I hit a bit of a wall on research concerning the shadow work and steps for moving forward.
After some thought I decided to reach out to someone with a bit more experience, who suggested that the reason I’m having trouble assimilating this shadow is that it is not entirely seated In the shadow self at all.
They suggested that perhaps It may be tied to something that is a part of my core and needs further development. Meaning that the whisper has a source that isn’t wholly external to my ‘light side’, and there is something where it is rooted that needs growth or development within me. And once the ‘soul’ has grown, developed, and transformed, then the shadow/whisper can be reassessed if needed.
This has a ring of truth to it. There are parts of myself that, because of the way I walled myself off emotionally and grew up so fast, never developed properly or fully.
They suggested doing a chakra reading to look for blocks, which I have, and I will post next week when I am at a computer and have had a bit of time to analyze the results and dig deeper into it.
So I have not done all that much this week in the shadow work prep department. The holiday rush has officially started and the “boom” of the beginning this year kind of took me by surprise.
I do have my books out, and at the end of December I will pull a couple of my shadow work decks in preparation for revisiting things in January.
That “Less Than” whisper is still there, the “pissant” word still lingering on and causing me some issues, but I’ve managed to set it aside for the most part and will continue to do so until I can commit some time and effort to confronting it properly in the new year.
I have not done much in the realm of reading for shadow work this week, but I have been researching from writing prompts and tarot spreads that I will be able to use along that path once the holidays are over.
I have also decided to continue with the Tarot for Growth for another month, as although I sometimes find the prompts a little deep and skimming a little close to sensitive subjects, I am also enjoying it and I haven’t had anything from it actually trigger me, so I think it’ll be okay.
I may switch things up in December, though, and do a monthly challenge that’s a little more lighthearted. We’ll see.
I am grateful, though, that the rawness that had caused that whisper to rise has eased off for the time being. It was more than just the vulnerability of the drop, but incorporated the whispers of my father coming through when the veil was thin, as well as what has been going on with my mother over the past few weeks.
Now that her opportunity to “pimp me out” to her foundation buddy’s son for the Halloween fundraiser, all I have to deal with is her badgering about being disappointed in me, which is much easier to deal with somehow than the fact that she views my sexuality (and me at all) as a bargaining chip for social prestige.
Tarot Shadow Work by Christine Jette, (the first 1/3 of) Tarot for Troubled Times by Shaheen Miro and Theresa Reed, and Tarot For Your Self by Mary K Greer
I went to the storage unit over the last week and dug out the shadow working books and resources I have that I will be using in this journey. I’ve begun re-reading one of those books, and am in the process of making a plan on how I want to go about the shadow work involved in this issue.
The picture of the books to the left are the three books that I dug out. I will also be working with a variety of sources from online, and some notes I have taken over the years from previous shadow work and methods I’ve come across and/or done. One (very brief but informative) site that I discovered recently and you may also want to check out to better understand some of what shadow work entails can be found here.
On Thursday, the question for the TarotforGrowthOctober was how to better connect with the shadow self. What I got from that reading was a warning that now is not the best time to do my shadow work, and I had to sit back and think about this for a while.
In all honesty, I think that the reading is right, and so I’m going to adjust my plan a little bit. The holiday rush is looming large in the very near future, and in order to do shadow work safely, I feel it needs to be done at a time when I’m less at risk for overwhelm than that time of year provides. I put a lot of strain on myself during those six (or so) weeks. Not just mentally, but physically as well.
So between now and the end of the holidays, I am going to spend this time not in shadow work, but in brushing up on techniques and creating a more thoroughly thought out plan of action. This will keep the task fresh in my mind without putting the extra strain on myself that very probably could exacerbate the stress that the holiday rush puts me under in the first place.
I AM still going to use a Wednesday post to keep me on track, though. I want to make sure I don’t just shove the planning and preparation task off into a corner and forget about it.