Queen of Wands

Finding Motivation thru Inspiration

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_8067Today’s meditation was just over twelve minutes long, and was another of the guided meditations (from the Calm app, which is where I get the little graphics pertaining to those guided meditations btw) combined with an interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

The topic of today’s guided meditation was about dealing with our personal inner dialogues and the habit of cruelty and lack of understanding that we direct inward towards ourselves rather than treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we give to others.

This is something that I personally struggle with, and I have been making a concerted effort this year to be kinder to myself and use positivity and optimism to help lift my inner dialogue out of the cruel and savage and into a gentler space.  That said, it is still a struggle after all this time, and I know that part of that is my struggle to let go of the past… and the voices of my past.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Queen of WandsToday’s draw is is the Queen of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s enthusiasm and drive, passions, willpower, determination, and inner spark.

I really like this deck… a lot.  The imagery is just so… f’ing gorgeous. Every card.  Even with the Jesus looking guy as the Magician card. (It very well may be a depiction of Jesus, as I haven’t read the guide book for this deck yet. Even if not? It sure as hell looks like the classic depictions of Jesus.)

Okay, so my fascination with the artwork aside, what really stood out to me today in this card was the flames at the queen’s feet, and the spread wings above her throne.

To me the flames feel like that fire within that figuratively “lights a fire under your ass” to get you moving. In the Queen, this translates to me as someone or something that lights that fire and encourages its burn.  The wings further this impression for me, as they speak about giving lift.  Encouragement.  Providing what is needed to inspire.  That energy, personality, or person being the “wind beneath” those wings, so to speak.

The message here is about inspiration.  it’s about finding inspiration and fostering it within that inner spark, feeding the fire and using it to keep moving forward.  Find strength and determination and willpower within the fanning of the flames, and use theses qualities to keep going despite the roadblocks and hurdles.

DECK USED:  HEAVEN & EARTH TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsDec2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Draw a random card and use it to describe a quality about yourself that you love.

Hans Zatzka Dreamland Tarot - StrengthStrength – Deep within me beneath the layers of defense and determination. vulnerability and deflection… there is a core of strength.  This strength is what has allowed me to survive so much and continue on, to allow myself to be open and receptive to others even through the pain of what has happened in my past.  The  assaults, the cancer, the rape, the accidents, the abuse, and the betrayals.  All of it could have closed me down, closed me off, made me bitter, made me hard and hateful.  They could have broken me and made me a victim… or in many cases, could have (or almost did) kill me.

And yet I survive.  I am not a victim.  I am not broken.  I am not bitter or hateful. I choose to not allow these things from my past to destroy the person that I am, the person I want to be, and the person I wish to become.

Side note:  This deck’s cardstock is horrendous. It’s essentially unsealed textured printer paper with inkjet printing. I have plans to reproduce this deck for my own use at some point, with better cardstock (and no typos).

DECK USED:  HANS ZATZKA DREAMLAND TAROT

Claiming Control

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_7119Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and another guided meditation with interval timer.  The guided meditation today also included a chime which was intended to help keep the mind returning to the present and the breath.  This is because the topic of the guided meditation was just that.

That is to say, the topic was about sinking into the present and not allowing fixation with the past or the future to diminish your pleasure in the moment.  The thing is?  Most of humanity has a tendency to do just that.  To either get lost in thoughts of the past and memories, or distracted by plans for the future and daydreams.   These distractions take our mind away from the present, and make it difficult to fully enjoy all that the present has to offer.

Part of mindfulness meditation is the effort to train your mind to spend more time in the present, so that we can then carry that mindfulness of the present forward outside of meditation and into your day to day lives.

Tarot of Haunted House - Queen of WandsToday’s draw is the Queen of Wands, which is a receptive alpha energy, personality or person in the area of one’s drive, passionate interests, enthusiasms, and willpower.  This often translates into themes that have to do with determination, confident independence, and strong figures that encourage the drive and ambitions of others.

One of the lesser known interpretations of the Queen of Wands lies in the concept of dominant sensuality, as in the blend of dominance and sensuality.   And that is what I see in the imagery of this card today.  I see a confident woman filled with strength and aware of her power and allure.   I see control in her hold on the trident of flames, and sensuality in the piano behind her (that might be just me because of my synesthesia).

The message here is about owning your power.  It’s about knowing your strengths and playing to them instead of disregarding them as useless or yourself as unworthy.  The message in this card is about making sure I know to step into tomorrow with confidence and determination, and place myself through my behavior and my inner strength in a place of power and control… thus owning that control rather than allowing my aunt to have it.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: Ask your cards for something you are destined to explore or face. Draw as many cards as you see fit. Set an affirmation and conclude your reading with “… and so it is.”

Murder of Crows TarotSomething I am Destined to Explore/Face

When I look in the mirror, what do I see?  Do I see the man that I am now? Or the child I used to be?  (Six of Cups)
When I step into my entrepreneurial spark and allow it to fill my focus and time, do I carry with me the strength of the man I am?  Or do I hear my father’s cruel bark? (Ace of Wands)
Instead of listening to that voice of old, it’s time to learn a different way. I need to find the optimism I’ve lost and a way to inject joy into my work… something I had always been discourage from doing in my youth. (The Sun)

Affirmation

By collaborating with others, they bring support into the equation, and allow room to foster joy.  Let them help.  Let them provide that spark of pleasure, and allow them to give me the space I need to breathe and lighten my heart that had once been caged.   So it will be…. and thus so it is.

DECK USED:  MURDER OF CROWS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread #1
Question: How can I give myself more space for my emotions, even during the busy time?

Curio TarotReading Summary: This is a learning process (The Hierophant).

The two left cards look into the past, but the wand in the center leans into the future. This speaks to me about how my lack of motivation (Four of Cups) and the desire to bump that motivation into high gear (Queen of Wands) both live in the past, but the practical advice on actually moving forward into my goals and allowing my emotions to have their own space does not lie back there, it lives in the future (tip of the wand in the Queen of Wands pointing to the right).

There is a hint of blue in the first two cards, one over the cup being ignored, and one upon the forehead of the Queen.  This blue feels like the scars my past treatment of myself have created both on my emotions (the cup) as well as my inner dialogue (Queen’s head).

The Hierophant looks into the future and leans in that direction… but his hand is palm up in the direction of the past, as if to indicate that the past needs to be held back or to be given a pause.

Take Away:  To give myself room to feel my emotions (even during the busy time) I need to leave my past in the past. This applies to my past habits, but also the treatment and events that taught me those habits in the first place.  It’s only by allowing the past to be in the past.  This isn’t about burying the past, but rather about accepting where it should live.

DECK USED:  CURIO TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: How will the lesson of staying focused on balance, instead of allowing old habits of overworking to have free reign, impact my life?

Hephoe Tapo

Reading Summary: It will allow me to have more focus on my work (Eight of Pentacles) without it damaging my intuitive abilities (High Priestess Rx)… which in turn will allow me to find a more stable center (Queen of Pentacles) and move forward towards my ambitions with clarity (Knight of Swords).

Take Away:  When I overwork myself, it has a habit of fizzling out a good portion of my intuitive side.   Things begin to feel unstable and I begin to feel lost and off center like I’m fumbling around drunk in the dark.

By staying focused on balance instead of allowing old work habits to rise up and take control, it gives me the opportunity to avoid being overwhelmed even while I continue with my work, allowing me to have that intuitive connection, stability, and direction that is lacking when I am flirting with burnout.

DECK USED:  HEPHOE TAPO

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How important is my spiritual altar to me?

Trionfi della Luna

Reading Summary: It’s more of a reminder of tradition (The Hierophant), than something that I use all the time (Three of Swords). But, it has its place in my journey and in keeping me grounded, as well as in making me feel that I have what I need (Nine of Coins).

Take Away:  I don’t use my altar all that often.  I mean… daily for my daily devotional, but I don’t really need an altar to do that devotional.  Aside from my devotional?  I don’t use it at all actually. My spellcraft is not done at my altar, my research and studies are not done there either, nor do my rituals take place there other than the already mentioned daily devotional.

Ultimately, it is a beautiful spot that is a soothing display of my faith and my values.  I enjoy it and the centered and grounded feeling that standing before it provides, and its beauty as well… but I wouldn’t call it necessary.

DECK USED:  TRIONFI DELLA LUNA

A Sharp Mind Is A Horrible Thing To Waste

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, which included the extended piriformis stretching that I’ve been including with my changed up routine for my yoga/physiotherapy practice.   The every other day schedule is definitely helping quite a lot, and my meditation today was both relaxing and refreshing.   Although I didn’t fall asleep during the meditation this time?  I did decide to take a nap directly afterward.  I just felt so relaxed that it seemed… perfect.

Tarot of the SidheToday’s draw is the Dreamer Queen (Queen of Swords) which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s education, intellect, logic, and communications. As indicated by the word “alpha” mentioned in the previous sentence, this card is an indication of strength and authority in these areas, without the projective qualities that the King of the suit would possess.

There are two things in the imagery of this card that stood out the strongest to me today when the card was first flipped over.  The first was the harsh edges and sharp angles of the queen’s visage.  This is often the case when depicting the Queen of Swords and is indicative of the Queen’s sharp mind and potentially sharp tongue.   The second thing that stood out in this imagery was the little feathered creature sitting in her hand who she appears to be conversing with.  The small creature is soft and delicate, and comes to her for her strength and those sharp edges that it does not have naturally itself.

This card’s appearance today and the imagery upon it is here as a reminder that there is another aspect to the Queen of Swords beside the one that my mother so often represents. There is also the confidant and counselor the listener… The person you go to when you need help to sort out your mind and your thoughts. I want to focus on embodying this aspect… and not the one that my mother presents on a daily basis.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt

Topic: I feel like I’m struggling to see clearly.
Question: Why do I struggle to trust my own perception of reality?

Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary: Because I know I can be biased (imagery in the Seven of Wands) by my accomplishments and my goals (Ten of Pentacles) as well as by my desires (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  I work very hard to keep myself as unbiased as much as I possibly can in nearly all things, and I work hard to take in as many perspectives as I can in order to accomplish this.  But I’m still human… and I can’t be entirely unbiased no matter how much I wish to be.  My awareness of this makes me always doubt if my personal perception is the truth… or simply one perspective of an array of many.

DECK USED:  STUNNING TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to prepare to harvest in my life during the month ahead?

Luminous Void TarotInitial Reading Summary: Letting go of some of my defenses (Nine of Wands Rx) and some of my personal investment of time and attention to  monetary matters (King of Discs Rx). Instead, spend some time focusing on turning that investment of time and thought towards Gideon, my relationships, and finding a steady seat for my emotions (King of Cups).

Secondary Reading Summary: The Tower flipped out and slid under the King of Cups as I was setting the deck down. Instead of adding to the reading above, it created a second reading attached to the first which involved the King of Cups and the Tower by themselves. This second reading feels like a possible upcoming event (The Tower) in Gideon’s life (King of Cups), which will require directing extra focus in that area during the upcoming harvest season (relating back to the first reading).

Take Away: I need to set aside some of the things I normally am so focused on to free up some time and attention that will need to be directed toward emotional support of others.

I’ve discussed this secondary reading with you in IMs already, and I will pull cards tomorrow to see if I can suss out more details concerning what the Tower portends, and what actions might be able to be taken to avert and/or cushion it’s arrival.

DECK USED:  LUMINOUS VOID TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: What is the general energy available to me this month?

El Gran Tarot Esoterico

Reading Summary: Lack of inner wisdom and insufficient esoteric knowledge (High Priestess Rx) leading to self defeat (Five of Swords Rx) because I’m too busy charging after my passions (Knight of Wands).

Take Away:  OK… I’m going to have to work on adjusting my trajectory on this one, because this is definitely not a direction that I want to go in right now. I need to make sure I’m paying close attention to what the cards have to say this month and listening for the inner whispers of intuition that will assist in guiding me in a better direction.

DECK USED:  EL GRAN TAROT ESOTERICO

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I slow down in life?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary: Continue to focus on your emotional growth (Page of Cups) instead of attacking yourself with negative judgments (Judgement) about what you’re not doing (Knight of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  Emotional growth is not a waste of time.  Focusing on that growth is not  wasting time.  Improving yourself and allowing yourself the freedom to explore this new experience is not a waste of time.   Stop telling yourself these things are wasting time.

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

Take Your Medicine

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_3317Today’s meditation was just over fifteen minutes long and focused upon living in the present moment.  The past is gone to the unsubstantiality of memory, and the future has yet to become…. so the point of the meditation’s focus was that the present moment is all that we really have that is solid and real and that we can hold onto.

It is a reminder to stay present and not get carried away by what was or what could be, but to enjoy what you have in the now.    Honestly?  This was a good reminder for me, and I think would be a good reminder for a lot of people during this time.

How many have felt over worked to the point they dreamed of having some time off?  How many have felt so overwhelmed by social obligations that they just want to spend some time at home chilling and alone?  And yet, here it is.  Here we all have that chance and so many feel they can’t handle it and fuss and fight under the restrictions of some self-isolation.    Maybe this is an opportunity to relax and recover and restore ourselves that we will regret not taking once life is returning to the hectic juggling of responsibilities we’ll all eventually have to return to.

Queen of Wands - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Queen of Wands (honestly? The wands in this deck remind me far more of spears than wands) which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s passions, drive, ambitions, and (in my case) creative spark. This often translates into themes that have to do with courage, ownership of one’s passions, confidence, and determination in the areas of the wand suit, including fostering the growth of those themes in others.

What stands out to me in this card today, though, is a variety of aspects including the submerged bird being held beneath the water by the woman that sits on it, and the little star being lowered into the bird’s mouth.  This speaks to me of that whole “I hurt you because I love you” mentality.  You know, like forcing a child to take their meds even if they fight and scream about it.

Today’s message is about doing my self care even when I’m not enthused about it.  I need to take care of myself as I would someone else that I love, and that means “taking my medicine” even when I don’t want to.  My efforts for self-care are a type of medicine and I need to make it happen even when I feel unmotivated towards doing those things.  Every time I am in the moment of doing them or have finished one of them, I’m always pleasantly surprised that I liked it more than I thought I would or that it was far easier than I thought it would be.  My mind blows up what needs done until it’s some huge task when really, they aren’t that huge at all… they’re just blown out of proportion.   So stop avoiding.  Stop procrastinating.  It’s time to start doing my self-care tasks whether I’m up for it or not.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question: What shadows are being illuminated at this time?

Tarot of the Golden Wheel

Intuitive Read:  Just how much I need myself some alone time.

Take Away:  So much time with others has made it clear just how much I need alone time now and then. Fortunately I am getting some in the morning when I’m going to the farm to work, and my work at the farm itself is also quite solitary most of the time.  It’s not the amount of alone time that I’m used to, but it definitely helps.   L and Z are also being very respectful of my need for time to do my yoga/physio and meditation and give me space for those moments as well.   That said?  All the social contact is a bit exhausting and I’m longing for that more extensive alone time I’m accustomed to.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE GOLDEN WHEEL

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Do Spread #2
What voice do I need to bring forward within myself to combat my self abuse?

Whispering Spirits Tarot

Reading Summary:  The butterfly in the first two cards speaks about gentle change and the synchronicity of colors and grass in contrast to the first card speaks of a transition from the theme of the first card through the second card and into the third card.

Take Away:  It’s time to move away from feeling all tense and defensive and wildly protective of those things I’ve worked so hard for but cannot actually control the outcome of right now.   Lean into my inner strengths as well and use them to prepare for what’s to come rather than trying to hold onto control that has already slipped from my grasp.   This isn’t an abrupt change but more of a gentle transition that involves shifting how I see things and think about them. 

DECK USED:  WHISPERING SPIRITS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Can you trust not to look at the “little white book”?

Green Witch Tarot

Reading Summary: During times of stress and anxiety (Nine of Athames), this is when the temptation to look at books is most strong.  But,  I am more likely to depend on my foundational education (Queen of Athames) and trust in my own capabilities (The World Tree) over the temptation of looking in a book (The Sidhe).

Take Away:  I already knew the answer to this but decided to see what the cards had to say anyway.  The response from the cards is spot on.  I don’t really use the little white books anymore.  Sometimes I will read them  when a deck first comes into my collection just to see if there is a different perspective, neat stories, or artist’s input to consider.   But when it comes to actually interpreting what the cards have to say in a reading, my first go-to is intuitive interpretation off imagery, and my second is my foundational knowledge about the cards and their meanings.

That said?  I do have a hard time coming up with words now and then… and in those times an online thesaurus is usually my friend, because if I can find a word close in meaning to the word I want, a thesaurus can then get me there when my mind is drawing a blank or the word is on the “tip of my tongue” but refuses to fully surface from my brain.

DECK USED:  GREEN WITCH TAROT

 

Passions and Paychecks

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was the next installment of the ‘how to’ series I’ve been working through.   The focus of today’s meditation was upon practicing what has been taught so far.   So it was about finding your focus and developing that accepting oneness with your surroundings while remaining in that quiet, calm place.

Tarot of the Unknown Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means both cards came out of the deck together. The cards in today’s draw are the Page of Pentacles and the Queen of wands… and apparently today is a wands and pentacles kinda day, because my bonus read is holding the same suits as the daily draw.

This message is all about turning passions into paychecks, which is something I seem to excel at.

What I see in these cards is encouragement to go after what I want.  Seek out those new opportunities, and use my confidence and passion to make them work for me and turn them into something lucrative.

Deck Used:  Tarot of the Unknown

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: How can I recognize when I’m over-exerting myself?

Pams Vintage Tarot Reading Summary: When there’s too many good ideas (Ace of Wands) and too much planning to be done (Three of Wands), and yet I feel like a novice and like I don’t know my shit (Page of Pentacles).

Take Away:  As I over-exert myself, and become more and more overwhelmed, my confidence begins to ebb like sand sifting through a sieve.  The cards are reminding me that when I am feeling that lack of self-confidence that makes me feel less-than in areas that I excel at, I need to look at how much of my passions I’m actually trying to load myself down with at once.

Deck Used:  Pam’s Vintage Tarot (Bridge Size)

 

Confidence and Perspective Changes

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on how sometimes gifts come in the form of what you shed or release, rather than what you gain, and how that is one of the things about meditation practice that is of great value.

What they mean by this is that the gift that meditation gives you isn’t always an increase in focus or an advancement of some kind, it’s in the releasing of stress and the decrease of anxiety, etc.

I think that this view is a lot like the view that I have of the negative incidents and people in my past.    It’s a “look for the silver lining” approach.   This is not to negate though, as I think it’s a very good point and good practice to get into.  Life is better and there is better perspective within it when you can accept that even the bad things that happen to you have value.

Queen of Wands - Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Queen of Wands, which is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s passions, drive, and ambitions.  This theme portrays itself with independence, confidence, and determination.  The Queen of Wands is ambitious and knows how to get what she wants and go after what she believes is hers.

What I see in today’s card is encouragement.  It’s appearance today is there to boost my self confidence, which wavered a bit when the less-than whisper came during the recent drop.  The Queen of Wands has arrived to remind me that I am strong and passionate, and if they don’t like me?  Fuck’em.

I’ll try to take her message to heart, although I’m not quite far enough out of the post-drop tenderness for it to really sink in at the current moment.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: Where may I need to shake things up?

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight Reading Summary:  I need to look recently occurring new perspectives (Hanged Man) concerning the drop (Eight of Swords) and the emotions that stem from it (Ace of Cups).

Take Away: Ok, so I had a really hard time with this last drop.  Yes it was massive, but it went beyond that, because for the first time in a long time, I completely shut down rather than allowing myself to deal with it.  And honestly?  My perception and feelings about it were different this time too, leaning far more to the negative.   I focused on those negatives rather than on the vulnerability and inner worries and fears, which didn’t help things.

This new perspective isn’t a healthy one, and isn’t healthy for me at all.  This isn’t the first time I’ve drowned so deep, or had such a massive drop afterward.  But I didn’t handle it well at all this time, and I need to look at approaching the drop and the emotions surrounding it from a different mindset in the future so that I don’t go back there again.

Deck Used: Tarot of the Sweet Twilight