Just Don’t
tender
vulnerable
and feeling
without defense
the hint of raw
beneath the flesh
stirs up
the need to
hide
Subdrop sucks.
subdrop
Gideon’s Challenge
Tendril
Not always big.
Not always deep.
Sometimes
the drown comes
soft and sweet.
A tendril
that licks
against the skin,
brushing beneath
against the soul.
Photo © ZenStatePhotography
Confidence and Perspective Changes
Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on how sometimes gifts come in the form of what you shed or release, rather than what you gain, and how that is one of the things about meditation practice that is of great value.
What they mean by this is that the gift that meditation gives you isn’t always an increase in focus or an advancement of some kind, it’s in the releasing of stress and the decrease of anxiety, etc.
I think that this view is a lot like the view that I have of the negative incidents and people in my past. It’s a “look for the silver lining” approach. This is not to negate though, as I think it’s a very good point and good practice to get into. Life is better and there is better perspective within it when you can accept that even the bad things that happen to you have value.
Today’s draw is the Queen of Wands, which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s passions, drive, and ambitions. This theme portrays itself with independence, confidence, and determination. The Queen of Wands is ambitious and knows how to get what she wants and go after what she believes is hers.
What I see in today’s card is encouragement. It’s appearance today is there to boost my self confidence, which wavered a bit when the less-than whisper came during the recent drop. The Queen of Wands has arrived to remind me that I am strong and passionate, and if they don’t like me? Fuck’em.
I’ll try to take her message to heart, although I’m not quite far enough out of the post-drop tenderness for it to really sink in at the current moment.
Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot
Bonus Reading
Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.
Question: Where may I need to shake things up?
Reading Summary: I need to look recently occurring new perspectives (Hanged Man) concerning the drop (Eight of Swords) and the emotions that stem from it (Ace of Cups).
Take Away: Ok, so I had a really hard time with this last drop. Yes it was massive, but it went beyond that, because for the first time in a long time, I completely shut down rather than allowing myself to deal with it. And honestly? My perception and feelings about it were different this time too, leaning far more to the negative. I focused on those negatives rather than on the vulnerability and inner worries and fears, which didn’t help things.
This new perspective isn’t a healthy one, and isn’t healthy for me at all. This isn’t the first time I’ve drowned so deep, or had such a massive drop afterward. But I didn’t handle it well at all this time, and I need to look at approaching the drop and the emotions surrounding it from a different mindset in the future so that I don’t go back there again.
Deck Used: Tarot of the Sweet Twilight
Shelter In the Storm
Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds long, and focused on finding gratitude for the good times through experiencing the bad ones.
Honestly? This is one of the main ways in which I connect with gratitude. There have been so many things that have gone on in my life… that I have lived through, survived, worked around, etc. My connection with gratitude is easy when I look back at these times and compare them with what I have (and where I am) now.
I also think that is something that a lot of people forget to consider. So many wallow in the experiences of their past and how they wish things had been different, or the effects that those experiences have had on their present or future. But it is much more rare to find those that look at those past experiences and accept them as lessons learned, and say “thank god that’s over and no longer my situation”. I think this is an important part of the healing process.
Today’s draw is the Empress card, which is the 3rd card in the Major Arcana.
I love the imagery for the Empress in this card, and it speaks to me really deeply right now. Delving into the subdrop is a difficult process that makes you feel small and vulnerable. Today’s card is a reminder that my “Empress” is right within my reach, only a text or message away. That supportive energy, that protective bulk, and that calming influence is hovering right behind me, ready to step in as soon as I reach out for it.
I love you, man. Even with the subdrop.
The traditional meaning of the Empress card is one of strong nurturing energy. She is the mother, fertile and comforting. She is the queen, strong and supportive. This card can also mean dependency upon another, and I think that in today’s interpretation, it is all of the above.
Deck Used: The Stolen Child Tarot
Old Habits Die Hard
Today’s meditation was ten minutes and fifty six seconds, and focused on dealing with failure. Everyone deals with failure from time to time, and the key to moving past it is to look at failures as a lesson to be learned, rather than internalizing failure into a reflection of you and your worth.
My mindset on doing something… anything, really, is that I will push myself as hard as I can. Try my best to do the very best that I can. That way, IF I end up failing, I can’t look back and say “Well, that was a waste of time. I could have done better.” Instead, when I fail, I can look back and see where I can improve and either make changes to my approach the next time or accept that perhaps what I was striving for just wasn’t meant for me. Because I gave it my all, there is no doubt that I “could have done better” somehow. I know that I did my best.
I think if more people looked at things in this way, there would be far less people out there “half assing” shit. And far less people putting themselves down when they eventually fail at something.
This isn’t to say that I don’t get bummed sometimes when I stumble across failure. I do. But it’s extremely rare that I internalize it as a reflection on me on a personal level.
In the guided meditation, failure was presented as an opportunity for growth, but also as something you separate yourself from (much like rejection was approached in a recent Supportive Tarot topic). In this approach, you work to view failure not as a reflection on YOU personally (ie: your personality or worth), but rather a failure of the method.
Today’s draw is the Knight of Cups, which is a representation of a projective beta energy, personality, or person in the area of emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.
A lot of times in readings I see this card as the charmer in the bar, full of flattery and lacking substance. Or rather, his aim in the moment lacks substance, right? He’s not after the long term, he just wants to feel good and in the process, his emotional manipulations and machinations will make -you- feel good too… for the time being, anyway.
This card, of course, represents far more than that, and I don’t think that is the message in the card today.
Today, the Knight of Cups is telling me to get in touch with my emotions. Emerging from the subdrop, sometimes I find myself backsliding into my old stand-by habits of closing myself off emotionally. Today’s card is a reminder to actively keep an eye on this and stay open… to you, to others, and to the world at large.
Coping With Subdrop
Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty six seconds, and focused on shinrin-yoku, or what is known as “forest bathing”.
This is a type of eco-therapy where one takes a walk in the woods and, instead of spending the time distracted by one’s phone, thoughts, or the drive for getting exercise, you focus on your senses and what you are experiencing there within the forest.
This includes everything from listening to the sounds of the forest such as the rustle of leaves and sound of insects, to the scents of the forest such as the smell of the earth and the trees, the experience of touch through feeling the sun and air on the skin or the feeling of dappled shade through leaves, taking in the colors and shapes and beauty around you, and even taste through how the air tastes as you breathe it in.
When I hike, this is my practice. I am not hiking in order to get exercise or see how far I can go. I am there to enjoy nature in all of its subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways. Sometimes, I might bring my camera… but I always turn my phone off and leave my earbuds at home.
To me, hiking has always been a time to commune with nature. Like some people use a maze or labyrinth to foster mindfulness, I have always used the hiking trails in the forests here where I live in this way.
Today’s draw is the 14th card in the Major Arcana, the Temperance card. Like all cards in the Major Arcana, this card deals with not just one single aspect of the human experience, but instead a broader picture as a whole.
The Temperance card is a representation of moderation, balance, and patience. It speaks of the need for a pause before reacting, thought before action, and reflection before absorption. This is an extremely good card for me today, because the subdrop has definitely arrived! Holy crap, has it ever.
One of the qualities of the Temperance card is to remind you to remain calm during times of stress and chaos. The subdrop is absolutely a time of stress and chaos for me, as I feel extremely vulnerable emotionally during this time.
As a result, the message of the card for today is just to take my time. Remember that I need to consciously seek out balance and stability, rather than just flying off the handle over every little thing. No matter whether that be mentally, emotionally, or even physically.
Side Note: Whenever I am in subdrop, it always reminds me of those movies where a woman is in labor and she looks over at her significant other and screams at him, “This is all your f’king fault, you son of a bitch!”.
Like pregnancy and labor, the sub drop is a joint endeavor… but in the moment, I just feel like blaming it all on you. Just sayin’.
Twisting the Leaf 