It’s For Your Own Good

IMG_3725Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon acceptance of one’s limitations and not viewing them as failures. The guided meditation spoke on the dangers of allowing yourself to come down too harshly on limitations that might play into one’s life.  Limitations from injuries, or even just normal day to day limitations that everyone has.

Sometimes we all fall a little short in one way or another.  We don’t get that promotion or manage to reach a goal that we’ve set our eyes on.   Today’s meditation was a reminder that you need to look at these limitations and disappointments as an opportunity for growth… not a reflection of failure upon you as a person.  Because when you choose to go down a dark road in your mind?  It can lead to even darker roads than the ones you ever meant to tread.

Maruco Animal Tarot - StrengthToday’s draw is the Strength card of the Major Arcana.  Like all of the Major Arcana, this card deals with all of the aspects of the human experience rather than just one single aspect at a time.  It is traditionally a representation of inner strength and courage as well as themes that deal with the ability to influence and/or persuade others to your will.

In the imagery of this card, what really stands out to me today is the lion is happy.  This speaks to me of being able to set aside one’s cranky ass nature to allow another to present you with an option that you may not have considered or normally have been open to, but that ultimately ends up making you happy.

You do this for me all the time.  You see the world a bit differently, your gaze is more focused upon people and emotions than I am, and your attention is more focused upon my self-care than I am.  You push me to do things to take care of myself that I would often neglect if it wasn’t for your influence… and I’m the better for allowing you that room to push and (in some instances) dictate on these matters.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question
: What am I being invited to forgive myself for at this time?

Sun and Moon Tarot

Reading Summary: Making the choice (Two of Swords) to take some time for myself (Four of Swords) instead of spending all my time focusing on the betterment of my business (Princess of Wands).

The symmetry of colors between the first and last cards is how this deck is made, but it also spoke to me about the order in which the cards needed to be read.

In the center card, what really stands out to me there is the stripes on the tiger and how they continue up along the girl’s legs creating a synchronistic blending between man and beast… the beast being the burning fire of ambition.

Take Away:  The key to these cards is in the swords.  It’s in the fact that I am making an actual, conscious choice to allow myself some rest and recuperation. I’m not being forced.   I need to respect my choices as well as my need for this rest, and forgive myself for making the choice to prioritize rest over work.  Stop beating myself up over all of the things I could have been doing during that time and how much further ahead I could be. 

DECK USED:  SUN AND MOON TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Am I happy with the person I have become?

Dixit Cards v.2 QuestReading Summary: The strength and confidence to being true to myself is long standing (first card).  But, there is too much preying upon my small and soft spots (middle card), and too much inner cruelty and inner strife (third card).

Take Away:  So, yes… I am happy (pink) with the person I am and have always been (cobwebs).  I am comfortable in my own skin and know what I like (ballet slippers nearly glowing in the dark).  This?  I’m happy about and good with this.  I love to encourage and inspire others (en pointe position of shoes), and I believe that deep down I am a good person.

But… No.  I’m not happy about the person I have become when it deals with how that vicious part deep within me (cats eye glowing in the dark) treats the small and vulnerable parts of me (mouse on a plate), and how my negative thoughts sneak out (tentacles from the die) and provoke me into (demon made of tentacles) treating myself so harshly (orange red background).

DECK USED:  DIXIT CARDS V.2 QUEST

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What does good communication look like to me?

The Fountain Tarot

Reading Summary: No padding the truth with kindness and comfort (Empress Rx). No wishy-washy verbiage or illusive connotations (The High Priestess). Just clarity (The Fountain) and pure, open sharing/discourse (Page of Coins).

There is also a connection between the two left cards and the two right cards, as both speak to me through color, use of light, and horizons.   In the left pair, which is the receiving side, there is an indication that although I prefer grounded and clear spoken honesty in communication, I also need a touch of warmth and humanity to the presentation in order to stay receptive to it.

In contrast, on the projective side (the right side) the two cards have a much colder and sharper feel to the imagery.  This speaks to me of my own delivery and how I feel feel the need for sharp focus and precision when I communicate and often rate that as being more important than softness or warmth.

Take Away:  All of this looks pretty accurate to me.  I take a good deal of care in my communication with others to phrase things in a precise way that won’t allow for a lot of misunderstanding or taking things “out of context” or in another light than intended.  I think a lot of people feel this comes off as cold and distant, and I have to make a conscious effort in my communication with others to not come off that way.

By the same turn, although I prioritize honesty and clarity above all else, I do find that I like a little warmth in how others communicate with me.  Even though I struggle with returning it in turn.

DECK USED:  THE FOUNTAIN TAROT

Being Nice and Trying Again… and Again

startagainToday’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long and was self guided with a focus upon self forgiveness and letting go of the pressure and stress that I put upon myself to always do more and berate myself when I take a break.    I felt that it was a really good topic for today, being that today is self-care Saturday and all.

I think that it’s important for me to remember that not only is it okay to take rests, but it’s okay to have an “off” day now and then, and that tomorrow is a new day and I can “try again”.  The only person judging me is me, and I’m allowed to forgive myself when things just don’t go according to plan now and then.

Like so many lessons to do with self care and self forgiveness, knowing the concept and saying the words is so much easier than actually putting them into action.  I figure that maybe if I remind myself enough, it will begin to sink in at some point.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Five of WandsToday’s draw is the Five of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of tests, trials, and conflict concerning one’s passions, ambitions, and drive.

Speaking of beating up on yourself.  This card was actually the inspiration for the topic of today’s meditation.

For me, the biggest conflict I face on a day to day basis is inner conflict.  Specifically conflict concerning how much I’m getting done and how much I have to do… and berating myself for not getting more done considering how much I have to do.

This card’s appearance today was a reminder of that inner conflict, which is so very often centered around my passion projects, entrepreneurial spark, and drive to succeed at my business and my goals.

The message here isn’t in the conflict of the card… but in the imagery of those sweet little bunnies turned rabid.  It is a reminder to not allow myself to be such a vicious dick to myself.  It wouldn’t be okay to treat others that way, and so I shouldn’t be treating myself that way either.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question
: What amazing thing about myself do I often fail to recognize?

Fairy Tarot by Virtue and Valentine

Reading Summary:  My resourcefulness (The Magician) to find a better way (Six of Winter) and bring people together (Hierophant/Unity) and inspire them to do the same (The Fool).

Just sayin’?  But although I haven’t found the time to do it yet…. this deck is definitely soon to be on the chopping block for a trim.

Take Away:  You would think that I wouldn’t have such a hard time with change since I’m somewhat skilled at turning situations around to come out the better for it… and yet I am always a bit trepidatious when it comes to change.   That said… what the cards indicate here is that this ability is actually something that is amazing about me, and something that inspires others to explore change with a lighter heart and more hopeful outlook than they otherwise would.

DECK USED:  FAIRY TAROT BY VIRTUE AND VALENTINE

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I add more fun into my life?

Sun and Moon TarotReading Summary: Find the passion inside you to fight for it (Five of Wands) and not allow obstacles to hold you back (Six of Wands) because this is a gift to yourself that can help restore balance (Six of Pentacles).

Take Away:  If I really want to add more fun into my life, I will need to fight for it. This means fighting to find the time, fighting to see true value in that time, and fight against my own inner tendency to not allow myself that time.  The cards also indicate that it’s important that to assist myself in this fight, I need to keep in mind the benefits that the added fun can have in my life, and use those benefits and the balance it can create, to inspire and motivate me to make the effort.

DECK USED:  SUN AND MOON TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question
: What does the month ahead hold for me?

Mermaid Tarot by Robertson

Reading Summary:  Carefree (Judgement Rx) and well balanced (Temperance) while enjoying new emotions (Ace of Cups).

There is also a connection between the Judgement card and the Ace of Cups card through the colors associated in both cards which speaks to me about allowance.  Allowing yourself to delve in and allowing yourself to explore without the fear of repercussions that may come.

There is also a flow of motion connection between all three cards where in each card the flow moves from left to right and strengthens in its progression from one card to the next.  This flow speaks to me of the Judgement card and the Temperance card both building up support for the Ace of Cups (emotional exploration).

Take Away:   There has been a lot of overwhelm and issues over the past few months since I first discovered that new level of emotional growth back at the end of last summer.  The cards here indicate that I am at a place this month and ready to delve into that new growth. Not with fear or discomfort, but with an openness and carefree acceptance that will allow me to stay balanced and keep the experience positive.

DECK USED:  MERMAID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  When do I feel most loved?

Dixit Deck v.2 QuestIntuitive Interpretation: While the world falls apart outside the sheltering structure (broken musical notes on the ground) the guy in the window remains securely inside and a knight protects him from the monster crawling out of the deep dark hole.

It’s not possible to hide behind what makes me feel safe forever, but it’s nice and very special when that option is there when I need it.

The anchor’s significance is twofold.  First it signifies the steadying rock of your presence in my life.  Second is its significance within our D/s, as you are the anchor in my drown.  Just as I liken subspace to peacefully floating in water, suspended beneath the surface… you are the anchor that holds me under and keeps me safe from floating away on random currents.

Take Away:  When do I feel most loved?  When I feel safe and secure, protected and cared for.  Sheltered and… most especially?  In the middle of my drown when you’re there holding me under and creating that experience for me that is something only you are able to create.

DECK USED:  DIXIT DECK V.2 QUEST