#reapandsowtarot

Inner Narratives and Old Habits

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Today’s meditation was skipped because it’s an orders day, although I kinda feel like I could have used it.  I just couldn’t quite find the time with so much to get done and only so many hours to do it in.

Mystical Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Judgement card, and isn’t the Archangel Gabriel looking all kinds of extra fine with his massive 1980’s Rocker mane of hair and bicep cuffs.  Right?  Okay so anyway…

The Judgement card is traditionally a representation of looking upon one’s life at the end of a journey and reflection upon one’s actions and choices along the way. Where the Justice card is about “what have you done lately?”, the Judgement card is further reaching and asks what path you have taken in life and if you are happy with the choices you have made as you moved through life (or whatever journey of growth one is on).

Sometimes the judgement card is very literally about our inner judgements.  It’s about judging others, or judging ourselves.  And here in today’s card, that is the theme of the day, which is made that much clearer by the Flower Fortunes card which speaks of the fact that “You spend most of your life inside your head…” and the importance of making it a nice place to be since you spend so much time there.

Yesterday, I did an “autopilot” fuck up that was disrespectful to Gideon. It wasn’t intentional, it was accidental created by the “muscle memory” of repeated actions. When Gideon pointed out what I’d done, I was not just absolutely shocked and fucking appalled at what I’d done…. I immediately fell into my old habits of self judgement and flagellation. That the offense was accidental and automatic didn’t matter, because it meant I’d failed to think before acting.  That he understood didn’t matter because I’d still shown flagrant disrespect not just in my actions, but in my lack of thought that lead to those actions.  Suffice to say… I had a pretty intense meltdown.

Today’s card comes up as an opportunity to look at this experience and remember to be kind to yourself.  Yes, I fucked up.  The cards have been bringing up often lately how fuck ups are learning experiences and not catastrophes.  Yet I fell into that negative narrative immediately, abandoning self kindness along the way.  It’s important to remember… being kind to others isn’t enough. We have to be kind to ourselves as well.  Not just in our self care, but in the inner narrative as well. If you catch yourself belittling or berating yourself…. stop.  Realize and recognize.  And let it go.  You don’t need to hear it rattling around up there in your head.  You don’t need to keep punishing yourself…. Promise.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

LionHart’s Reap & Sow Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Something good I have achieved {for myself} so far this year?

Stolen Child Tarot

 Reading Summary: In order to take better care of yourself (The Empress), you’re allowing others (Six of Oak) to play a larger role in your endeavors and responsibilities (Three of Oak).

Take Away:  When it comes to sharing responsibility or work, I have a real problem. This is something I’ve been working on a great deal for the last year.  Not just going easier on myself and making self care an essential part of life, but allowing those around me to shoulder some of the burden, some of the work, and some of the responsibilities that I have always worked so hard to take on on my own.

The thing is?  It’s not healthy to do what I’ve been doing for so long, the burn out cycles and overwhelm, the constant intense pressure.  It’s not good for me.   And it makes those around me feel closer and more connected when they get to do some of the work and take on part of that responsibility.  I know this… but it’s still hard.  At the same time? I acknowledge that I have come along in massive strides in this area over the past year.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What loss do you fear the most?

Mystical TarotReading Summary: That in some fit of inspiration and drive to move forward and do more, I will tear down everything I’ve worked for.  (The bracketing of the Ten of Pentacles by the King and Queen of Wands.)

This is also communicated in the lack of blue in the queen.  With the Queen in the past, the Ten of Pentacles in the present, and the King of Wands with his blue shoulders in the future, what we see here is a representation of potential growth… and thus a fear of losing that potential and growth.

In both interpretations, it is a loss of stability and security that is the issue.

Take Away: To lose my home. To lose my business. To lose these things that I worked so hard for. To lose the ability to take my passions and create stability from them.

No matter which direction these cards are read in, what it boils down to is stability and security .  My life is filled with passion and drive, but through it all there is a stability that I always push towards and build upon.  As I grow and progress, that stability becomes more stable and steady.  But there is always a risk of …. well, taking a risk, and losing it all as a result.  That risk rides in the heart of the flame of my need to explore my creativity and my passions.  There is no amount of stability and security that can take that risk away as it is a part of the process.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I worked extra hard on getting my orders done early so that I could get some extra sleep tonight, since I have that hospital appointment tomorrow evening after my long-ass drive.

Be Prepared

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Today’s meditation was skipped, replaced instead with my appointment with my shrink. It was a decent appointment and we agree that I’m fully and completely out of the depressive episode.  And that structure is good for me regardless of whether I actually like it or not.

Love and Mystery Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally a representation of control, willpower, determination, direction, and success drawn to flourish from the marrow of these themes.

In this card, I see this theme fully realized.  The horses are wild and the surroundings chaotic, and yet the figure in control not only has things in hand, but has time and capacity to go out of his way to look toward those watching, make eye contact, and strike a pose for onlookers.

Combined with the Flower Fortune card for today, which says “A chance meeting will open  new doors to success and friendship”, what I see here is a message about how you never know what’s going to happen in life, but if you’re ready for the unexpected you can quickly grab the reigns and turn things to your advantage.

Whether the unexpected is a chance (yet fortuitous) meeting or an opportunity that comes out of the blue and is about to whiz right by you.  If you’re ready to take what comes and grab hold, you can turn whatever it is into something good for you and your life, you just need to make sure you’re feeling in a place of control and have your determination at the ready at a moments notice.

DECK USED:  LOVE AND MYSTERY TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Questions for May 12th & 13th

Young Witch TarotWhat role does confusion play in my life?
Six of Cups, Knight of Cups, The Sun

They make me wish for an easier time when I could just go after whatever I wanted and enjoy the ride to success without worrying so much about the possibility of fucking up along the way.

This is an emotional response of nostalgia for something simpler in moments when I am feeling confused.  It gives me a chance to look back, and reminds me that there may be an opportunity to look for simpler ways of doing things than the one that has me all tied up in confusion.

How can I better cope with confusion?
Eight of Cups and Three of Cups

Find those simpler options and go after them, making sure that the time saved and the release of stress in doing so goes towards together time with others and healthy types of celebration.

DECK USED:  YOUNG WITCH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: What is the best way for a person to attain happiness?

Love and Mystery TarotReading Summary:  Don’t allow disappointments (Three of Swords) to turn your gaze away from the good in life (Five of Cups).  Take pride in your conquests (Five of Swords), but don’t linger too long before embarking on new adventures (Three of Wands).

Take Away: The best way to obtain happiness (according to these cards) is to make sure that when things don’t go how you expect them to, that you don’t allow yourself to get stuck in that disappointment and thus allow it to stagnate and fester while you miss out on the other good stuff going on around you.   And to appreciate your victories, but by the same turn, don’t sit still there either,

So as a whole, the answer lies in movement.  It lies in not allowing yourself to sit still and stagnate too long, whether that is in bad feelings and disappointments, or the good feelings either.  Keep moving, and keep seeking.

DECK USED:  LOVE AND MYSTERY TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

We ordered pizza for supper tonight instead of fighting over who is going to cook and what’s going to be made.

No Pressure… It’s Not A Line-Up

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Today’s meditation was skipped because nobody would f’ing leave me alone… including the cat.  I mean, seriously.

Tarot Renard and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of choices.  Specifically, too many choices.  Sometimes when we are confronted with too many choices, it is a boon as it means we can find the one that’s just right for us… and sometimes it’s a curse, and we become overwhelmed.

In the image on this card, the variety of choices open to the fox hang from the bows of a laurel, and all of them look appealing in their own way.

That is where the advice from the Flower Fortune card for today comes in.  In the phrase “Whatever  your goal in life is, embrace it, visualize it, and it will be yours.”

Sometimes it’s really hard to figure out what path you want to be on. Sometimes?  That difficulty in sorting all that out can end up causing unneeded hurdles and roadblocks to getting anywhere at all.

The reminder here is that it’s okay to step back and take some time to decide on what you want, just don’t use it as an avoidance.  Everyone needs to figure this out eventually, or we reach the end of our lives feeling like we’ve been a waste of space our entire lives because we never managed to fill our life but anything but waiting and avoidance.

Use that time to consider your choices.  Use it to explore and discover new things.  Use it to fill your life with the things you enjoy.   And when you do this?  You will naturally find that path that’s right for you without all the stress of having to “pick it out” of a line up.

DECK USED:  TAROT RENARD AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do you need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?

Joyseeker TarotSix of Pentacles – Make sure that you are claiming only what you need for yourself. This is especially true when it comes to food for you. You have a habit of getting territorial over food (especially leftovers), which is understandable considering how much food you need to consume in a day to keep from dropping weight. At the same time?  Don’t be the prison inmate out on parole who hovers over their plate and growls at anyone who gets close. There is always more food.  Relax.  It’s not going to disappear.

King of Wands – Own your passions and principles. This is not something you usually struggle with, but sometimes outside comments can cause a moment or two of self-doubt or insecurity to wriggle in now and then. It’s possible you could end up susceptible to this kind of external input this week, so make sure you stand strong and proud concerning your passions as well as your principles.  Own them as your own and fuck’em if they (whoever “might be”) doesn’t like it.

Queen of Cups – Allow yourself to share more freely with your emotional support system. It’s okay to feel vulnerable with those people in your life that are there to support you and help you sort things out.  This journey of emotional growth you’re on is confusing.  Make sure that you’re reaching out to those that can help you sort out your feelings when you need to.

DECK USED:  JOYSEEKER TAROT

LionHart’s Reap & Sow Tarot Challenge Prompt
Questions for May 10th through 12th

Tarot RenardAn attachment or need I can do without.
The Lovers

Always needing to make the right choice. This was a topic that was visited in one of my readings yesterday as well.  It’s not so much about failure as it is about fucking up.  And, when I fuck up, then being harsh with myself as a result instead of treating it as the growing pains that I would view failure as. It’s okay to fuck up sometimes.  I don’t need to hold onto those moments and allow my inner narrative to lay on abuse as a result.

Why is this attachment/need bad for me?
King of Cups, Two of Pentacles, Three of Wands

You can’t grow and mature emotionally without making wrong choices and learning how to re-balance and reorient yourself in the aftermath. This is true when you experience failure and is something I roll with and adapt to easily in those moments.  But it’s also true when you just plain fuck up and do something wrong or immature.  It happens to everyone and it’s how we learn and grow into better selves.  It shouldn’t be something you berate yourself for.

By letting go of this attachment I allow myself to…
Two of Cups atop Five of Swords Rx

By letting go of this attachment I allow myself to surrender to what comes and grow together instead of alone. Lessons are very rarely learned alone, even when you alone are the origin of the “fuck up” that teaches the lesson. Learning together can be a bonding experience, so don’t shut others out due to embarrassment or shame. By welcoming them in, everyone grows and learns together, and the bonds between those involved grow stronger as a result.

DECK USED:  TAROT RENARD

Daily Self Kindness

I not only took a nap today, but I got a good long amount of time playing with Gideon this evening as well.  I also gave myself a bit of piece of mind this evening and put in my earbuds (in both ears) so that I could completely block out the noise of everything going on in the apartment and just be in my own world for a bit.

More Time In The Now

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Today’s meditation was silent and still.  I spent some time out on the balcony relaxing.  I should’ve taken the camera out there with me, but instead I just spend some time with the flowers and colors.  It was nice because the workers across the street apparently took the day off, which means it was quiet and relaxing.

Men + Monsters Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Temperance card, which is traditionally a representation of moderation, patience, and connection between emotions, spirituality, and the earthly plane.

In today’s Temperance card, the element that remains from the traditional imagery is the cups and the flow of liquid from one cup to another, and from there down to the feet of the figure.  This brings to a point that connectivity that is a traditional element in the tarot.

Combined with the Flower Fortune Card for today with the saying “It is in the here and now that we must live”, I see not just a reminder to be present in the moment, but guidance on how to make sure that we remain mindfully focused in the now.

Often in guided mindfulness meditations, they often use a technique where you take a pause to explore each sense and what you perceive through that sense for the space of two full breaths, then move on to the next sense and repeat.  This is a method that can also be used outside of meditation to bring ourselves into the moment when our mind has decided to create chaos through worry, or focus too deeply on the past or future.

The message here is a reminder sometimes what is most needed is to slow down. To release control.  And to take time to just… breathe.

DECK USED:  MEN + MONSTERS TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: What rules unconsciously govern my life?

The Heroine Tarot

Nine of Swords – If it doesn’t feel right, then don’t do it. Every single time, without fail and without exception, when you do something that doesn’t feel right, you regret it in the end. This isn’t about legal or illegal, nor about social norms.  It’s about what feels right in your gut.  Go against that inner moral compass and intuition, and you’re going to pay the price either with external consequences or with your own conscience eating you up as a result.

Two of Cups atop Queen of Pentacles – Helping and nurturing others is important. Your life feels more complete and more at peace when you allow yourself to connect with others, listen and provide insight and guidance.  That guidance is often natural to you and grounded in nature, and hits others in a very earthy way.  It connects you to them, and builds bonds and friendships as a result.

Six of Cups – Cherish every day.  When you look back on the past, you do not remember the boring or the dredge of day to day. Nor do you accurately remember the bad, for time softens those memories over time.  Instead, it is the good that really sticks and stays accurate in our memories.  This encourages us to make more out of every day, so that there is more good and memorable moments that fill out lives from one day to the next.

DECK USED:  THE HEROINE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you unlock more positivity in your heart and mind?

Men + Monsters TarotReading Summary: Don’t judge yourself (Judgement) so harshly (Three of Swords) when something doesn’t work out (The Tower) and you have to move on or start over (Six of Swords).

Take Away: This is about my inner narrative and the fact that I’m so harsh with myself, especially with what I perceive something not so much as a failure, but rather as a fuck up.

Failures are things that we learn from.  Fuck ups are careless and irresponsible bullshit.   The cards here indicate that if I want to unlock more positivity in my heart and mind, I need to be more forgiving with myself and treat those moments in the same manner that I do failures. Not something that I need to be punished for, but rather as lessons to learn from.

DECK USED:  MEN + MONSTERS TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I ate eight meals yesterday instead of six.  Which seemed to help quite a bit with my energy levels when it came to getting my packaging done in the 1am-3:30am time slot that I worked at packaging.

The First Step Is The Hardest

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IMG_5932Today’s meditation was another untimed meditation, this time on the ground at the farm.  I needed some time to do some rooting with the earth, and if I can’t do it out in the forest right now without a supervisor, I could at least get a brief amount of time on the farm alone in one of the fields behind the barn.

The thing is?  Although I can visualize my connection to the earth and I can tap into the energy of that element at will (as described to the right in the image there), it can never compare to having an actual connection to bare earth.  Of lying down and connecting mind, body, and soul to the earth beneath you.  There is no comparison, and the mental connection, although a strong one, will always only be a shadow to the real thing.  I need that connection, raw and unblemished, unfiltered and without barriers.  Sometimes?  Nothing else will do.

Trinity Tarot and Flower Fortune OracleToday’s draw is the Strength card, which is traditionally a representation of inner strength, courage,  and compassionate coercion.

Although when people think of the word “strength” they often think of muscle and brute force, this cards is about a different kind of strength.  Instead it is about that inner core that keeps us going, the compassion that we feel for others, and the kindness we offer even as we use persuasion to turn people to our way of thinking or our will.

Combined with the Flower Fortune card for today, which states “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, what I see here is a message about determination and perseverance.

There are always journeys in life that we are hesitant to start on from time to time.  We hang back and hesitate, pause and procrastinate instead of taking the action needed to begin and get moving.  Sometimes this is because we are afraid, sometimes we just feel overwhelmed. It’s through tapping into our inner strength that we can find the “mettle” needed to step into that journey and get started. We all have that inner strength, it’s just sometimes we have to more consciously connect with it than others.

DECK USED:  TRINITY TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: How can I best nurture my personal growth?

Isidore Tarot Sea and Sand Spring Edition

Reading Summary: Lean in (Queen of Wands). Go after the growth you want with the understanding that it’s going to take a long time to get there (Seven of Coins atop Knight of Swords) and that you’re gonna have to leave some shit behind in order to find something new (Six of Swords).

Take Away: It’s all about knowing what works for me, and leaning into that using past experience as a guide. It’s about not giving up when things take longer than anticipated, and about making sure I’m making room in my life for the changes and growth that needs to happen.  Each of these represents a stage in my growth that I move through, and the aspect in that stage where I struggle upon the path of my personal growth.

Not procrastinating. Acceptance of the “long game”.  And “making room”.

DECK USED:  ISIDORE TAROT SEA AND SAND SPRING EDITION

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #1

Trinity Tarot and Floret OracleWhat positive quality do I have that others admire?
Keeper of Pentacles atop The Lovers, Scabiosa and Marigold

My ability to support, help, and guide people when they need it towards making the choices that are right for them. My personal experience doing the same, and my openness in sharing my own experiences, helps them in focusing on how the choices before them feel to them personally. This skill feels warm and nurturing, and helps them in sussing out the choices that are just right for their unique path.

What positive quality do I wish I had that I admire in others?
Seven of Wands and Sunflower

I would love to be able to project positivity even in the middle of conflict and adversity. I have seen people who stand strong in their moral compass and principals even while they smile warmly.  It’s a unique skill that keeps things from truly turning ugly.

What step(s) can I take now to work toward developing that quality in myself?
Champion of Cups atop Six of Cups, Hydrangea

Tap into love and caring and actively connecting into the emotions of joy and youthful optimism could help immensely in this, but you have to remember as well not to expect every conflict to come to a head.  Not everyone is out to fuck you over or hurt you, no matter what you were raised to believe and how cautious you were raised to be. Work at having a bit more faith in humanity.

What step(s) can I take to make the positive qualities I have shine brightly?
Ten of Wands and Lily

Allow those around you to help with your burdens.  You spend too much time in the cycle of overwhelm and recovery.  If you distribute the eight of your responsibilities more evenly and allow others to help more, this wouldn’t be the case and you would then have more time and energy for…. well, everything else in life.

DECK USED:  TRINITY TAROT AND FLORET ORACLE

Daily Self Kindness

I gave Gideon a tour of my balcony garden today and it was really nice.  I loved sharing all the plants and flowers with him.

Success and Good Fortune

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Today’s meditation was not timed, and was done during my trip to the wetlands this morning.  I arrived just before dawn and spent an hour or so there, watching the sun come up and listening to the birds as they awakened and became busy in the start of their day.  The meditation was peaceful and quiet, and I spent a good part of my visit walking the trails, and the rest of it sitting on one of the pier stops along the way enjoying the fresh air and birdsong while watching occasionally movements in the water indicating frogs or some other wildlife was active just beneath the surface.

Tarot of Wishmaster Manikins and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of either the seeking of or obtainment of public accolades. It’s a card that is all about success, whether it’s what you’re striving for or what you’ve achieved, and the public side of being admired, praised, or otherwise recognized for those successes.

There’s something interesting about this card specifically, as just yesterday I had almost used this deck and I’d picked it up then changed my mind.  Before putting it back down I gave it a shuffle, and this exact card popped out.  Being that I’d chosen to go a different path yesterday, I put the card back.

And here it is again.

Combined with the Flower Fortunes card today, whose advice is “Fortune favors the brave”, what I see in today’s cards is an encouragement not to let doubts and uncertainties hold you back from the things that you want out of life. Fortune isn’t the only thing that favors the brave, after all… so does success.  So if there’s anything that you are hanging back on due to fear or uncertainties?  It’s time to sort those fears and uncertainties out, and take that leap forward.  Be brave… and believe that you can succeed.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WISHMASTER MANIKINS AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
Question: What stops me from expressing my passions?

Alchemist's Garden Tarot

Reading Summary: Fear of losing (The Tower) the joy and fun that I can find in life (The Sun), or losing my way entirely (Seven of Wands).

Take Away:  There are very few passions that I’m fearful of expressing. Of those that I am, the reason that I hold them back and “close to the vest” is due to fear.  The thing is, when you pursue your passions and bring them into fruition, this can often bring about drastic changes in your life.  And… like most people?  I struggle with change.  There is a sense of fear in the thought that this change might diminish the fun and success that I’ve managed thus far, or cause my deep roots and moral compass to somehow go awry.  When I hold back?  These are what I fear happening, and these are the things that hold me back in those moments.

DECK USED:  ALCHEMIST’S GARDEN TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can you better express to loved ones how you feel about them?

Tarot of Wishmaster ManikinsReading Summary:  Slow down (Eight of Wands Rx) and pay closer attention (Eight of Swords). Lead the way toward their dreams (King of Wands) and involve them more in the process (Six of Pentacles).

Take Away: To better express to my loved ones how I feel about them, there are two things that they need from me.  The first is to make sure I’m slowing down and spending time with them.  Time that allows my attention to truly rest upon them instead of being distracted or blinded by other things and people.  My undivided attention.

Second is to ensure that when I am delegating work that I’m doing so in a fair and balanced manner, as well as ensuring that I’m keeping in mind their own passions in the process.  By sharing alike in the work, as well as the fun and play and enjoyment of the process, they feel appreciated and enthusiastic instead of just another “cog in the machine”.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WISHMASTER MANIKINS

Daily Self Kindness

I know that this is a repeat theme, but I toll a nap today instead of forcing myself to stay awake, even though what I really wanted was more time with Gideon.