overcoming fear

Revisiting Fear and Indecision

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piranhas-123287_1920

I wanted to revisit the topic of fear after my post from yesterday and the topic of the meditation that I did yesterday.

Yesterday’s meditation was about indecision, which I definitely do not have a problem with in any way, shape, or form.   But I feel like my post made it sound as if I don’t have fear, which is definitely not the case.

I do, absolutely, have fear.

I fear losing my home to the point where I obsess over work and push myself beyond my limits at times in how much work I should take on. (Thank goodness that I’m also someone that likes their creature comforts, or that fear might rule my entire life.)

I often have issues around fear when it comes to some of my scars (particularly the one on my face) and how people react (or may react) to them, which has gotten better over time as I am no longer trying to seclude myself into my home… but I know I still have a long way to go on this.

I fear my ex and the day he will be released from prison.   I fear my ex, as well, in his conniving “other” ways of trying to reach me even while he IS in prison.

I’m goddamned well -terrified- of spiders, even though my logical mind tells me I shouldn’t be.  You can add piranhas to that list, too, ever since as a kid I saw that first original Piranha movie.

The point is, I do have fears, and I didn’t want my post from yesterday coming off as some kind of bravado or something.  It’s just that fears do not inspire indecision for me.

For me, indecision doesn’t come from fear.  It appears when I am feeling extremely vulnerable, which can put me in a place of “I dunno, you choose”, and it appears when I have not managed to gather enough information or had the chance yet to think something through.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes six seconds, and it focused on patience.

It also provided a much needed reminder that I need to be gentle with myself when I catch my mind straying during meditation. A reminder that I need to bring myself gently back to focus and not judge myself too harshly. That is the lesson… not how to focus, but rather how to be kind to yourself.

Today’s card is the Seven of Cups. Cups represents emotions, creativity, and relationships. The number seven is an indication of a leap ahead, progress, or the unknown.

The theme of today’s meditation combined with the card that’s been drawn are telling me that, as the title of this blog post indicates, slow and steady wins the race.

I’m working on coming back to myself after residing in a deep hole of depression for over a month and a half. This takes time, and sometimes I get impatient with myself. It’s good to remember that it isn’t a race, and that I don’t have to be impatient with myself, or irritated with myself, when Instant gratification is not forthcoming.

To me, today’s card and meditation’s theme combine to remind me that these things take time, but that I am moving forward. I am making progress, one small step at a time.

The card is also a reminder, though, to keep moving forward. The climb out of that dark hole of depression might at times be frightening, or feel overwhelmingly vulnerable, but keep moving… and I’ll get there.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Pride

Water Park

My heart warmed with pride today, because last year this little boy was terrified of the water and would barely get close enough to stick his toes into the wading pool.

Although my neighbor and her son moved away a while ago, I’ve stayed in touch and enjoy visiting and being considered a “part of the family”. Over the past year, I’ve had a lot of talks with him about the water.  About lakes and oceans, beaches and swimming pools.  In June, I convinced him to take a swim class, which he agreed to as long as I came with him.

And look at him.   A day at the water park and he had a blast.  It wasn’t a big water park, and it wasn’t a big slide.  But he did it on his own and was smiling  both as he landed in the water, and as he waded out of the pool.

I consider that a success.