pacific rain forest

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_6433Empowerment

It takes
bravery
to try new things,
to open up
and spread your wings.
If it looks easy
don’t be fooled
I struggle
just as much
as him
or you.

I was told this morning that I make things look easy.  I was talking with my boss, leaning against the fence taking a break after teaching his son how to do a carburetor adjustment on the tractor, and he came out with it as we were talking.  “You make things look so easy, and I know they aren’t.  But watching you, it seems like you could do anything.”   Those were his words to me.

I was surprised, and deeply complimented as well… but definitely surprised.  I have a lot of skills, but I worked hard to learn and hone those skills.  They weren’t just magically bestowed upon me, but were developed through hard work and, at times, a lot of struggle. I’m not sure why the fact all that struggle and work not being obvious feels like a compliment… but it does.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_5171Grateful

Your comfort
and support
when things
fall apart
is amazing…
overwhelming
and more soothing
than ever expected.
I am afraid
and yet
your presence
comforts me…
so much.

Yesterday was so hard and so stressful, and I can’t help but be worried for myself.  Yes, I was wearing a mask and my glasses, but I still can’t help but be worried.  Hopefully the worry is for nothing.  Hopefully they either didn’t have it or I was protected enough and took the right steps to keep myself from being infected by their callous actions.  But regardless of that, I am so lucky to have you in my life.  Thank you for loving me… and for caring so very much.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_5377Rough…

And alone
Ragged and lost
Rooted and adrift
Jagged
Angry
and yet calm
Standing tall
even as
I quake
on the inside.

Someone spit in my face today.  Spit… in… my FACE.
Because I am a courteous enough to wear a mask?  No.

Because of my Korean heritage.

“Go back to China and take the virus back with you,” he said.

Fuck you too asshole.  I was born here.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_1232Mood

Quiet thunder
rhythmic purrs
thrumming deep
Loud and smooth
No matter how grumpy
angry or sad
those little rumbles
wash over me
soothe the senses
and help me breathe.

Miss Luna’s purr is the most amazing sound in the world to me.  It comforts and relaxes me when I’ve had a stressful day or can’t seem to shake a bad mood, washing over me and helping me let go and relax.  She is not a particularly clingy cat, but she comes to curl up with me when I need those knots untangled, wedging her little butt up against the side of my my head and kneading at my hair as she rumbles rhythmically in my ear.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_6500Pink

Murmured compliments
loving encouragement
quiet praise
and intimate whispers.
You would think
over time
I would become
immune
and yet every day
you find
something to say
that makes me flush
pink
with pleasure.

Thank you for trying so hard every single day to remind me not just of how much you love me, but of how much you admire me, desire me, and root for me. I don’t always take compliments well… but even when I stumble over them you never stop making sure that I hear how you feel about me.  And each time it sinks in just a little more than before.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_6049Independence

Standing strong
isn’t easy
but independence
doesn’t mean
you never lean
upon others
or ask for help.
It means that
even when you do
those things
you continue to walk
your own path.

When we first got together, I was terrified that our relationship would decimate my independence.  I did not want to be under the thumb of another, nor controlled by someone… anyone other than myself.   I have come to learn, though, that it is still very much possible to be both fiercely independent and in a loving and supportive relationship.  I’ve learned this because you were patient enough to not just teach me it can happen… but show me it is possible.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography