Two For The Price of One

Today’s meditation has not taken place yet.  I’ve been feeling a  bit out of sorts today, and while I know that meditation might be able to help this, at the same time I’ve been feeling very contrary and resistant… so, it hasn’t happened.  I will make sure to meditate before bed though, and try to put a little more effort into making sure it gets done in the mornings, as I know I benefit a great deal more from morning meditation than I seem to by doing them in the evening.

Forager's Daughter Tarot - The FoolToday’s draw is the Fool card of the Major Arcana, which is traditionally read as a card representing innocence, new beginnings, naivete, and boundless enthusiasm. There is a novice and untried air to the Fool, as he has yet to have tripped over a single pebble or stubbed his toe on a single root yet on his journey.   There is also a hint of anticipation, as adventures await the Fool, and he’s eager to begin.

I have to admit that as the Fool, I struggle with this card a bit.  Not me as the Fool, but this imagery as a representation of the Fool.  Because the taproot in this imagery looks like it is going through the egg (as opposed to behind it) this card feels far more to me like the World card than it does the Fool card.   Granted, the World and the Fool are connected by the Major Arcana’s cycle… so it is still fitting.  It just… fits more to me as the World.

That aside.    What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery on this card today is the Monarch butterfly working at wiggling its way free of the cocoon.  That imagery does indeed speak to me of the Fool and the World.  It speaks to me of the Fool because the butterfly is breaking free into a brand new form never experienced before.  It is eager for freedom and fights to get free of the cocoon in order to spread its wings.  At the same time, the other cocoons not yet open speak to me of the World.  For there is an ending and a beginning within those dangling pods, a transformation in the making.

There is a transformation happening in my life at the moment as well.   As I plan at returning to more regular work, and begin sorting through responsibilities and obligations, I am transforming how I used to do things into a new plan and a new norm.  The Fool has been a secondary stalker card for me over the past few weeks, trailing along behind the Ace of Cups, it appears again and again, just not quite as frequently.

The Fool’s message is twofold.  New beginnings and fresh starts take a change of mindset… and, that the change of mindset needed is one of wide eyed curiosity and eager optimism.

DECK USED:  FORAGER’S DAUGHTER TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I honor or uphold my body’s message?

Animal Wisdom Tarot

Reading Summary: Find a way (Fox), even if it feels like stealing time from something else (Magpie). You need the perspective provided (Bat) to help join emotion and intuition (Dolphins) for that growth that involves both (Nautilus).

There is, through color and mood of the skies in both cards, a connection between the Bat and the Fox that speaks of using my ability at being able to see multiple new perspectives to help me in finding a path to what my body needs.

There is also a connection between the Dolphin card and the Nautilus that involves a great deal of color combination as well as the spiral beneath the water in the Dolphin cards and its corresponding spiral of the Nautilus shell.   These correspondences reinforce a message in yesterday’s read about the interconnection between the emotions and intuition on this journey of growth that I’m on.

Take Away:  I can honor my body’s message (which is that I need to take better care of my body so that I will feel better overall) by shuffling my crap around to find the time to get in a bit of exercise, keeping in mind that if I do not there’s a good possibility I’ll end up stunting the growth I’ve been trying to foster in myself lately.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL WISDOM TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What loss do I fear the most?

Stella's TarotReading Summary: The death of hope (The Star) and happiness (The Sun) closing me off to the world and sinking me into my own inner hell (Nine of Swords) as it obliterates my ability to see multiple perspectives (The Hanged Man Rx).

Take Away:  So the true fear of loss here has to do with losing my ability to view things in an unbiased manner and see multiple perspectives. The death of hope and happiness is the path to that outcome.

The thing is, that it really terrifies me to actually think I could lose that.  That perspective.  That ability to step back and really see things from “both sides” or multiple views.  It worries me that without that ability, I would become closed minded and hard… which is something I would never want.

DECK USED:  STELLA’S TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question
: Given the current restrictions, how can I give and receive support to those important people in my life?

TaRat Rat Tarot

Reading Summary: You have to take action (Three of Wands) to celebrate what you have (Four of Wands) even in the worst of times (Ten of Swords). homecoming = reaching out

Take Away:  The Four of Wands is not just a “celebration” card, but also holds roots in the concept of “homecoming”.  Which is to say that in this case that ‘celebration’ seen in the cards has more to do with enjoying what I have…. enjoying my loved ones and taking action to enjoy them in the ways I am able… even when things are more difficult or feel impossible.  This is where phone calls and other forms of communication come in, as they allow that celebration of our connection, even from afar.

DECK USED:  TARAT RAT TAROT

Self Awareness and Vice

IMG_4480Today’s meditation was just under ten minutes long, and focused upon choosing your words wisely.  Okay so it was a bit more than that.  It was about taking a beat to get in touch with your reactions, and using that moment to recognize if you are having an emotional reaction.  To recognize if there isn’t a better way to respond than by jumping to your first reaction and raising your voice or following blindly in a raise of your emotions.

Too often when we are confronted with conflict or with something that puts our back up for one reason or another, we react without thinking.  The meditation today was focused on finding a better path by using the mindfulness learned in the practice of meditating and finding a more calm and collected response.

Maruco Animal Tarot - The DevilToday’s draw is the Devil card, which is traditionally interpreted as a representation of temptations, obsessions, and addictions.  It often refers to themes that have to do with self-imposed restrictions or self-imposed situations where one’s vices become a problem. It can also occasionally refer to that inner “shadow self” that contains the parts of ourselves and traits that we prefer not to accept or bring out into the light.

[Traditional Symbology Side Note: In the lovers card in the traditional RWS tarot, these same figures stand before two trees.   The female figure stands before the Tree of Knowledge.  The male figure stands before the Tree of Life. Here in the devil card (both in this deck and also in the traditional RWS) you see the representation of these trees reflected by what sprouts from the tails of these figures.]

I added the side note above, because what stands out to me the strongest today in the imagery of this card is the tails of the two chained fuzzies below the white tiger devil.  In this imagery, both tails have “born fruit” that feels like the fruit of that is their vice… their obsession.  Their addiction that keeps them chained.  In the case of the figure on the left, it is about the pleasure of abundance and “forbidden fruit”.   In the figure on the right, it is about the spark of one’s passions and drive.   In both cases, although what has put them in their current predicament is different, the results are the same.

The second thing that stands out to me is that in both cases, their eyes are closed…. but the tiger’s eyes are open and feel as if they have a depth of understanding to them.  This, interestingly enough, speaks to me of a blend of empathy and strength.

The message here is to make sure you are aware of those things that make you tick, and those things that have the potential to become more than that and enslave you.  I have a tendency toward addiction, and the message for me is one of self awareness.  Being self aware allows me to enjoy the things I love without taking it too far.  And, allows me to know when it is getting to a point where “taking it to far” has stopped being a possibility and has become a reality.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question
: What does my inner child want me to know at this time?

Mystical Manga Tarot

Reading Summary: This new opportunity to do things differently that’s currently before me (Page of Coins) needs to be considered with a good deal of introspection and thought (Eight of Swords) as well as careful planning.   At the center of that planning and the working through of how to proceed?  Make sure you are factoring in the need for continued self care (Empress).

Take Away:  The reorganization that has happened as a result of the pandemic has created an opportunity for me to rearrange not just how I work, but how I see things and where my focuses should lie.   The cards here are an encouragement to make sure that I don’t forget about the dedication I’ve put into self care during this time, and carry it forward into the future by careful and well thought out planning.

DECK USED:  MYSTICAL MANGA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Do Spread #2
What does Miss Luna want from me that I am not providing enough of?

Animal Wisdom TarotReading Summary: More good stuff (first two cards). Less change and instability (Moth Rx). Note the flow of colors in the background which connects the first two cards, indicating that she connects the joy of my attentions (Hummingbird) with the joy of passionate action (Tiger).  This connection is reinforced by the similar color palates and abundance of light in the first two cards, which speaks of joy and happiness.  Whereas the absence of light in the last card speaks of displeasure.

Take Away:  The cards here are saying that Miss Luna wants more play time with me.  She wants to have fun and finds that fun and action a sort of positive reinforcement.

What she wants less of from me is instability and change.  There’s not a lot that I can do about that as I can only provide so much stability considering my unstable schedule.  I do work hard to give her a bit of predictability within her days tho.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL WISDOM TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I take on the mood of someone else?

Stella's Tarot

Reading Summary: When I recognize that in the great scheme of things, there is no difference between others and myself (Death Rx), which allows me to connect with them through empathy (Three of Swords) and commiseration (Three of Disks).

Take Away:  Although I am not an empath, I am very much able to feel empathy under the right circumstances.  Those circumstances essentially require me to relate to and commiserate in some way with the other person.  I am then able to “take on” their mood and emotions.  This is not so much the sharing of emotions that an empath would experience, but more of a reflection of those emotions like a mirror.

DECK USED:  STELLA’S TAROT

What Do You Celebrate?

IMG_4332Today’s meditation was just over twenty minutes long and focused upon finding light in the darkness.  This meditation was a bit different than most of the guided meditations that I do, in that instead of focusing on expanding my own energies or directing kindness to myself or others, it was more about the seeking of light from outside the self and finding a way to connect with and bask in its glow.

I wasn’t really comfortable with this, as it involved the acceptance of foreign energies, so the light that I focused on was that of the sun.  This was apparently a very good choice, as it actually made the experience really pleasurable.

As I focused on the sun, it felt as if that light enhanced my perceptions of the air around me and the natural smells and sounds that carried to me from the chirping of birds to the whisper of wind through leaves.  The scent of fresh spring air was also enhanced and I lingered a good deal of time in that space even after they had closed out the meditation.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Four of WandsToday’s draw is the Four of Wands, which is traditionally interpreted as a combination of security and comfort of homecomings as well as themes to do with joyous celebration which can be internal or external, personal, or public.

What really draws my attention in the imagery of this card today is the bunnies at the top of the four posts of the arbor the rabbits celebrate beneath.   This speaks to me of… familiarity and finding your “fit”.

Not everyone’s “good thing” is the same.  Some people love hot summer days, while others love gray and rainy days best.   Some people love cities, while others love the country or the woods.

The bunny heads at the top of these posts are the same as the bunny heads on the rabbits below, and this to them is familiar and perfect and makes them happy.

The message in today’s card is to find what makes you happy.  The message in today’s card?  Is to find what makes me happy.  What things in my life do I need to pay more attention to and spend more time joyously celebrating?

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#TarotForGrowthMay Challenge Prompt
Question
: Where would I most benefit from placing boundaries?

Fairy Tarot by Doreen Virtue

This is about being wise in where I direct my interests and ensuring I am paying attention to my own motivations with unbiased judgement (King of Winter) so that I can spot when I’m turning a blind eye (Eight of Winter) to my needs and ignoring the need for balance between what I give to others and what I take for myself (Balance). If I’m not caring for myself, I can’t care for others (Six of Autumn).

The relationship that is mentioned needing healing in the advice card at the bottom has to do with my relationship with myself. I’ve been doing so well along the path of that healing and finding another way, but I’ve fallen into some of my old bad habits the last few days. The cards here are calling me out on that neglect and reminding me to get my ass back in line.

The boundaries I would most benefit from setting in my life at this time are with myself.

DECK USED:  FAIRY TAROT BY VIRTUE

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: How can I unlock more positivity in my heart and mind?

Star Spinner TarotReading Summary:  Avoid jumping quickly (Knight of Wands) judgements and expectations (Justice) and spend your time focusing on what sparks your passions (Ace of Wands).

Take Away:  Be less quick (and less zealous) in judging myself and others.  Sometimes I expect too much from others… always I expect too much from myself.

In the former, it creates an experience of always ending up disappointed and experiencing surprises that are… unpleasant at the least and devastating in some circumstances.  In the latter, when I put too much expectation and judgement upon myself it does not lift me up but creates pressure and negativity toward myself that is a struggle to overcome. 

The encouragement here is to spend more time focusing on what I love… and less time focusing on the ways in which I feel that I (and society) have fallen short.

DECK USED:  STAR SPINNER TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question
: How can I reduce the resistance and impact my Ego has on being a good teacher and guide?

Animal Wisdom Tarot

Reading Summary: Don’t get too cocky (Blue Jay). Learn from your mistakes (Parrot). Take pride in your accomplishments (Hummingbird).

Not an all bird deck by any stretch, and yet all birds show up in this reading, which speaks to me on the topic of spiritual freedom and moments of enlightenment.

Take Away:  What really sticks out to me the most in this reading is the fact that “Don’t get too cocky” and “Take pride in your accomplishments” felt like opposing advice at first to that inner asshat that lives in my brain.   They are not opposing advice, but they did feel that way when that snide fucker spoke up to snark at the advice given by the cards today.

You know what that snark rearing up means?  It means that the advice from the cards is really good, and it’s something I’m going to need to sit with and process more fully.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL WISDOM TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What makes it difficult for me to say no?

Herbal Tarot

Reading Summary: Without breaking down the plant correspondences, which did not stand out with this deck as strongly today as they usually do….

The first two cards are about my own personal experiences with rejection, and how it feels to have the spark of one’s imagination crushed under the boot of another’s rejection, even when that rejection may come more along the lines of redirection.

The last two cards are about my desires for others.  I genuinely want people to be happy and because I know how catastrophic rejection can feel, it can be difficult to deliver that rejection sometimes.

Take Away:  Essentially, in the times I go through a struggle with saying no, it is because I am worried about squashing the person’s passion. I hate the idea of smothering someone’s spark… and worry about how long it might take them to rekindle it if I do.

DECK USED:  HERBAL TAROT

 

Patience is Important

IMG_4217Today’s meditation was was just over ten minutes long and was essentially a session on energy expansion, although it was not labeled as such.   It was a really pleasant experience, and similar to something I do regularly just to “stretch” a bit internally.

Essentially, the guided meditation walked you through feeling your “personal space” that surrounds you, then expanding that perception outward a few feet, and then to the room, and then beyond the room.  In my case, probably because I project so strongly, the stretch outward in this way is not just receptive but also projects my energy out much like a tree stretching out its branches and roots

The meditation then walked you back through pulling your sense and energy back in again before giving a little talk about how it is important to take time now and then to allow yourself some space to just be and feel.

Maruco Animal Tarot - Seven of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Seven of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of hard work and sustainable results in the area of one’s finances, resources, health, home, and the physical / material world at large.

What stands out most strongly to me today in this image ins the lush berries produced by the bushes, and the shovel.   These things both are a clear representation to me of the traditional meaning of this card.  The shovel speaks to me of hard work.  Whereas the berries speak to me of long term successes, as it takes time for berries to grow and ripen. First the plant must flourish and then flowers must bloom.  And then only once it has reached that point do berries start to appear as the flowers lose their petals and their centers begin to swell and plump.

The message here is that success takes time… and hard work. Patience is important.

Patience is not really one of my strong suits when it comes to my pursuits and passions, but I do understand it, and it speaks to me strongest when represented in the form of plants bearing fruit.   The cards are letting me know that just because I’ve slowed down a bit… and just because my business is going into an anticipated lull now that Mothers Day is over… I’m still progressing.  I will continue to progress.

DECK USED:  MARUCO ANIMAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsMay2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Do Spread #2
What is causing my heightened libido over the past week?

Animal Wisdom TarotIntuitive Interpretation:  Right… so the increased libido is about the emotional growth I am going through and has to do with finding an outlet while I adjust to this new level of emotions I’m feeling.  The combination of the rainbow in the Lizard card and the “rainbow” of sunset/sunrise colors behind the Pegasus in the Horse card indicates that the spike is temporary and to ride it out and enjoy it (Pegasus with wings upraised).

The color combination between the center cards speaks of my inner self seeking a safe way (Seven of Branches) to express this newness in the level of emotions I’m experiencing (Ace of Shells). The far left card and far right cards are also connected through color correlations, and indicate that I am experiencing things from a new perspective (Master of Suspension) and seeking a way forward that will not suppress my growth (Spirit of Freedom).  There is also a color match between two right cards that refers to feeling that this new level of emotion and my experience of it (Ace of Shells) feels a bit out of control and the sex is serving as an outlet for my cup that is running over at the moment (Spirit of Freedom).

Take Away:  Essentially my libido has kicked into high gear in an effort to help find an outlet for the new level of emotions I’m experiencing.  As I struggle with finding balance, my libido is allowing the overflowing contents of my “cup of emotions” to splash over the rim of the cup in a safe and secure manner (into your hands).  The cards indicate that this is temporary, but to enjoy it while it lasts.

DECK USED:  ANIMAL WISDOM TAROT

#MysticStarChallenge
Question
: What is the biggest challenge for me in our recent Global situation?

Star Spinner Tarot

Reading Summary: Struggles with patience and restraint (Temperance) creating a situation where I am too much in my head (King of Swords) without any kindness or understanding (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  I wonder if this is why I’ve been sleeping so much lately.  It sort of serves as an escape, both from the lack of alone time and also from the constant nagging bullshit I have going on in my head right now that teeters between “you’re not doing enough” and “you’re fucking up”.   I feel like I have both too much time on my hands and yet not enough time… at the same time.   It’s very confusing and I know it has a lot to do with those self recriminations and lack of understanding directed toward myself in relation to the current situation.

DECK USED:  STAR SPINNER TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What scares me about relationships?

Mystic Faerie Tarot

Reading Summary: All the work going to waste (Eight of Pentacles) and ending up alone (Nine of Pentacles) with hard choices and no one to help with them (Two of Swords).

Take Away:  The ending.  What scares me about relationships is the ending.  I really struggle to foster and nourish my relationships with others.  The connections, the communication, the time spent with others… sometimes it feels not just like a lot of hard work, but like I’m tiptoeing through a mine field and any wrong step will blow the whole thing up in my face.

I see other people in their friendships and relationships, and it looks so easy and natural.  This has never been the case for me.

This doesn’t keep me from being myself, but it does make the entire process feel a bit arduous.   At the same time?  I value those people in my life, so the work is worth it.   But…. it also gives breed to the fear of stepping on one of those mines and the whole thing ending up for naught.

DECK USED:  MYSTIC FAERIE TAROT