What Is Under My Control?

IMG_3333Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused upon allowing for your flaws and imperfections, because it is only in imperfection that perfection itself can be found. We all have flaws and things about ourselves that we’re not proud off or are embarrassed about.   The topic of today’s meditation was to say that it’s okay.

It’s okay to be flawed.  It’s what makes us human.   Yes, I believe that it’s important to strive towards being better.  But, it’s also important to accept that your flaws are not something to hate about yourself.  You can strive to be better while still accepting that your present self is okay.

So many people spend their lives unwilling to know themselves well and love and accept themselves for who and what they are.  They hide from their flaws, refusing to see them or choosing to not accept them and shaming themselves. This feels like such a waste of time to me. If there is truly something about yourself that you do not like… wouldn’t a better use of that time be to work at improving in some way?  Whether that be through change of whatever that “flaw” might be… or through your perception of yourself possessing it.

Six of Pentacles - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is is the Six of Pentacles, which traditionally is a representation of give and take, harmony, and charity in the area of one’s finances, resources, and the physical world.  The card speaks of finding balance between the haves and the have-nots.

Like most of the cards I’ve pulled so far for this deck, what I see in the imagery of this card is a bit different than the traditional meaning.   I love this about this particular deck, and about the Hush Tarot as well, actually.

There is a balance here.  A form of charity here in the imagery of this card, but to me the imagery feels more like protection.   Between the circle of rope that feels like a barrier you would make when casting a circle of protection for magic, to the robed figure bent over to two sleeping forms…. it all speaks to me of protection.

The message here is about caring for those that need your help, and protecting what’s truly important.  In the mess of everything going on right now in the world, I think that like many others, I have sometimes become distracted by all the different worries and concerns going on.  I fuss over finances and I focus on all the shit that’s falling apart both in my life and in the economy…. but the message here is to not focus so much on those things out of your control.   Instead, it’s time to focus on what you can control and let the rest go.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I embrace those shadows with loving kindness? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

Wildwood Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: Try to embrace what you have while you have it. You’ll be back to your regular amounts of alone time soon enough. Take advantage of this added time with those you love, and involve them in your works. Allow them to influence your work (both of the mundane and magical varieties) with their joyous feminine energy.

Take Away:  Instead of chafing against the added contact, I need to keep in mind how fortunate I am to have people to love me and care for me, and allow me to care for them in turn.  Yes, I miss my alone time, but this is also an opportunity to become closer with L and Z, and one way to do that is to invite them to help me in activities such as my home business work as well as in my spellcraft and rituals.

DECK USED:  WILDWOOD TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What are my strengths when dealing with others?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary:  There is a sense of control and balance (Two of Coins) in how I relate to others while providing them with a feeling of security (Six of Cups) and comfort (Six of Coins).  This ability doesn’t come from a place of brute strength, but from a more subtle but solid sense of inner strength (La Forza).

Take Away:  This is about being reassuring and providing a sense of stable security.

I really hope that is true and is something that I provide for others, but I have very little ability to see myself through other’s eyes, and although I have the ability to examine multiple perspectives on a vast array of topics… I can’t seem to grasp the perspectives of others concerning myself.  Even the times when I’ve asked, I hear their perspectives… the good and the bad… and it’s really wonderful to hear but I can’t seem to see it myself when it’s about… myself.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How can I continue to improve my intuitive messages?

Animal Totem Tarot

Reading Summary: Keep plugging away at it and stay focused on what I want while taking care to slip between the fingers of obstacles that try to get in my way.

Take Away:  My current journey for improving my intuition involves learning more about mediumship and how to control the ability that I discovered (unexpectedly) I possess last fall.   That said, in order to get to that point, I have a lot to learn first, including how to develop a stronger and more conscious relationship with my guides.

The cards indicate (much as a different reading on the same subject a couple months ago indicated) that it’s going to be a long road and take a lot of time and determination.  I can and will “get there”, but it’s going to take dedication and I need to watch out for pitfalls and road blocks along the way that could end up distracting me from my goal if I let them.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL TOTEM TAROT

 

Soaking Up Some Vitamin D

Today’s meditation was delayed until tonight when I go to bed because today has been quite busy and just didn’t have the time (or want to take time from other things, if I’m honest) to settle in and do the meditation earlier in the day.  Morning meditation is definitely more beneficial for me, though, on a whole.

The Sun - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is The Sun card, which is a representation of themes that include optimism,  fun, and positivity.

I still don’t see that in this card, to be honest.  But that seems to be the theme of this deck as a whole that my intuitive hits upon the imagery are of an entirely different vein than traditional meanings, or even the meanings in the book that came with the deck.

What I see in the imagery of this card today has to do with the defensive stance of the woman in the card, and the radiant power behind her.  That power feels like it is empowering her and providing strength.

What I see here is that I need some time outside, and… that’s fitting since that’s exactly what went on today.   Not around people…. okay so mostly not around people.   I took my sister and Z to the woods for a walk and we stopped over at the wetlands to enjoy some sun as well.     There were no other people around, and it was a nice (and needed) outing that seems to have given not just our bodies but our souls a refreshing breath of fresh air.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: What am I being invited to reflect upon this spring?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary: How I do things and how I can do them differently (l’Appeso) and better (La Giustizia) in order to get more out of life (Four of Cups) and foster a better outcome (La Torre Rx).

Take Away:  At the beginning of the year, I wanted to start restructuring how I did things with my business, but it had to be put off because of that fog of fear created as the reactions to last fall’s letter caught up with me.   Now, I am essentially being forced into slowing down and the cards are indicating that this situation is the prime opportunity I need to begin looking at making some changes  to better balance not just my business, but my home life as well.  It’s time to start looking at how I can do things differently moving forward, and start considering what small changes I can start making to move toward that vision.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What is my greatest weakness?

Wildwood Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation: Letting my thoughts run away with me until I’m so wrapped up in them and so worked up by them that I’m stuck in a state of catastrophizing.

Take Away:  So I readily admit this is absolutely something that I do… and yet even though I am aware I do it and don’t particularly find it at all wise or useful?  I still somehow manage to do it anyway.  I think it might be a part of the cycle of how I motivate myself to do shit I don’t really want to do… but turned into an avenue that becomes a detriment rather than useful.

DECK USED:  WILDWOOD TAROT (TRIMMED)

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: Draw a card and record the feelings you experience.

Jonasa Jaus TarotShe is protected and can therefore let go and be free.  She is sensual, and he is rapt. He watches on, holding flowers that are just for her… even if the truth is she handed them to him to hold for her rather than them being a gift.  The true gift here is his protection

The dynamic between the cards feels like a romance.  A secret love not acted upon by either party due to station, or due to the sweet taste of drawing out the temptation into a seduction all its own.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT

Holy Fury of Chaos

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I found it difficult to stay on track with the guided meditation.  In truth?  I can’t even remember what the theme of the meditation was about.  Just too much going on in my brain, I think.  It was all I could do to realize when my mind was straying and bring myself back to center again.

Knight of Wands - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is the Knight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a beta energy, personality, or person influencing the areas of one’s drive, ambition, and passions.

What I see in today’s card is chaos.   Aggression too, but chaos.  So much fucking chaos.  In fact, when I first saw this card today, there was so much chaos that I had a really hard time making out what the depiction in this card actually is.

The message in this card isn’t about the picture so much as about that chaos.  I couldn’t write this post yesterday (I’m writing it a day late and will back-date it here in the blog) because I couldn’t find… the message.  I couldn’t find the positive as all I could see was the confusion and chaos.

Today, I have the message.  Yes, the perception of chaos is still there and yes, it’s completely on match with everything that went on yesterday from being (temporarily.. I hope) laid off from all of my jobs other than the farm to the sudden tank in my online sales, the loss of medical benefits, the break in at the food bank and them being cleared out of everything they had, the lack of ANY food (or supplies to even make food from scratch) in grocery stores… every part of the stability I work so hard on and struggle and strive for so damned hard and depend on for my balance… ripped out from under me like a rug.  And thus… chaos.

The message here isn’t only about the chaos tho.  It’s about the Knight of Wands in a moment of chaos.  It’s about not giving up and pushing for your dreams even when things are difficult.  It’s about… not breaking under the strain that chaos can create.

I can do this.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where would I most benefit from releasing control during this liminal time?

Eight Coins Tarot

Reading Summary:  These cards are about making the choice (The Lovers) to let go of my top space and allowing the natural balance of our relationship (Two of Cups) to fall back into place.  I don’t have to have all the tools all the time (The Magician Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve already made the choice to do this.  It’s time for us to fall back into balance and I feel good in letting you take back control.  I still think it’s kinda crappy that that top space doesn’t allow for giving the kind of aftercare I want to provide you with… but that last card makes it clear that it’s okay I don’t have all “the tools” and feels like a direct reflection on that perceived shortcoming.

DECK USED:  EIGHT COINS TATTOO TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I improve on where I am emotionally in the week ahead?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary: Work on staying grounded (King of Coins) and connecting with my strengths (Emperor) and focusing on my composure (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  With everything up in the air and feeling so chaotic right now, the advice here is to tap into those grounded  emotions and calm composure in order to keep things calm and somewhat level emotionally.   I am more than capable of making it through these difficult times as long as I don’t allow myself to fall under the shadows of confusion, fear, or a mentality of victimization.  I am the solid foundation in my life when the world goes mad around me.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How can I better manage my inner critic?

Law of Attraction Tarot

Reading Summary:  Recognize when I’m being a dick (First Card) and take time to find a better approach (Second Card) that involves taking charge without lashing out (Third Card) at myself.  (Interpretation off imagery alone.)

Take Away:  My go-to way to motivate myself and push myself forward is to beat myself up and lash at myself like a bastard farmer whipping the ass of an oxen to make it pull the plow.  That lash, in my case, is my inner critic.  The cards indicate that I need to work at finding another way to motivate myself that doesn’t include beating myself up in the process.   So much easier said than done… but they’re not wrong.

DECK USED:  LAW OF ATTRACTION TAROT

 

 

Appreciate the Little Things

Today’s meditation was once again delayed until bed time.  I swear to f’ck that I’m trying to fit it in.  I really am.  But there seems to be a serious challenge to getting those ten or fifteen minutes every.. damn.. DAY so far this week.

The Sun - Circle of Life TarotToday’s draw is The Sun card, which is a traditionally a representation of success, positivity, happiness and warmth, fun and exuberance.

I think that little lizard dog thing has an eyeball on its ass.  Just sayin’.

Okay so what I see in this card’s imagery is a LOT of little details.  All of the cards are pretty detailed in this deck, but today I feel like every time I look away from the card and then look back, I notice another little detail that suddenly feels significant. Just as significant as the last one.  All of them small like the eye looking spot on the rear of the creature at her feet.  The bauble hanging from her necklace…. the fact that her necklace doesn’t go around her neck but appears to hang from her ears.  The skull on her head, her navel, her tattoos, the flowers and wands she holds.

And yet it doesn’t feel cluttered.  It doesn’t feel overwhelming either.

What I feel from this is that the message in today’s draw has to do with noticing the little things and appreciating them.  Cherishing them.   Sometimes the big picture sucks, but you can still find pleasure in the little things.

DECK USED:  CIRCLE OF LIFE TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: Looking at the past few weeks, what may have been impeded by miscommunication?

Luna Sol Tarot

Reading Summary:  My progress moving forward into my passion (Knight of Swords) has been hampered by retreat (The Hermit) because I’ve been walking on eggshells (Six of Swords) and struggling to find balance between my personal needs and business responsibilities (Queen of Disks Rx).

Take Away:  Okay so this is about the letter, and it’s about how I’ve reacted to the letter by closing myself, which has hindered my “go get ’em” forward momentum concerning my passions and ambitions.  That letter caused an imbalance, and a disruption in my comfort levels which has caused some problems in a number of different areas concerning my business, my home life, and my own self care as well.

IS the letter a miscommunication, then?  Am I over-reacting to it?  Is it not the unreasonable demand and threat-thru-leverage that I perceived it to be?  I think this might be something I need to think on.

DECK USED:  LUNA SOL TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where am I at physically at this time?

Jonasa Jaus Tarot

Reading Summary: Independence on my journey (Queen of Swords) toward “traditional exercise” (Hierophant)  is holding me back.  Stop ignoring the help that’s available to me (Five of Coins) and I’ll find a better way (Page of Swords) to move forward and enjoy the journey (Knight of Wands).

Take Away:  So I know that I need to get to the gym and gain some weight.  I know this, and yet I’ve not been able to manage it.  I just have no interest or motivation towards that direction. J has offered to join me, and yet I haven’t really accepted or refused.  Just… meh.    The cards indicate that I need to accept and get going on this.  Where I am physically is in a holding pattern… and it’s time to move past that, and accept the help I need (even if that help is just in motivation) in order to get myself back on track.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How can I move more into my heart space?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary: Accept that it’s okay to be recognized for the good stuff (Six of Wands) and own that shit (The Emperor) rather than shoving it off, because by doing so it will create contentment (Nine of Cups).

Take Away:  I had some really sweet things said about me today that really made it stand out to me just how differently I see myself compared to how others seem to see me.  It was nice to hear, but there’s a part of me that is always reserved and holds back from absorbing praise internally when it is given.   I worry that in doing so my ego will swell into something ugly and insufferable, and… often I honestly am not sure if I even deserve praise when its given as well.  These cards indicate that it won’t make my ego insufferable, but will create a sense of contentment within myself that I’m currently missing.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI

Support and Growth

IMG_2920Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was about dealing with conflict and taking a moment to “step back” during times of conflict in order to see them from an “outside view” rather than internalizing and getting wrapped up in the moment.

The guided meditation also touched on one of the key tenants to my life, which is the assertion that conflict and difficulties are a part of our lives not to break us down, but rather to build us up and make us better and/or stronger.

Every once in a while I run across those that seem to refuse to see the negative things that have happened in their life in any sort of positive light.  Instead, they choose to cast themselves as a victim, and view this horrible thing in their life that happened as the “destroyer” of good in their lives.

I have a hard time with this perspective, and I’m not sure how to communicate with people about moving forward and strength when they so stubbornly stick to this viewpoint.  I always feel a desire to help, but how do you help someone that chooses to sit in the mud and won’t even consider the possibility of standing up?

Right, so that sort of went off on my own little tangent.  Sorry about that.

Two of Cups - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Two of Cups, which is traditionally read as partnerships and themes to do with unity in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

What I see in this card is about support, though.  In the imagery both of the harpy women seem to be supporting each other on an emotional level.  It is in the tilt of the heads and angle of the chins.  There is sanctuary here in this partnership.  A connection that feels both familiar and familial.

The message for me in today’s card is that I need to make peace with those I love.  We support each other through the hard times, and are there for each other when needed.  Sometimes?  Conflicts happen.  But in the grand scheme of things, these conflicts are unimportant, and it’s the connection and support that matters.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where would I most benefit from patience at this time?

Tarocco degli Animali

Reading Summary:  I need to make sure I’m not judging myself too harshly (Judgement) when it takes time to get the money together (Five of Coins)  to support my ambitions (Queen of Swords).  Don’t worry about the flow of money, forcing yourself into an even more stringent spendthrift will not make things move faster (Four of Coins).

Take Away:  The cards are indicating that I need to allow things to unfold at their own pace.  Making myself miserable by being miserly is not going to move things along any quicker.  Just let it move along at its own pace and practice patience.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DEGLI ANIMALI

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What area of my life is requiring too much sacrifice at this time?

Tarocco delle Vetrate

Reading Summary:  Trying to find a balance between bolstering my self confidence (Six of Wands) and protecting myself (Nine of Wands) is stealing away (Seven of Swords) my ability to get to where I want to be (Ten of Cups).

Take Away:  As I work at pulling myself out of the fog of uncertainty and self doubt that I’ve been experiencing for the past couple of months, I’m trying too hard to both open myself up to seeking out the light… and keeping a protective outer shell in place. 

These contrasting efforts are preventing me from getting to that place of contentment and abundance I seek in my personal life.

DECK USED:  TAROCCO DELLE VETRATE

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How am I using my intuition in my life right now?

Jonasa Jaus Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m using my intuition to assist me in keeping myself afloat (Four of Wands) as I struggle with inner darkness (Devil) and healing from the damage and doubts that winter’s events cast upon me (Nine of  Swords).  Hidden behind that darkness I struggle with is the long term growth I’m seeking (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away:  In my current situation, I am using my intuition as a life preserver to help me in keeping myself from sinking back into the fog.  Although not my only life preserver, it is helping me stay afloat so that I can keep moving forward.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT