Obsession

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I just wanted to muse for a bit on how much I love you… and how surprising it is that you don’t creep me the fuck out.

What I mean by that is to say that you take me by surprise in many ways.  One of these is in the  many ways in which you fit the “profile” of a stalker.

After all… you’re obsessive. Invasive. Highly focused. Extremely protective.  And in someone else?  These things being directed at me would absolutely set off a crap load of triggers and freak me out.

And yet with you?  Not at all.  You’re all mine, including that intensity with which you set your focus upon me.

It took me a long time to be comfortable with the sheer volume of attention you wanted to direct my way, though. Then again, it probably helped that I was a bit oblivious as well.

I remember being shocked at some of the things you remembered that I would have never thought to even notice. Quirks, shoe size, preferences on various innocuous things, and so much more. If I had not been so oblivious, you might have scared the ever living shit out of me.

As it was though, I became aware of the obsession gradually, only discovering more and more as you snuck your way deeper and deeper under my armor and before I knew it, you’d taken root there in my heart.

I love you.  Always.  All ways.

 

It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable… With You

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on saying “yes”… and our motivations behind why we say “no”.

“No” can be a good word.  It sets boundaries and keeps us safe.  But, there are times when it is also used in a way that limits our potential.   In these moments, “no” comes not from a place of self empowerment, but rather from a place of anger or fear.

This guided meditation encouraged taking a moment when we’re about to say “no” to really consider why we are saying “no”, and where that response is coming from, examining if we are practicing good judgement… or if we are practicing limiting behaviors.  Then, when we catch ourselves doing the latter, changing that “no” to a “yes”, in order to foster new experiences and personal growth.

I think everyone has these moments where they use “no” as a limiting behavior, and I really liked this meditation and it’s reminder to essentially “grab life by the balls” and be open to new experiences.

Today’s draw is the 6th card of the Major Arcana, the Lovers card, and like all cards in the Major Arcana it relates to not one aspect of the human experience, but the larger picture.  The Lovers card has a vast array of symbolism and meanings which include themes such as duality, harmony, the alignment of one’s values with another’s, meaningful relationships (not just romantic in nature), and love.

Today this card represents being open and vulnerable with the one you love, and the trust and faith that it takes to do so.  It is a card that speaks of my submission, and of your dominance, of the balance we have, of our give and take, and of the depth of trust that has been built around us like an insulating wall.

The longer that we are together, the more depth develops into our relationship.  You find ways to accommodate my more dominant tendencies, and I find ways to accept and incorporate the submissive ones I discovered when we first met.  In the first few years, it was much a “on/off” type of switch.  We switched places, and it was either one or the other.   But, as time has gone on, this has turned into a flow of give and take that is always changing, and yet always stable.

The Lover’s card today is a reminder of this balance, of the trust we share, and the comfort we take in each other.   It is a reminder that it’s okay to be vulnerable, as well as a reminder to be conscious of, mindful of, and grateful for what we have.

I am.

I love you.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5

 

The ‘Us’ Card

Today’s meditation was 10 minutes long, and focused on making a choice to reside in the present and mindful in the moment, rather than allowing future worries and concerns or past traumas to pollute your mind and emotions with stress and anxiety.

Sometimes, in the face of stress over the future, we forget just how sweet the current moment is.   Today’s meditation was a reminder to stay mindful of the present and don’t get carried away with things that are either already over, or have not even come yet into existence.

Today’s draw is the Three of Pentacles, which is a representation of collaboration, cooperation, and the small gains and growth in the area of the physical world, finances, manifestation, and resources.

The Three of Pentacles reminds me of our relationship.  Not that there are three people in our relationship, but rather that there are three entities… the you, the me, and the us.

This is not the suit of emotions and relationships, mind you.   That would be the suit of Cups.  But, I feel that this suit fits our relationship better.  For me, our relationship isn’t based on emotions.   I’m not saying that love and emotions are not there, as they absolutely are.  I’m saying that our relationship feels like home.  Solid.  Substantial. Supportive. Stable.  All of these are a reflection of the suit of Pentacles, and that, to me, is where our relationship resides.

The Three of Pentacles speaks of how differences come together to create something better, collaborating in a way that each side contributes its own particular brand of expertise to the whole.   The you, the me, and the us.

Each on our own are forces to be reckoned with, and we are both very, very different.  But, what we have built together is also its own thing.  It is “US” and that, too, is powerful and strong in its own right.  It is the blend of two that creates something with a life of its own.  Our life.

Today’s appearance of the Three of Pentacles isn’t a lesson, but simply a reminder to appreciate the us… and the you… and the me.   All three distinctive factors, unique and essential in their own right, that when combined together create something bigger and more beautiful than any one could have done on its own.

I love you.