gratitude

One Plus One Equals One

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on the subjectivity of time.  That is to say, how in some situations time feels like it moves at a crawl or even stands still, while at other times it flies by in a blink.

It specifically dealt with times when these slows or accelerations in time are stressful or uncomfortable, and how we can help take ourselves out of that space by stepping back for a moment and focusing on the now.  This includes a moment of mindfulness, taking a few deep breaths, and centering yourself in the moment.

I have a habit of doing this thing throughout the day, but it was a good reminder, because there are times when I am feeling flustered or overwhelmed that I forget the practice is available to me.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Brine, with a jumper card of the Knight of Oak.  (That would be the Nine of Cups, and the Knight of Pentacles, in tarot-speak.)

The Nine of Brine is traditionally a culmination card in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.   But, what I see here in this card is not so much culmination as support through times of difficulty.   I see the young elephant and the young human giving each other comfort and support as they are surrounded by the remnants of the dead.   The water they wade in is a reinforcement of the emotional connection blended into the support between the two.   They are washed clean together, they emerge together, supportive of each other.

The Knight of Oak (pentacles), is a card of action within the tarot, which deals with themes to do with hard work and productivity.  Again, in this card I see something that lightly touches on that theme, but that again speaks of a coming together and supportive relationship.  The moose and the boy work together to gather what they need.  Yes, the key word here is that they are working, but what I see in this card is far more than that and speaks to me of a joining of spirit and interconnected relationship.  Support between two spirits that are very different, and yet the same.

Bringing the impressions I am pulling from both cards together, what I see is an encouragement to take stock of and appreciate those connections I have that serve to support myself and the other individual in the relationship.  These are my close relationships, like you, my sister, and J.  In each instance, there is support given and received on both sides, and together in these relationships everyone is different, but together create something far stronger and more useful than as individuals.

These cards also speak to me of the work involved in preserving and fostering these relationships being worth it.  Sometimes, these relationships are work, and that’s okay.  That you’re willing to put in the work is a part of knowing how much you value what you have.

Deck Used: Stolen Child Tarot

Acceptance and Appreciation

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Today’s meditation was eleven minutes and thirty seconds long, and focused on emotions, and how they are transitory. It spoke on the topic of challenging emotions such as grief, anxiety, and depression and about how it is our instinct to push these emotions away.

The meditation was focused on how these feelings, and all emotions, are temporary and will pass.

This is the method that I take with most of my negative emotions, but especially the depression. In fact, it was one of the things that helped me before I found a medication to assist in relieving me of my suicidal urges. Accepting the fact that the depression is temporary, and that if you wait, it will pass? It keeps the mind on the fact that no matter how -forever- the depression feels, it WILL come to an end. It will move on and you WILL move past it.

That mindset has saved my life many, many times. I can’t say that I haven’t made attempts to end my life. I can’t say that I haven’t become so swallowed up in that dark place that I believed it would never end, unable to see the past happy times and unable to imagine a future with any of them in it. But since taking up that mantra of “it will pass”, that endless time is not quite so endless.

Today’s draw is the Three of Pentacles (with the Hazel Dormouse), which is a representation of collaboration, inspiration, and expansion in the area of finance, work, manifestation, resources, and the physical world.

In the guidebook, the Dormouse holds the keywords of discovery, devotion, commitments, resourcefulness, and vigilance.

The artwork depicted on today’s card stirs in me the familiar thoughts of family and working together with family to accomplish a goal. It reminds me of working on Ms B and Mr R’s property, where they are so on in years but still work so hard to keep their home and property beautiful and well-kept.

Working with them on their property is an experience in familial harmony that I don’t get with my own parents. They accept me in with open arms, and helping them makes me feel good. Working -with- them doesn’t just make me feel good, but is educational as they have taught me over the years about life, responsibility, working in harmony with other’s differences, how a multitude of different things work, and the value of doing things the -right- way instead of the easy way (because Ms B loves the right way, and Mr R prefers the easy way… and he always has to do it over cuz in the end the right way wins out every time, even when she lets him fuck it up first).

It reminds me, as well, in how well L and I work together and how in sync we are with each other on projects and even just everyday tasks. I may have built a life for myself, but -together- we have built something more than that. A life with depth and meaning and comforts and… We have, in essence, built what neither of us had in our home life growing up. A life of harmony and acceptance.

And that is where today’s card steps in. A reminder of these these connections in my life and how wonderful and valuable they are. Not just those connections with my sister and Z’s parents, but with Z, and with you, and with so many others. Today’s card is a reminder to be appreciative, and grateful.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

From Resentment to Gratitude

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and seventeen seconds, and was a simple body scan that started at the crown of the head and moved slowly through each body part, as well as the chakra associations involved with the center line of the body.

I often find that these types of meditations make it much easier for me to stay focused rather than catching myself in a constant tug of war between focusing on the breath and my mind beginning to wander.

All in all, I found the meditation very relaxing, although I’ve noticed that on a physical level I’ve been having some problems with my left hip just recently.  I’ll have to discuss it with physio/chiro doc when I go in next Tuesday.  It’s not the right side, so there’s no pins or rods or anything to worry about, but there’s definitely something going on on that side.

Today’s draw is the Three of Wands, which is a representation of growth, small gains and emerging progress, group efforts, and the realization of successes in the area of one’s passion, drive, and ambitions.

This card has shown up today to remind me to be nice, and grateful, for the help I have.  Specifically, in my business.   It is no accident that this card has appeared on the same day that my helper has come back from a week away.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve felt a little resentment lately about her presence in my home.  I don’t think that this has anything at all to do with her, but rather with the fact that I needed a little alone time and just wasn’t getting any.   Between L and J always being around, and the helper coming, and the housekeeper visits, I wasn’t really getting the alone time I need in order to stay balanced.

I realized this last night, and that along with seeking a more mindful and grateful mindset where she is concerned seems to have really helped.  I even taught her a new skill today.  Something that she can work on at home now and then when her school schedule is too strained to make it out this way as often as I’d like, or our schedules just won’t match up.    It meant sending some supplies home with her, but I’m okay with that in this case.

So there you have it.  Better use of that area of ‘group efforts’ and a more mindful, grateful attitude about her presence.

I love you.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5

Sink Into It

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and nine seconds, and focused on the mindset of scarcity.   Struggling with a lack mentality is many times what causes people to overextend, overspend, over-commit, etc.    When in this mindset, always wanting more makes it difficult to be  happy and at peace.

This is a mentality that I personally struggle with quite a lot.  This and the fear of loss are the reasons that I work so much and push myself beyond my limits.  I fear losing my home.  I fear losing my security and comfort.   Having been in the situation where I was without so much, including a place to live for a while, it is what pushes me more than anything else.  And perhaps in some ways, these motivations are a good thing.

But, I DO understand that when that mindset of scarcity takes over, it can become problematic both to one’s physical health as well as mental health.

In the guided meditation, it speaks of a method to remove yourself from this mindset by focusing on gratitude rather than needs.   I think this is a really good message, and I have over the past few months really stepped up in my mindfulness concerning gratitude, although I’m not sure that it is helpful in my issues with scarcity, as gratitude can sometimes makes me feel like I want to hold on tighter to what I have.

This is an ongoing struggle for me and there is no resolution today, just a meandering wander through my thoughts on the matter.

Today’s draw is the 12th card in the Major Arcana, the Hanged Man.   This is a card that is near and dear to my heart, and one of my “deal breaker” cards for a deck.  (Meaning that if I don’t like the Hanged Man card in a deck, chances are very good I don’t and/or won’t want it.)   Like all cards in the Major Arcana, this card deals with one’s experiences as a whole and their journey on the path of life rather than just one aspect of that journey.

The Hanged Man is a representation of change in perspective, and taking a pause to look at something from all angles, as well as surrender and letting go.  In the Major Arcana, I view this card as the one that I most often relate to above all others, as it is the goal of looking at things from multiple perspectives that is one of the tenants of my life.  Life is not one dimensional, and although I may not agree with all view points, I very much want to be able to -see- them, understand them, and then decide for myself whether or not they “fit” for me or if I can take some greater understanding away from them.

The Hanged Man teaches, though, that sometimes in order to adjust your perspective, you must relax and sink into a receptive state of surrender.  If your walls are up, your mind and heart closed, then nothing is gained and nothing will change.  And that is very much a part of what the Hanged Man is all about… personal change.

That openness is the message in today’s card.  Early in the year, I was having a real problem with this.  With everything blocked and clogged up by the depression that slipped away with most of my spring, I remember feeling as if I was far more closed minded than I liked, and I very much disliked that in myself.   It’s not a mindset that I’m very familiar with, as although I am quite stubborn, I have a deep seated need to grasp other’s perspectives and it is one of the main ways in which I better relate to other people, as well as learn and grow.

I have found that lack of flexibility opening up in the months since the depression’s retreat, and the appearance of this card brings a conscious awareness to this aspect of the process of “getting back to myself”.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5

The Bunny Rabbit

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on reflecting upon those that have contributed to your life and assisted you in both the small ways and large ones in getting you to where you are now.

It began with a moment’s reflection on yourself and a mindful moment of gratitude for who you are and what you have, then upon those that have influenced your life and your path.

I am one of those people who feel that there is absolutely nothing in my past that I would change.  I feel that even the bad things that have happened have assisted in my growth and development, creating the man I am today, the moral compass that resides in my head, heart, and gut, as well as the circumstances I find myself in, which could always have turned out much worse.

One different choice, one slight step to the left or the right, and things would have changed… and perhaps not for the better.   I am grateful for what I have and for every day I’ve experienced, and every step along my path.  Without them, I would not be me, and…. not to sound egocentric, but I like who I am.

This mindset made today’s meditation focus very easy for me, and it was both a comforting and relaxing session.

Today’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is a representation of…. loses his train of thought.

Bunny!

*Clearing his throat.*  Right, then.   The Queen of Pentacles is a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the areas of the physical world, resources, finances, and earthly delights.

Geez.. I’m really stuck on the bunny today.  OK… the bunny.  Lets do this by intuition today, then.

When this card came up today, she looked like she was sleeping on her throne instead of looking down at the pentacle she holds.  And then the bunny popped out of the picture for me and I haven’t been able to get my mind off of it since.

A common theme in the symbolism of rabbits is fertility.  Obviously, we aren’t going to take this literal, as… hello.  Only one nut and absolutely no ovaries to be seen over here, even if I was playing hide the sausage, which I am so not even going there.  Other definitions of fertility, though, include creativity and abundance.  And here is where today’s Queen of Pentacles is leading.

x9ii0fy4

I made a diagram for you, man, cuz I knew you were going to ask.

From the rabbit combined with the napping queen on her throne, the message I get from today’s card is to realize that I have enough and let up a little bit.   I have plenty, and everything is moving along just fine.  There is no need to kill myself with work or worry.  Relax.  Rest.  Restore.  And, once refreshed, head back at it with a new sense of energy and creativity.

I hear you, little bunny.  Loud and clear.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5

 

An Appreciative Mindset

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirty eight seconds long, and focused on getting the most out of your meditation practice by carrying it beyond just those few minutes in which you are with in meditation.

This involves the practice of taking a moment just to stop and “smell the roses” and be mindful of where you’re at during the day, or perhaps using breathing techniques during times of stress in order to retain some semblance of calm.

The fact is, if you are meditating on a regular basis and not feeling as if you are making any progress… chances are you have not carried your practice beyond just that time spent meditating. In order to get the most out of one’s meditation practice, it is necessary to take what is learned within your daily practice out into the world with you on the day to day.

Today’s draw is the Three of Cups, which is a representation of harmony, collaboration, communication, cooperation, and “good times” in the area of emotions, intuition, creativity, imagination, and relationships.

The Three of Cups is a”live in the moment” card. It is all about finding that “groove” with others and reveling in it.  In fact, it has a bit of a hint of revelry to it all on its own.

The appearance of the Three of Cups in today’s draw is a reminder to be grateful for what I have and relish the present.   It speaks of appreciating not just the situation of the now, but also the people I am surrounded with and share my life with, collaborate with, and spend time with.