creativity

What the Heart Wants

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on stillness and silence.  Specifically, it focused on the restorative power of having a moment of silence.  How this moment can refresh you and help you recover from the cacophony of everyday life. 

The meditation included not so much following the breath, but focusing upon the moment of pause between the inhales and exhales.    I found this practice very relaxing.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which is an indication of determination, energy, and strength in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.  This is a card of purpose and movement, and as such, it speaks of being lead by the heart to make changes and move away from the things that are not working for you.

The Eight of Cup’s appearance today has spurred me to sit down and look at what isn’t working for me.   I look around and I find myself dissatisfied, but it has taken a good deal of time to realize that the dissatisfaction hinted at inside has to do with the mess I am surrounded in.

Running a business from home is a messy thing, especially running a creative business.  Yes, I know where everything is, but there’s stuff…. everywhere.  Piled on the coffee table, stacked on flat surfaces around the house. It’s become a bit stressful, actually.

I think it’s time to start looking at a new system.  Or perhaps just altering and refining the system I currently have.   Things have gotten a bit out of hand and it’s time to clean up, clear up the chaos, so that my creativity can flow more smoothly.

Within the same theme, yet on a different thread, the Eight of Cups speaks to me in another way as well.    I really enjoyed our time together last night.   The amount of separation lately has been difficult for you, and it’s not working for me either.  I woke up feeling so much better internally this morning, and I could trace that feeling back to you.

I feel I need to move towards finding a better way to manage my time and activities so that we can have some more time together.  I’ve had some false starts and tripped over my feet a few times on this since emerging from my depression this spring.   I am determined to make this change, though.   I miss you.  I miss our time together.  Not that we don’t get time now, but…. it’s not enough.

The Inner Child

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Due to spending the majority of what would have been my free time today with the police dealing with the break-in down in our gated garage, I did not get the chance to meditate today.

Today’s draw is the Six of Cups, which is a representation of memories, childhood, and innocence in the areas of emotions, relationships, and creativity.

This card has multiple meanings, as many of the cards in the deck do. But, it’s presence today is a reminder to get in touch with my inner child, where my joy in creation resides.

I have so many projects on the go right now, and so much to do. I’ve been feeling a little bit overwhelmed while trying to play catch-up from the depression that took so much of my time at the beginning of the spring.

The Six of Cups is a reminder that even though there’s so much to do, many of the projects that I need to work on our seated and creativity. These are projects that I should be looking forward to with an open heart, rather than trudge towards as if they are a chore.

A funny and fun coincidence… An excellent article offered in my NYTimes Smarter Living subscription this morning is “How to Revisit the Ghosts of Your Past“, which relates to another possible interpretation of this card.

Ideas Transformed Into Reality

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I did not get a chance to do meditation today.

Today’s draw is the Three of Pentacles, which is one my favorite cards, as it represents the manifestation of ideas into reality through creation.

It indicates that with focus, creativity, and determination you can bring something physical into existence that was once simple an idea or thought.

As today I am going to be shopping for the supplies I will need to re-caulk my bathtub (a project I’ve never done before, but that is desperately needed), I believe the Three of Pentacles appearance is guidance and encouragement.

Ive been feeling a bit of self-doubt concerning this project, and the Three of Pentacles is telling me that I CAN do this. It might involve a little bit of a learning curve, a little trial and error, but with the right tools and some determination and patience, I can do it.

Tarot Deck Modification

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Darkness of Light Tarot

Darkness of Light Tarot with Black Edging Modification

I did my very first deck modification yesterday, and I’m really happy with it. Or, well perhaps I shouldn’t count it as my first, as I’ve used a punch to round off the corners on a sharp cornered deck in the past. That said, though, this was the first time I have gone beyond that.

The thing is, I have a handful of decks that I’ve purchased (or been given) over the years that I’m not 100% happy with. I’ve considered doing mods on them before, but it kind of felt like… a desecration.

That said, I’ve been following a video blog lately on YouTube, and the author does mods as a part of her practice. In one of her videos, she had a really good point about deck modifications.

That point, or rather, what it boils down to is that these decks are mine, and they need to be comfortable for me and attuned to my energy. If that means I need to alter a deck for it to “fit” me, then that should be okay because it’s my deck. Modifying it with this purpose only makes it that much more mine.

My thoughts on this might be different if I were collecting decks in order to resell, or to keep pristine. But that’s not the case. I use my decks. I enjoy handling them. Shuffling them. Feeling their energies and personalities shine through. So why not try to adjust them when they don’t feel quite right as they are on arrival in my collection? I really need to do something to see if I can make them more comfortable and more mine.

As I said, the only mods I’ve ever done before were rounding corners, and yesterday’s experiment with edging the Darkness of Light tarot in black.

Because of this, I’ve ordered a “practice deck” to try out trimming (making a deck smaller), as I’m not confident enough to just jump in with that type of more “extreme” modifications without a little practice first. Especially since I have a number of decks that I find discomfort in because they are so large. Or, in a couple of cases, because the border around the artwork is ugly and distracting.

Fortunately, I was able to find two used decks on eBay for $1.99 for both. These are the Blue Messiah Oracle and Cosmos Oracles. Both have cards that are quite large in size and are by the same author with similar artwork. I figure it can give me a good practice to try cutting down their size, and then edging them in color.

If they turn out, of course, I’ll have to give them a really thorough cleansing before using them, but I’m looking forward to their arrival and getting the chance to experiment.

Choosing Paths

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Today’s meditation was 15 minutes and 48 seconds, and focused on letting go of things that you cannot change.

You know, like my depression? Or rather, my feelings of guilt over having left you behind and on your own during my depression, and my frustration with having lost time (and the memories of during that time) for over a month.

There’s really no point in holding onto these issues when there’s nothing that I can do about them. Holding onto them just holds me back and brings me down. I think I need to work on letting that frustration and guilt go.

Today’s card is the zero card in the Major Arcana… the Fool.

The Fool represents that place in new beginnings where many paths are laid out before you and you have yet to take your first step. This is a card of new beginnings that are filled with the bounty of possibilities and potential.

Sometimes in new beginnings it’s a good idea to think things out and make the logical choices, but the Fool card is an encouragement to follow one’s heart instead.

For me, following my heart always involves creativity on some level. This type of decision making is not really in my wheelhouse most of the time, because I have a tendency to lean towards logic and thought rather than the heart. (Not to be confused with following your instincts, which I excel at most of the time.) I always seem to view decisions based in the heart as the less responsible choices.

That said, whenever I make decisions with my heart, it seems to always have something to do with my creative endeavors. Whether that’s a new design that I’m working on, or a new idea I want to try out, or even in the directions that we go in within our role play.

So my focus for today, prompted by this card, will be to try and follow my heart more in my decision making, rather than immediately reaching for whatever logical options my head presents.

Cultivating Creation

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Today’s meditation was fourteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds, and focused on doing one thing at a time.

I think that, because I’m tired today, this task really isn’t all that easy. My days are often a blend of multitasking and intense focus. But when I’m tired, sometimes the two get a bit jumbled together.

In meditation it’s important to focus on the moment, and today I had a really hard time staying focused. I think it’s just that I’m tired, though, as most of the intruding thoughts were visual daydream oriented. They weren’t about things I need to do, or projects that need to get done, or any of that. And, even though I was awake, I caught myself just starting to pull in a snore here and there in my breathing.

Today’s draw is the Three of Pentacles. This card is all about creation, abundance, and heart in the areas of money, resources, and the physical world.

The dark pit of depression that sucked me in set me behind in many things, especially those related to tending to my business and my creativity, which I greatly intertwined.

This card is an encouragement to pick that creativity back up. It’s time to bring ideas to the surface and bring them forward into the physical world once more.

Before the depression, I had so many ideas and so many projects on the go. I had lots of things to make, quite a few ideas in mid-creation, and all of it ended up on the back burner.

This card is an encouragement to get back into those things I enjoy. It’s time to begin manifesting these ideas and projects that have been sitting on the back burner into reality.

As a sidenote, it’s probably not surprising that this is one of my favorite pieces of artwork in this particular tarot deck. I love the inquisitive yet contented expression on his face. I love the way that he seems so at peace and happy in both his work and his creativity. To me, the artwork is truly an expression of working industriously at doing what you love.