Grim Tarock

Not All “New” Ideas Are Good Ideas

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a quiet non-guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. I really just needed a little peace, and I felt that the guided meditation, or even a bit of music, would feel like a bit too much over-stimulation.

Tarot of Haunted House - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which traditionally is a representation of new ideas, the beginning of educational pursuits, and ambition.

What stands out to me in this card is the position of the hand that is holding the knife. In this position, it is poised to press down and slice which indicates to me that this is a prime position for suicide.

Not all new ideas are good ideas.

When I was younger I had a whole lot of suicidal ideation. In fact… I had a whole lot of suicidal urges. It wasn’t just ideas and it wasn’t just daydreams and it wasn’t just thoughts. It was an overwhelming urge that visited me again and again, whether I was in the middle of a clinical depression or not. It was something my brain would just not let go of, a longing I couldn’t seem to release.

I’d like to say that love was the answer to this issue, but it wasn’t. Things really changed for me when Prozac came into my life in my 20s, and slowly but surely, the urges began to fade… and then the thoughts followed suit.

Now, as I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize that my life is precious. I want to live a long life, and I want to enjoy every minute of it. And when the end comes, I’m going to be sad about that. These are the realizations that came and developed over time once the suicidal ideation was finally moved out of the way.

I can’t say that the suicidal thoughts don’t come back… because they do. Prozac helps keep me balanced and level, but it doesn’t prevent the occasional major depressive episode from sneaking in. During those times the world looks a lot different and the urges to end my life come back, and I have to remind myself that the depression is only temporary and an illusion. What I’m feeling at those times is a lie.

Not all new ideas are good ideas.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: Trick – What have I learned this month?

Grim Tarock

Reading Summary: This month I have learned that entertaining addictions (The Dark Lord) for too long leads to a deconstruction of stability and old values (The Tower).  But, you can counteract that with patience and moderation (Temperance) which then leads to reigning in chaos to your advantage (Nine of Citadels atop Knight of Chaos).

Take Away: This isn’t only about deck collecting, which I need to slow down on for a bit as it is a bit of a drain on the finances.  But there’s other addictions here too.  Issues with eating unhealthy foods, with retreating into myself, skipping my meditations, and not getting the time in nature and exercise I need.   All of these things boil down to the addictions and temptations that are, when allowed to go on too long unrestrained, unhealthy for me.  At the top of this list is my self destructive urge, as well, and that is also a problem as it’s what drives so many of my other bad habits and allowances towards excess.

Moderation (which I admit is not my strongest of skills) is the key to the whole mess, of course. With moderation, I can then get a reign on that chaos so ready to run out of control and bring it to heel and benefit me instead of becoming destructive.

DECK USED:  GRIM TAROCK

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Does one’s name influence the person they become?

Ludy Lescot TarotReading Summary: A name can absolutely be a factor in leading the way in one’s life (Eight of Cups), especially if someone is not secure in themselves and have stability in their life (Four of Wands). It’s something that we carry with us throughout our lives (The World). But ultimately, there is an uncountable number of factors that influence the people we become, and it’s just one of the many (Seven of Cups).

Take Away:  A person’s name can influence who they become, but it is only one in a vast number of influences that make up the whole of a person’s development, and a rather small influence at that as long as the person has a good foundation beneath their feet and a solid surroundings and home life to lean into so that such things don’t take up too much of their focus.

DECK USED:  LUDY LESCOT TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: How do I nurture myself to strengthen my relationship with my Guides?

Curio Tarot

Reading Summary: Be kind with yourself (Queen of Cups), and pick a direction (Two of Wands) for your expertise to grow into (Eight of Pentacles). Keep hope alive in your head and heart, and work on your optimism (The Star).

Take Away:  Nurturing myself with kindness and working on my optimism are repeating themes in my cards, and things that I truly need repeated reminders to keep up on.  The center cards about picking a direction for my expertise to grow into is an interesting addition, and something I need to turn over in my mind for a bit.  It’s good advice, it’s just not something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about.  I’ve so long been a man of many skills that picking an expertise and a direction… even while making excellent sense? Feels weird to consider.

DECK USED:  CURIO TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What cards represent my spiritual best?

Da Brigh Black Tarot

Queen of Spheres – Grounded and deeply rooted within that grounding. Filled with creativity and nurturing manifestation, the need to create and bring to life those things that are only thoughts is in my soul whether it is through the growth of plants, artistic pursuits, or the creation of jewelry.

Justice – My need for balance and fairness is an integral part of my moral compass.  I know that life is not fair, but I also know that even if the only fairness in the world comes from me?  I’m going to do my best to instill a level of fairness and balance into my life and, when possible, the lives of others as well.  It is needed.

King of Swords – My knowledge is extensive and diverse, and I have the ability to inspire others to seek knowledge on what inspires their curiosity as well. Leading by example, I delve into any subject that draws my interest and my focus, and although I am willing to share that knowledge with others, I’m also very much interested in pushing others to explore on their own as well.

DECK USED:  DA BRIGH BLACK TAROT

Making Yourself The Outsider

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was skipped again today. I probably shouldn’t have, but I had so much crap to get done, plus a phone appointment with my shrink… and everything just got away with me a bit.  So.. it didn’t get done.  I do plan on giving it a go when I lie down to go to bed tho.

Tarot of Haunted House - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of homecomings and celebration…. and celebratory homecomings.  There is a stability to this theme, and comfort as well.

There aren’t many cards in this deck I feel this way about, but I’m not really sure about the imagery for this card in this deck.  What I see here feels a lot more like a Hierophant card than the Four of Wands.  

That said, what really stands out to me in this card today is the four pillars and the burst of flame atop each of them.  That imagery of stability and celebration then draws my eye down to the knife held in a sacrificial downward angle, which then draws my eye down to the two figures that appear to have turned to look back at the viewer.

These three points feel like levels in this card, and what I see here is more about -not- feeling welcome.  It’s about feeling like an outsider. An outlier.  You can see the stability and the celebration in the distance, but there are forbidding obstacles between where you now stand and that comfort hinted at in the four pillars. 

The message here is to not allow issues with self worth or confidence cut you out of the places where you should belong.  These negative feelings and derogatory self-narratives that make you feel like an outsider?  They aren’t what others are thinking.  They are only what you are thinking.  Don’t project your self-worth issues on others and assume that they perceive you as you see yourself.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus, this card today will be my focus.

Grim Tarock - Five of CitadelsThe collection of buildings along the cliff’s face are piled atop each other and disintegrating under the wear of time.  Rocks tumble  and foundations crumble.

The Five of Citadels is a reminder about upkeep.

When you do a little each day to care for the upkeep of those things that are important to you, over time these things wear well and remain in good condition, creating a long future.

If, on the other hand, you do not do that little bit of care each day, over time things deteriorate a little at a time.  And soon, you find that those things you care about have fallen apart and no longer hold value.

The focus that this card prompts for me today is to make sure I’m doing the little work.  One small thing a day is enough to help keep things from falling apart… whether that’s self care, or home care, or relationships…. or anything of value.

DECK USED:  GRIM TAROCK

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Where do you find meaning in your life?

Hephoe TapoQueen of Wands atop The Hierophant – Through my passion for teaching and guiding others. I have found, especially as I’ve gotten older, that I greatly enjoy guiding others to help them in finding their own unique path, and teaching them in different skills and knowledge that I’ve collected along the way in my own life.  I want to help others in finding their own passions, their own interests, and their own beliefs.  I love occasionally hearing when something I’ve offered up “clicks” for someone and helps them in their own journey, or just knowing that I’ve helped in some way in making their life “fit” them better in some way.

The Emperor – Having a sense of independence and control.  These are things I need in my life. I require them.  And, in fact, it is a need that I have built a good deal of my life around, from how I am employed to how my relationships with others work, and even in how I relate to people and the world around me. 

Knight of Swords atop Ten of Pentacles – Going after my ambitions towards stability, security, and a comfortable living.  I feel that this answer is as much about the “going after” as it is about the obtaining of this goal. While I feel a need for stability and structure?  I also feel that need to strive for something, to push for something.  This stability and security is a sort of “moving target” that constantly stimulates that need to strive for something… and at the same time manage to accomplish just enough to fulfill that constant need for security.

DECK USED:  HEPHOE TAPO

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: What is the significance behind this missed message from yesterday?

Dark Grimoire Tarot

Reading Summary: Lean on others (Three of Pentacles) instead of killing yourself trying to juggle everything on your own (Two of Pentacles). Depending on others is a choice that you have to consciously make for yourself (The Lovers)… and it will make your life better and more emotionally fulfilling in the end (Nine of Cups).

Take Away:  What these cards are saying is that I need to fill my life with people that love me and want to help.  By doing this, as time goes on, I will find the benefits spill over from my work and into my life at large and that even if I one day grown into a lonely old man alone in the world, I will feel emotionally fulfilled by all those past people that were a part of my life. The key here is that this is a choice.  A choice you make for yourself.  Letting people in is a choice that you have to start early and allow to then carry forward through the years ahead.

DECK USED:  DARK GRIMOIRE TAROT

Don’t Dawdle Too Long

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_6970Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer for my piriformis stretches.  I’m sort of wondering if the additional soreness I’m feeling lately isn’t just because I skipped a couple of days of stretching, but also because I have not been going in to the sports medicine doctor for adjustments since the spring.

The topic of today’s meditation was in taking a pause when reacting and responding to others to check if you are being kind.   It focused upon the quote by Rumi that is posted in this blog post to the right.   I’ve never heard this quote by Rumi before, but I can honestly say that it’s become one of my favorites.  I work really hard to do this when I interact with others… although perhaps the “Is it necessary” gets skipped a bit more than it should.  Still, I think it is a good guideline, and something as a whole that we all need to keep in mind more often.

Tarot of Haunted House - The Hanged ManToday’s draw is the Hanged Man, which is traditionally a representation of taking a step back to mull things over or see things from a new and different perspective.  This involves letting go of your own preconceptions and opening your mind to a new view.

Although I see this in the imagery of today’s card, the card’s imagery brings up more questions than answers today.   The reason for this is that the skeleton hangs in darkness beyond an opening in a brick wall.  From that I begin to wonder just how long has that skeleton been hanging there?  How did it get there?  How was it discovered?

These questions bring me to what I feel is the message of today’s card.  That is to say, the message here is about just how long you take in that “step back” to consider other perspectives.  Yes…. making decisions requires seeing as much of the “whole picture” as possible.  But if you get so wrapped up and focused on collecting data?  Sometimes  you end up missing the opportunities presented to you.   It’s a delicate balance, making sure you don’t hang there in limbo so long that you end up walled in.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF HAUNTED HOUSE

LionHart’s #TheOctoberTarot #SeasonOfTheWitchChallenge Prompt
Question: I am in control of the path I walk by…

Curio Tarot

Reading Summary: …being generous and kind with your emotions (Queen of Cups), and not allowing your drive to be more and do better get in the way (King of Cups Rx). Instead, you need to make sure you’re taking time to rest and recover (Four of Swords) and focus on your balance (Two of Pentacles).

Note: The “to do more and be better” is more about the fact that the King of the same suit showed up beside the Queen of Cups, rather than the connotations of the suit he is in.

Take Away:  The indication here is that it is not me in control of my path when I’m allowing those inner demons to drive me on the focus of “more more more”. It’s only when I take control of my life balance, be kind to myself, and allow myself the rest and restoration I need in that I am truly in control.

DECK USED:  CURIO TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsOct2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I embrace positive influences carried forward from my ancestors?

The Dark Mansion TarotReading Summary: Open your eyes (Two of Swords) and look forward at your progress concerning that emotional intelligence you’ve been working on (Queen of Cups). Inspire others with your kindness to believe in you and fight for you (Queen of Cups leading up into the Seven of Wands).

Note: The Queen of Cups came up reversed, but I think it is more to the point that she is supposed to be looking to the right (and the future), rather than the fact that the card actually means it’s reversed meaning.

Take Away:  It is a conscious choice to reach for progress and embrace the lessons the Queen of Cups has to offer about your emotions and how they influence not just yourself but others as well.

For so long I have chosen to ignore my emotions and their influences. I learned this behavior from those in my past… and this new path I am on is guided by not just my desire to break the pattern but the spirit guides that are there to help guide me along the way.

DECK USED:  THE DARK MANSION TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge October Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I better embrace my Spirit Guide’s message from the 6th?

Grim Tarock

Reading Summary: Sometimes in moving on from what isn’t working for you (Eight of Fish), you find something better (Ten of Citadels). Learn to accept what you’re leaving behind isn’t worth keeping, and it’s worth the sludge and slog of the journey to move forward beyond it (The Hierophant).

Obviously this reading is based off the imagery and not the suits/card names.  The “learn to” is a nod to the Hierophant’s traditional meaning, but otherwise this reading is imagery focused.

Take Away:  When you abandon what is familiar, there’s always a bit of fear involved. That’s true even when what you’re leaving behind is something that doesn’t work for you or is unhealthy for you.  It’s important, during these times, to remember that what you’re moving toward is worth slogging through all that worry and fear.  As long as you keep moving, you’ll get there.  Just don’t look back.

DECK USED:  GRIM TAROCK

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What does the Sun mean to me?

The Cryptid Tarot

Reading Summary: Let’s use those swords (Eight of Swords/Averasboro Gallinipper) to make something great (Ten of Pentacles/Yowie), and let’s do it with enthusiasm (Knight of Wands/Gef the Mongoose).

Take Away:  That critter in the Eight of Swords card is probably pretty blind to just how useful those sword legs can be, but with the help of the Yowie and Gef, goth of which have a far more positive outlook going on, it’s possible to turn what appears to be a dangerous handicap into a positive boon.

This is the energy I see in the Sun, that transformative energy that can turn things around and instill a positive or optimistic spin on something perceived to be negative.

DECK USED:  THE CRYPTID TAROT