eight of Cups

The Mystery Continues

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and I really feel like they’re beating a dead horse lately.  Just saying, but today’s focus was once again upon the journey instead of the destination and how that relates to meditation.

I know it’s a message that lots of people (myself included) need to hear now and then, but it seems like they’re in a little bit of a rut at the moment, because it feels as if all of the meditations recently have been on different ways of phrasing the exact same topic.

Maybe I need to take a break from the guided meditations and try another method for a bit.

Dark Mansion Tarot Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which seems to be showing up quite a bit lately.  The Eight of Cups is about walking away, and about taking a new path.  I can’t help but think that this is a continuation on yesterday’s bonus reading, and you hit the nail on the head concerning what was missing from that reading btw.

I don’t know.  The answer to your question about yesterday’s bonus reading is that I don’t know.  But I’m again being prompted to make the choice of releasing myself from something that I’m not just intellectually invested on, but emotionally invested in as well.  The reading yesterday then spoke of returning to it with a new perspective and fresh ideas.

I’m still in the dark, although I think that the cards are definitely -trying- to help me realize what idea I’m hitting a brick wall on.  And the ‘out of sorts’ I’ve been feeling lately indicates that I am indeed hitting a brick wall.   I just need to figure out… on what.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt.

Question: In what way am I stronger than I realize?

Tarot of the Sweet Twilight Reading Summary: Making positive (The Sun) choices concerning my passions interests (Two of Wands), and mastering the skills necessary to bring those pursuits into reality (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  Sometimes I lose touch with the joy that I feel in the creation of something new.  Something that is uniquely mine. My creation, my passion, my idea… something brought from nothing into reality.  I forget about the joy and the spark sometimes.   The reading today is a reminder of that joy.  My obvious strength is that ability to create, that skill at manifestation…. the hidden talent is in the joy I bring to the process.  It’s sometimes hidden even from me.  And I think it’s time to get back in touch with it again.

Deck Used: Tarot of the Sweet Twilight

Sense of Self

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and focused on separating from the “self” and becoming a witness in order to deal with difficult emotions and grasp that they are temporary and will pass.

This type of detachment is something that I’m intimately familiar with, but what I really liked about today’s guided meditation was the explanation that came before moving on to the topic of separation from self to deal with emotions.

In leading up to the topic, it spoke about how we say we have a body, and we have a mind.  We speak of these things like they are possessions, rather than saying, for example, that we are a body or we are a mind.  This brings to bear the question of what are we?  She speaks on how many advanced meditation practitioners have come to the conclusion that each of us is a “Witness”, and that in the experience of being human, each of us is at our core pure awareness.

I found this a very interesting perspective, and it fits in well with how I view the world, people, life, and my practice as a whole.  I’ve heard similar perspectives in the past, but how it was presented in today’s guided meditation really struck a chord for me.

Today’s draw is a double without a jumper, meaning that they both came out of the deck together. The cards in today’s draw are the Eight of Cups and The Sun card.

When I look at today’s cards, the message that comes through is about moving on from uncertainty and into a more positive outlook.  I think this goes well with what you and I have been experiencing the last couple of days with the drop and my struggles to fill the shoes as  I feel necessary to be on the supportive side of things.   It’s something I really struggle with, and I don’t entirely understand why.  I’m a responsible person, and I see the aftermath as very much an important responsibility, and yet I wobble under that weight time and again.

As the scales slide back into balance, though, I feel lighter and warmer. Less struggle and more gratitude.  I think you are right that the top space swings high, then like a pendulum, comes to swing back the other way and knock me off that perch.  The cards are telling me that I need to accept my shortcomings and move away from the self blame and recriminations.  Be happy with the experience as it is and bask in the balance we have with each other, instead of picking apart my part of it a little at a time to dig out negatives.

Deck Used: Dark Mansion Tarot

Bonus Reading

Another #TarotForGrowthOctober prompt again today.  As mentioned before, I might try to do the bonus reading every day (or near to it) for this month.

Question: How can I better honor the divine masculine within me? (Note: The word honor is stressed to make sure I keep in mind the nature of the question through the reading of the cards and answers written here.)

Reading Summary: The Queen of Cups is about receptive alpha emotional energy, and the King of Cups on the other side is projective emotional energy.  Separating the two is the Eight of Wands, which speaks of swift, fast paced action and change, and I also pick up hints of the inverted meaning of misalignment in the image.

Take Away:   Recognition and acceptance of my emotions is needed.  At the moment, I use my busyness and the cacophony of having my fingers in so many pots to put aside and separate myself from my emotions.  If I want to honor the divine masculine within me, I need to seek out a better connection between that receptive energy and the projective energy within my emotions, and seek a wholeness and synergy without wedging “everything else” in between to keep my emotions detached and compartmentalized.

Deck Used: Spirit Tarot (from the Halloween Spirit Store and Spencer’s Gifts)

Not a Waste

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused entirely upon the breath and the reasons why the breath is so often the focus of meditation practices.

It was very relaxing, and a topic that I’ve never really considered before. I’ve always followed the breath because the breath is how I was taught as a child to to ground myself, and from a very young age I’ve been doing this naturally when I cry. (I have a habit of holding my breath for extended periods when I get really worked up). Later in life it has become how I deal with pain an anxiety (also both in the grounding arena).

This is called Pranayama, which means to control the breath.

In yoga, this practice is used to center your focus upon the present moment. The breath is the epitome of one’s present. It does not exist in the past, nor in the future. Only in the now. So by focusing upon the breath, you focus not just upon yourself and your inner energy, but also upon -this- moment.

This makes the breath very useful in mindfulness and meditation practices, as it assists the mind in staying present instead of wandering off into musings, memories, or daydreams.

Today’s card is the Eight of Pentacles, which is a representation of manifestation, hard work, purpose, determination, and accomplishment in the area of finances, resources, and the physical world.

In the guidebook of today’s deck, the Beaver is then described with the key words of dedication, drive, guidance, success, integrity, and community.

The Eight of Pentacles and diligent beaver have appeared in today’s draw to remind me that even on the days I’m not sitting at my work table, I’m still working.   Today was a driving day, as all Tuesdays and Fridays are.  Sometimes, these days feel like a complete waste of time because I’m not physically working with my hands.

Today’s draw is a reminder that that isn’t true.  The driving days are just as important to my business, and I’m not working any less just because I don’t have tools in my hands.  It’s not a waste of time, it’s just a different aspect of running a business and without it?  There would be no business, and no success.

Deck Used: Animism Tarot

 

Damaged… Not Broken

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirteen seconds, and focused on judging oneself as “broken” and how to reevaluate that view into a positive one.

This was a really difficult one for me today, and appropriate too, as you will see below in the daily draw.  The thing is, I do consider myself broken.   Not mentally (although, there are definitely times during depression when that comes up), but rather… physically.

Between the damage that keeps me silent and the damage from the various accidents (and attacks) I’ve gone through in my life, I feel that my body IS broken.  Functional, but broken.

I have saved this meditation to revisit, because I know this is something I need to work on.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which features the magpie leaving its perch. The eight of cups as a representation of the winds of change in the area of emotion, creativity, relationships, and intuition.

In the guidebook included with this deck the magpie is a representation of insight, revelation, courage, and opportunity.

Speaking of broken.   I find myself struggling with resentment today.  Not a resentment of everything that I’ve gone through.  My life reading by Z was very clear that my life would be a path of struggle and strife, and I’m okay with that.  I don’t mind hurdles or challenges, as it is simply a part of my path to work through them.

That said, I am having a frustration and resentment issue when it comes to the cancer. It came up today because, as I was working the emollient bar into the scars on my knee I had a sudden cramp in my right ass cheek.  Seriously.   Like a red hot, needle thin poker just right into the cheek.  Not sciatica, but…. I dunno.  Sort of like nerve pain, I guess.

Anyway, it brought up an issue I’ve been dealing with since the cancer and my recovery, which is a loss of flexibility.

I’ve been doing yoga my entire life, although as a child I had no idea it was called yoga, and my parents never bothered to teach me the names of all the poses and sequences (which I never really bothered to learn since).  The practice, though, has been life-long.  And after the accident in my late teens that damaged so much of my right side, it was instrumental in both my recovery and maintenance of the repairs that had to be done.

Because of this practice, even after that accident I’ve always been quite “bendy”… until the last few years.

During chemotherapy and my recovery after the RPLND, I slacked in my practice.  As in… didn’t do it at all for nearly a year.  And ever since then?  I’ve not been able to bring myself back to par with the flexibility that I’d had prior.   Normally, I can take this in stride and see such issues as a challenge… but today?  Not so much. And thus… frustration and resentment started to whisper through my emotions.

SO…. back to the Eight of Cups.

The Eight of Cups is telling me to let it go.   Take a deep breath, be understanding of my needs and capabilities, and move on from these feelings of resentment and intolerance towards myself…. and I’m going to do my best to do just that.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

What the Heart Wants

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on stillness and silence.  Specifically, it focused on the restorative power of having a moment of silence.  How this moment can refresh you and help you recover from the cacophony of everyday life. 

The meditation included not so much following the breath, but focusing upon the moment of pause between the inhales and exhales.    I found this practice very relaxing.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is an indication of determination, energy, and strength in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.  This is a card of purpose and movement, and as such, it speaks of being lead by the heart to make changes and move away from the things that are not working for you.

The Eight of Cup’s appearance today has spurred me to sit down and look at what isn’t working for me.   I look around and I find myself dissatisfied, but it has taken a good deal of time to realize that the dissatisfaction hinted at inside has to do with the mess I am surrounded in.

Running a business from home is a messy thing, especially running a creative business.  Yes, I know where everything is, but there’s stuff…. everywhere.  Piled on the coffee table, stacked on flat surfaces around the house. It’s become a bit stressful, actually.

I think it’s time to start looking at a new system.  Or perhaps just altering and refining the system I currently have.   Things have gotten a bit out of hand and it’s time to clean up, clear up the chaos, so that my creativity can flow more smoothly.

Within the same theme, yet on a different thread, the Eight of Cups speaks to me in another way as well.    I really enjoyed our time together last night.   The amount of separation lately has been difficult for you, and it’s not working for me either.  I woke up feeling so much better internally this morning, and I could trace that feeling back to you.

I feel I need to move towards finding a better way to manage my time and activities so that we can have some more time together.  I’ve had some false starts and tripped over my feet a few times on this since emerging from my depression this spring.   I am determined to make this change, though.   I miss you.  I miss our time together.  Not that we don’t get time now, but…. it’s not enough.