Today’s meditation was skipped cuz I burrowed into the pillow and got myself some extra sleep instead.  I was feeling a bit more tired than normal today, which I’m blaming on the vaccine although, chances are?  It’s just because my body heard the news that I’m taking a few days off.

Today’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of happiness and joy, success, fun, and taking pleasure in the little things.  In the tarot, the Sun card is the awakening to light’s reassurance after the confusion and uncertainty found in the Moon card.

When combined with the Flower Fortune card that was pulled for today, which says “The land is always on the mind of a flying bird”, the message that I see being conveyed in these cards today is about being  happy with where you are and what you have.

The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. It’s important to foster happiness in the now, instead of waiting for it to come later on.   Don’t put off your happiness for when it is more convenient or for when the time “feels right”.  Bask in the happiness you have now, enjoy it, and don’t take it for granted.

DECK USED:  MOONROOT TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

Raven Willow Tarot’s Emotional Exploration Prompt
Questions for May 15 & 16

What role does happiness play in my life?
Four of Honey atop Knight of Skins

For me, happiness is the blend of fiery passion and the security of a stable future. These are the two halves of my life where happiness lives and grows. One lives in comfort, the other in pursuing my passions. Although they appear to be on either ends of a spectrum, for me they are in fact two sides of the same coin.

How can I better enhance happiness in my life?
Queen of Honey atop Nine of Skins

Don’t allow yourself to become distracted or quit along the way.  You need to stay strong, and to stay strong you need to take care of yourself.  You can manifest anything you want in  your life, but only if you are well enough to do so.   Self care isn’t selfish. You can’t help others out of the mud without sure footing first, and you can’t manifest more happiness in your life without ensuring you are well and taking care of yourself.

The Appearance of the Fool as a Bridge

The Fool card is the bridge that connects the role happiness plays in my life with how to better enhance that happiness.  This card is the connection between the “what is” and the “how to get more of this”.  It speaks of stepping forward into life with eagerness, anticipation, and a sense of wonder, and taking each day as it comes with this mentality at the helm.

DECK USED:  BLOOD MOON TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Draw or write something free form inspired by the card(s).

The fledgling goddess had much she wanted to share with the world, but was blind to the fact that she was not yet ready. She desired adulation and veneration, and was unwilling to wait and take her time learning all of the lessons still before her yet to be discovered.

Learning takes too long, she decided.  She wanted her full power now, and the admiration of her people.  Especially, perhaps.  And thus so sought her full power, and obtained the love and adulation of her people.

But she was unable to keep her desire for that veneration from controlling her, and as time went on she found that it was not she that controlled the people, but the people that controlled her.  For she could not do without their love and adoration, she had a deep seated need for their attention and veneration.   Having jumped forth untrained, she did not take time to learn the balance needed, and thus she became a slave to her needs, instead of her people becoming a slave to her wishes.

DECK USED:  MOONROOT TAROT

I deleted eighteen of my Kickstarter pledges today.  Weeded through them all and decided that some of them just weren’t enough of what I wanted to keep the pledges.  A good number of them were playing card decks. I’m going to start vetting these far more stringently than I have previously.  Being disappointed by the Leaves decks (and Cybershock decks before that) made it clear that I need to be more watchful of the playing card campaigns.

Today’s meditation was skipped because it’s an orders day, although I kinda feel like I could have used it.  I just couldn’t quite find the time with so much to get done and only so many hours to do it in.

Today’s draw is the Judgement card, and isn’t the Archangel Gabriel looking all kinds of extra fine with his massive 1980’s Rocker mane of hair and bicep cuffs.  Right?  Okay so anyway…

The Judgement card is traditionally a representation of looking upon one’s life at the end of a journey and reflection upon one’s actions and choices along the way. Where the Justice card is about “what have you done lately?”, the Judgement card is further reaching and asks what path you have taken in life and if you are happy with the choices you have made as you moved through life (or whatever journey of growth one is on).

Sometimes the judgement card is very literally about our inner judgements.  It’s about judging others, or judging ourselves.  And here in today’s card, that is the theme of the day, which is made that much clearer by the Flower Fortunes card which speaks of the fact that “You spend most of your life inside your head…” and the importance of making it a nice place to be since you spend so much time there.

Yesterday, I did an “autopilot” fuck up that was disrespectful to Gideon. It wasn’t intentional, it was accidental created by the “muscle memory” of repeated actions. When Gideon pointed out what I’d done, I was not just absolutely shocked and fucking appalled at what I’d done…. I immediately fell into my old habits of self judgement and flagellation. That the offense was accidental and automatic didn’t matter, because it meant I’d failed to think before acting.  That he understood didn’t matter because I’d still shown flagrant disrespect not just in my actions, but in my lack of thought that lead to those actions.  Suffice to say… I had a pretty intense meltdown.

Today’s card comes up as an opportunity to look at this experience and remember to be kind to yourself.  Yes, I fucked up.  The cards have been bringing up often lately how fuck ups are learning experiences and not catastrophes.  Yet I fell into that negative narrative immediately, abandoning self kindness along the way.  It’s important to remember… being kind to others isn’t enough. We have to be kind to ourselves as well.  Not just in our self care, but in the inner narrative as well. If you catch yourself belittling or berating yourself…. stop.  Realize and recognize.  And let it go.  You don’t need to hear it rattling around up there in your head.  You don’t need to keep punishing yourself…. Promise.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL TAROT AND FLOWER FORTUNE CARDS

LionHart’s Reap & Sow Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: Something good I have achieved {for myself} so far this year?

 Reading Summary: In order to take better care of yourself (The Empress), you’re allowing others (Six of Oak) to play a larger role in your endeavors and responsibilities (Three of Oak).

Take Away:  When it comes to sharing responsibility or work, I have a real problem. This is something I’ve been working on a great deal for the last year.  Not just going easier on myself and making self care an essential part of life, but allowing those around me to shoulder some of the burden, some of the work, and some of the responsibilities that I have always worked so hard to take on on my own.

The thing is?  It’s not healthy to do what I’ve been doing for so long, the burn out cycles and overwhelm, the constant intense pressure.  It’s not good for me.   And it makes those around me feel closer and more connected when they get to do some of the work and take on part of that responsibility.  I know this… but it’s still hard.  At the same time? I acknowledge that I have come along in massive strides in this area over the past year.

DECK USED:  STOLEN CHILD TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMay2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What loss do you fear the most?

Reading Summary: That in some fit of inspiration and drive to move forward and do more, I will tear down everything I’ve worked for.  (The bracketing of the Ten of Pentacles by the King and Queen of Wands.)

This is also communicated in the lack of blue in the queen.  With the Queen in the past, the Ten of Pentacles in the present, and the King of Wands with his blue shoulders in the future, what we see here is a representation of potential growth… and thus a fear of losing that potential and growth.

In both interpretations, it is a loss of stability and security that is the issue.

Take Away: To lose my home. To lose my business. To lose these things that I worked so hard for. To lose the ability to take my passions and create stability from them.

No matter which direction these cards are read in, what it boils down to is stability and security .  My life is filled with passion and drive, but through it all there is a stability that I always push towards and build upon.  As I grow and progress, that stability becomes more stable and steady.  But there is always a risk of …. well, taking a risk, and losing it all as a result.  That risk rides in the heart of the flame of my need to explore my creativity and my passions.  There is no amount of stability and security that can take that risk away as it is a part of the process.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL TAROT

I worked extra hard on getting my orders done early so that I could get some extra sleep tonight, since I have that hospital appointment tomorrow evening after my long-ass drive.