Revisiting Fear and Indecision

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I wanted to revisit the topic of fear after my post from yesterday and the topic of the meditation that I did yesterday.

Yesterday’s meditation was about indecision, which I definitely do not have a problem with in any way, shape, or form.   But I feel like my post made it sound as if I don’t have fear, which is definitely not the case.

I do, absolutely, have fear.

I fear losing my home to the point where I obsess over work and push myself beyond my limits at times in how much work I should take on. (Thank goodness that I’m also someone that likes their creature comforts, or that fear might rule my entire life.)

I often have issues around fear when it comes to some of my scars (particularly the one on my face) and how people react (or may react) to them, which has gotten better over time as I am no longer trying to seclude myself into my home… but I know I still have a long way to go on this.

I fear my ex and the day he will be released from prison.   I fear my ex, as well, in his conniving “other” ways of trying to reach me even while he IS in prison.

I’m goddamned well -terrified- of spiders, even though my logical mind tells me I shouldn’t be.  You can add piranhas to that list, too, ever since as a kid I saw that first original Piranha movie.

The point is, I do have fears, and I didn’t want my post from yesterday coming off as some kind of bravado or something.  It’s just that fears do not inspire indecision for me.

For me, indecision doesn’t come from fear.  It appears when I am feeling extremely vulnerable, which can put me in a place of “I dunno, you choose”, and it appears when I have not managed to gather enough information or had the chance yet to think something through.

Time For a Fact Finding Mission

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and length, and focused on Karma.  Not the mass populated theory of Karma and checks and balances of today’s societal views, but the core belief that Karma is, in essence, based on cause and effect.  It’s about being mindful and choosing wisely.

Today’s draw is the 18th card of the Major Arcana… The Moon. While each suit of the Minor Arcana deals with a facet of the human experience (cups for emotional, swords for mental, pentacles for the physical, and wands for the inner spiritual), the Major Arcana cards pertain to a bigger picture. They refer to “the grand scheme of things”, rather than any one facet of it.

Because I know you’re going to ask about the lobster, I’m going to explain that here before I go into personalizing the card’s appearance today.    In the original Rider/Waite/Smith depiction, there are a good deal of elements to the card that play with each other to create a tableau.

  • The Moon above represents intuition and dreams.
  • There is a small stream below, which is often read as the subconscious mind
  • A crustacean climbing from the water indicates the beginnings of one’s awareness lifting from the subconscious into the conscious mind.
  • There is a wolf and a dog both facing each other, a representation of one’s more savage aspects and one’s tamed ones, and that both are on this journey together.
  • There are two towers in the distance, which represent safety and comfort and all that an “easy life” would entail.
  • And there is a path that moves in a zig-zag line directly between these two towers, indicating that one should not base choices on comfort alone.

Taken all together, these elements combine to indicate the subconscious and the early moments of one’s awakening, including the confusion that comes with waking from a deep sleep.  It represents the fears and uncertainties and illusions that come from trying to predict the future based upon limited information.

In the Dreaming Way tarot, this card depicts a young woman playing with the crustacean from the long used traditional deck.  I interpret this to indicate she toys with her awareness of the world around her and the path ahead, perhaps worrying over what is to come in the way that people often toy with their insecurities and uncertainties.

SO…  Having broken that down so that you can better understand the card (and I could  answer your coming question concerning the lobster), the card ultimately represents uncertainties and illusions caused by assumptions and lack of information.

I believe The Moon card’s appearance in today’s draw is a reminder to not accept assumptions and guesses as reality.

Today, I found out that my cholesterol is through the roof.   This is a big change from my tests last year, and cause for concern.   Letting fears and uncertainties and guesswork guide my path will not serve me well.   Neither will choosing to ignore the issue and sink into the comfort of ignorance.

I need to do some research into my diet and what has changed in my diet over the past year. Only with sound research instead of guess work and “fumbling around in the dark” will I be able to find what’s going on, and how to fix it.