToday’s draw is is the Seven of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of trickery, strategy, thievery, betrayal, and all around sneaky shit. Mind you, not all sneaky shit is bad shit.  Being cunning and strategic can be a very good quality… but it is still sneaky shit sometimes.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is not surprising. It’s the hands and what’s within them, the homes in the distance, and the blue shade of the cloak that the figure wears.

What I see in this imagery is a warning that not everything is how it first appears, and you need to be aware and paying attention with that in mind. Some people are guileless and they wear their emotions on their sleeves and intentions on their face. Others… are not like that.  They may appear trustworthy, simple, innocent, easy, innocuous, or friendly. But what lies beneath the surface.

The advice here is that sometimes, we have to look at other’s motivations, even when they appear to be being nice or look completely harmless. Everyone has motivations behind their actions… pay attention to what those motivations might be.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What are you clinging to that can be let go of without repercussion?

Divine Masculine TarotReading Summary: My concern that having a bit of fun (Three of Cups) will distract me from my plans and goals (Two of Wands). It’s okay to take comfort (Four of Wands) in those things that bring me pleasure (imagery in the Queen of Wands).

Take Away: This is the influence of my father and how his voice managed to integrate into my inner narrative and make a home there.  It’s the concept that that anything that’s fun can’t possibly be productive or useful because you’re supposed to buckle down and work, be serious and focus to your goals, and not allow “frivilous things” to distract you.

I know that voice is wrong, and I know it’s harmful. I’ve never really considered that I “cling” to it before, but I think in some ways I do… because it seems like the path to stability and security. But on closer reflection, it may get you to stability and security, but at what cost to your health and happiness?

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DIVINE MASCULINE
 

Daily Self Kindness

I spent all evening and night in play with Gideon today and I don’t feel the least bit guilty about it.  I didn’t do even a shred of work other than searching for a bin of charms I’d somehow thought I’d misplaced.  I discovered that instead, what happened is I was exhausted when I had the bin out before (along with a different one) and I accidentally put the charms back into the wrong bin.  I suppose that discovering this could also be self care, since as soon as I found those charms, I felt much better.  I was having a bit of an anxiety issue over the whole thing.

Breaking Down the Tarot

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Learning tarot is something that a lot of people are intrigued about at one point or another in their life. For some, it’s a phase that they dabble in and then move on from. For others it is an opportunity to exploit others. For some it is a lifetime fascination. For still others, it is a part of who they are… or a part of their spirituality.

There are plenty of assumptions about the tarot and plenty of abusers that use the decks for their own purposes. That use the tarot to manipulate people, or to hurt people… or as a game, unintentionally hurting others simply by not understanding or being unwilling to grasp the power that the tarot can possess.

The sad thing is that this type of harmful behavior is going to be the case for no matter what you are talking about. There will be some that respect these different things, and others that won’t. Just as there are those that will appreciate a public garden, and others that will only pause to piss on the flowers.

The thing is that most of those who are truly invested in tarot in some way, whether that is through helping others or helping themselves, acknowledge that tarot is more than just a handful of cards. They aren’t out to hurt people, manipulate people, or use tarot as a game or a weapon. They are seeking to use the tarot to help themselves or others, seek out guidance for themselves or others, to delve into their psyche in order to heal themselves or others.

Tarot is a way to reach into the minds and souls of the self and others, and to find depth… to find answers. Whether a secular or spiritual reader, I think that it’s important to respect and own the responsibility that using something that can do this inherently holds. I find that I sometimes struggle with fresh, brand new beginners because of this. Because they aren’t ready yet to grasp the responsibility behind what they’re seeking to learn. They don’t realize that it’s not a toy or a game, but rather a tool to help that can also harm if we aren’t careful.

For this reason, I try to remind beginners (and even some that have dabbled for quite some time but don’t seem able to grasp the gravity of the tool in their hands) that reading tarot is not just about getting answers. It’s about how you present those answers, either to yourself or to others. It’s about acknowledging that anything that you say can have a huge impact on another person and their life, etc. And therefore, when reading the cards, it’s important to present things in a way they understand and that is empathetic to another person and their journey.

Without empathy, understanding, and a sense of empowerment in the message… the cards can easily become something that can do a great deal of harm instead of good. When people speak of “respecting the tarot” it is this influence… this responsibility… that they are referring to. A responsibility that I feel is absolutely essential, especially in reading for others… but also in reading for yourself.

Plan It Out and Get Going

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Today’s meditation was skipped today.  I was feeling stressed about the orders that I needed to get done and sort of lost the battle with any of my self care stuff today, not just the meditation but the probiotic smoothie, the vitamins, the tea with peptides, yoga physio crap…. the whole thing.  I’m definitely going to pay for it too.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - King of SwordsToday’s draw is the King of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of intellect, communication, ambitions, and instinct.  The King in this suit is often associated with someone that is highly intelligent that has strategical acumen and leadership qualities rooted in their ability to lead through their ideas and skills in communication.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the fact that the king’s throne is on wheels. He’s not sitting still and letting the world come to him, but sits upon a mobile throne, prepared to go where he is needed with the strength of his convictions behind him and intelligence to lead the way.  (Okay, so the dude’s muscles also stood out but… of course they did. Just sayin’.  I’m not blind.  That particular notation had nothing to do with the reading tho.)

Right.  So… the message today is about taking control by having a plan… a stress on the “plan” part of that.  This card is saying if I want to take control of my orders and get done what needs done, there’s more to the process than just getting up and moving your ass… you need a plan and you need to focus on it and stick to it and make it happen.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care during this full moon?

Ink Witch TarotReading Summary:  Don’t push too hard right now (Page of Wands).  It’s okay to have some alone time if you need it, as long is it’s done in a healthy way (The Hermit) and you aren’t allowing the wolf in through the door in the process (Nine of Wands).

Take Away: Although I feel like I’ve managed to stop my slide down the walls of that dark pit, it would be a mistake during the full moon to use the energy available from the full moon to push myself to do more and dive into things.

Instead, I need to focus on taking care of myself and participating in healthy things that can fight back against the darkness.  It is very easy at this time to tip over the line from healthy to unhealthy in my actions and thoughts.  The Hermit card here is a reminder of just how close that line is and how easy it is to slip over it without realizing it, as alone time is something I crave often and yet it is not always healthy for me, while at other times it is immensely benificial.

DECK USED:  INK WITCH TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I treat myself with more compassion?

Earth Bones Tarot

Reading Summary:  Instead of projecting your energy and ambitions outward (King of Crystals) and overfilling your plate with responsibilities that then turn into heavy burdens (Ten of Wicks), right now you need to focus upon fostering and sustaining your inner strength (Strength).

Take Away:  Recovery from an MDE takes time and piling on responsibilities and additional crap to get done won’t help but instead will only slow down that recovery.  A better path that will allow the healing to happen instead of ignoring those needs, is to focus on doing the things that build your inner strength and give you a bit more stability.

DECK USED:  EARTH BONES TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Damn.   This is the first time since I started this self kindness section that I really can’t think of anything that I’ve done for myself today as a self kindness.  Nor can I think of anything at this point and time just before bed that I can do for myself right now as a self kindness.

It’s Your Choice

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IMG_8965Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. The topic of today’s meditation is one that has come up quite a lot lately.  That is… the topic was about change, and how allowing change to happen rather than fighting against it can make life feel much smoother over all.

This is very similar to the thoughts that I was musing about the other day, where I was considering the difference that it would make if we embraced all change in the same way we embrace and adapt to good changes.

Bonestone & Earthflesh Tarot - The ChariotToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally a representation of control, willpower, determination, and forward motion.

In many decks, this card is represented by a man controlling two horses (in various different situations such as a chariot or wagon).  What stands out to me here in this card is that it’s not a chariot that is being pulled behind the horses, but rather it is a home.

This speaks to me of autonomy, control, and direction that is related to more than just a situation, but to one’s life as a whole and their steps along their personal path in their life’s journey.  This woman brings with her what is important to her on her journey.  She takes with her home and shelter, her safety and security.

She is in control, she chooses her direction with each and every step she takes… and the path she treads upon with these steps is hers and hers alone.   And that is the message in today’s card.   You own your life.  You make the choices that decide what direction your life will go in.   Whether these choices are hard or easy, impossible or impossibly simple.  Whether you choose to see yourself as a victim in life or a survivor.  All of these are choices that shape where you will go on your journey.

Today’s message is a reminder that those choices are yours to make, and that that power is yours and only yours.

DECK USED:  BONESTONE & EARTHFLESH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Would life lose meaning if we could live forever?

Magical Nordic TarotReading Summary: There would always be something or someone to foster your passion and keep you interested and invested (Queen of Wands), if you’re willing to look for it instead of turning away from it (Eight of Swords), and if you are able to take the ups and downs of life in stride (The Wheel of Fortune).

Take Away: The answer is yes… and no.  Because the answer depends on the individual and their ability to find things that keep their passion for life and interest in being upon the earth and living and experiencing these things that make life worth living.   If someone isn’t willing to pursue these things, then a life filled with eternity would feel like a prison sentence.  But for those that can take life as it comes and fill it with pursuit of their passions, eternal life would become simply that much more pleasure… that much more joy… and that much more life to experience.

DeECK USED:  MAGICAL NORDIC TAROT

Purefield.Healing’s Taking My Power Back Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I take my power back from intrusive thoughts or worries?

Deck Of Celestials Tarot

Reading Summary: Find a balance between positive and negative (Two of Pentacles) by persuading yourself (Strength) to lean into the positive side of things and the pleasure/comfort you can find there (Four of Wands).

Take Away: When I saw the imagery in the Two of Pentacles today, it reminded me of a binucleated cell, which is about more than balance, but rather about two in one.  Positive and negative… inside me.  Both there, both circling around each other in an eternal effort to find balance.  The problem is that I struggle to feed the positive, where as the negative seems to be more than capable of feeding itself.   This balance, when I can manage it, creates a far more comfortable and centered “seat” within myself, making me much more “at home” within my own skin.  

DECK USED:  DECK OF CELESTIALS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today I replaced the screen saver on my phone.  This is one of those tasks that I really hate, and so I put it off and put it off and… I’ve put it off a good six… maybe eight months or more.  My screen protector was so cracked and shattered that it was beginning to be difficult to see what was on the screen beneath it.   So today I dug out the protectors I’d ordered months and months ago, and finally did it.  Now my phone feels brand new again instead of like a broken piece of junk.

Wealth Comes From Gratitude

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Today’s meditation was again… skipped.  I know it’s not a good idea to skip my meditations. I also know that even if I feel like they’re not doing me any good?  They are.  The fact that when I meditate daily my resting heart rate drops nearly ten beats per minute is proof that they do in fact make a difference. But I skipped… just sayin’.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ten of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is traditionally about sharing your success and satiation with those around you.  This isn’t charity, but rather the next step after wallowing in your success, where you reach out to those you love and invite them into that good feeling of security and completion.

What I see in the message for this card today has to do with gratitude for what you have.   Not everyone is wealthy in monetary ways, but everyone is wealthy in some sort of way.  Sometimes it is good health, or they have a wealth of luck, a wealth of love, a wealth of friends… all of these are ways to be wealthy and there are so many more.

The thing about wealth is that if you do not see it as wealth and feel gratitude for it… then it’s not wealth.  It’s just another “thing” in your life.  The message in today’s card is to acknowledge those things that make you wealthy.  Acknowledge them and be grateful for them.

In my own life I am wealthy in many ways.  Although I am not monetarily wealthy, I’m no longer destitute as I was a decade ago.  I have a home that I own, a mortgage that is over half paid off, a twin sister who loves me fiercely, family and friends that I cherish and who love me, a partner who’s love borders on obsession in the best possible ways, and the freedom and independence to pursue the things that I enjoy and that interest me.  These are only some of the many things I have to be grateful for each and every day.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I asked to relax a little more or take a break?

Insight Tarot

Reading Summary:   Ease off on the “balls up and keep moving” (Strength) even when you feel like everything has turned to shit (Nine of Swords).  Your plans will wait until you’re in a better place (Three of Wands).

Take Away:  It’s okay to take the time I need to recover.  No one is pushing me forward but my own unrealistic expectations that I move forward at the same pace now in the middle of an MDE as I would when not in the middle of an episode.   Plans will wait, everything will be fine.  Just take a breath and slow down.

DECK USED:  INSIGHT TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Pull your most and least favorite cards from your deck and explain why you feel that way.

Zolar's New Astrological TarotMost Favorite – The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man reminds me that each hurdle I come upon (of which there have been many, and will surely be many more) is an opportunity for betterment in some way, not a road block.

The card says to me that it’s okay to have a life filled with struggles and hurdles, strife and discord, woe and adversity. These things are lessons in life that teach me how to become better. Better at the things I want to do… Better at the way I find my joy… And, just an all around better person as a whole.

The Hanged Man is a reminder that these things are there not to drag me down and make me miserable. Instead, they are there to create perspective, wisdom, and strength, as well as to foster deeper roots within myself and my life with which to anchor me through the hardest parts, like a tree standing strong in a storm is anchored deep within the soil.

Learning lessons and learning different perspectives is not always pleasant. It’s painful and uncomfortable and extremely awkward. To me the Hanged Man is a representation of how these struggles hold immeasurable worth, if I’m willing to look beyond the discomfort to see what’s waiting there for me to learn.

Least Favorite – The Wheel of Fortune

So… my reason for loving the Hanged Man was long and I really waxed poetic.  But, my answer for the Wheel of Fortune is much shorter and more succinct.   I dislike the Wheel of Fortune because it represents to me the unpredictability of life.  Ups and downs, fast times and slow… it’s never stable, never still, always moving and changing, always one shift away from the next imbalance, the next turn, the next change.

Even for those that see the Wheel of Fortune as a luck card, the fact is that it is a luck card that represents both good luck… and bad.  There’s no dependability and no stability there.  And that just sucks IMO.

DECK USED:  ZOLAR’S NEW ASTROLOGICAL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Today I allowed myself not to work.  I did do a couple of client readings that were due to be sent out, but other than that, I stayed away from work entirely.  And I’m not beating myself up over it.  Instead I played with Gid and trimmed the borders down on the Magical Tarot by Arisa Chibara for L.