Chocolate Cake

Today’s meditation was skipped because nobody would leave me the hell alone this morning.  I swear to god some days the girls are so totally self sufficient, and then other days?  Every five seconds they’re in my hair bugging the fuck out of me.  Although… Z did make chocolate cake this morning.  So she’s forgiven.

Traditional Manga Tarot - Nine of CupsSpeaking of chocolate cake…

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is about obtainment and completion in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.  This card is about emotional contentment, and taking time to be grateful and enjoy a sense of satisfaction in where you are at.

On Wednesday, I did a reading about whether I live to eat or eat to live, and here we have a card that is, in its depths, very much a “live to eat” card at its core.  It’s about enjoying what you have, finding pleasure and peace in the moment… and the imagery very much makes me think of eating cake.

The message in today’s card is to savor the good stuff.  Don’t let those things and experiences go to waste.

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Neptune Question
: A dream, hope, or desire I am asked to feed, or honor {more}.

Ring Cycle Tarot

A Dream I Am Asked To FeedEmperor (Wotan) – Independence and strength, but with the balance of a softer and more understanding edge. Independence has always been my dream, and one I feed regularly, but that softer edge is new and something I have been working on over this past year.  Learning to find that softness and encourage it is something that needs constant fostering.

A Hope I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Nibelungs – Working off my mortgage is something I’ve been focused on for a very long time and I have a timeline on that I’ve been hoping to stick to.  I’m creeping toward the end stretch of my mortgage over the next few years and I need to keep this hope alive by feeding it and not giving up on it regardless of the state of the world.

A Desire I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Gibichungs – Balance and fairness in all things is something that I am constantly in need of.  When things are unfair and imbalanced, I struggle under the weight of this knowledge and a nearly righteous need to fix it and make it better. No matter how much some may look down upon this need, it is not a bad thing and is a directive that comes straight from my moral compass. Don’t be shy about these values.

A Dream I Am Asked To HonorSix of Gibichungs – This card echos the above theme of fairness, but here we see a need to foster it not just one individual case at a time but within a community where all understand and treasure the fairness that is fostered and grows there.  There have been many times that my personal need for fairness is all about a personal drive, in this case I am asked to honor the dream within myself that such fairness would be valued by all and that everyone would work together to sustain it.

A Hope I Am Asked To HonorJustice (Wotan’s Spear) – We reap what we sow, and in my heart?  I hope that this is true.  I hope that, through the workings of the balance of the universe, the truly horrible and evil people in the world really do reap the pain and misery that they have sown. If not in this life, than upon their spirit to be carried forward into the next.  To honor this hope, it is important to remember that you don’t always have to right the wrongs yourself… you instead need to foster the faith that the universe will do that for you.

A Desire I Am Asked To HonorNine of Nibelungs – I desire to trust.  I look back on the innocence and naivete that I had a decade or more ago… and sometimes I ache for that gleaming golden faith that has been scored and chipped and peeled away over time.  I used to have such faith in people as a whole… and I miss it. I understand I cannot go back, but I hope to never lose the memory of that time and, as a result, become truly and irretrievably jaded.

DECK USED:  RING CYCLE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Advice I need to hear at this time concerning my love life.

Ride or Wait TarotReading Summary: Lean on Gideon as needed (King of Cups) and depend on him to keep hope and positivity alive (The Star) rather than retreating into yourself or hiding from him (Four of Cups Rx).

Take Away: It’s so damned hard for me to reach out sometimes and I really don’t understand why.  It’s not as if he’s going to look down on me for needing him.  If anything, any time I express my need of him, he is ready to leap into action and be there for me with eagerness, love, and strength.  

And yet, my first reaction when I need support or a pick-me-up?  Is to sink into myself rather than reach out to him… even after being together over twelve years now.   Why is that?

Obviously, this is a good reminder… and one I need to hear pretty often, especially in times of stress.

DECK USED:  RIDE OR WAIT TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: What or who in my life is draining my energy?

Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

What in my life is draining my energy?
Page of Swords atop Nine of Swords, Six of Pentacles

My ambition and worries that I’m not doing enough. This has been especially troubling for me this fall, as I have procrastinated a good deal of the fall away without getting my shit done as I should have.  For some reason, even fighting against the lethargy of the weight of that procrastination, I couldn’t manage to get my ass in gear.

Who in my life is draining my energy?
Extra Card (In the Weeds) and Queen of Pentacles

Those that are dependent on me are draining my energy at the moment, although through no fault of their own, but rather because I’m not getting away enough for some alone time in nature. Self care is sometimes such a fucking pain in the ass and it feels like a waste of time… and then I don’t do it and end up in a situation of self harm through neglect as a result.

DECK USED:  OAK ASH & THORN TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How have I acted on that advice given to me from yesterday’s reading?

Puppet Theatre Tarot

Reading Summary:  Developed strength of determination (King of Wands) combined with a built up strength of foundation in home and finances (King of Pentacles) allows me to then use these things I’ve learned to better assist others than I could have otherwise (Six of Cups)

Take Away: Yesterday’s advice was about looking after myself before others, and thus by putting myself first.  Here we see that in having helped myself first and become strong both in my determination and my foundations, I then am able to help others in more effective ways later.  Sometimes those you refused to help earlier in life aren’t able to forgive that refusal, and you have to allow for those “spilled milk” people and let go of them so that you can use your resources to instead help those that are open to your assistance in the ways you chose to help.

DECK USED:  PUPPET THEATRE TAROT

Be Kind to Yourself

IMG_7799Today’s meditation was just under eleven minutes long and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.  The topic of today’s guided meditation was about living in the present instead of allowing plans for the future or thoughts of the past to distract you away from the pleasure and joy of what you could be experiencing in the moment.

This is something that I struggle with quite a bit, although I’ve found that meditation and my time in the forest, as well as my time using my camera, all help me in this.  It’s hard to find that focus on the present. But in those moments? It’s easier.

The meditation’s guide says that the more you take in these moments in the ways you are able, the more you are able to then carry them out into your life in other ways as well. I hope that’s true, as I find a great deal of peace in those moments, and I’d love to be able to spread that peace further into my life.

Tarot of the Little Prince - King of SwordsToday’s draw is the King of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s thoughts, logic, education, intellect, and communication.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the positioning of the sword’s tip. I’m not sure if this was the intention of the artist or not, but the sword tip looks like it’s about to impale the fox.

The fox is a good symbol for the King of Swords, who is someone that is both cunning and intelligent, and good at strategy and inspiring others. This makes my thought about the fox being at risk having to do more with the ruthless expression and posture of the man in the image, rather than the fox itself.

There is a time and a place for ruthlessness, but there are also many more times (and places) when such energy is unnecessary and unwarranted. I am not particularly ruthless with others, but… I can’t say the same for myself.  And what I see in this card is exactly that.

I see a man that has become ruthless with himself, and is ready to kill off the fun loving part of himself. He believes that in killing off this part of himself, he can become even smarter, even more powerful, and even more clever. Instead, by killing this part of himself off, he will become less… not more.

The message here is to be kind to myself.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Do Spread #3

Ring Cycle TarotFateFive of Gods – You are left on my own to struggle in the absence of a direction that would move your feet forward. By having your own autonomy to move as you see fit, you allow your spirit sustenance. We all die in the end, but you are willing to earn what you need to survive and thrive until that time comes.

DestinyHierophant – The element of destiny is influencing your life in that it is there to teach you. You are the perpetual student and although destiny does not control every step you take and every thing you do, its lessons are a constant companion at your side on each step of your path.

ChanceTwo of Nibelungs – Chance is a cruel taskmaster in your life and crashes down around you in unfortunate and unpleasant ways like waves upon a shore.  There is no balance, and there is no kindness.  Only trials you will either buckle under, or overcome.

DECK USED:  RING CYCLE TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question: What physical, daily routines and habits should I introduce in order to help me find better balance in my life?

Scorpio Sea Tarot

Knight of Wands atop Wheel of Fortune – Get out into nature, no matter rain or shine.

That would be an amazing thing if it was something I could do daily, and perhaps after the holiday season I can work on that becoming more of a reality. Right now, though? I’ll just have to aim for going out into nature as much as possible… although the “no matter if it’s rain or shine” part is not a problem at all. Weather rarely is a dissuading factor in whether I’m going into the woods or not.  Mosquitoes on the other hand… yeah.

The Magician atop The Lovers Rx – Use the tools at your disposal to make sure that you’re making good choices and not sabotaging yourself.

Self sabotage is a real problem for me, and ties into my self-destructive tendencies.  It’s one of those things I have to watch out for and do my best to keep track of.  And that includes my less recognized but no less relevant self-sabotaging behaviors.

Two of Cups – Make sure you’re connecting with your loved ones and seeking their help.

This ties in to the previous cards in that a part of my tools to help me with my self sabotaging behavior are my friends and loved ones.  That is not the only way in which they help me, though.  As there is also the emotional support they provide, and the actual physical help that they provide in getting things done, which is extremely important in and of itself at this time of the year.

DECK USED:  SCORPIO SEA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is the one problem I would like to solve in my life?

Savran Forest Tarot

Reading Summary: I want to find the control within myself (The Emperor) to be able to see beyond my pessimistic ways (Four of Cups) into a different perspective (The Hanged Man).

Take Away:  The one problem that I would like to solve in my life (at least at this time) is my pessimism.  Not that I entirely want it to go away, as I think that a good dose of pessimism is healthy and keeps you safe. But, I want to see more than just that.  I want to see other angles.  Positive angles.  And ultimately, a more rounded view where my pessimism is just a small part of the whole rather than the star of the show.

DECK USED:  SAVRAN FOREST TAROT

Dropping The Ball

Today’s meditation was supposed to happen just before my nap this afternoon, and I did start it.  And then I dozed off before I finished it.  Which, was not my intention, but was a risk in doing it when i was feeling tired.   I will try again at bed time and see if I can’t complete a full meditation before bed.

Traditional Manga Tarot - Two of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Two of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of juggling one’s responsibilities, trying to balance one’s obligations, committing to use of one’s time wisely, and being adaptable in order to keep things in one’s life in balance.

I have identified rather strongly with the Two of Pentacles throughout most of my adult life.  I’ve juggled up to five part time jobs at once… and until this year? No less than three at any one time.  I’ve struggled with balancing in personal time and home life, with committing time to my employers, and yet giving all that I can to my home business.  Finishing high school while trying to live and thrive on my own, putting myself through uni while recovering from surgeries and working to support myself.

For me, life has always been a juggling act.  But what stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is more than just the juggling act going on, but also the currents that swirl around the figure’s legs.

The thing is?  Sometimes juggling is harder than others.  Sometimes outside influences come in and distract your focus, and you drop the ball.  The important part is that you keep trying.  Keep working at it, and you’ll find a balance that you can sustain even in the middle of distractions.

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Mercury Question
: How can Mercury’s curiosity help my current journey?

ICER Intuitive Art Tarot

Reading Summary: It can help me to cut through hesitations and delays (Two of Wind Rx) to allow me to concentrate on my craft (Eight of Earth) and excel at it with enthusiasm (Fire Princess).

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that Mercury’s curiosity can help me in finding purpose and assist me in excelling at those things I choose to become skilled in by circumventing my natural moment of hesitation and allowing me to leap forward into the learning process more readily.

DECK USED:  ICER INTUITIVE ART TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Advice I need to hear at this time concerning my work life.

Sabbath TarotReading Summary: The greatest warriors meditate to center themselves (Four of Cups) and strategize (Seven of Swords). What you plan for and begin now (Two of Wands) will predict how things come to an end (The Demiurge).

Take Away: In a lot of ways, the holiday rush is like being in battle.  It’s overwhelming and exhausting and chaotic, a wild thrashing energy that swirls around you and drives you on, and you have to withstand the storm in order to reach the other side intact. Like all battles, there is a need for planning and strategy in order to achieve the results you want… and a need for grounding and a centering within oneself to build up the strength to carry you through.

DECK USED:  SABBATH TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I help heal others?

Ring Cycle Tarot

8 of Walsungs – Guiding others to their personal independence and doing what feels right for them.  So many people are dictated by what they feel are society’s expectations, or familial expecations, or other influences beyond what is right for them and healthy for them. The 8 of Walsungs card indicates that one of the ways in which I help others to heal is by helping them in finding their personal independence and identify what is right for them instead of what others say should be right for them.

King of Gibichungs (Hagen) – Helping people to learn to think for themselves and to think things through rather than going with their first reactions. This is similar to what is noted above, but it’s more about finding that place where you are able to see things from all angles and reason out what’s happening.  The King of Gibichungs card indicates that another of the ways in which I help others heal is by helping them see beyond their initial reactions and emotional responses to see the bigger picture.

Sun (Natural Rhinegold) – Assisting people in finding their joy is where the Sun card comes in with answering how I help others heal.  Fostering someone’s enthusiasm and helping them in finding the things that resonate with them helps them in finding joy and enjoyment in life.

DECK USED:  RING CYCLE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What personal qualities do I struggle with?

Bosch Tarot

Reading Summary: My struggle to see (The Hanged Man) beyond my mothers influence King of Swords).  The Lovers card is the focus here, indicating that the path to finding this perspective is one that is healthy for me… but also something that requires a conscious choice to explore.

Take Away:  There have been a great number of reminders in my readings today about how I help and heal others, and here we have a message that is about helping and healing myself.  My fear about becoming my mother is something I struggle with often, and I work hard to not wander down that path but rather to excel and become a better person.  A kinder person.  Keeping my eye on this goal and my gaze focused on seeing myself as more than just “my mother’s son” takes choice and a deliberate effort, as it is not something that comes naturally to me.

DECK USED:  BOSCH TAROT