being kind to yourself

Down Time is a Good Thing

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Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, which is Day 4 in the ‘how to’ series, and focused on what the narrator called inner smoothness.  I’ve never really seen it that way, and I view “smooth” as being something solid with a surface that does not contain irregularities.    What he was speaking of in his narration is, to me, not smoothness, but rather transparency… like a window screen.  There, but transparent.

Essentially what this meditation was about was concerning how we react to the world around us.  Do we react and cringe from everything?  Or do we practice acceptance and allow the sensations (such as sound, for example) to flow around us and through us as we become part of the environment rather than separated from it?

In meditation, this sense of being “at one” is a key part of the practice.  Instead of being reactionary, you focus on being calm and at ease, no matter the distractions that may be present at the time.

Two of Cups - Tarot of the Unknown Today’s draw is the Two of Cups, which is in direct relation to me scolding myself for loafing off yesterday.  I just plain didn’t work at all once I got home yesterday, which means that I didn’t work in my home business for two days in a row.   Instead, I spent them playing with you.

This is really unheard of for me, as even when we play I often multitask and work on the side.  Today’s card is a reminder that it’s OKAY to need to spend time with you.  It’s OKAY to want to direct all of my energy and time and focus on you now and then.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it builds good energy and good relationship by doing so.   It’s good for me, and it’s good for us as a couple.

So I need to take a breath and just relax and stop being so hard on myself for not being as productive as I absolutely, positively could be.

Deck Used:  Tarot of the Unknown

Bonus Reading – #TarotForGrowthNovember

Question: How can I be more decisive?

The Distant Past Tarot

Reading Summary:  Use a more stable energy (Queen of Cups) in reaction to my struggles (Five of Pentacles), and keep in mind when I’m dealing with uncertainty (The Moon), that turning inward isn’t always the answer (The Hermit).  Sometimes you have to remember to ask for help (back to the Five of Pentacles) and let other people’s input influence your decision (Four of Cups).

Take Away:  If I want to be more decisive, it helps to look outward rather than always depending upon the self alone. These cards are a reminder that there are an infinite amount of other perspectives out there to consider when making a decision, and the more information you have, the easier it is to make the right choices for yourself and the situation.

Deck Used:  The Distant Past Tarot

Self Care Saturday (on Sunday)

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SCS

Week five of accountability.  This is definitely working out for me, and I will continue it past the end of August.  Today, I would not have gotten my journaling done on this spread at all without the accountability of needing to post it here.  I’m well aware of that and that the reason I did it is because it needed to get put up here on the blog.

As I mentioned before, these readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and are not meant as a predictive reading.

The question is… What do I need to focus on in the week ahead?

Body – Four of Candles – Now is a time to focus on the progress made.  Do not let what is predictably a slow two weeks each year drag you down.  Celebrate how far you’ve come instead.

Mind – Five of Tomes – Don’t let worries and anxieties about finances and stability overrun me and blind me to options and methods that are there to assist when needed.

Emotions – Explorer of Bells – As the Five of Tomes speaks of keeping the mind open to possibilities and options, this one speaks of keeping oneself open to lessons of the “heart”.  Do not close yourself off, just make good choices.

Inner Spark – Nine of Bells – Do not let the cacophony of self doubt over the next week stunt your progress, no matter how distracting it may be.

Moving Away From – Subdrop… and thank god for that.  The feeling of being swallowed whole bhy the drop will soon pass.

Heading Toward – Self doubt and overly critical thinking directed at the self, especially in relation to my business and finances.

Moral of the Story – Relax and Breathe… It’s going to be okay.

Untitled-1Side note on last week’s Self Care Saturday:

You see this card from last week?  You see that devil there, invisible but on the leash?   I know what that is now.

That is the motherf’king subdrop… walking so nicely beside me, hidden but there. But it’s not on a leash at all. Just when I thought I had it under control, it jumped up and bit me on the ass.

Just sayin’.

Decks Used: Numinous Tarot, Dixit Quest Expansion Pack #2

Don’t Be Such a Bastard

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on our internal dialogue and the language we use.   That is to say, how we talk to ourselves (whether aloud or in our heads).   It went into detail on asking why we would treat ourselves worse than how we treat others.  Are the things you say to yourself something you would ever say to another person?

In my case?  This is a hell no.  I know I’m very hard on myself, extremely judgemental of myself and very confrontational in my language to myself.  This is not how I am with others at all, and yet when it comes to myself… I’m mean as fuck.

The meditation encouraged noticing these times and, when you do, gentling your approach.   It is about being mindful of how you are treating yourself… and it’s something I definitely need to work on.

Today’s draw is (again) a double without a jumper.  In today’s draw we have the 8th card (in some decks this is the 11th card) of the Major Arcana, the Strength card which is represented here by a bee eater bird and a lion.  With the Strength card came the Seven of Pentacles, which in this deck is represented by the peacock.

Like all cards in the Major Arcana, the Strength card deals with the “bigger picture” of one’s life rather than one specific aspect of the human experience.  This card most often represents inner strength rather than outer strength, which includes courage, skills in persuasion and influence, as well as qualities of compassion.   In this deck, the strength card depicts a lion and a bee eater bird, which in the guidebook are described as….

Lion: power, protection, courage, patience, wisdom, and passion Bee Eater Bird: unity, family, tranquility, support, comfort, and balance

The Seven of Pentacles is a representation of progress, sudden leaps ahead, and the unknown in the area of finances, resources and the physical word.  It can also indicate the entrance of spirituality into a situation, and looking beyond the self.    This deck depicts the Seven of Pentacles as a Peacock, which in the guidebook holds the qualities of rebirth, confidence, victory, patience, resilience, and devotion.

Whew… that was a long one for definitions today.

My interpretation of the cards in today’s reading boils down to that I need to spend more time lifting myself up, rather than tearing myself down.  And, in doing so, I will foster more strength within myself and a calmer, more centered outlook concerning not just my family, but the world at large.

It’s a good message, as I have been struggling a bit with being a right bastard to myself lately, and I have a visit coming up with family that will do plenty of that “tearing down” for me.   I don’t need to be so harsh with myself, instead, now is a time to foster my strengths and build myself up for what is coming. (Which, of course, I’m referring to  either visiting those family members out east, or staying here and helping my mother through her surgery, depending on what she decides she wants to happen.)

Deck Used:  The Animism Tarot