Everyone Is Lovable To Someone

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was relatively uneventful and quiet.  Which is honestly a little surprising because that never seems to happen anymore.  The fire alarm decided to wait until after I’d gotten through my meditation to go off tho, so that was nice at least.

And yes, everything is fine.  It looks like someone was trying to break into the storage room and a buddy of theirs went and pulled the fire alarm to work as a distraction to give them time without interruption.    They didn’t get in so… yeah.

Next World Tarot - Three of CupsToday’s draw is the Three of Cups, which is traditionally interpreted as a “joyous joining” of friends whether in celebration, or collaboration, or just in friendship on its own.

Honestly? I’m not sure how I feel about the pink smiling shark.  I find it really distracting in the imagery of this card, and so I suppose I should consider it as the message.  The fact is, though? It’s just weird.

That said?  I can work with that.   It stands out…. so lets go with the shark.  The shark in this card appears among others and does not show its teeth.  Instead it is a shade of friendly pink and sports a smile.  This actually hearkens back to something I was thinking about in the shower yesterday. I had a client recently that insisted that they were unlovable and would never find a partner.  They were very upset and I refused to do a reading for them on that day. Instead, I told them I had something for them to think about.   I told them that even some of the shittiest people in the world that have people that love them.  Assholes and abusers, haters and closed minded bigots.  These horrible people managed to find someone to love them, so someone like him that isn’t horrible? Has not just as much of a chance of finding someone, but even more of a chance at it.

The shark clearly has friends in this imagery even though it’s a predator swimming among creatures he considers food.  Instead the shark gets along with them, makes friends with them.   So too can those that feel they are unlikable or unlovable find friendships and love.

The message in this card is that no one is unlovable.  No one is unlikable. We just feel that way sometimes.

And can I just say?  Sometimes at the end of the month I’m not ready to move on to different decks and wish for more time with the ones I’ve worked with for the month… but this month?  I’m so ready to move on from this deck and the Tarot of the Sidhe.  I can’t wait for the decks that come up for these pulls starting tomorrow.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: What’s the next actionable step I can take to move forward down the path of healing?

Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Reading Summary: Stay strong (Strength) in the face of change (Death)… your foundation might feel precarious but it is sturdy and will be okay (Four of Pentacles).

Take Away:  It’s about perseverance. Sometimes actionable steps are not actions at all, but more about being aware and standing strong.  Change is a part of life and sometimes those changes that happen can feel like the end of the world.  The cards here are a reminder that it isn’t the end of the world.  It isn’t all going to fall apart.  Your foundation and will continue to stay solid and strong. 

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Spark and Pen TarotLate at night in the deep deepest darkest hours before twilight, the green lady with the crown puts down her torch and her book, and pulls on her cape (The Empress). She goes to visit Coney Island to ride the Wonder Wheel and enjoy all that Luna Park has to offer (Wheel of Fortune). Soon, she will have to return to her place watching over the city, and pick up her torch and her book once more for another day (Death).

DECK USED:  SPARK AND PEN TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best support and nurture myself and my personal growth at this time?

Hilda Tarot

Reading Summary: Accept that sometimes shit happens (Justice) and you’ll have to make the best of it (Knight of Swords). Take those moments to rest and recuperate (Four of Swords) so that she can be ready for the next challenge (The Magician).

Take Away:  The advice here to help me in nurturing myself and fostering my personal growth is that I need to not let the little unexpected surprises in life trip me up so much.  Hurdles happen and just like tripping over a root on a trail in the woods, you have to pick your ass up and keep going because no one is going to come for you if you sit there and whine about it to the trees.

DECK USED:  HILDA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How would I feel if I was more mindful right now?

Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary:  Hol-eee-shit.  *Eyes the cards.* Okay so if I was more mindful right now I’d be feeling a good deal more defeated (Ten of Swords) and in need of rest and retreat because the world (Four of Swords) would feel like everything is falling apart (The Tower).

Take Away:  The lesson here is that mindfulness is not always your friend. Sometimes you have to be a bit oblivious and obtuse just to get through the day.

DECK USED:  STUNNING TAROT

Picking Up A Previous Practice

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I fidgeted through the entire process.   I had an idea for a new organization method for my decks, and honestly?  I just couldn’t calm down about it enough to do anything useful with those ten minutes of meditation.  I will try again tonight before bed.   Now that I have everything rearranged (again), I should hopefully be a bit less fidgety.

Tarot of the Sidhe - The Dreamer, Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is The Dreamer card (Ace of Swords), which is traditionally a representation of inspiration, new ideas, eureka moments, and mental clarity.

What stood out the strongest to me in the imagery of this card is the hands at the bottom.  Their positioning is probably supposed to represent the alchemical air symbol of an upright triangle with a line through it.  The thing is, though?  It looks an awful lot like the Hakini mudra (except that the pinky fingers are not bent in that mudra, so it’s not exactly… right.

Still, it’s actually pretty fitting, as the Hakini mudra is used for concentration and to boost the brain including memory, inspiration, and cooperation between the right and left hemispheres.

I see this card’s appearance today as a reminder of the benefits that including mudras into my medication can have.  This is an activity that I have really slacked off on over the past few months, but I think it’s time to start incorporating them into my practice again… and perhaps I’ll even start with the Hakini.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: Who can I turn to for help enforcing those boundaries?

Tarot Mundi In Minima Tarot

Reading Summary: Family and friends (Four of Wands) will step up to provide solid back up (Knight of Discs) when needed (The Tower).

Take Away:  Friends and family is the answer here.  It’s those that are nearest and dearest to me that I can depend on.  People like Gideon, my sister, Z, J, Ms B… these are all people that are a part of my inner circle of love and support and people that I can depend on to help when I need it.    The key here is in the last card in this spread, which is The Tower, and the deck’s way of stressing “when you need it”. 

DECK USED:  TABULA MUNDI IN MINIMA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread #4

Odd Hand TarotSeeds SownAce of Pentacles – The seeds that I planted in the spring that have flourished have to do with finding a new balance between my responsibilities and my life.  This isn’t so much about the balance itself, which is still in the works, but the openness and willingness to make the changes needed and start upon a new path.

The ChaffStrength – Those seeds that have not flourished are the ones that I plant every year and this year have chosen  not to encourage.  That is the tendency to push and shove and force my way forward with determination and blind focus. In the past I have done this to my own detriment again and again, and it is something that has been working for me less and less with each year that passes.

The HarvestFour of Wands – Friends and family connections are going to be very important as I prepare to reap the rewards of my summer’s hard work. This card indicates I need to make sure I’m not just getting myself ready for the busy season ahead, but my those around me as well… both those that are here to help with that busy time, and those that are stuck waiting in the wings for the rush to end.

DECK USED:  ODD HAND TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best provide help and support to my loved ones at this time?

Luminous Void Tarot

Reading Summary: When crap happens and they feel depressed (Five of Discs), be generous (Six of Discs) with my advice (The Hierophant) and my emotional support (King of Cups).

Take Away:  Honestly?  As much as I love to help people?  I always feel like when I give advice that it might be overstepping.  I mean, I know that the advice is decent and I have a lot of experience under my belt to base my advice through… and yet it always feels like encroaching? I’m relatively sure that this is not the case and just my own personal insecurities, but there’s always that worry of being seen as some sort of know it all. You know, not the good kind but the annoying kind.

Funny enough, you would think it would be the emotional support part of this reading that I balk at, but when it comes to those closest to me that I love and that love me? I don’t have a problem reaching out with a hug or some emotional support.  It’s probably one of the only scenarios in life where being emotionally connected doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable.

DECK USED:  LUMINOUS VOID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I make the world a better place?

Pride Tarot

Ten of Swords – Show by example just how much you can survive.

Ooph.  Okay so this one is a hard one for me.  Not that I don’t share my struggles or that people aren’t aware of some of the things I have been through.  But if I were to list out all of the crazy ass shit that’s happened in my life…. or even just the ones that left scars on my body… it would sound like some sort of catastrophic “The Man Born With No Luck” B-movie or something. I have survived a lot.  A LOT.  But… it feels weird to put it all out there, which is sort of what you have to do if you want to show people by example just how much a person can survive and continue to move on from.

Eight of Wands – Send out into the world the positivity that you create. (imagery based)

This is something that I do regularly and love the most about my home business.  I love making beautiful things and sending them out to others to love and cherish.  I hope that every single piece of jewelry and other creation I make finds a home where it can brighten someone’s day… or many days, as the case may be.  I instill these hopes and that intent into each of the pieces I make.

Knight of Swords – Choose your battles wisely.

Sometimes we all pick battles we shouldn’t.  I think that’s a part of life and learning when and where to pick the battles that really mater and mean something.  To make the world a better place, it’s important to examine the battles you’re deciding to fight, and make sure they’re really worth the time, effort, energy, and emotion that you’re going to pour into them.  What is the motivation behind becoming involved?

DECK USED:  PRIDE TAROT

Be More Careful

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and took place in the bathtub.  I spent a great deal of time in the bathtub today actually.  What was supposed to be an hour in the tub with meditation and a little relaxation turned into two hours… and included a nap. Yes, I know that I need to be more careful about that.  I promise… it wasn’t intentional.  It was just so comfortable that I ended off dozing off.

Funny enough, I did my first reading for someone else in the tub today as well.   Mostly because I didn’t feel like getting my ass out and going to my reading table.   I have a few waterproof decks beside the bath so I just did it there and laid them out on the bath mat beside the tub.   Oddly?  I think it gave my interpretation ability a bit of a warmer tone.  Like… as in the reading seemed a bit more emotion based than normal.

Tarot of the Sidhe - Pan, The DevilToday’s draw is the Pan card (The Devil), which is traditionally a representation of temptations and self destructive behaviors.  This can include things like addictions as well as the development of bad habits, or allowing oneself to be “lead astray”.

This is me… sleeping in the tub.   I mean it’s really that clear to me in this moment.  I know it’s supposed to kind of look like sex or surrender, but what I see here in this imagery today is her… floating.  She looks like she’s floating.   In fact, when I first pulled this card today, I barely noticed the Pan at all, only her.

The message in this card is a warning that I need to pay attention to.  It tells me that sleeping in the tub is more than just “flirting” with danger, but is truly dangerous, and I need to make more of an effort to not doze off when I’m in there.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: What boundaries must be established for me to feel safe when confronting my trauma?

Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reading Summary: The Nine of Wands popped out while I was considering whether I wanted to have this question be about boundaries for myself or boundaries for others. This card indicates that the boundaries are about myself.

Both the Nine of Wands and the Queen of Swords are pointing to the past (to the left) indicating that I need to make sure that I am keeping my past out of my healing process.

The High Priestess indicates that in order to make the decisions on when my past can be incorporated and when I can’t, I need to look inside myself and make sure that I am taking a healthy path and not a hurtful one (indicated by the Priestess’ heart crossed arms).

Take Away:  My past is not there to help me heal… it’s what I’m healing from. I need to be judicious in how I incorporate my past into my healing journey in order to ensure it only does good and not harm.

DECK USED:  GYPSY PALACE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to hear right now?

Tarot of WhyReading Summary: It’s OK to take control (The Chariot) of your personal time and retreat when you need (Four of Swords) to as long as you’re doing it in healthy ways (Four of Cups) that make you happy and bring joy to your life (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading should be titled “Don’t Be A Sourpuss”.  If you’re going to take time for yourself, that’s okay… but make sure it’s for the right reasons.  Healthy reasons.  Don’t retreat just to wallow in a crappy mood or allow yourself to be a grump.  Alone time needs to be a time of restoration and enjoyment.

This is actually good advice because when I’m feeling grumpy and pessimistic, I have a habit of retreating into myself.  This habit has a purpose, as when I am dealing with an actual major depressive episode, this allows me to continue to function even though I’m a complete mess on the inside.  By pulling into myself, many people can’t even tell what’s really going on… and thus I can continue to put on the appearance that everything is fine and function normally under the observation of others.

The thing is, though, I don’t need to use this method outside of my MDEs.  It’s become a habit to retreat for any negative emotion, regardless of whether it’s clinical grade depression or not.   And that…. is not healthy.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF WHY

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best support and nurture positive growth in my community at this time?

Sacred Rose Tarot

Reading Summary: You have the tools (The Magician) to help others reason out (King of Swords) their conflicts (Five of Wands) and come to a resolution (King atop Five). Spend some time with your friends and have some fun (Three of Cups). You can bring them together and resolve their disagreements to restore positive balance in the relationship (The Sun).

Take Away:  This reading is about J and his parents.  Both J and his dad are out of work right now, and living in the same house.  They butt heads a lot when they have to spend too much time together, which has been their situation for the past few months.

I stopped by J’s place today on my way home from my hike and threw horseshoes out in the yard with him and his dad.  His mom came to me before I left to give me her customary hug and thanked me.  She said that coming over helped disperse some of the tension in the house, and especially between J and his dad.  She told me I should come over more often and stop avoiding them because of the pandemic issues.

It was nice that I was able to help.  I very much do worry about the whole pandemic thing and accidentally bringing it to their home tho, just as J does… which is why he’s not hanging out over here at my house much these days.

DECK USED:  SACRED ROSE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I better focus on the future while being present in the present?

Tarot del Fuego

Reading Summary: When things build up and eventually get to a point of  noticeable change (Death), it can sometimes create an emotional mess from worry, pain, and sense of loss (Three of Swords). But, if you focus on your passions and hold steadfast to your goals in the present (King of Wands), you’ll have the tools you need to move forward into the future (The Magician).

seraphimSide Note:  You know, I just realized something about this deck. A lot of the imagery in these cards remind me of the Catholic representations of the higher hierarchy angels like the Seraphim and Cherubim. Multiple wings, multiple eyes… and just sayin’?  But the image I’ve chosen to share here in this post is one of the least freaky of the depictions I’ve seen.

Okay so back to the reading…

Take Away:  That’s the thing about the present, yeah?  It’s full of changes.  Every day there are changes, some good and some not so good.  Sometimes they slip by without being noticed, but other times it’s like you trip over them and skin both knees in the process.    Those changes that you trip over are why it’s so hard to stay in the present sometimes instead of becoming overly focused on the future.  The fear and other emotions they illicit make you want to turn away and look to something better, to disengage with the change and the feelings they create.

The cards here say that instead of disengaging by looking forward, a better path would be to focus on the things that spark your fire and keep you going.  Focus on what you can do now, and apply your attention and abilities to these things.  Let the future take care of itself.

DECK USED:  TAROT DEL FUEGO

Always Be Prepared

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for the shifting of my piriformis stretches.   The topic of the guided meditation today was actually something that I think I needed to hear.

It’s about the semantics of language… and the power of language.  It’s about the importance of how we phrase things, because how we phrase things dictates in many ways how we internalize things.

For example… being conscious of changing phrases in our dialog (both internal and external) from  “I am angry” to “I feel angry”.   There is a very important, key difference between these two phrases.   That is because we are not our emotions. We feel our emotions.

Next World Tarot - The MagicianToday’s draw is the Magician card, which is traditionally a representation of… well, essentially… The Magician is “the man with all the tools”. You know that guy (or gal) that you always go to when you need a tool you don’t own, because you know they’ll have it… even if it’s a tool you’ve never heard of before? That’s the Magician. He has all the tools for any job, and he knows how to use them to get the job done.

Sometimes, these tools are not physical, but also mental.  And that’s what stands out to me in the imagery of this card. The titles of the books sitting before the woman are “Pathology”, “Herbal Medicine”, “Emergency First Response”, and “Feminist Theory”. She sits with a notebook invariably filled with notes and marked notations, post-it notes sticking out every which way. This is is a woman that is not just prepared (look at that pack sitting behind her) but also is preparing.

Today was the drive up north day, and this message was a reminder to make sure I had everything I needed for the trip.  That includes the new box of protein bars that has been sitting on the counter for almost a week, and a few extra bottles of water.   It means making sure I check the traffic before hand so that I can avoid the two accidents along the way that would have increased my drive time by at least two hours.  It means making sure I put my post office box key back in my wallet.

All of these things are things I did thanks to the reminder in this card this morning.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: How can I be proactive in expressing that I have these unreasonable expectations?

Anthro Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t (Eight of Cups). This is your problem (The Tower) from your childhood (Six of Cups) that you need to deal with.

Take Away:  The expectation that was revealed in yesterday’s reading was unrealistic and narcissistic.   No one can know what I need without me telling them. None of the people in my support system are psychic.  Although they are all willing to step in and help when needed? None of them can predict when that might be.  That’s what communication is for.    The fact that I avoid reaching out isn’t their problem, it’s mine.  It stems from my childhood and is something I need to work on.

DECK USED:  ANTHRO TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: This Month’s Lesson / Next Month’s Theme

Big Things In Small Packages TarotThis Month’s LessonThe Emperor – I’ve had a couple of lessons this month, but the one mentioned here is that I am working on finding that balance between the new emotional depth I’ve discovered this year, and the authority and responsibility of life. Through most of the summer I have let my emotional growth take the lead, but now that it’s sliding into the fall, I need to start preparing for the upcoming holiday rush.  This month has been a lesson in finding that place of responsibility and control… while maintaining the new emotional openness and depth that I’ve been experiencing.

Next Month’s ThemeQueen of Cups – Where August was about finding a way to bring responsibility and control into the equation with my emotional growth, the Queen of Cups indicates that September’s theme will be about balance and stability in my emotions in a way that will work well with my responsibilities instead of against them.

DECK USED:  BIG THINGS IN SMALL PACKAGES TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Topic: Give a thought to what you want to attract or manifest before the end of 2020 and draw a card of confirmation.

Hero Analysis For the Future #79 MHA TarotWhat I want to Manifest – Super strong holiday season sales with lots of customers buying lots of expensive gifts from my online shops.

The Magician – You have all of the tools at your fingertips to make this happen. Even if there may be things that rise up to stand in your way, you have the tools and abilities necessary to defeat and/or circumvent these issues and continue on to your goal.

Keep your eye on the prize, because success is in your hands. It’s all up to you.

DECK USED:  HERO ANALYSIS FOR THE FUTURE #79 MHA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I best help others at this time?

Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Reading Summary: Bear witness (imagery in the Seven of Swords) to their pain (Three of Swords). Actively reach out with kindness (Knight of Cups), and give them something to be inspired by (King of Wands).

Take Away:  Although I am a good listener and always happy to be supportive and help others, I am not particularly skilled at “holding space”.   I am referring to that silent stillness of just sitting in silence with someone who is in distress or in pain.  I feel the need to fix things or actively help in some way.  I know that’s not always possible.

The cards here indicate that when these situations arise, it’s okay to both hold space… and provide hope and a sort of focus that can carry them through.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS