Crumbling Pedestals

IMG_3347Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon something that I’ve been extolling upon for a few days now, which is the need to try and focus your mind and attention upon the present moment instead of wallowing in the bag and negative or getting wrapped up in the “what if” train of thought that can create huge amounts of anxiety.

I know it’s hard, and I’ve seen it said many times now when people see others say “please stay focused on the positive” that that advice is discounting everyone’s suffering and struggling, especially that of those less fortunate.   But that is not the case, no matter how much people want to believe it.

There are dying cancer patients and homeless weathering life in a cardboard box in the middle of winter who wallow in their misery and hate everything and everyone.  There are individuals in the exact same situation that choose to keep their focus on what’s good in life and seek out a positive outlook.

This isn’t a poor person vs rich person thing, not a blind to reality thing.  Those people in those situations with a positive outlook are not blind to reality.  They know how horrible things are and how difficult their situation is.   But they make the choice to seek something positive rather than wallowing in the negative.

It’s a “healthy mentality” thing.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is The Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of leadership, authority, stability, and strength and how these qualities are used to influence a  community.

What really stands out to me in this card is the hands.  Specifically the fact that the hands are pierced through and pinned in place.   The structure pierced through the hands is delicate, and thus requires a “delicate touch” to keep standing for those that walk beneath the threshold.

In this image, the hands have become to move, and the structure is falling.  What I feel is that there is a message here about the precarious pedestals that we build, both for ourselves and for others to sit upon.  No one is perfect.  We can’t expect others to be perfect, and we can’t expect ourselves to be either.   It’s important to keep that in mind so that our expectations of both ourselves and others can remain realistic.

DECK USED:   HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: What fear am I being invited to conquer during this fresh turn of the wheel?

Goblin Tarot RWS Edition

Reading Summary: I fear becoming too cocky  (Nine of Cups) and ending up powerless (Seven of Swords) against destitution (Five of Pentacles) and unable to find the guidance or confidence (Hierophant) to pull myself out of the pit.

Take Away:  It’s always awkward when the cards call you out on shit you’re trying to hide from yourself.  Some of the lessons I’m learning this spring include those that will allow me to get a handle on my fear of “fucking up” and irreparably screwing myself over as a result.   This fear is the reason that, even when things are good, I work so damned hard and push myself so far beyond what is reasonable.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT RWS EDITION

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What have I forgotten that needs to come back into focus?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being “on the right track” requires help from others (Three of Coins over Judgement) and this pandemic is no reason to slack on being good to yourself (Tower over Empress). Reach out to others and re-establish good relationships that may have become stagnant (Ace of Coins).

Take Away:  These cards are about building and maintaining relationships, and how the worth of those relationships goes beyond just having a friend and into being a part of self-care and nurturing the self.

I have a hard time establishing friendships usually, and especially in maintaining them. I struggle with small talk and general chatting, finding socialization quite awkward more often than not, especially with those I get to know well or want to know better. It’s much like dating, I guess.  I excelled at meeting new people and flirting and the one night stand…. but i sucked at establishing solid, long lasting friendships and relationships.

The cards here indicate that friendships I’ve let slide to the wayside may need re-examining and re-connection.

DECK USED:  LES METAMORPHOSES DU JOUR TAROT

Tomorrow Is Another Day

Today’s meditation was again, nonexistent.  And I am very aware that I’m not doing myself any favors by skipping it.   In fact, I can feel the deterioration happening.  I need to get back into doing it and will do a short body scan meditation before bed tonight then start fresh tomorrow morning.

Eight of Cups - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of moving on emotionally (often from disappointment) or using escapism to remove yourself from unpleasant situations.

What I see here is about my failures toward self care over the past week or so and my need to get back on track again. It’s time to let go of my self-bashing and release the disappointments in myself.  It’s time to step up and take care of myself and move away from the emotional self-abuse that has been very subtly sneaking in on me behind the concealment of inner walls.

Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to do better than today.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I harness my own enthusiasm to align with Aries’ fiery energy?

Law of Attraction Tarot

Interpretation: I may need a little help (Two of Cups) in reigning in my inner thoughts and struggles, wrestling them under control and sorting them into an actionable order (Queen of Swords).  The chaos and mess of all the disappointments and nasty surprises that have happened over the past week, the feeling of shit that is so very important to me falling apart, and the mental chaos of anxiety and stress going on (Three of Swords) because of all this?  It needs to be brought to heel with a gentle, strong hand.  It needs to be sorted and organized and I need to find that control (Back to the Queen of Swords). 

DECK USED:  LAW OF ATTRACTION TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I improve upon where I am spiritually in the week ahead?

Arcana Iris Sacra

Reading Summary: Be kind and nurturing (Queen of Chalices), concise and organized (Queen of Swords).  Own that you know the way forward, you can take these experiences and learn from them (The Hierophant).

Take Away:  The world is only as uncertain as you allow it to be. The cacophony of chaos that was mentioned in yesterday’s reading, and the feeling that the world is thrown into chaos and uncertainty… these are things I can get under control.  To do that, I need to stay on and disciplined in my self care, and require myself to do the re-organizational work necessary to create a new schedule and a new structure for myself.  The Hierophant reminds me that I have much to learn from this situation.  Don’t shut down and close off and miss these lessons, instead pay attention and use what you learn to move forward with the strength that knowledge provides.

DECK USED:  ARCANA IRIS SACRA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How can I enhance my intuition through my dreams?

Goblin Tarot RWS Edition

Reading Summary: Don’t disregard your dreams as unimportant (High Priestess) because they are not all fun and games (The Sun).  Stop setting your dreams aside as unimportant (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  I actually wasn’t sure where this reading would go, because… as the cards so very clearly called me out on, I usually disregard my dreams as unimportant and without relevance.  The cards here indicate that the reason that my dreams do not enhance my intuition is because I choose to treat them in that way, and to change that attitude would create an opening for my dreams to step forward and enhance my intuitive process.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT RWS EDITION

 

Large and In Charge

Today’s meditation has not yet happened, as I was running a bit late this morning and I really wanted to get my drive done and over with as early as possible.   Somehow, when I meditate, even though I’m only meditating for about ten minutes?  It takes something like thirty minutes.  I’m not sure where that extra time goes, but I just couldn’t spare it this morning.    I will meditate before bed tonight, though, for sure.

The Emperor - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Emperor card, which is traditionally a representation of authority, structure, “the establishment”, and control.

The thing is, what I saw in today’s card is… control.  And what I read from today’s card is that in order to ensure my own safety I need to be in control.   This comes through to me in the parade of little people-creatures below the hands and the bird, as well as the way that the bird spreads above them, large and in charge.

What this meant for me today was that in my trip up north and over the border, I took extra measures to project authority, and an unapproachable demeanor.  This included not just posture and the projection of energy (which is really my strong suit, to be honest), but also that I wore one of my “scary” face masks (similar to this) in order to intimidate those around me into giving me space and staying out of my way.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: What can I do to prepare for the impending seasonal shift?

Les Métamorphoses du Jour Tarot

Reading Summary:  Get my ducks in a row (King of Swords) and make sure things are stable as far as resources go (Four of Coins) so that if I need to step away for a while, I can (Eight of Cups).

Take Away:  Considering the situation going on in the world in the moment, it appears that the spring is going to be a bit of a struggle resources-wise.  The cards are telling me to plan and get organized, make sure everything is as prepared and stable as I can make it…. just in case.

DECK USED:  LES METAMORPHOSES DU JOUR TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where am I emotionally at this time?

Fenestra Tarot

Reading Summary:  Although I’m projecting a sense of being large and in charge (The Chariot), and trying to grasp at that energy and claim it as my own (Page of Swords), I’m actually on the cusp of a shift back to my regular low-key self (Two of Swords Rx).

Take Away:  I’ve been topping in our relationship for a bit now and it’s been really comfortable for the first time in a long time. I hate how I always seem to “fizzle out” after the energy peaks between us in roleplay, though.  Now that we’ve hit that peak,  I can feel the transition shifting  back the other way, and the whispering need to hand over the reigns is returning.

It always makes me feel like a bit of a failure when we get to that pinnacle point and then on the other side of it… I can’t seem to maintain that control and dominance.  It feels like I’m failing because it makes me feel like I’m not providing the aftercare that is needed.  I’ve been told this isn’t the case again and again, and yet… that feeling remains.  It makes the transition a bit more difficult than it needs to be, I think, so I really need to find a way to get over it.

DECK USED:  FENESTRA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: If I listen to my intuition more, what could I change?

Goblin Tarot (RWS Edition)

Reading Summary:  Less need for quick defensiveness (Eight of Wands) because of a more developed sense of inner strength (Strength) provides the ability to step forward as an authority and guide to others (Hierophant).

Take Away:  So when reading your intuition, it’s important to jump first and ask questions later.  Sometimes my logical brain gets in the way.  It doesn’t happen often because I have a very strong trust in my intuition, but it does happen now and then.  When it does, it’s usually because my brain has jumped so fast that I end up confused between which message is from where.

If I am more speedy about snagging that intuitive message before the brain can interject to mess things up, my strength in intuitive matters will continue to grow, which in turn will assist me in helping others in finding their own inner voice and their own path.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT (RWS EDITION)

Work and Play

Today’s meditation has once again been delayed to the end of the day.  That said?  At least I’m still fitting in meditation at all, considering how hard its been to find the time and make the opportunity to get it done.

Page of Cups - Hush TarotToday’s draw is the Page of Cups, which is most commonly read as an omega energy, personality, or person in the areas of emotion, relationships, and intuition.  This often translates into themes concerning potential, possibility, and themes of curiosity concerning the above mentioned subjects as well as learning from one’s intuition.

What I see in today’s card’s imagery, though, is a bit different than the traditional meanings. In my initial perception of this card today, the bird perched above and singing was equally balanced with the wasp below working away on its nest.  The message here being that work supports fun.  Work supports play.  In order to play, you have to put in the work that gives you the time and opportunity to play.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMarch Challenge Prompt
Question
: What can I do now to clear that up and remove that blockage? (Built off yesterday’s cards.)

Tarot of the Silicone Dawn

Reading Summary:  I need to change how I approach this issue (Death) and look at things from a long term view rather than focusing down on the immediate chaos (Seven of Pentacles).  By staying grounded and composed and taking time to reflect on not just the issue but my own capabilities and what is under my personal control (Queen of Pentacles), I will be able to find a better path.

Take Away:  It is definitely possible that I have read far too much in to “the letter” than it was meant to convey. Whether that is their lack of communication skills or my own lack of understanding is irrelevant, as I internalized that miscommunication and now need to go back and do a thorough re-evaluation prior to being able to move forward.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SILICONE DAWN

#DiscordTarotholicsMar2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I improve upon where I am physically over the week ahead?

A Darisa Tarot: The Lomisht

Reading Summary:  I need to look at the big picture (Seven of Pentacles) and engage my enthusiasm (Ace of Cups) in order to overcome the obstacles of my reluctance and awaken the motivation and discipline to move forward in my efforts (The Chariot).

Take Away:  Okay so I’m very much procrastinating on the whole physical improvement part of self care, if I’m honest with myself.  I keep putting it off “til next week” again and again, because the motivation to get to the gym and put in the work just isn’t there.

Along with the advice the cards provided yesterday concerning including J in the process, today’s cards indicate that if I want to get past this procrastination habit, I need to look beyond the immediate benefits of the gym and weight gain.  Instead, I need to be focusing upon the long term benefits, and opening my heart to wanting them enough to step over that threshold and get going on getting there.

DECK USED:  A DARISA TAROT – THE LOMISHT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question
: How can I use my intuition to guide my life?

Goblin Tarot (RWS Edition)

Reading Summary:  Consider focusing my intuition on more practical matters (King of Pentacles) and achieving my long-term goals (Seven of Pentacles) by allow my intuition to provide direction for ambition (Knight of Swords).

Take Away:  When using tarot for myself, a lot of my focus is on self care and self improvement.  The message here is an encouragement to expand that focus to include more earthly pursuits such as topics concerning the running of my business and strategizing to obtain my goals.

Side Note:  Every single reading I’ve done today across multiple decks has had the Seven of Pentacles in it.   This recurring card is an indication that I need to stop focusing on the now, and take a long-term view.   This is not just about one area, but has to do with the mentality that I was stuck in within that fog this winter, and with breaking free of it by looking further than my immediate situation.  None of my goals in life are immediate, so the advice here is to start looking further down the road at where I want to be and how to get there.

DECK USED:  GOBLIN TAROT (RWS EDITION)