Ostara tarot

The Shadowed Path

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused on dealing with other’s anger, criticism and other negativity.  It spoke of using labeling to “disconnect” from the influence of other’s negativity.   This is something that I find I do naturally, probably because of my father and what I went through with him while growing up.

What I’ve found, though, is that as you have woken up my emotions and torn down my walls, I do find myself absorbing more of that crap when it’s directed my way than I used to.  Or rather, I have to consciously make the choice to disconnect rather than doing it automatically.  It’s a drawback of those lowered walls that I’m not entirely thrilled about, but the strengthened connection with you and enhanced intuition and clairvoyance all make it worth it, I think.

Side Note:  The last two day’s missing posts are a very CLEAR lesson for me that I cannot put off doing my morning routine (devotional, meditation, card draw) for later in the day.  It doesn’t work… and it doesn’t get done, no matter my good intentions to the contrary.

The Moon - Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is The Moon card of the Major Arcana, which speaks to me of bravery in moments of uncertainty.   The moon is full of shadows, illusion, and uncertainty.  It’s hard to see what’s ahead, and even harder to see through the shadows to identify what works there.

This can cause paralysis and anxiety, which is a problem. But, what the imagery in this card says to me is that even in these times of uncertainty, its important to keep your chin up and to stay in touch with your values.  Life’s not always easy and the path forward isn’t always clear, but if you stay in touch with that inner compass  and keep your head high, you will pull through those times.

With the holiday rush now starting to slow and life at the cusp of returning to normal, it’s a good reminder, as that transition is a difficult one for me and can make me feel both uncertain and adrift.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question for 17th: Where did I focus the bulk of my energy this year?
Question for 18th: What happened as a result of that?

Universal Fantasy Tarot Reading Summary:  I have been getting the Ace of Pentacles/Queen of Cups combo a LOT lately.   Just making a note of it.

Working on new threads of income in my business (Ace of Pentacles), discovering that new depth of emotion that has been awakening (Queen of Cups), and upping my spiritual practices as well as exploring further development of my intuition, clairsentience, mediumship (The High Priestess).

Resulting in an overburdening of doing too much at once (Ten of Wands) which makes the world feel like it’s tipped on its axis (The Tower), and a need to find a better way of doing things (Six of Swords).

Take Away:  As I seek to find a balance between work and self-care (which includes time for self and for self-focused pursuits), things have come to a “something’s got to give” point.  For so many years I have essentially filled my life with work.  Even my creativity is work, as I’ve turned my creative interests into my business.  Add on top of that running the business as its own task, and my other part time jobs, etc…. it’s a lot.  And then I’m adding my personal stuff on top of that now.

That “something that’s gotta give” has to do with how much I feel I can put on my plate as once.  And, the lion’s share of what is on my plate has to do with the business.  I have a plan to restructure how I work concerning the business, that will hopefully ease that overburdening.

DECK USED:  UNIVERSAL FANTASY TAROT

 

Transition and Adjustment

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Today’s meditation has not yet happened yet, as I sort of came out of bed like a shot this morning and had so much going on in my brain that I didn’t even realize that it hadn’t gotten done until about an hour ago.  I will make sure I do it before bed.

Ostara Tarot - Five of Cups and Nine of CoinsToday’s draw is another double without a jumper, which means that the cards came out of the deck together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Nine of Coins and the Five of Cups.

My read off of these cards today is intuitive off of the imagery, and speaks to the fact that you are going to be a key aspect in keeping me emotionally stable and positive as the transition begins to fall into place for the end of the holiday rush.

I have adapted and adjusted, as I always do, to the chaos and workload and exhaustion involved.  And at the end of the rush things will abruptly change and I will be left feeling adrift.  That sensation brings with it a massive amount of anxiety concerning my business.

As I strive to adjust in a healthy way, today’s cards remind me to depend upon you to help keep me afloat and in a healthy space both mentally and emotionally.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What important lesson did I learn this year?

Fairy Tale Tarot - Spanish Edition

Reading Summary: This is all about making the choices (Two of Swords) that are right for me (The Lovers) in order to make the journey to my goals a smoother experience (Ten of Pentacles).

Take Away: I have a habit of weighing my choices and going with whatever one seems the most practical, logical, or responsible option.  Sometimes, these decisions aren’t really the ones that call to me and that I connect to the strongest, but rather what I feel “should” be the right choice.   One of the lessons that has really been driven home this past year, though, is that sometimes life doesn’t have to be practical or logical… or even responsible.  Sometimes life is just all around better when you go with what you want rather than what might be seen as the most “reasonable” choice.

DECK USED:  FAIRY TALE TAROT (SPANISH EDITION)

 

Overload… and a Note on Forgiveness

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Forgiveness Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and I finally managed to do it in the morning today! Honestly?  I get so much more out of it when I do it first time in the morning. Sometimes that’s just not possible, but I am going to try harder to make it possible more often.   The focus of today’s guidance during the meditation was about forgiveness, and I want to quote something that I really liked that was said during.  The instructor spoke about the important of forgiveness, and defined it as such…

“Forgiveness isn’t meant to erase what happened.  Instead, it’s a decision to let go of the resentment we’re holding onto.  It allows the clutch of irritation and bitterness to loosen its grip.  Choosing to forgive doesn’t deny the other person’s role in hurting us, and it doesn’t minimize or excuse the wrongdoing. But what it does do is create the opportunity for us to find peace.” – Tamara Levitt

I like that.  I think that too many people think that forgiveness means that you have to totally forget about what happened and excuse the person for their actions, but that’s really not what it’s about… and I think that quote expresses this really well.

Seven of Cups - Ostara TarotToday’s draw is the Seven of Cups which is often about having too many choices or being overwhelmed, and that is exactly what I see in this card today.

The appearance of the Seven of Cups in today’s draw is a warning to be sure I am not allowing myself to become overloaded and overwhelmed emotionally while I am distracted by the holiday rush and everything I need to get done.

I am dealing with a small bit of a drop after the drown the other day, and my instinct is often to bury these things and ignore them when I’m feeling overwhelmed by the world as a whole.  This card’s advice is to not do that.  Don’t ignore it, or those emotions will topple over and crash to the ground in a mess.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What regret hangs most heavily upon me from this year?

Dreamkeeper’s Tarot

Reading Summary:  I feel like my self imposed overload (Ten of Wands) this year has held me back from the amount of success that could have accomplished (Six of Wands) as well as from spending more time with you (King of Cups).

Take Away:  I need to get more organized about how I do things for the business. This balance is about finding a happy medium between administrative tasks and the creative spark that is always so very persistent within me.  I put off the administrative tasks because I don’t find them pleasurable or particularly interesting, and then they build up and I have to “binge work” to get through them. Back when the business was slower, that was fine.  But, over the past few years as things have picked up, it’s started to become a problem.

DECK USED:  THE DREAMKEEPER’S TAROT

Nosce Te Ipsum

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Today’s meditation has not yet happened yet, as I overslept and had to pop out of bed and get my ass moving this morning when the housekeeper showed up.   I will do it before bed, but I really need to start doing it in the morning rather than putting it off.  I just feel like I’m getting more out of the process when I do the meditation in the morning as a part of starting my day.

The Sun - Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is The Sun card, which is a representation of fun, positivity, and the inner child.  But honestly, that is not what I see when I look at The Sun card in this deck.

What I pick up from today’s card is a message about individuality and strength.  It’s about being genuine.  Being yourself.  And standing up for what you feel is right and your own personal values.   That is what I saw this morning, and it turned out to be a theme in my day as well.

I am well aware that my own personal moral compass and ethics are not entirely on line with those of the world around me.  I get that.  I don’t like favoritism.  For me, it smacks of lack of fairness and creates imbalance.   And for me, much of life is all about balance.  I feel it is important to look at situations from an unbiased perspective.  I feel it’s important to strive to be fair in all things, even when that fairness may not be to your own advantage or the advantage of your own personal opinions and goals (thus the importance of being able to look at things from an unbiased perspective).

The feeling I got from today’s card is that it’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have no interest in conforming.  It’s okay to march to your own drum, and it’s okay to see things differently than others as long as you’re willing to entertain their perspectives.  Know yourself.  Be yourself.  Stand tall.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: Something that I was right to let go of this year.

Wayhome Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being so quick to judge myself (The Chariot) by my father’s standards (Father of Swords) instead of celebrating who I am (Daughter of Wands).

Take Away: My father was an extremely harsh man who spent the entirety of my youth making sure that I was fully aware of just how much of a disappointment I was to him, and just how much of an embarrassment I was to my family, due primarily to my sexual preferences and lack of interest in most “traditionally male” pursuits.  Although I never felt the least bit of an urge to conform to his standards, I did spend a good deal of my time mimicking his tone in my own self talk.  This year I have been diligently working on being kinder to myself and letting go of that asshole in my head that judges everything I do so harshly.

DECK USED:  WAYHOME TAROT

 

Flipping the Table

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Today’s meditation was once again not done in the morning, as I was again waiting for the helper.  She did actually show up today, but she was late.  I hate when the phone jerks me out of my meditation and was expecting her earlier, thus… no meditation.   I will do my meditation before bed again tonight, and like last night, probably fall asleep part way through it.

Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, which means both cards dropped out of the deck together as one.  The cards in today’s draw are the Emperor and the Chariot cards.

These are both very strong cards that represent forms of dominance and control.

I had thought, when I pulled the cards this morning, that this was about work.  But after this evening, I know that it was a push for something else. A push to find some time for you… and for us… and for the time we’ve had tonight and the “tension relief” involved.

I know that we were trying not to allow me to drown during the holiday rush, but I think I needed that release of control and the giving it over to you for a bit.  I did drown, but it was just beneath the surface rather than deep within the depths, so hopefully the drop won’t be too bad.   Honestly?  If it is…. it was worth it.  I needed this time with you and that dynamic between us, that control and intensity that is an integral part of you and us.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What relationship evolved the most this year?

Darkness of Light Tarot

Reading Summary:  At the beginning of the year I went through a severe depression (Five of Coins) and was very apathetic about the idea that my therapist had concerning a daily affirmation (Four of Cups). I decided, though, to to adjust the activity to something I could connect with (Death) which brought me to a place where I was more attuned to my emotions (Seven of Cups) and began to discover a new level of emotional depth within myself (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  The relationship that has evolved the most over the past year is my relationship with myself and my emotions.  Thanks to the mental health card of the day activity that I do here on the blog every day, I have been able to not just heal and recover from my depression much faster than I have in previous MDE experiences, but I have found a new outlook as well, which as helped me in discovering and beginning to explore, and even accept,  a depth of emotion that I quite honestly didn’t think that I was capable of.

DECK USED:  DARKNESS OF LIGHT  TAROT

 

Sharing Creativity with Others

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was focused on auditory input during meditation.   That is to say, it focused on letting in external sounds and incorporating them into your meditation rather than trying to block them out.   I’ve done this meditation before, and it’s been very relaxing.  Unfortunately, I had a hard time staying focused today, so I guess that leads back to less serenity and more “mental bench presses” for today’s meditation as a whole.

Ostara Tarot Today’s draw is the Page of Cups, which is a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of emotion, creativity, relationships, and intuition.  This often comes across as the spark of new creative opportunities, curiosity, and learning through intuition.

When I saw today’s card, what I saw was the opportunity to share my creativity with others.  This is something I do through my jewelry design all the time, and through our literary RP as well.  The appearance of the Page of Cups in today’s draw is a reminder of the pleasure that I receive in the sharing of my creativity with others.

During this time of year I have a habit of closing down, my focus narrowing in tighter and tighter until I am blocking out everything else.  The message in today’s draw is to be aware of this tendency and take care to not allow my focus to narrow too much.

DECK USED:  OSTARA TAROT

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthDecember

Question: What did I discover about myself this year?

Light Seer’s Tarot

Reading Summary: In times of struggle and healing (Ten of Swords), no matter how chaotic things are if I make the choice (Two of Swords) to work with others rather than retreating into myself (Three of Pentacles), the end result of those moments is better (Judgement) than when I try to ride it out on my own.

Take Away: As mentioned earlier in this post, when it comes to times of stress and struggle, as well as the healing that comes afterward, my natural defense mechanism is to close myself off and retreat inward.   One of the things I have discovered, though, is that this is not healthy for me.  A better route, that is healthy and healing, is to fight that urge and make the choice to reach out to others for support instead.

This doesn’t, of course, negate my natural defense response… but it does give me perspective on a healthier option to explore once I realize I’ve begun closing myself off.

DECK USED:  LIGHT SEER’S TAROT