Try, and Try Again

Today’s meditation was skipped because it’s an orders day and, honestly? It’s too fucking hot and miserable.

Hexen 2.0 Tarot and Less Anxiety Affirmation CardsToday’s draw is The Magician, which is traditionally a representation of having all the tools and skills needed to achieve your goals.  The card is about resourcefulness to manifest the results that you want and being inspired to carry things through to fruition.

Sometimes when we’re working towards a goal we can feel like we just don’t have everything together (or can’t manage to get it together) and the endeavor is therefore going to fail.

And the thing is?  No matter how prepared we are?  Sometimes that’s going to happen.

The key is to take that failure and remember that we’re still here.  We can still try again, and adjust our approach to give us a better chance of succeeding.

As long as we’re still here?  There’s always room for learning and improvement.  There’s always room to try again for the things you really want, and each failed try will only make the next effort that much better than the one before it.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I improve upon my self care?

Wilderness Collide OracleReading Summary: Meditate (Crystal Visions atop Cosmic Journey). You are holding yourself back (Rising) in more ways than one (Expanse) by avoiding your meditation practice.

Take Away:  I often meditate with crystals, which is how “Crystal Visions” comes into play in the meditation aspect.  The thing is?  I don’t know why I keep avoiding my practice, but I’m self aware enough to know that no amount of excuses can conceal the fact that that’s exactly what I’m doing. 

The cards here are right, though.  I need to get back to it.  It’s beneficial on so many levels and avoiding it is holding me back not just in my health and well-being, but also in my growth.


#DiscordTarotolicsJun2021 Challenge Prompt
: About differences…
Question: How can I resolve differences between myself and others with less anxiety?

Hexen 2.0 TarotReading Summary: Spend less energy worrying (Nine of Swords Rx) over if things might turn out badly (Three of Swords Rx), more authority and sharing of inspirational perspectives. Be passionate and innovative, and use that energy to inspire others to your way of thinking (King of Wands).

Take Away: So… this reading was about a little anxiety riddled character conversation the other day in the literary roleplay/writing realm that Gideon and I are in.  Sometimes, with some people, I feel like I’m walking on glass as I fulfill my leadership responsibilities.  It just goes that way, you know?  Things that should be a discussion feel like a confrontation and a direct challenge rather than having a chat.

So, yeah.   The advice here is to worry less about the whole “blowing up in your face” aspect of communication with these type of people, and instead turn the tables and draw them in with ideas and enthusiasm.


Daily Self Kindness

I took a nap on orders day.  It was a combination of having a full stomach and the heat.  I just got so tired that I didn’t have a choice in the matter so I let myself lay down for a couple hours.

Mindfulness as a Tool

Today’s meditation was skipped because I just wanted to lounge instead.  I did take time to relax under the ceiling fan and do my piriformis stretches, though.  I just didn’t do the meditation part of things.

Spiritsong Tarot and Less Anxiety Affirmation CardsToday’s draw is The Magician, which is traditionally a representation of resourcefulness and having all the tools needed to accomplish one’s goals.  He is, in essence, “the man with all the tools” like that neighbor you always go to to borrow tools from because he always has just the right tool for the job.

The Raven, as features in this card, is certainly one of those characters in nature that fits that “all the tools” category. They are extremely intelligent, can learn to mimic human speech and singing, and can recognize and remember the faces of humans.  They are efficient and clever, and uniquely qualified for their own survival.

In combination with the affirmation card for today, what I see in the message of today’s cards is that even when we have all the tools needed to forge ahead?  Sometimes what we need to do is stay in the present and savor what we already have. Life isn’t always about advancement and gain. A part of learning to enjoy life to it’s fullest and having all the tools at our disposal to do so includes knowing how to be in the moment and enjoy the present.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Questions for June 26th and 27th

Spiritsong Tarot and Pure Magic OracleWhat is out of my control?
The Traveler and Closing Circle

Your path. Things move at their own pace. A healthy pace to take you where you need to be when you need to be there. Not everything on your path and where it leads is under your control. Sometimes you have to walk forward on blind faith that where you end up will be just where you need to be.

How can I cut through the noise and get to whats important?
Telekinesis and The Hanged Man

Be open but decisive. Listen to all perspectives, take them in one at a time, then cut loose what doesn’t work and see what’s left. You’re missing the cutting part of the equation, and without that part of the process, you just build up more and more to examine and sort through.  Get to the cutting already.


#DiscordTarotolicsJun2021 Challenge Prompt
: About coziness…
Question: What can I do to make things more cozy and comfortable during this horrendous heat wave?

Spiritsong TarotPage of Acorns (Monkey) – Stick close to home and explore all the little things that can build up a bit at a time. Each fan you can find to turn on, the closing of the blinds and curtains. Adding the reflective insulation to the west windows.  Each small bit of adjustment made in the home will help a little more.

Ten of Crystals (Alligator) – Spend some time in the bathtub. A cool soak can do wonders and is something you’ve done in the past to cool down.  Yes, the lotion and scar treatments afterwards are a pain in the ass, but it’s still worth it.  Fill the bathtub up like a kiddy pool and just take a bit of a dip now and then. It will help you feel a great deal better just to splash around in there a bit.

The Star (Swan) – Remember that it’s temporary. The heat wave isn’t going to last forever. It’s just a few days and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Be patient, be safe, and keep your eye on the relief that’s just around the corner.


CoffeexTarot’s Self Love For The Summer Prompt
Questions for June 26th and 27th

Flora Healing Oracle CardsWhat positive energy do I need to focus on?

Dianthus (Know Your Limits) – It’s important to make sure that you are setting safe and healthy boundaries and limits for yourself. The summer is supposed to be a time to catch your breath and rest.  Don’t allow yourself to get so overwhelmed that you’re not getting the rest that you need.

How can I better express my gratitude?

Sage (Cleanse) – Somehow, even with three of us in this house we just can’t seem to keep up on the cleaning.  I can’t really blame the girls, because I think they hate it just as much as I do. The thing is, though?  When the house is clean it just feels better.  So much better.  Maybe it’s time to start looking for a housekeeper again.  Life just feels so much better when the house is clean and dusted.


Daily Self Kindness

I selfishly turned the AC to blow directly on me today.  It’s still hot enough that my skin is sticky and it just feels gross in here, but it would be so much worse without the AC.  Z and my sister have been taking turns chilling in the bedroom, which is a good deal cooler than the rest of the house.

Focus On The Present

Today’s meditation was skipped (again) because today was my driving day, which means that after my shift at the farm I immediately hit the road to drive for about six hours.

Connolly Tarot and Less Anxiety Affirmation TarotToday’s draw is the Chariot card, which is traditionally a representation of willpower and drive set to a purpose, action, and direction.  It’s about seizing control over one’s actions, fate, and destiny.

Today’s cards are calling me out.

The thing is?  I am constantly trying to look ahead, constantly planning, scheming, strategizing, and directing how I want things to go. This control is habitual and some of it has to do with fear of losing control and things going off the rails.  The presence of the Chariot here is a reference to those tendencies.

Combined with the affirmation card for today, the message here is that I need to stop spending so much time trying to control the future, when it’s the present that really matters.


CoffeexTarot’s Self Love For The Summer Prompt
: What gives me clarity?

Secrets of the Mystic Grove OracleReading Summary: Being able to step outside my own perspectives and see things through the eyes of others (Seeing Differently), combined with my ability to ground myself through the earth and find comfort and peace in this process (Rhythms), allows me to see my fears and anxieties in a different light and give me a level of clarity and calm concerning things I would otherwise be blind to (Trust).

Take Away:  Sometimes fears make it impossible for us to see anything besides what we fear the most.  Anxiety narrows our focus and forces us into tunnel vision on those things that trigger us.  These cards indicate that during these times, I have the added benefit of being able to connect with the earth for calm and step out of myself to find perspective, and in doing so, I am able to find more clarity than I would be able to otherwise.


#DiscordTarotolicsJun2021 Challenge Prompt
: About dreams…
Question: how can I get a more restful sleep with less dreams getting in the way of that?

Connolly TarotReading Summary: If you didn’t worry so much and struggle so much (Five of Pentacles) with the new changes taking place (Ace of Cups), then you wouldn’t have so many dreams that involve imbalance and unresolved endings (Two of Pentacles).

Take Away: It’s the balance being askew and a lack of resolution in my dreams that makes me feel so unrested when I wake up. Issues with scarcity, combined with my worries over staying on this new path of self love and emotional growth, are spurring on the dreams in which I’m never quite able to find balance or resolution.


Daily Self Kindness

I had a really nice evening with Gideon, both sharing my haul from the post office as well as in beginning a bit of a date night in play.

Less Impatience, More Kindness

Today’s meditation was skipped due to it being orders day.

Dragon Tarot and Less Anxiety Affirmation CardsToday’s draw is The Star card, which is traditionally a representation of hope, optimism, and the connection between ourselves, the world around us, and our spirituality.

When this card is combined with the affirmation card for today, the message that I see here is about patience and self care.

I have been struggling with this a lot lately.  My inner voice seems to feel that my spiritual growth and transition to a more self-care focused balance is not moving fast enough.  It blames me for holding on to what is familiar and comfortable, which hangs up the process of moving forward as I struggle with letting go.

The cards today speak of making sure I am trusting the process.  Trusting that things will work themselves out at their own speed, and to focus on caring for myself and being kind to myself as this process unfolds instead of focusing on the speed or whatever failings or momentary hurdles I can use to beat myself up with along the way.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Questions for June 23rd and 24th

She Whispers Her Truth Oracle and Dragon TarotWhat brings me joy?

Foi, Force Puissance and Two of Cups

Something that helps in fostering my joy is in finding balance in my life that allows me to move forward with confidence and sure footing. I like it when things are steady beneath my feet, allowing me to feel strong and well grounded as a result. It gives me a sense of freedom that I don’t feel when things feeling unsteady.

How can I live in abundance?

Nous sommes toujours là and The Lovers

Remember that your guides are there to help you in making good decisions. Don’t ignore their advice or disregard what they have to say, for it’s with their help on your side that you will live a fuller and happier life filled with good things.


#DiscordTarotolicsJun2021 Challenge Prompt
: Self-care for the Full Moon…

Dragon TarotReading Summary: Take some time to examine your path and make sure it is aligned (Judgment) with where you really want to go (Three of Wands) and what your intuition has to say on the matter (The High Priestess).

Take Away: Sometimes our actions do not align with what we want, either through stubbornness, subconscious influences, or old habits. This full moon is a good time to take a moment to examine your actions and make sure that they are aligned with your purpose and the direction you want your feet to head on life’s path.


Daily Self Kindness

I tried to pace myself a bit with the orders today.  I’m not sure how good I did at it, but I did use the balcony and plants there to help a bit.

Self Gratitude Is Important

Today’s meditation was skipped.  I was just too damned tired.

Spiritsong Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is the Four of Shells (Cups), which is traditionally a representation of meditative contemplation, taking a pause in which you turn away from external help and look inward, soul-searching, meditation, and at times, apathy and discontent with what is being offered.

I find that the Flower Fortunes card for the day matches this theme in the way that we often forget to pause and appreciate ourselves in the day to day of our lives.

We see the good in others, we evaluate the world around us in the day to day much lie the watchful crane stands still among reeds and evaluates its environment.   But when do we take time to actually look at ourselves and truly appreciate ourselves?  Not all that often.  Instead we look with a critical eye, an apathetic eye, or the eye of someone seeking out their favorite whipping boy.

The message in today’s cards is to take a step back and look at yourself with kindness.  Look at yourself with appreciation.  Take time to be grateful for yourself.  For who you are and what you can do, for the decisions you’ve made and how far you’ve come.


#DiscordTarotolicsJun2021 Challenge Prompt
: Do Spread #1

Prairie Majesty Oracle How is the rise of summer energies manifesting in my life?

Dragonfly – You’re being given the opportunity to pivot direction into something stronger and happier.  Welcome the change and lean into the turn.  What you’re seeking is around that corner,  you just need to let go and enjoy the ride.

How can I Harness these summer energies for my purpose?

Earthworm – In order to let this change happen you’re going to need to let go. Take a breath, and let the chips fall as they may instead of fighting against it because you’re afraid or uncomfortable. The struggle isn’t needed and is rooted in judgements concerning the discomfort that comes with change.

Where would I be best served in directing these energies throughout the summer months?

Cottonwood – You need to direct this energy into a sense of curiosity and enthusiasm. Don’t let the dread of change and discomfort take away this opportunity. Stretch your self tall, explore… look at it as an adventure.  Something fun and interesting instead of something to fear.


#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I improve upon how I spend my time?

Spiritsong TarotReading Summary: More focus on what I’m doing, less distraction (Ace of Acorns). Increase your gratitude practices, for they help you feel more fulfilled as a whole (Nine of Shells). Seek out time with Gideon which allows for both emotional growth as well as a sense of emotional security (King of Shells).

Take Away:  Everything looks back to the Ace of Acorns, meaning that whatever I’m doing, no matter what it is, I need to make sure that I am leaning into focusing on that thing instead of allowing multiple different things to tap in and distract me, splintering my focus.

This is something that has been happening quite a lot lately, and only I can make the changes and choices that will allow me to get past this splintering of focus and back to somewhere more solid and productive.


Daily Self Kindness

I allowed myself not to give a fuck about my mother being pissed off that I fell asleep on her when she was on the phone.

Embracing Change

IMG_2140Today’s meditation was just under fourteen minutes long, and was one of the guided meditations in the Calm app which I combined with an interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The focus of today’s meditation was an activity that worked on disassociating with the thoughts that go on in the mind during meditation. We looked at both verbal thoughts that run through your mind, as well as visualization thoughts that run through your mind, and how to stay distant from them by labeling them (ie: talk, image, quiet) instead of sinking into them or letting them carry you away.

David's Tarot and Flower Fortune CardsToday’s draw is The Tower card, which is traditionally a representation of sudden and chaotic change, tearing down the old to make way for new, and destruction.

These kind of changes are often terrifying or painful.  They come out of the blue and are destructive, tearing down well known structures and comfortable norms.   Not only is this part of things scary, but sometimes the concept of rebuilding from the ashes can be just as frightening.

The reminder in the Flower Fortune cards for today is an apt one when paired with The Tower, as it reminds us to “welcome the change coming into your life”.

When change comes, especially when it comes on suddenly, it’s difficult not to flinch in response and shy away from it.  It’s hard not to fight against it.   The thing is?  The change is going to happen whether we want it to or not.  If we fight it?  It just drags things out and makes it last that much longer.  Better to embrace it when it comes, ride it out, and in the end you are better prepared to move on and rebuild things just how you want them.


The Sacred Grounds Tarot Club Prompt
for June 4 thru 6th

Luna Sol Tarot 2nd EditionWhen am I intuitively insecure?
Page of Disks Rx and The Hermit

When life goes stagnant, and I’m left to stew in my own shit, I end up struggling with self confidence. My intuition also has a way of going quiet when I try too hard to take everything on all alone.

How am I using my intuition in my life right now?
Ten of Swords Rx and The Sun atop The Empress Rx

I am using my intuition to avoid the painful endings that I feel that I’m not ready for.  Instead I’m seeking joy, even if it’s unhealthy for me, when what I really need to do is deal with those unpleasant endings.

How am I blocking my intuition?
Seven of Wands

There’s too much fight going on against the changes that needs to take place. Too much looking at that change as an opponent to fight against instead of something healthy that needs to take place. This resistance is creating a block.

How can I resolve this conflict and free my intuition from its bonds?
Seven of Wands and Two of Cups

Stop being so stubborn and allow others that have your best interest at heart to join in your journey and help you.  Stop struggling and fighting so damned hard.


#DiscordTarotolicsJun2021 Challenge Prompt
: About loneliness…
Question: What fears do I have surrounding the theme of loneliness? How can alleviate these fears?

David's TarotFears: That people will see something in me, that causes them to reject me. Even though I present myself honestly and openly to everyone, for some reason this fear remains. Even while not hiding anything, that fear is always there. That they’ll see some ugly truth in me that will turn them away.

This is the fear that took root during the “pissant” event, and like a pervasive weed, I’ve been unable to dig it out since then.

Alleviation: To alleviate these fears, I need to accept that I’m not for everyone… Just as not everyone is for me. Trying to please everyone is a nightmare, and an anxiety trap that I don’t want to fall into.


TheSphinxRevolution’sGothic Seance Divination Prompt
Today’s Muse
: Emily Bronte
(Note: I’m using the writers in this challenge as a muse instead of as a mediumship/seance practice. So the questions are about me instead of about them.)

Inner Compass Kids CardsWhat kind of figure or personality you will never idolize? Why?

Mirror atop Funny Pants – The class clown. I just don’t have the ability to see myself in that way. I have a sense of humor, but I find myself far too serious for such behavior. Sometimes when I see other people act that way it seems so natural, cool, and easy… but when I look in the mirror at myself and try to imagine behaving that way?  It just looks childish and idiotic.

How does the theme of “abuse” play in your life?

Hero atop Leader – Abuse comes from authority, and only I can save myself from it. It is my issues with authority due to the abuses of my past that have caused me to become so diligent in my adulthood in not just being fair… but being independent.  I have gone to great lengths to create that independence, and demand it being respected by those I work for as well as others in my life.

What aspects of shadow work you need mastery on?

Home – I need to work on mastering allowing myself more freedom in the places that I feel safe. Relaxing and fully letting down my guard isn’t easy when there’s other people around, even though those around such as my sister and Z should allow me to feel completely safe.  It’s just… not the same as full on alone time.  This is something I need to work on.

What guidance Emily Brontë would give you on your spiritual journey.

Unlucky Duck – It’s okay to fuck up once in a while, and you don’t have to be hard on yourself about it when it happens. Learn from the experience and move on to the next.


Daily Self Kindness

I had a full evening of Gideon focused time and attention.