five of Pentacles

You Can Do It

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Today’s meditation was just under four minutes long because I could NOT manage to stay still and allow myself to relax this morning.  I will give it another go before bed for the regular ten minutes or so.

Halloween Tarot Today’s draw was a double without a jumper, which is to say that both cards came out together as one.   The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Pumpkins (Pentacles) and the Magician card.

The message in these cards jumped out at me and has to do with what we spoke about last night.  It has to do with the shadow work that you’ve asked me to begin and I am in the process of creating a plan for.

What the cards are saying is that I have the tools to do this. Starting a project like this holds a lot of self consciousness and self doubt, which is natural. It’s going to be difficult, possibly painful, and I’m going to need help, but the knowledge and the tools to work on it are well in hand.

Deck Used: Halloween Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: How can I be more adaptable?

Skele-Tarot Reading Summary: I need to be kinder to myself (The Empress) and allow myself to celebrate (Four of Wands) my accomplishments (Queen of Pentacles) instead of always pushing to go go go (Eight of Wands)

Take Away:  This message is about my motivations and my drive.  In this area, I am very harsh with myself and unrelenting.  I want to do more.. more… more.  This is an area where I could be well served to be more adaptable and allow myself some more space, gentle nurturing, and acceptance of my accomplishments and limitations rather than constantly pushing forward like a runaway horse with blinders on.

Deck Used: Skele-Tarot

 

Scarcity Issues Redux

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on indecision, especially that which is spurred by fear of rejection.

I found the meditation itself very relaxing, but I didn’t really relate well to the topic of the day.  The only time I really feel indecision is when I’m in subdrop or feeling extremely vulnerable.  This means that my indecision is caused by something very specific, and is not due to some sort of fear or worry of rejection or the judgement from others.

I’m not sure how I developed this confidence, but I’ve never had an issue with judgement.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  There was a time when internally my soul bled due do the judgements pushed on me by my father, but even then… there was no indecision.  Not about my sexuality, not about what I felt was right or wrong, not about the things I liked, and the things I didn’t.  What my father contributed was to further teach me is the “what’s the worst that can happen” aspect (with reasonable common sense added in, of course).

You do what you want because…. what’s the worst that can happen?  Someone laughs at you?  So what?  Someone says no?   Well at least you asked and now you know.  Thinking of trying something new?  Yes, you might fail, but if you had fun along the way or learned something during the process (or from the results) then it wasn’t really a loss at all.

Today’s draw was yet again another double drop, with no jumper as they both came out together.  The cards in today’s draw are the Nine of Wands (Anxious) and the Five of Coins (Poverty).  I’m considering ceasing defining the cards for this deck, as I keep getting intuition hits before I reach for my knowledge of the suits in the tarot, or even read the key words on the cards..

This one was a no-brainer, and is pretty much the message that’s been coming through for a while now.  The repeat message is not a surprise, as it is a subject that I struggle with.

That is… scarcity issues.

More specifically, the obsession with ensuring I do not return to a place of poverty and desperation.

The cards today are reminding me that I am not poor.  I am not destitute.  Everything is okay and there is no need to be anxious.  That, in fact, the general anxiety I deal with may be a part of what keeps me in this mindset.

The repeating theme of this topic means it is something I need to look at deeper, and work on more diligently.  I think that this is not just a reminder, but an encouragement to take action and put some focus and work into finding ways to ease my anxiety in this area.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

 

Scarcity Issues

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, but I did it twice because I was so comfortable in the bathtub at the time that I just didn’t want to move on.

The meditation today dealt with “autopilot”. You know, those times that everyone has where they just go through the motions without really being mindful or conscious of what they’re doing? I do this a lot while driving, but I know it’s not the only time.

The meditation, though, was an encouragement to seek out those times and be present in them instead of letting the time, experiences, and choices that those times you are on autopilot go to waste. It outlined a few methods to assist in “checking in” with yourself during the day in order to further this awareness of when you are “checking out” of your day.

I liked this meditation, and I think the practice of pulling yourself out of those moments is really important. It’s when I spend too much time on autopilot that the world begins to look lackluster, and I think this may be one of the subtle steps that slips me deeper into depression when it starts to sneak up on me.

Today’s card is the Five of Pentacles, which in this deck is titled as Poverty. The Five of cups is a representation of hardship, harshness, tests, and trials in the area of resources, money, and the physical world.

What struck me on this card is that in the image the wealthy-dressed individual is the beggar, and the farmer dressed individual is the charitable one. This card’s appearance today in the daily draw is a reminder to me that I’m not as bad off as my fears try to tell me I am.

I work hard and struggle constantly to bring in funds because I am focused on the constant, nagging fear that my financial stability is at risk. The key words there are “at risk”, because if I really sit down and think it through, the fact of the matter is that that stability really isn’t at risk. My fear is far out of proportion to the reality of the situation. Between what I make and the help I seek out when I need it, things are on track and stable, it’s just my inner shadow whispering to me that they aren’t.

The Five of Pentacles is telling me to spend a bit more time remembering this instead of listening to that insidious shadow always whispering in my ear.

Deck Used: Visions of Life Tarot

 

A Hole of My Own Making

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and forty three seconds, and focused on concentration. It had an interesting notation from a scientific journal, which of course I can’t remember the name of right now, that said that in this digital age when everyone is so distracted and pulled in so many different directions all of the time, even a goldfish has better focus than most people.

It encouraged working on developing one’s concentration in order to not just live a more mindful life, but also foster healthy relationships and activities.

Today’s draw is the Five of Pentacles, which Is a representation of tests, trials, and “harshness” in the area of money, resources, and the physical world.

“During the winter months, all living things are challenged to survive until spring.” – Journey Into the Hidden Realms by Barbara Moore

I’ve been a bit more “spendy” The normal lately. It’s pretty much a bit of splurging on myself combined with wiping away some little inconveniences by spending a little bit more to avoid them. Things such as eating out more than usual instead of packing food along, purchasing groceries already partially prepared, skipping trips to the food bank, etc which has been combined with indulgences such as buying brand name foods instead of the generics, purchasing a deck or a book here and there that I would normally have held off on, etc.

As a whole, this behavior has created a bit of a deficit for me and my finances, which in turn inspires a bit of an “oh fuck” mentality.

The five of pentacles is an indication that I need to take a mindful look at the small hole that I’ve dug for myself and am currently sitting in. Remember how I got here, and correct the behavior.

The card’s appearance is also a reminder that, like all things, this too will be temporary and I will move past it in time and recover from it. This may involve the necessity of asking for help, such as requesting my hours to be adjusted at work, getting back in the habit of going to the food bank regularly, and perhaps seeing if J is willing to pitch in for a bit with grocery money.