Animism Tarot

The Dreamer’s Path

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and focused on what they named the concept of “coming home”.   That is to say, that meditation is, in essence, the act of “coming home” to one’s body.  On focusing your energy inward and finding peace within for the length of your time in meditation.

I had a hard time with this one namely because of what they called it.   I understood and agreed with the concept, but every time the guided meditation spoke the term “coming home”, I was yanked from my meditation an brought back to memories of the past.

I’ve mentioned this before, but as a child, whenever my father’s negativity really brought me down and got me worked up to where I’d end up crying, I always retreated to somewhere small and private and repeated again and again in my head “I want to go home. I want to go home.”  Even now, those words illicit tears, and typing them made my eyes water up.

I don’t know where I got this from as a child. It just happened.   And it didn’t stop happening until I’d emancipated from my parent’s home and was out on my own.

So, today’s meditation was not all that relaxing, as you might imagine.   NOW in my life, I am home.  I am no longer that little boy searching for the safety and security of “home” that he didn’t have back then.   But for some reason, the phrase “coming home” caused me to revisit him again and again.   It was very uncomfortable, and I may try a different meditation later today.

 Today’s draw is the Seven of Cups, which is a representation of progress, making choices, and the unknown, as well as looking outside the self, and the entrance of spirituality within the area of one’s emotions, creativity, intuition, and relationships. For example… being presented with choices and opportunities that have the potential to lead to progress.

The polar bear on today’s card is defined in the deck’s guidebook as representing fearlessness, independence, intuition, courage, patience, and balance.

What I see within this card today is daydreams and ideas that inspire creativity swirling in the sky, filled with possibility.   These possibilities require choices, but sometimes you have to take a moment to pause and listen to your gut to know which path to choose, and which choices are the best for you at this time, in this moment.

Today’s card is a reminder to pause and look over the choices instead of just going with whatever is the usual, habitual choice may be.  It’s a time for exploration of ideas, and seeking out what is calling out to me from within rather than with logic.

It’s a good message, and one I’m going to strive to incorporate into my day and today’s activities.

There is one decision that I have already made today, though, for my personal health and emotional well-being.  I’m going to stick with this deck, and put the Visions of Life Tarot away for now.  As much as I love the Visions of Life deck (and find it absolutely hilarious), the tongue in cheek humor is not speaking to me in the most positive of ways at the moment.  I may re-visit using it for daily draws in the future, but for now, I’m going to set it aside.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

Its Better Together

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on the concept of gezellig, which is (apparently) a German adjective that means a kind of thing or activity that embodies a sense of joy or peace.

The guided meditation started out with a very broken down mindfulness technique or the breath that involves first focusing on the rise and fall of the belly, then the expansion and contraction of the ribs, then the rise and fall of the chest, before then focusing on how the breath moves like waves through each part. It was extremely relaxing.

After this, it spoke about the importance of adding activities into each day that help to restore the soul. These are things that bring you a sense of peace, joy, contentment, or fun. I think sometimes we all forget to do this, and forget to truly appreciate these things even when we do actually do them. I know that I am guilty of this.

Today’s draw is another double without a jumper. It is the 11th card in the Major Arcana, the Justice card (with chimpanzees), and the Two of Cups (with seals).

Today I’m not going to bother with traditional meanings because I got an intuitive hit (and currently riding in a car which means I’m flirting with getting car sick by working on this right now.

Today, the Justice card is telling me that we are going to get pulled over sometime today (or some other event that is going to deal with an authoritative figure and reckoning).

The Two of Cups is a reminder of emotional support. It says that I may either need it, or need to provide it, in relation to the above mentioned event. I’m traveling with J today, so we’ll just have to see how things go.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

History’s Quicksand

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused on simplicity and the practice of activity seeking simplicity in one’s life over confusion and complexity.

This meditation goes along really well with the theme of yesterdays Self-Care Saturday spread, which was already posted here on the blog earlier this morning.  In the spread it essentially spoke about the same thing.

The meditation focused on how living more simply and embracing simplicity can help us in avoiding feeling overwhelmed.  Sometimes, I really long for simplicity, and as you know I’ve put in place a plan to be able to ease up a bit in… just about six years.

I know that doesn’t help much right now, but I think that this exercise I do each day along with the meditation practice has definitely helped a lot with that constant feeling of juggling too much and feeling consistently overwhelmed by responsibility.

Today’s draw is yet another double without a jumper, as they came out together. This seems to be the week for double drops… or maybe the month for it? The cards in today’s draw are the Five of Cups (as the deer) and the Six of Cups (as the marbled salamander).

Both of these cards are representations based in the area of emotions, relationships, creativity, and intuition.  The Five of Cups is an indication of struggles, tests, trials, conflict, and harshness, whereas the Six of cups is an indication of vitality, harmony, innocence, and memories.

These themes are reinforced by the animal representations in this deck, as in the guidebook, the deer’s keywords are innocence, compassion, insight, security, love, and wonder.  The marbled salamander’s keywords are awareness, growth, adaptation, faith, endurance, and change.

Combined as they are in today’s draw, these cards are telling me not to let memories of the past drag me down and close me off from the good I have in the present.

Sometimes when the memories come it’s hard to be kind to myself and it’s hard to let go. Memories of Greg and what happened with him.  Memories of the home invasion that happened at the hands of his friend later on.   Memories of the car accidents and recoveries I’ve been through, and the sometimes resentment and other times longing over the things I’ve lost (such as flexibility, a life without chronic pain, my voice, etc).

All of these things are a part of today’s draw, as today’s cards are a reminder that the past in the past for a reason, and although it’s important to learn lessons from the past, I need to remember to not get bogged down by what has happened and let it drag me down here in the present.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

Don’t Be Such a Bastard

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on our internal dialogue and the language we use.   That is to say, how we talk to ourselves (whether aloud or in our heads).   It went into detail on asking why we would treat ourselves worse than how we treat others.  Are the things you say to yourself something you would ever say to another person?

In my case?  This is a hell no.  I know I’m very hard on myself, extremely judgemental of myself and very confrontational in my language to myself.  This is not how I am with others at all, and yet when it comes to myself… I’m mean as fuck.

The meditation encouraged noticing these times and, when you do, gentling your approach.   It is about being mindful of how you are treating yourself… and it’s something I definitely need to work on.

Today’s draw is (again) a double without a jumper.  In today’s draw we have the 8th card (in some decks this is the 11th card) of the Major Arcana, the Strength card which is represented here by a bee eater bird and a lion.  With the Strength card came the Seven of Pentacles, which in this deck is represented by the peacock.

Like all cards in the Major Arcana, the Strength card deals with the “bigger picture” of one’s life rather than one specific aspect of the human experience.  This card most often represents inner strength rather than outer strength, which includes courage, skills in persuasion and influence, as well as qualities of compassion.   In this deck, the strength card depicts a lion and a bee eater bird, which in the guidebook are described as….

Lion: power, protection, courage, patience, wisdom, and passion Bee Eater Bird: unity, family, tranquility, support, comfort, and balance

The Seven of Pentacles is a representation of progress, sudden leaps ahead, and the unknown in the area of finances, resources and the physical word.  It can also indicate the entrance of spirituality into a situation, and looking beyond the self.    This deck depicts the Seven of Pentacles as a Peacock, which in the guidebook holds the qualities of rebirth, confidence, victory, patience, resilience, and devotion.

Whew… that was a long one for definitions today.

My interpretation of the cards in today’s reading boils down to that I need to spend more time lifting myself up, rather than tearing myself down.  And, in doing so, I will foster more strength within myself and a calmer, more centered outlook concerning not just my family, but the world at large.

It’s a good message, as I have been struggling a bit with being a right bastard to myself lately, and I have a visit coming up with family that will do plenty of that “tearing down” for me.   I don’t need to be so harsh with myself, instead, now is a time to foster my strengths and build myself up for what is coming. (Which, of course, I’m referring to  either visiting those family members out east, or staying here and helping my mother through her surgery, depending on what she decides she wants to happen.)

Deck Used:  The Animism Tarot

 

Not a Waste

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds, and focused entirely upon the breath and the reasons why the breath is so often the focus of meditation practices.

It was very relaxing, and a topic that I’ve never really considered before. I’ve always followed the breath because the breath is how I was taught as a child to to ground myself, and from a very young age I’ve been doing this naturally when I cry. (I have a habit of holding my breath for extended periods when I get really worked up). Later in life it has become how I deal with pain an anxiety (also both in the grounding arena).

This is called Pranayama, which means to control the breath.

In yoga, this practice is used to center your focus upon the present moment. The breath is the epitome of one’s present. It does not exist in the past, nor in the future. Only in the now. So by focusing upon the breath, you focus not just upon yourself and your inner energy, but also upon -this- moment.

This makes the breath very useful in mindfulness and meditation practices, as it assists the mind in staying present instead of wandering off into musings, memories, or daydreams.

Today’s card is the Eight of Pentacles, which is a representation of manifestation, hard work, purpose, determination, and accomplishment in the area of finances, resources, and the physical world.

In the guidebook of today’s deck, the Beaver is then described with the key words of dedication, drive, guidance, success, integrity, and community.

The Eight of Pentacles and diligent beaver have appeared in today’s draw to remind me that even on the days I’m not sitting at my work table, I’m still working.   Today was a driving day, as all Tuesdays and Fridays are.  Sometimes, these days feel like a complete waste of time because I’m not physically working with my hands.

Today’s draw is a reminder that that isn’t true.  The driving days are just as important to my business, and I’m not working any less just because I don’t have tools in my hands.  It’s not a waste of time, it’s just a different aspect of running a business and without it?  There would be no business, and no success.

Deck Used: Animism Tarot

 

Damaged… Not Broken

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes and thirteen seconds, and focused on judging oneself as “broken” and how to reevaluate that view into a positive one.

This was a really difficult one for me today, and appropriate too, as you will see below in the daily draw.  The thing is, I do consider myself broken.   Not mentally (although, there are definitely times during depression when that comes up), but rather… physically.

Between the damage that keeps me silent and the damage from the various accidents (and attacks) I’ve gone through in my life, I feel that my body IS broken.  Functional, but broken.

I have saved this meditation to revisit, because I know this is something I need to work on.

Today’s draw is the Eight of Cups, which features the magpie leaving its perch. The eight of cups as a representation of the winds of change in the area of emotion, creativity, relationships, and intuition.

In the guidebook included with this deck the magpie is a representation of insight, revelation, courage, and opportunity.

Speaking of broken.   I find myself struggling with resentment today.  Not a resentment of everything that I’ve gone through.  My life reading by Z was very clear that my life would be a path of struggle and strife, and I’m okay with that.  I don’t mind hurdles or challenges, as it is simply a part of my path to work through them.

That said, I am having a frustration and resentment issue when it comes to the cancer. It came up today because, as I was working the emollient bar into the scars on my knee I had a sudden cramp in my right ass cheek.  Seriously.   Like a red hot, needle thin poker just right into the cheek.  Not sciatica, but…. I dunno.  Sort of like nerve pain, I guess.

Anyway, it brought up an issue I’ve been dealing with since the cancer and my recovery, which is a loss of flexibility.

I’ve been doing yoga my entire life, although as a child I had no idea it was called yoga, and my parents never bothered to teach me the names of all the poses and sequences (which I never really bothered to learn since).  The practice, though, has been life-long.  And after the accident in my late teens that damaged so much of my right side, it was instrumental in both my recovery and maintenance of the repairs that had to be done.

Because of this practice, even after that accident I’ve always been quite “bendy”… until the last few years.

During chemotherapy and my recovery after the RPLND, I slacked in my practice.  As in… didn’t do it at all for nearly a year.  And ever since then?  I’ve not been able to bring myself back to par with the flexibility that I’d had prior.   Normally, I can take this in stride and see such issues as a challenge… but today?  Not so much. And thus… frustration and resentment started to whisper through my emotions.

SO…. back to the Eight of Cups.

The Eight of Cups is telling me to let it go.   Take a deep breath, be understanding of my needs and capabilities, and move on from these feelings of resentment and intolerance towards myself…. and I’m going to do my best to do just that.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot