daily draw

History’s Quicksand

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

What Seeds Take Root

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was 10 minutes and 10 seconds and focused on transforming negative emotions into positive ones. More specifically, it dealt with irritation, but I really do feel that this could be applied to any negative emotions.

The example used in the meditation explained how you can use your meditation practice, mindfulness, and breathing exercises to transform such emotions as irritation into a more positive light.  This is done by taking a minute and a “step back”, just to take a couple of deep breaths and seek a bit of perspective outside yourself.

The meditation itself included a breathing exercise where you rhythmically count your breaths in, then hold, then breaths out.  I found it so relaxing that I had a hard time getting up after the meditation was done.  I just wanted to lie there and dawdle the day away.   Of course, my stomach and metabolism had other ideas.

Today’s draw is yet another duo, which again had no jumper but came out together. That would be the 14th card of the Major Arcana, the Temperance card, and the Nine of Swords. The keyword on the temperance card is “balance”, and the keyword on the Nine of Swords card is “sorrow”.

To be honest?  I’m not even going to bother defining the traditional meaning for these two cards today, because my intuition is working overtime on this deck, to the point it seems to be almost “mentally blocking” the more analytical, educated side of things.

What I see in these cards is, first and foremost, that Sorrow is at the back.   When I read, the rear card in a double jump is always the subject, and the overlaying card is the commentary.

What the cards are telling me is that, although depression is often a brain chemistry thing for me, in order to assist myself and my meds in keeping myself afloat and out of the mess of a deep pit that my depression is prone to throwing me into… I need to make sure I continue to focus on balance.

I’ve been very tempted lately to up my hours on my part time jobs, because things have been slow with the business.  Not surprising, things are always slow this time of year.  Still, I push myself so hard that the temptation is there even if I don’t really NEED to struggle and strive and push for more.

I need to make sure I remember that this time of year is a time for rest for me.  Next month I have to start gearing up and preparing for the busy holiday season ahead.  June, July, and August are the only months all year that I have to essentially “slack off”.

I need to stop feeling guilt over that “slacking” and see it as what it is.   A time for healing.  A time for restoration.   A time to refill my cup for what’s coming, and repair the damage (emotional, spiritual, physical) that I’ve done to myself over the past year when things were so busy I couldn’t barely breathe.

If I do not give myself that balance?   I will pay for it later in not just my mood, but in my energy levels, creativity, and enthusiasm as well. Which would create a prime set-up for a bit of darkness to creep in and root into the soil.

Deck Used: The Visions of Life Tarot

 

Don’t Be Such a Bastard

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on our internal dialogue and the language we use.   That is to say, how we talk to ourselves (whether aloud or in our heads).   It went into detail on asking why we would treat ourselves worse than how we treat others.  Are the things you say to yourself something you would ever say to another person?

In my case?  This is a hell no.  I know I’m very hard on myself, extremely judgemental of myself and very confrontational in my language to myself.  This is not how I am with others at all, and yet when it comes to myself… I’m mean as fuck.

The meditation encouraged noticing these times and, when you do, gentling your approach.   It is about being mindful of how you are treating yourself… and it’s something I definitely need to work on.

Today’s draw is (again) a double without a jumper.  In today’s draw we have the 8th card (in some decks this is the 11th card) of the Major Arcana, the Strength card which is represented here by a bee eater bird and a lion.  With the Strength card came the Seven of Pentacles, which in this deck is represented by the peacock.

Like all cards in the Major Arcana, the Strength card deals with the “bigger picture” of one’s life rather than one specific aspect of the human experience.  This card most often represents inner strength rather than outer strength, which includes courage, skills in persuasion and influence, as well as qualities of compassion.   In this deck, the strength card depicts a lion and a bee eater bird, which in the guidebook are described as….

Lion: power, protection, courage, patience, wisdom, and passion Bee Eater Bird: unity, family, tranquility, support, comfort, and balance

The Seven of Pentacles is a representation of progress, sudden leaps ahead, and the unknown in the area of finances, resources and the physical word.  It can also indicate the entrance of spirituality into a situation, and looking beyond the self.    This deck depicts the Seven of Pentacles as a Peacock, which in the guidebook holds the qualities of rebirth, confidence, victory, patience, resilience, and devotion.

Whew… that was a long one for definitions today.

My interpretation of the cards in today’s reading boils down to that I need to spend more time lifting myself up, rather than tearing myself down.  And, in doing so, I will foster more strength within myself and a calmer, more centered outlook concerning not just my family, but the world at large.

It’s a good message, as I have been struggling a bit with being a right bastard to myself lately, and I have a visit coming up with family that will do plenty of that “tearing down” for me.   I don’t need to be so harsh with myself, instead, now is a time to foster my strengths and build myself up for what is coming. (Which, of course, I’m referring to  either visiting those family members out east, or staying here and helping my mother through her surgery, depending on what she decides she wants to happen.)

Deck Used:  The Animism Tarot

 

Pay Attention to Motive

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes in length and focused on the differences between concentration and mindfulness.   Concentration being a laser sharp focus on something, where as mindfulness is more of an awareness of everything in that moment.

I can’t say I really paid that much attention, in fact, I had to re-play the discussion part of it just to remember -what- the focus of the meditation was.  This is because I was having a very good meditation where my focus was turned inward and on the breath.

Sometimes, if I get really into it, the rest of the world melts away and that was the case today.  I find these times to be the most refreshing, actually, so it was really nice to be able to find that headspace for today.

Today’s draw is from the same deck as yesterday (cuz I forgot to switch them out) and came up as the Four of Cups along with a repeat of the Nine of Cups from yesterday.  Neither of these cards were jumpers, as they both came out of the deck together.

The Nine of Cups, as you will remember from yesterday, is a representation of fruition and fulfillment, culmination, and consequences in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

The Four of Cups is a representation of stability, shelter, ease, taking time to reassess, and stagnancy in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

I still see the Nine of Cups as a carry over from yesterday.  It clearly is stating to me “don’t get cocky” or overconfident.  The underlying message has changed, though, to the Four of Cups.

Together, these cards are speaking of making sure I’m not reacting (or acting) out of boredom (just as yesterday they were speaking of impulsivity).  Whether bored or feeling impulsive, the cards for both days come with the overlying message that says “don’t get cocky”.  Take my time.  Pay attention.  Put some thought into my decisions and actions before I actually do or say anything.

Very important.

 Deck Used: Visions of Life Tarot

 

And now for a moment of levity.

Z sent this to me today in email and it made me laugh….

 

Moderation Is Not Easy

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on change and the discomfort we feel in moments of uncertainty.  This is, in fact, something that I struggle a great deal with personally, as I’m pretty sure the majority of people do.   It’s very rare that I ever run across people that relish the uncertainty of change.

That said, the meditation’s premise was not that we should be okay with uncertainty and change, so much as that as a part of life, there are things we can do to try and come to peace with it so that we are not quite so uncomfortable in the moment and can adapt more readily.

In the meditation, she likens this to “riding the waves” of change and asks, “what would it be like to loosen our grip. What if we let go of our agenda and allowed ourselves to become, bit by bit, more comfortable with uncertainty.”   The guided meditation goes on to encourage practice letting go in moments when you catch yourself resisting uncertainty and allow yourself to become more comfortable with it so that you can experience change and life with more ease.

But, in my opinion, this would be more like when you are caught in a riptide, rather than being likened to waves. You don’t fight a riptide, as that is how you drown. Instead, you are taught to relax and go with it.  Allow it to happen.   In this way, the water will release its grip sooner and you will find the surface (and air to breathe) more quickly.

Separate analogies aside, I like the premise and agree that trying to go with things rather than fight them can lower stress significantly in day to day life as well as in times of change.

Today’s draw is the Two of Wands (Freedom) and the Nine of Cups (Overconfidence). I’m going to outline the “traditional” meanings for these cards as I always do, but I’ve found that I get a LOT of intuitive interpretations from this deck, so my message doesn’t really fit with the standard meanings of the two cards.   Neither of these cards were jumpers, as they both came out of the deck together.

The Two of Wands is a representation of duality, union, partnerships, and division in the area of one’s ambitions, drive, willpower, and passions.

The Nine of Cups is a representation of fruition and fulfillment, culmination, and consequences in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.

That said, my interpretation of today’s cards was not based upon RWS, or even the words on the cards, but rather an intuitive hit off of the images themselves.

The message of today’s draw is that I need to practice a little caution and restraint in the area of my choices.  Specifically my dietary choices.  The cards are pointing out at it is important that I don’t get cocky with the few “unhealthy” things I’ve been allowing myself lately and think it’s okay to indulge all of the time.  Indulgences are okay, but only in moderation.

Moderation is not really my strong suit, so this is a very good reminder. I have a habit of letting small allowances get out of hand, much like that saying “give an inch, take a mile”.   This is true not just in my relationship with food, but with anything I’m passionate about.  If allowed to do so, I have a feeling excess would be the theme of my existence, and I think this is a part of why I am so strict with myself on so many levels and in so many different areas of my life.

 

Not a Waste

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused entirely upon the breath and the reasons why the breath is so often the focus of meditation practices.

It was very relaxing, and a topic that I’ve never really considered before. I’ve always followed the breath because the breath is how I was taught as a child to to ground myself, and from a very young age I’ve been doing this naturally when I cry. (I have a habit of holding my breath for extended periods when I get really worked up). Later in life it has become how I deal with pain an anxiety (also both in the grounding arena).

This is called Pranayama, which means to control the breath.

In yoga, this practice is used to center your focus upon the present moment. The breath is the epitome of one’s present. It does not exist in the past, nor in the future. Only in the now. So by focusing upon the breath, you focus not just upon yourself and your inner energy, but also upon -this- moment.

This makes the breath very useful in mindfulness and meditation practices, as it assists the mind in staying present instead of wandering off into musings, memories, or daydreams.

Today’s card is the Eight of Pentacles, which is a representation of manifestation, hard work, purpose, determination, and accomplishment in the area of finances, resources, and the physical world.

In the guidebook of today’s deck, the Beaver is then described with the key words of dedication, drive, guidance, success, integrity, and community.

The Eight of Pentacles and diligent beaver have appeared in today’s draw to remind me that even on the days I’m not sitting at my work table, I’m still working.   Today was a driving day, as all Tuesdays and Fridays are.  Sometimes, these days feel like a complete waste of time because I’m not physically working with my hands.

Today’s draw is a reminder that that isn’t true.  The driving days are just as important to my business, and I’m not working any less just because I don’t have tools in my hands.  It’s not a waste of time, it’s just a different aspect of running a business and without it?  There would be no business, and no success.

Deck Used: Animism Tarot