Transitioning from January to February

Your Universe Month End Tarot Spread - January 2021

Individuality Five of Pentacles Rx and Red Chestnut – You’re trying to pretend that everything is okay and put on a pretty face while in the grasp of your struggle.

Dependence King of Swords, Oak atop Forget-Me-Not – You need to let go of your control issues for the time being and allow things to flow at their own pace.  Your strength of will and reason combines with your ability to manifest what you want in life is being challenged and you need to take a breath and release some control.  Nobody (living, dead, or otherwise) is going to judge you for that right now.

Creativity Four of Cups and Aspen Rx – Stop allowing yourself to sink into the seductive feelings of pain and soul rotting darkness.  That embrace is not your friend, but if you allow yourself to wallow within it, it will encourage it to manifest more strongly in your reality and hold on even longer than it already is able.

Limitation Three of Swords, Baby Blue Eyes, Chamomile – Complacency to the darkness encroaching upon you and the dark thoughts and influences that your mental imbalance.   These negative influences have the ability to take you deeper and deeper if you let them.

Change King of Wands and Alpine Lily – Fight… even when it feels futile. Your will is strong and you’re a determined force.  It might not feel like fighting against the darkness helps anything, but it does. This is not a fight of brute force, but a battle of will and determination… the kind you are most adept at.

Sympathy Three of Pentacles and Rosemary Rx – In the past you have resisted allowing people to take your responsibilities off your hand, forcing yourself to keep bearing the full weight upon your shoulders even when in the depths of the pit and surrounded by darkness. You  have learned from this experience that there is a better way.  It can be hard to follow through and allow others to bear some of the weight, but it’s important to your recovery.

Luck Princess of Swords atop Five of Cups, Manzanita Rx – Remember that you can take what you’ve learned from past experiences and use that to overcome what is going on now. Not being able to find joy or pleasure in what usually brings these things to you is not a failing of yours but simply a symptom of the illness.  You know this… you have learned this… use this knowledge to overcome the negative whispers and dark feelings you are dealing with right now.

Power The Moon atop Ten of Wands, Bleeding Heart – Don’t drop your burden on the ground, as this will cause uncertainty and problems down the road.  Hand it off to those that love and support you instead.  They are there to help you, they want to support you.  Don’t be so stubborn that you end up putting your responsibilities down so they aren’t being cared for instead of handing them over to those that want to help.

Responsibility Ten of Cups and Chrysanthemum – You have the opportunity to start climbing to the light and feel good once again, but you have to pull your awareness out of the mire and misery and seek the light.  Don’t forget that it’s there just because you can’t see it right now.

Message from Spirit World / Mind’s World / Known World – This part of the reading takes a lot of focus and concentration to work through and I just can’t manage to get the mental clarity that I need at the moment to do them.  So I’m going to allow myself to skip these three prompts for this month.

Take Away – It is not surprising that the status of my state at this moment is centered around the depression that I’m experiencing.  It is the whole of my world at the moment and the advice here is sound. Let others help me with my responsibilities, keep fighting the depression and seeking the light, and make sure I do not listen to the seductive whispers in the darkness.  I will do my best to follow that advice.


When Everything Falls Apart

Today’s meditation was skipped because I didn’t feel like it, which… at the time felt like a valid excuse to skip it for the day, but now I realize that it’s not and I should have realized it from the start.  I just felt such a heavy lack of enthusiasm and dread about it that I had a “fuck it” reaction and didn’t do it.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ten of WandsToday’s draw is the Ten of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of feeling overwhelmed and/or overburdened.  It is about struggling under the weight of one’s projects and responsibilities.  I often end up getting this card as a warning when I am approaching burnout.

What stands out to me the strongest in this card’s imagery to day is the upraised hands.  It’s as if we have caught this man in that single moment when what was a neatly stacked and bundled collection of wands decides to go awry and spread out.  The hands then raise up in an “oh shit” to try and catch what has clearly decided to split, separate, and break free.

We all have times when everything is neatly in a row and then suddenly one of the ducklings goes off track and chaos ensues. It’s not always about having overburdened yourself… but about losing control of that burden unexpectedly.     The thing is?   That is also a form of overburdening… as it’s important to leave some wriggle room for when that moment of “awry” happens so that you can deal with it instead of it overpowering you.


LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
: What am I asked to take with me moving forward?

Mundane Magick Tarot

Reading Summary: Let go of your perceived failings (Judgement atop Emergent of Coins Rx), while taking forward into the future your empowerment (The Magician) and hope (The Star).

Take Away:  It is hard to let go sometimes when you feel you’ve fucked up or suck at something. Or, at least it’s hard for me to let go of it.  Especially if the repercussions involve destabilizing my security or hurting someone else.  The key to a healthier future, though, is to remember that from these experiences you learn and obtain tools that help you in dealing with them better in the future, and do what you can to focus on the good you can do moving forward.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: What is your greatest vice you’re not consciously aware of?

Guardian of the Night TarotReading Summary: When finding myself at the end of a journey (Ten of Swords) and thus the beginning of a new one (Ace of Cups), I often fail to pause and take stock (Four of Pentacles Rx) before moving forward.

Take Away: I’m so constantly going full bore from one thing to the next that I often forget that I need to take a break and find my footing again between one adventure and the next one.

Instead, I move on from what has been finished and dive enthusiastically into the next, allowing my pursuit if enjoyment and pleasure to carry me away into the new “thing”, whatever that thing might be, without that necessary pause to take stock, restock, and find my balance before continuing on.


Daily Self Kindness

I turned the water off for the sink and decided not to fuck with it today.  It was really frustrating me, as it’s still leaking.  It didn’t at first.  Not for the first few hours after I’d taken it apart and put it back together.  Then it started leaking again while we were doing the dishes.  So obviously… it’s not fixed.  I needed to step away from it for a bit, so I have decided not to deal with it today or tomorrow since it’s the weekend anyway so if I need to get hold of Moen, it won’t be possible until Monday at the earliest.

Plan It Out and Get Going

Today’s meditation was skipped today.  I was feeling stressed about the orders that I needed to get done and sort of lost the battle with any of my self care stuff today, not just the meditation but the probiotic smoothie, the vitamins, the tea with peptides, yoga physio crap…. the whole thing.  I’m definitely going to pay for it too.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - King of SwordsToday’s draw is the King of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of intellect, communication, ambitions, and instinct.  The King in this suit is often associated with someone that is highly intelligent that has strategical acumen and leadership qualities rooted in their ability to lead through their ideas and skills in communication.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the fact that the king’s throne is on wheels. He’s not sitting still and letting the world come to him, but sits upon a mobile throne, prepared to go where he is needed with the strength of his convictions behind him and intelligence to lead the way.  (Okay, so the dude’s muscles also stood out but… of course they did. Just sayin’.  I’m not blind.  That particular notation had nothing to do with the reading tho.)

Right.  So… the message today is about taking control by having a plan… a stress on the “plan” part of that.  This card is saying if I want to take control of my orders and get done what needs done, there’s more to the process than just getting up and moving your ass… you need a plan and you need to focus on it and stick to it and make it happen.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: What do I need to focus on for self-care during this full moon?

Ink Witch TarotReading Summary:  Don’t push too hard right now (Page of Wands).  It’s okay to have some alone time if you need it, as long is it’s done in a healthy way (The Hermit) and you aren’t allowing the wolf in through the door in the process (Nine of Wands).

Take Away: Although I feel like I’ve managed to stop my slide down the walls of that dark pit, it would be a mistake during the full moon to use the energy available from the full moon to push myself to do more and dive into things.

Instead, I need to focus on taking care of myself and participating in healthy things that can fight back against the darkness.  It is very easy at this time to tip over the line from healthy to unhealthy in my actions and thoughts.  The Hermit card here is a reminder of just how close that line is and how easy it is to slip over it without realizing it, as alone time is something I crave often and yet it is not always healthy for me, while at other times it is immensely benificial.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I treat myself with more compassion?

Earth Bones Tarot

Reading Summary:  Instead of projecting your energy and ambitions outward (King of Crystals) and overfilling your plate with responsibilities that then turn into heavy burdens (Ten of Wicks), right now you need to focus upon fostering and sustaining your inner strength (Strength).

Take Away:  Recovery from an MDE takes time and piling on responsibilities and additional crap to get done won’t help but instead will only slow down that recovery.  A better path that will allow the healing to happen instead of ignoring those needs, is to focus on doing the things that build your inner strength and give you a bit more stability.


Daily Self Kindness

Damn.   This is the first time since I started this self kindness section that I really can’t think of anything that I’ve done for myself today as a self kindness.  Nor can I think of anything at this point and time just before bed that I can do for myself right now as a self kindness.

Wealth Comes From Gratitude

Today’s meditation was again… skipped.  I know it’s not a good idea to skip my meditations. I also know that even if I feel like they’re not doing me any good?  They are.  The fact that when I meditate daily my resting heart rate drops nearly ten beats per minute is proof that they do in fact make a difference. But I skipped… just sayin’.

Heaven & Earth Tarot - Ten of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Ten of Pentacles, which is traditionally about sharing your success and satiation with those around you.  This isn’t charity, but rather the next step after wallowing in your success, where you reach out to those you love and invite them into that good feeling of security and completion.

What I see in the message for this card today has to do with gratitude for what you have.   Not everyone is wealthy in monetary ways, but everyone is wealthy in some sort of way.  Sometimes it is good health, or they have a wealth of luck, a wealth of love, a wealth of friends… all of these are ways to be wealthy and there are so many more.

The thing about wealth is that if you do not see it as wealth and feel gratitude for it… then it’s not wealth.  It’s just another “thing” in your life.  The message in today’s card is to acknowledge those things that make you wealthy.  Acknowledge them and be grateful for them.

In my own life I am wealthy in many ways.  Although I am not monetarily wealthy, I’m no longer destitute as I was a decade ago.  I have a home that I own, a mortgage that is over half paid off, a twin sister who loves me fiercely, family and friends that I cherish and who love me, a partner who’s love borders on obsession in the best possible ways, and the freedom and independence to pursue the things that I enjoy and that interest me.  These are only some of the many things I have to be grateful for each and every day.


LionHart’s Elements Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Where am I asked to relax a little more or take a break?

Insight Tarot

Reading Summary:   Ease off on the “balls up and keep moving” (Strength) even when you feel like everything has turned to shit (Nine of Swords).  Your plans will wait until you’re in a better place (Three of Wands).

Take Away:  It’s okay to take the time I need to recover.  No one is pushing me forward but my own unrealistic expectations that I move forward at the same pace now in the middle of an MDE as I would when not in the middle of an episode.   Plans will wait, everything will be fine.  Just take a breath and slow down.


#DiscordTarotolicJan2021 Challenge Prompt
: Pull your most and least favorite cards from your deck and explain why you feel that way.

Zolar's New Astrological TarotMost Favorite – The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man reminds me that each hurdle I come upon (of which there have been many, and will surely be many more) is an opportunity for betterment in some way, not a road block.

The card says to me that it’s okay to have a life filled with struggles and hurdles, strife and discord, woe and adversity. These things are lessons in life that teach me how to become better. Better at the things I want to do… Better at the way I find my joy… And, just an all around better person as a whole.

The Hanged Man is a reminder that these things are there not to drag me down and make me miserable. Instead, they are there to create perspective, wisdom, and strength, as well as to foster deeper roots within myself and my life with which to anchor me through the hardest parts, like a tree standing strong in a storm is anchored deep within the soil.

Learning lessons and learning different perspectives is not always pleasant. It’s painful and uncomfortable and extremely awkward. To me the Hanged Man is a representation of how these struggles hold immeasurable worth, if I’m willing to look beyond the discomfort to see what’s waiting there for me to learn.

Least Favorite – The Wheel of Fortune

So… my reason for loving the Hanged Man was long and I really waxed poetic.  But, my answer for the Wheel of Fortune is much shorter and more succinct.   I dislike the Wheel of Fortune because it represents to me the unpredictability of life.  Ups and downs, fast times and slow… it’s never stable, never still, always moving and changing, always one shift away from the next imbalance, the next turn, the next change.

Even for those that see the Wheel of Fortune as a luck card, the fact is that it is a luck card that represents both good luck… and bad.  There’s no dependability and no stability there.  And that just sucks IMO.


Daily Self Kindness

Today I allowed myself not to work.  I did do a couple of client readings that were due to be sent out, but other than that, I stayed away from work entirely.  And I’m not beating myself up over it.  Instead I played with Gid and trimmed the borders down on the Magical Tarot by Arisa Chibara for L.