Page of Swords

Failures Are Lessons Too

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Today’s meditation was skipped because I ended up out at the farm way longer than normal and then decided to nap instead of do it later in the day.  I’ll do it before bed, though.

Tarot of the Little Prince - Page of SwordsToday’s draw is the Page of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s intellect, education, thoughts and logic, communication, and ambition. This often translates itself into themes that have to do with the eager and diligent student, learning better communication skills or how to adapt your communication methods to others, or delving into one’s thirst for knowledge and curiosity.

What stands out to me in this card is that the guy has apparently cracked himself on the head… perhaps with the hand rake that is lying on the ground at his feet.

Sometimes when we’re learning new things, shit like this happens.  You smack your thumb with a hammer a few times when learning to pound nails.  You trip over roots a few times the first time you go out hiking. Learning new things inherently has a few mishaps involved in the process.

Just remember that that’s okay. It’s okay to try and fail, just keep trying again.  Each failure is a learning experience that can make you better at it the next time.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Sun Question: Something that could support my creative flow or focus right now.

Global Fusion Intuitive Tarot

Reading Summary: Stop listening to the whispers that say you’re going to lose everything (Four of Pentacles) and instead try to see whatever comes as an adventure (The Fool).  This isn’t an easy choice for you (Two of Swords).

Take Away: Leaning into the perspective that everything is an adventure is not an easy thing for you.  It takes a conscious effort and diligence to remember to continue to lean that way hour after hour and day after day.  But by loosening up the reigns and easing your grip, it will foster your creative flow and focus in a way that this desperate grasp you try to keep on everything staying stable and the same just can’t provide you.

DECK USED:  GLOBAL FUSION INTUITIVE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is… blocking my way / distracting my attention / tying my hands

Traditional Manga TarotWhat is blocking my way?

Two of Swords – “Either/or” thinking has been an issue for me a lot this fall and is something I’m still struggling with. It feels as if it has been blocking my way in moving forward through the holiday rush prep as smoothly as I’d have liked, as it keeps popping up again and again. I am aware of it and working at keeping it from taking over, but it just doesn’t seem to want to ease off.

What is distracting my attention?

King of Swords – Rigid thinking, unlike the “either/or” thinking is something that is more of a bad habit rather than a new development. It’s that whole “this must be done this way” mentality.  It is feeding into that “either/or” mentality tho, and causing a lot of conflict as a result.

What is tying my hands?

Ace of Pentacles atop Six of Cups – Old family values often hold me back, especially concerning work and money. I am aware of the fact that these values are a heavy influence in my life, and yet discarding them… even the ones that don’t really work for me or are unhealthy for me, is something I struggle with a great deal.  I’ve been able to loosen the grip of those ideals and judgements over time, but they still linger.

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question: What previously unknown light aspect has presented itself this year?

The Ellis Deck 5th Edition

Reading Summary: Learning to think of things (Page of Swords) as more of a journey (The World) instead of a constantly repeating battle (Nine of Rods) has helped me in finding a more stable foundation (King of Pentacles).

Take Away: Over the spring and summer as I’d been exploring my emotional and spiritual sides more openly and fully, I was given a new perspective of the world besides the hard edged black and white version I’d once seen the world as the majority of the time.  I feel like this new, softer perspective has rounded out my perception of the world a bit, and thus provided me with a more grounded and stable foundation for my life as a whole as well as my path moving forward.

DECK USED:  THE ELLIS DECK 5TH EDITION

Respecting Life’s Fragility

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I took a break from… well, pretty much everything for a couple of days.  So I have nothing to say here other than I’m getting back on track now (Sunday September 27th).

Botan Tarot - Page of SwordsToday’s draw is the Page of Swords, which traditionally is a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the areas of one’s thoughts, intellect, education, communication, and instinct.  This often translates into someone on a journey of learning in some way that has to do with education or communication.

You know how when you’re young, you have this sense of invincibility?  It’s like… when you’re young, life just hasn’t beat you down enough yet to make you realize just how vulnerable (and valuable) life is.  It’s something we learn over time and as your life tries to slip through your fingers and fly away, you come to appreciate it a bit more… and a bit more. 

This is lack of awareness of the value of one’s life is what I see in this card’s imagery today.  It’s in the tilt of the woman’s head and the expression on her face, as well as in the ready grip on a still sheathed sword. It is in the impression of feathers that are not really present in the imagery and yet my eyes insist are there.

Today’s card’s message is about the fleeting nature of life, and how important it is to value what we have.  It’s about impulsivity, and the a warning about what we can lose through naivety and lack of awareness of just how delicate and fragile the thread of one’s life truly is.

DECK USED:  BOTAN TAROT

It’s Okay to Open Up a Bit

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and was one of those harp strings meditations with the chimes set up to tell me when to shift between piriformis stretches.   The lack of time with the chiropractor is really starting to show in my stiffness and the amount of pain going on in my back and ribs during both my yoga and my meditation.  I’ve tried upping my yoga/physiotherapy to compensate, but it doesn’t seem to be helping.

Tarot of SidheToday’s draw is the Dreamer Princess (Page of Swords) which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy in the areas of thoughts, intellect, aspirations, communication, and logic.

What really stands out to me in this card today is both the title at the bottom “Gift of Telling” and the swirling of leaves that spiral around the Fae before traveling off into the distance on the wind. These things remind me of reading to children at the library.  I don’t usually get on with children, which isn’t  surprising as I grew up very fast.   Yet, for a time in high school I volunteered at the library for work credit for one of my classes, and one of my favorite experiences was reading to the children for story time.

During this time, children would gather around and I would read to them from the pre-chosen book for the day, and they would all be so eager… engaged.  Some of them even came to sit closer or lean against me or my chair (depending on if I was sitting on the floor or not).   This was a time of learning for me, and of receptive learning… as well as a time of “Telling”.

This memory was triggered by this card today, and the message here is in the reminder that when you teach… you also learn.  It’s never one sided.  If you’re open to allowing others in you can get as much from teaching and sharing with others as you give.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m plagued by anxiety.
Question: How can I benefit from regarding anxiety as a messenger instead of an enemy?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary:  By not turning away from my anxiety and regarding it as disposable (Eight of Cups), it can then become empowering to both the heart (Queen of Cups) and mind (Queen of Swords) if I pay attention to what my anxiety is trying to tell me.

Take Away:  Yesterday the cards indicated that my anxiety is a way to keep me from becoming too comfortable and confident in my situation and stability. The cards here indicate that if I choose to listen to these warnings my anxiety brings up instead of ignoring them, it will allow me to find steadier footing by engaging my heart and mind into the equation so that I can weigh out how things are going more clearly.

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What joy in my life needs more recognition?

Tarot del FuegoReading Summary: My ability to see different perspectives (The Hanged Man) on the painful crap that happens (Ten of Swords) then opens me up to a wider variety of choices and opens up more opportunities to me than I would otherwise have (Six of Cups).

Take Away:  I’m not entirely sure that I would consider this a joy? But I think that the answer possibly applies anyway, as having the ability to have all these choices before me creates opportunities for me to instill more joy in my life.   So then, the joy in my life that needs recognition is not the joy sitting before me, but rather the potential for joy that I disregard when looking over all those options and opportunities set out before me..

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot#ElementalChallenge
Question: What emotions serve me better released instead of held on to?

Tabula Mundi in Minima Tarot

Four of Cups – It’s better to allow my love to wash over others than to hold it in and be restrained. It shouldn’t be saved to be expressed just for special occasions, but spread throughout each and every day.

The Emperor – Release your need to be so rigid in so many aspects of your life.  When you hold on to things too tightly, you run the risk of crushing them to dust.

Six of Wands – Allow others to see the lighter side of your personality.  You don’t need to be withdrawn and serious all the time.  You have a warmth within you that you feel towards others, but are always so scared to display to them.  It’s okay to let that warmth out and express it more freely.

DECK USED:  TABULA MUNDI IN MINIMA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What holds me back?

El Gran Tarot Esoterico

Reading Summary: It is a form of emotional immaturity (Page of Cups Rx) to fight against catastrophe (The Tower) instead of just rolling with the punches (Seven of Swords) and allowing them to do what they’re here to do and create a new home and stability in the wake (Four of Swords).

Take Away:  Stop fussing over the shit that might come, or the mess it might make when it arrives.  It solves nothing and simply stalls you out.  The advice here is to instead allow the chaos to come, let it wash over you, and ride it out to the other side.  Have faith in the universe and that everything will balance out in the end.

DECK USED:  EL GRAN TAROT ESOTERICO

Brain Shuffle

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and I did something a little different today (which I’m surprised my phone cooperated with me and it worked).  Essentially I overlaid my harp meditation with the incremental chimes over-top the guided meditation.  So I got both the guide’s voice doing her guided meditation thing, and the harp in the background, and the occasional charms that tell me when to change positions in my stretch.   It sounds complicated, but it was really great and definitely something I’ll be doing again.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Page of Air (Page of Swords) which is traditionally interpreted as a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s thoughts, intellect, logic, and the realm of communication.

What stood out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today was the swirling of the fish around the central figure.   This swirling reminds me of the confusion that I sometimes go through when my brain has one of it’s “moments”.

This got me to thinking about why sometimes I’ll get in the habit of doing something (like messaging you as soon as I get home from work, for instance) and I’ll do that for a while and then suddenly I just stop. I know this is something that confuses you when it has something to do with how I interact with you specifically. But I want you to know that it’s not just you, and in truth?  I don’t even realize when it happens.  It’s sort of as if my brain goes through some sort of cyclical reshuffling on a periodic basis. At these times, some small things get lost in the shuffle, and then when things re-shuffle again (or you remind me)… they resurface.

I don’t know if this is natural and something that everyone goes through… or if it’s part of the results of the head injury that I experienced when I was younger that still at times screws with my memory. Either way, the fish in today’s card brought this to mind, and I think that the message here isn’t so much a “moral of the story” message as it is an encouragement for me to think about this in general and let it become something I’m more conscious of as a whole, even if I don’t realize it’s happening in the moment.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m struggling to find my purpose.
Question:  How are fear and shame playing into my refusal to acknowledge my purpose?

Dixit Cards v4 Origins Expansion Pack

Reading Summary: There is a continuation of color in these cards that indicates a building from one card to the next.  In the first card, you have a moose among men and he swings with them without fear of condemnation or reprisal… shameless.   In the center card, the knight stands in the mouth of the monster without fear or either falling or being eaten alive… fearless.  In the last card, the owl eats fruit from its own brain tree, indicating self sufficiency.

Take Away:  I am shameless and fearless in this area. I am centered in my purpose and know my path well as it is the path I chose for myself.

This has always been the case for me, and I honestly have no idea where the confidence to walk my own path came from.  It’s just always been there.  I know what I like and no amount of fear or shame can sway me from it.  I know what’s right for me, whether that’s something I like or some moral dilemma, or the steps taken along my spiritual path or my life path.

I honestly have struggled with the Tarot for Growth questions for the past few days, because struggling to find my purpose is just not something that I personally have an issue with, so the questions that focus upon that issue are really not something I relate well to.

DECK USED:  DIXIT CARDS v4 ORIGINS EXPANSION PACK

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What do I need to focus on for self-care for this upcoming full moon?

Numinous TarotReading Summary:  Take some time to appreciate all that you’ve accomplished (Ten of Tomes), with extra emphasis placed upon the fact that you have accomplished these things by being the capable and resourceful individual that you are (The Magician).  Use this knowledge to push back against (Explorer of Bells) that inner critic that keeps trying to beat you into submission lately (Three of Bells).

Take Away:  My inner critic is a son of a bitch.  It’s no secret that this is something that I struggle with a lot. It works hard to convince me that nothing I do is ever good enough or ever enough at all. It pushes me forward, driving me to always give my all to every little thing… and the thing is?  It’s not just exhausting, but it’s impossible to give your all to every little thing.  With this upcoming full moon, the cards remind me to not give that inner critic credence, but instead look at all that I have done and how capable these accomplishments prove that I am… no matter what that inner critic says to the contrary.

DECK USED:  NUMINOUS TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  stop // use caution // go

Women of Science Tarot

Stop – Three of Astro – Don’t allow your thoughts to pick apart at your inner confidence. It’s important to take what that inner critic says with a grain of salt.

Use Caution – Three of Macro and Justice – Pay attention to what tasks you are farming out to others.  You have exacting standards, and you don’t want to hand out tasks to others that will lower the quality of the end results.

Go – Ten of Astro – As a previous reading I did earlier in the week stated, it’s time to move forward with the transition and growth that I’m going through.  I’ve spent time gathering wool and exploring, but I can’t stay still forever.  It’s time to consciously work on letting go of the old and stepping into the new.

DECK USED:  WOMEN OF SCIENCE TAROT

Reflection and Foresight

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IMG_3384Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and again touched upon a topic that I’d touched on in my previous day’s post.   That is to say that the topic of today’s meditation was in altering how you look at the world and your life.

Again… I don’t think that this message is at all “tone deaf”.   Dying patients in hell hole conditions find a way to insert humor (and good humor) into their situation.  Destitute people without homes eating out of garbage cans find a way to insert humor (and good humor) into their situation.

People worse off than those complaining about this concept being “tone deaf” manage to insert humor (and good humor) into their situation.  It is not tone deaf to encourage people to do something that’s under their control to uplift themselves, no matter what their situation.

I, too, need to work on this.  But I think it’s very important to seek out that lighter perspective and work at maintaining it.  Yes, things are bad.  Really bad.  But allowing yourself (or myself) to sink deeper and deeper into a pit of anxiety and despair?  It’ll make things so much worse.  And so I’m going to do my best to take a breath and seek that lighter side, even if I’m not feeling like it.

Page of Zephyrs (aka Page of Swords) - Stolen Child TarotToday’s draw is the Page of Zephyrs (aka Page of Swords) which is traditionally a representation of an omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s thoughts, ideas, intellect, and communication.

I often see Pages as the “learners” in the tarot, but what I see here is not learning but retreat in order to self soothe and reflect. Sometimes? In order to work through a problem or find the path forward, you need that time of reflection.  A time to consider your options and plan for what’s to come.

That’s what this the message of today’s card.  It is about what I need to be doing with my time right now.  That is to say, not pushing but planning.  Taking time to consider and re-evaluate my options, and those options that will be coming as things change in the future.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthApril Challenge Prompt
Question: Current state of mind.

White Sage Tarot

Reading Summary: Empowered (The Magician) and on the rise (The Sun) which is putting me in a good place to make some choices (Two of Swords) concerning how to balance self care into the equation (Empress).

Take Away: Over the past week or so I’ve felt a lightening slowly beginning in my mental health.  There was the fog that happened in January and the slow climb out of it through February, then the huge struggle and strife of changing life in March and having to find a way to let go of control without losing my mind in the process.  But as I’ve begun to find that balance and find a purpose and a focus, my mental health has begun to lift.  The cards are a reminder that while I am finding the light, I need to continue to take care of myself and make good choices towards that end.

DECK USED:  WHITE SAGE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsApr2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the most valuable thing I can do for myself this month?

Pastel Rider Waite Smith Tarot

Reading Summary:  Don’t depend on the opinions of others (Three of Cups Rx). Work on healing your own self view (Ten of Swords) and finding contentment in how far you’ve come (Nine of Cups).

Take Away: This is actually an apt time for this to come up after the question in one of yesterday’s reads about how others perceive me and my worry over what might come up in the cards.  I was worried that when I drew the cards it would say that people saw me as a know it all.   And seriously?  I shouldn’t really be worrying about that at all.   I do my best to help people.  What is the point of having knowledge if you can’t share it to help others?

Anyway… this draw speaks to that fear and letting it go.  It’s more important how I feel about myself.  It’s what really matters and what I need to work on.

DECK USED:  PASTEL RIDER WAITE SMITH TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I find my confidence?

Forager's Daughter Tarot

Intuitive Interpretation:  At the moment, nearly everyone is looking for a hand up or a hand out.  That’s not unexpected considering what’s going on in the world right now.  Everyone needs a little help and there’s not a lot of places to for that help from.

These cards indicate that if I want to foster my confidence at this time, I need let go of my discomfort and shame in asking for help, and instead focus upon working on the unfinished business that I have sitting in the wings so that when the world starts to calm down I can bound forward into that new start all fresh and new and ready to go.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

Forward… No Backsliding

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused on encouraging reflection upon one’s thought process and how it can create self-fulfilling prophesies.

It used a story known as The Two Wolves as the basis behind the guided meditation, and spoke on how when you focus on the negative, it gives that “wolf” energy and strength.  And the same when you choose to feed the positive “wolf” within as well.

I have always loved this story, although I think sometimes I have a habit of misinterpreting it.  It’s easy to take the moral of the story to mean you should ignore negative things, and that by starving them of attention they will die.   In truth?  You can’t always ignore the bad things.  Yes, sometimes they will starve and die… but other times they will fester.  The trick is in knowing which is which.

Page of Swords - Efflorescent Tarot (Color Edition)Today’s draw is the Page of Swords, which is often a representation of learning from the mistakes and challenges of the past, and moving forward with those lessons in hand to step into the future.

The Page of Swords in today’s draw is a reminder that today is a new step forward. After our talk last night, it would be easy to slip my way back into that fog of fear, but today’s card has stepped in to make sure with a new day that I stay on this new path.  The Page of Swords says, “Don’t fall back into the habits of the past, don’t sink back into the sludge, take care not to return to what came before. You don’t want to go back there. Move forward instead.”

DECK USED: THE EFFLORESCENT TAROT (COLOR EDITION)

#TarotForGrowthJanuary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I nurture those seeds? (Build off of yesterday’s reading.)

Textured Tarot

Reading Summary: Gratitude (Ten of Cups) and rest (Four of Swords), and don’t allow for wallowing in uncertainty (Eight of Swords) because that breeds bad things (Nine of Swords).

Take Away:  I need to make sure that I’m taking the time and effort to be grateful for what I have instead of always looking for something more or better, as well as make sure I am resting when I need it instead of constantly pushing myself beyond my limits. Allowing myself to stand stagnant in the sludge of confusion and fear I’ve been trying so hard to ignore the last few months has not helped me in rising above anything, but only creates more stress and more opportunities for bad shit to overtake the good and turn my addictions against me.

DECK USED:  THE TEXTURED TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJan2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What is something you have never considered doing that would improve your life?

Lost Forest Tarot

Reading Summary: This is about delegating. It’s about when new ideas spark and instead of holding them all to myself to execute on my own, taking them to a helper (once I get a new one) to have them do the “fleshing out” while I oversee the process.

Take Away:  Okay so this idea makes me squirm… just sayin’.  I’m pretty sure it’s the control freak aspect of my make-up that makes it hard for me to be comfortable with the idea.  But, it’s probably a really good one.  

The suggestion here is that when I have an idea for new products and I really want to move on it rather than putting it in my “ideas for later” book, I bring my helper into the design process from the start and have them do more of the physical labor part of my new design ideas while I keep a close watch and guide their hands, rather than pushing myself to do it all on my own.

DECK USED:  THE LOST FOREST TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt
Question: How can I ask for the help I need?

Field Tarot

Reading Summary: Take my head out of my ass and abandon my pride (Six of Wands). Sometimes you just have to do it what needs doing. (The Chariot) Don’t hesitate. Don’t sleep on it. Those things aren’t going to help. (Nine of Swords)

Take Away:  Damnit.  I hate to admit it.  But the truth is that sometimes it really is just pride holding me back.  It’s that assumption that I shouldn’t need help, or forcing myself to say “I can handle it” when I really can’t… or maybe I could, but it would be healthier for me if I didn’t handle it on my own.   At those times, I procrastinate asking for help and it creates a low thread of stress and anxiety in the background that then builds and builds on itself so subtly that I don’t notice until it’s too late.

These cards indicate that the better path is to set my expectations of myself and pride aside and just reach out for help from the start, and I can then circumvent those negative repercussions of not having done so.  They also suggest that in order to motivate myself into reaching out from the beginning, I need to remember just how messy both mentally and emotionally that things can get when I don’t seek out help.

DECK USED:  THE FIELD TAROT