reading playing cards

Morning Bonus Read – Checking In With Self

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Vintage Flower Faeries Tarot - Checking In With Self Tarot Reading

How I’m Feeling Right Now

Knight of Cups (Bellflower) – You feel lik there’s a lot that you need to get done and want to get done, and not enough time to get it all done in.  This is a common problem for you and one that comes over you again and again because you have too much responsibility, too much inspiration, too much enthusiasm… and you try to fit too much into each day instead of pacing yourself.

What Can Soothe My Soul

Eight of Wands (Pine) – Move your ass.  Although trying to go after everything you want every moment of every day isn’t healthy, that doesn’t mean there’s not plenty you can do and get done of you focus on one thing at a time and push through each thing til the end.  Your focus is the key to making this happen, though.  When your focus is split in too many different directions, the arrow can’t fly true.

How I Can Honor Myself Today

King of Pentacles (Honeysuckle) atop Queen of Pentacles (Guelder Rose) – Practicality over the gentle approach. It’s an orders day and if you really want to honor yourself you need to honor your responsibilities and obligations… without going too far with it.  That means do what needs done, and balance it with a bit of self care.  One project at a time is the ladder to success.

Something I’m Ignoring

The Moon (Lily of the Valley) – Your fears aren’t always unfounded… just unresolved. Instead of letting them hold you back or drag you down, suck on your energy and keep you dragging your feet… maybe you need to start looking at them and dealing with them.  It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to do a bit of exploration in this area.

Something I’m Procrastinating

Ten of Wands (Oak) – Changing your mindset to one where you’re not over whelming yourself all the time. This is where this entire reading’s theme seems to lie.  To take better care of yourself, you need to deal with these habits.  Hiding from them isn’t the answer, because they’ll just resurface again and again.  You need to find what is creating this constant urge to push yourself to burn out and start dealing with it so that you can move on to something healthier without the shadow of the old habit continuing to lurk in the wings.

Something To Be Grateful For

Ten of Cups (Crocus) – You’re not alone in your emotional journey. There are others there that are along for the ride, willing to help in lifting you up and supporting you not just in your endeavors but also in your emotions. Don’t forget to practice gratitude, and show your gratitude to those around you.

DECK USED:  VINTAGE FLOWER FAERIES TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – Major Events

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Prompt: “Think back to 5 major events in your past. For each event, draw a card to represent what your past self from that time needs your present self to understand. Lay down that card, then go through your deck and select a card to indicate the message you would want to give your past self who was in the midst of that.”

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Father’s Degradation

Summary – I spent the majority of my childhood hearing how (due to my preferences) I wasn’t good enough, how I was a disappointment and a source of shame for my family, and my father encouraging others in my extended family to dole out the same.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Four of Hearts – “It hurts, and I want to disregard what’s being said and leave it behind me, but I feel like it will always be there lingering in the background.”

What I Want To Say To Them – Strength – You are stronger and more sure of yourself, who you are and what you want, because of this.  Yes, the experience will carry forward with you into the future, but it will become a part of the building blocks that create the man you become.  A man that’s strong and agile, confident and compassionate.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – SemiTruck Accident and Recovery

Summary – Early in my 17th year, I was in a car accident where I was in the passenger seat of a car when it was t-boned by a semi-truck.  The impact damaged a large number of joints and bone structure on the right side of my body. I then went through multiple surgeries to repair/replace what was damaged, physiotherapy, and a stint at a pain clinic.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Eight of Spades – “Don’t forget me. Don’t forget how hard I worked to recover. Don’t turn a blind eye and undo all that I worked for.”

What I Want To Say To Them – The Hanged Man – You taught me what I needed to move on. Your strength and knowledge gained during this time of pain and recovery helped me see the world differently. This doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you, but that this experience is threaded through my life from now on.  It can’t be lost, or forgotten.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Ex’s Attack

Summary – An ex friends-with-benefits that I broke up with due to his developing meth addiction stalked me and eventually broke into my home one evening to attack and sexually assault me.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Ten of Spades – “The most painful ending of all. It still hurts, even if you’ve moved on… my feet still bleed in the snow.”

What I Want To Say To Them – Wheel of Fortune – You made the right choices for your health and happiness at the time. What happened was not predictable and is not your fault. He is in prison now, and you’ve moved on. This too will pass, it’s just going to take more time.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Blood Moon Betrayal

Summary – The word “pissant” is hands down my least favorite word in the English language.  Essentially, Gideon and I had a group of friends who it was anonymously revealed to me really only wanted Gid and were making fun of me behind my back while plotting how to keep Gid and get me out of the picture.  These were people I liked and trusted and the betrayal damaged the optimism I had for human nature as a whole, ripping youthful naivety from me in one vicious eyeopening moment.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Five of Diamonds – “This still hurts. The experience feeds into those ‘less than’ feelings that rise up now and then.”

What I Want To Say To Them – The Star – You are still healing and working on building up your faith in others. Just remember not everyone is the same.  There really are good people out there. Promise.

Dead On Paper's Arcana in WhiteEvent – Home Invasion

Summary – The ex friends-with-benefits mentions above convinced a “friend” of his to come pay me a visit. The fight involved ended up with me destroying his kidneys with an ice pick, permanently losing my voice when he tried to cut my throat, and having a near death experience on my kitchen floor.

What the Past Self Needs To Say – Ace of Spades – “I see the world in a new light, one filled with danger and potential for violence.”

What I Want To Say To Them – The Hierophant – I am using this experience as a lesson. It taught me to be safer and more aware of the world around me. I’ve consulted home defense and self defense experts, and I will continue to seek new knowledge and better ways to further the safety of myself and my home.

DECK USED:  DEAD ON PAPER’S ARCANA IN WHITE

Morning Bonus Read – Soul Lessons

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The Gentle Tarot - Soul Lesson Tarot Reading

Card to describe my next soul lesson.

Harvest of Stones – A stronger sense of stability and leadership in the areas of health and home. This isn’t always about others but has to do with how you feel on the inside, including how secure you feel, as well as how you treat your body and take ownership of your health.

How this lesson will manifest itself.

Nine of Thunder – Through stress, worry, and fear.  A tree does not gain strength without the challenges of the wind to test its mettle. It is through misfortune and struggle that we become stronger.  The more the wind blows, the deeper our roots go and the stronger we must become in order to continue to stand tall.

A way that I can absorb this lesson gracefully.

Six of Wands – Look to others for suggestions on the best path forward and allow them to lift you up and ease your mind.  This isn’t so much about seeking their approval, but allowing them to lift you up when you struggle and give you the assistance you need to keep going when your enthusiasm for the journey is flagging.

Why this lesson is in alignment with who I truly am.

Ten of Cups – It will help me to connect more emotionally with those I love, creating a greater sense of well-being.  True happiness goes beyond simply satisfaction, but requires sharing and community.  Fostering this happiness can help in finding a stronger sense of stability.

New opportunities that will arise from this lesson.

Four of Stones – More stability and better grounding. A more miserly outlook.  The opportunities here coincide with the lesson being learned.  It’s important to know when to hold tight to things, and when to let them go. Developing a slightly stronger urge to be a little more tight-fisted wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing when it comes to the financial aspects of life.

How can I follow my heart?

Flower of Wands – Do what makes you happy and help inspire others to do the same.

DECK USED:  THE GENTLE TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – Shadow Dossier

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“Use the mini-deity dossier to communicate with your shadow self for some shadow work.”

Golden Deer Casino Playing Cards - Cartomancy

Spirit – Jack of Clubs – Been through a lot but eager to try, your shadow self isn’t ready to give up yet and is excited to be getting some attention after being ignored for so long.

Personality – Queen of Clubs – Supportive of your endeavors, helpful in sparking inspiration, and desires to be involved in the process. They may not know the way but they’re happy to be your cheerleader and will be with you along the way.

Abilities – King of Diamonds – Again we see a supportive energy here with a heavily grounded foundation.  They encourage you in creating that stability you crave and are, in fact, the inspiration for that craving.

Traits – Three of Spades – All that grounding takes a tole and so does the fact that they’ve been pushed aside for so long.  Because of this, there’s a lot of negativity there that bleeds out when you’re feeling down, tainting the water and polluting the optimism you are trying so hard to foster in your life.

Omens and Signs to Look For – Seven of Diamonds – Progress takes time, but there are moments along the way when if you pause and really look, you can see their touch in your growth. Their fingerprints smudged upon the glass.

Manifestation – Five of Diamonds – In the past, your shadow self has had to fight to manifest in your life.  This process was always a struggle and took a lot of energy to accomplish, leaving you feeling drained as a result because you were resisting and forcing them back down and away.

Appearance – Ace of Spades –  They are looking for a new and better way to communicate with you.  With the old habits of shoving them away left behind, it’s time to find a better way to connect and thus a different way for them to make an appearance in your life going forward.

What They Want From You – Nine of Spades – They want you to help them with their worries and fears, anxieties and troubles.  Your shadow self holds on to a lot of these things and it needs help to release them, confront them, or process them in a healthy way so that they will no longer be a problem.

Things to Know – Six of Diamonds – They want to get better and be better, even if they don’t act like it sometimes.  It can be hard to move on to better things when sometimes it means leaving shit behind in the process that you’ve been clinging to for so long.   It’s the same for them as it is for you.

Things to Avoid – Nine of Hearts – Don’t get so cocky in feeling things are good that you forget about them.  It’s okay, of course, to fee good.  Just don’t leave them behind and alone in the process.

DECK USED:  GOLDEN DEER CASINO PLAYING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Reconnect With Your Soul

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Ink Stained Tarot - Reconnecting With Your Soul Tarot Reading

Card to describe my soul.

Nine of Cups – Satiated and comfortable.  Happy.  Content in a solitary state.  Not especially social and more than content to enjoy things on your own without a lot of friends or interaction with others.  Maybe a bit greedy about that happiness in that you don’t particularly want to share it with others at this time but instead enjoy it at your own pace on your own terms.

How I can quiet my thoughts.

Two of Swords – If you would be more decisive when things are bothering you instead of letting them niggle around in your head,  you would have far fewer thoughts running around in your head to pester you all the time.  There is a difference between pausing to get more information, and hesitating because you don’t want to make a decision.

How I can better trust my intuition.

Nine of Wands – Sometimes you stand in your own damned way and it’s not helpful in the least. This ties into the advice above.  You teach that intuition is the instant whisper that comes first, and thought comes after to mess it all up and create uncertainty.  Stop allowing time for thought to hop in and have a say.  Make the decision when the whisper comes and use thought to strategize instead of allowing it to cast doubt.

Why I should speak my truth.

Eight of Swords – It is only through truth both to ourselves and to others that our eyes can be opened to the world around us and we can move through life sure-footed.  There are too many illusions and obstacles to trip over when you are not honest with yourself and others. Life is hard enough without adding more struggles to the journey.

Something about myself I need to accept.

Strength – You are stronger than you think you are. It isn’t just your body that is strong and resilient, but your inner core as well. This strength shows in how others relate to you. You are not as inept at social graces as you feel that you are.

Something about myself I need to embrace.

Page of Cups – Your creative spark is always going to be there. Yes, the mundane business crap still has to be done, but don’t sink yourself so deep into that stuff that you lose the joy that comes with exploring your creativity and taking it in new directions.

How I can be the best version of myself.

The Hierophant – Share. Share yourself. Share your experiences. Help others see what it’s like to choose your own path and forge your own way. Encourage them to do the same. It is when you are helping others find their unique path that you feel the most centered and happy.

A message from the soul.

The World – Keep going.  Keep moving forward.  Keep striving to be better and do better. Life is a journey and it isn’t the end you need to put all your focus on. Instead, focus more on the steps along the path that gets you there.

DECK USED:  INK STAINED TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – A Conversation

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week, let’s look at our emotions. Treat your emotional center as if it were a separate entity, and try asking it a few questions.”

Mortimer & Ollie Playing CardsHow can I get to know you better?
Six of Spades and Five of Spades

Stop looking at your emotional growth and efforts at developing a stronger emotional intelligence as a sort of challenge that needs to be conquered or problem to be solved.

How are you supporting me?
Six of Hearts and Jack of Clubs

Not all emotions are bad. Finding emotional harmony, especially when you’re in the throes of discovering your passions and exploring them to their depths, is one of the ways that emotions provide support.  It’s in the “Flow” of that creative spark and the peace that you find there.

How are you holding me captive?
Ace of Hearts and Jack of Hearts

Again we see the signs of emotional growth, but here it’s more about holding you back from learning too much too quickly. You’re at the beginning of this journey, and need time to process instead of just plowing ahead.

In what way am I mistreating you at this time?
Two of Diamonds

This echoes back to a reading done yesterday concerning how your addictions can sometimes be spurred on by your emotions.  It’s not so much the emotions mistreating you, but rather that you don’t have not learned the skills to find balance in another way, so you “self medicate” with your addictions.

How can I do better at treating you right?
Five of Diamonds, Six of Diamonds, Ten of Diamonds

Allow yourself to feel the gamut of emotions without trying to shut them down.  Whether it’s disappointment and fear, compassion and kindness, elation and the security of accomplishment… all of these have their place and each needs to be acknowledged and experienced instead of shied away from or disregarded as an inconvenience, unimportant, hubris, or something to be ashamed of.

DECK USED:  MORTIMER & OLLIE PLAYING CARDS