Stepping Stones

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IMG_2513Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long, and was a guided meditation on projecting loving kindness first to yourself, and then outward to others.  It starts out by projecting loving kindness to yourself, then to someone you care about, then to someone hateful and/or that you dislike or has hurt you, and then beyond them to everyone and the world.   You then reverse the process back the other way so that you end with again projecting loving kindness to yourself.

The first time that I did this practice, I had a bit of a numbing in the directing loving kindness toward myself, and I struggled a good deal when trying to project loving kindness to someone hateful. I wouldn’t have known this if it wasn’t that the projecting loving kindness to someone you love wasn’t mixed in, but there was definitely a stark contrast.

Interestingly, in doing the same method today?  I didn’t seem to have as much difficulty as the first time.  There was still a bit of disconnect with the self, and difficulty with the disliked person part… but it wasn’t half of the struggle that it had been the first time.

Steward of Stone - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is the Steward of Stone, which is the equivalent of the Page of Earth/Pentacles.   I’ve been getting this card quite a bit of late.  It is traditionally a representation of an omega energy, personality, or person in the areas of finances, resources, manifestation, and the physical world.  That representation often translates into themes of financial opportunity as well as skill development and manifestation through skills one already impresses that are improving.

The appearance of the Steward of Stone in today’s draw has to do with the meeting with my financial advisor this afternoon.  We did some restructuring of my finances, and there was definitely a great deal of learning involved as I did some adjustments in how I handle my money and where my money is being allocated.  Some of the changes I made and methods learned about today will further my goal of manifesting that stability I crave.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve my relationship with my community?

Queen Alice Tarot by Dame Darcy

Reading Summary: Continue to be generous with my contributions (Six of Pentacles) and providing direction (Two of Wands) to assist others in satisfaction and stability (Four of Cups atop The Fool).

Take Away:  Interestingly, the first two cards in this spread are the same cards that showed up in what my relationship is with my community yesterday.  I take this as saying that what I contribute is needed and I should keep going in that direction.  And perhaps stop looking down on my contributions so much, because they are effective even if not recognized by my own psyche as having worth.

DECK USED:  QUEEN ALICE TAROT BY DAME DARCY

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: Draw or write something free form inspired by the card(s).

Dixit Cards 10th Anniversary Edition

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess who was constantly in the public eye and being told what to do (First Card).  One day she angered a witch (Second Card), who turned her into a cat in a cage (Third Card). But, little did the witch know that when the transformation happened this provided the princess with more freedom (Also Third Card) than she ever had before, as this allowed her to secretly escape into the night each night to have grand adventures out in the world (Fourth Card).

DECK USED:  DIXIT CARDS 10TH ANNIVERSARY EXPANSION PACK

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: What makes me want to scream? / What makes me content?

The Binding of Elijah TarotWhat makes me want to scream? : Chaos.  The drop.  I think this is pretty common for most people.  I thought it was very apt that this card showed up for this question.  It doesn’t really matter what the chaos is about, any kind of chaos will send me into a mess of anxiety if I let it.

What makes me content? :  Independence and determination for those things that spark my passion and drive.  I was expecting a different answer here, but actually?  This is perfect.  Because when I don’t have that sense of independence that allows me to do as I want when I want?  I definitely am not content.  It is even the very first line that I drew in the sand within our relationship, that need for autonomy.  I never really thought about it before, but…. yep.  Perfect.

DECK USED: THE BINDING OF ELIJAH TAROT

The Water Sprite and The Tree Nymph – Story Time

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Pull at least three cards and use them to… tell us a story about love at first sight.

Sad Story Tarot by Kwon Shina

The Water Sprite and The Tree Nymph

Once upon a time there was a handsome water sprite that had become inextricably tangled up (The Devil) within the reeds and weeds of a relationship with an evil overlord. (Emperor)

The overlord was cruel and manipulative, always controlling the water sprite’s every action and word through guilt and anger, and using the sprite to spread discontent over the land and hurt those that lived and played too near the sprite’s pond. (Hierophant)

The water sprite did not realize he was unhappy in this relationship, and had been within it so long that he had become deaf to his inner voice when it tried to speak up and tell him things were not right. Yet, the more time went on, the more the sprite withdrew from others in order to protect them from the overlord’s evil ways. (The Hermit).

Then one day while within the embrace of his solitude, the water sprite spied a tree nymph that he’d never seen in that part of the woods before. From his pond, the sprite watched the nymph dancing among the trees with fascination, peering from the shadows with wonder and awe. (The Hanged Man)

The water sprite watched from afar for a long time, and then came a day when the tree nymph danced much closer to the sprite’s pond.  In the water sprite’s excitement at this new proximity to the object of his fascination, he forgot himself and shared his admiration for the tree nymph with the overlord (Extra Card), who immediately began to simmer with jealous anger.

Making grand plans for using this situation to his advantage later on, the overlord sent the water sprite out to seduce the nymph, demanding that he get the fascination for the tree nymph out of the sprite’s system. (The Fool)

The overlord had used this tactic on him before, but the water sprite was so eager to follow the shinning spark in his heart that he leapt at the chance the overlord had given him. He seduced the tree nymph (The Lovers), and found that his need for the nymph did not become sated as it had in the past when this had happened.  Instead, each touch and taste only caused his need for the tree nymph to grow ever stronger (Wheel of Fortune). And thus he seduced the nymph again and then again, and with each seduction he became even more entangled within his feelings and fascination.

This enraged the overlord, who ranted and raged his displeasure and used everything in his vast arsenal to tear down the water sprite and rip him apart (The Tower) so that he could then bring the water sprite “back in line”. As a part of his plan to force the water sprite into submission, the overlord cast him out, severing their relationship, and the water sprite was left battered and bruised and lost in the forest of his guilt and emotions. (The Moon)

The tree nymph, having heard something had happened and that the water sprite was upset, approached the water sprite to offer comfort and friendship (Temperance). And, while doing so, unknowingly spoke magic words of wisdom that broke the spell of the overlord’s hold upon the water sprite (The Sun).

The reeds and weeds that the water sprite had been entangled within were cut away with these words, and the water sprite found that he could stretch himself tall and breathe fresh air once more. (Strength)

With this newfound strength, he could see clearly that the fascination that he had for the tree nymph was not fascination or obsession at all. It was love! (Death)

When the overlord came back to collect the broken water sprite, having believed he was leaving the sprite tangled up and withering in the tangled reeds of guilt and misery, he found instead that the water sprite was no longer tangled at all and had, in fact, slipped completely from the overlord’s reach. (Justice)

The water sprite had found his love, and his heart shone with it bright as any star in the sky (The Star). The tree nymph had given the water sprite his freedom, and the water sprite began a new journey. A journey out of reach of the overlord’s grasp. A journey filled with nurturing and love as he begins to endeavor to show the tree nymph just how good they could be… together. (Empress)

DECK USED: SAD STORY TAROT BY KWON SHINA

 

Spreading the Wealth

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Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long, and was a full body scan that I did to music just after my yoga/physiotherapy. It was a really nice practice, but I think that I’ll stick to the music-free sessions.

It’s too distracting when even the gentle reactions from my synesthesia start to play into the music, and I don’t really have any relaxing music that I don’t react to  physically in some small way.

Six of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is about sharing and harmony as wealth and/or resources are balanced out rather than kept at an uneven scale.  Oddly, I always confuse the imagery on this card with the Seven of Pentacles, and when I read this card using this deck.

What I get out of this card for today’s message is that when you have a good harvest, be sure to spread the wealth around.  That can be financially or through resources, or even through the things you manifest along the way.   It’s about reaping the benefits of your hard work, and sharing those benefits with others.

It makes me think of J and L, and about those things I give without thought, and the people I give them to.   I know that sometimes you think I am too generous, sometimes with those that you feel are undeserving.  But to ME, that generosity is one of the ways that I show that I appreciate others, and sometimes also a way for me to to express that I care.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN REALM

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with my community?

Tarot of the Lucid Dream

Reading Summary:  Although I often feel like I’m slacking (Four of Swords), what I actually provide is a sense of stability (Four of Coins) and direction (Two of Wands).

Take Away:  I drew these cards with my condo building in mind. I’m on the security board (which is so much nicer than just having a “security person” on the condo board) and we just had a meeting last night.  I don’t have a lot of specific responsibilities on this board, or rather… any.  Instead I step in when I can and when is needed.  It’s nice to know that my presence and contributions are providing something of value, because as usual… I don’t see my own worth or contributions all that clearly at all.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LUCID SLUMBER

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I obtain more of what I love most in life?

Regretsy Tarot

Reading Summary:  Ten wands – six wands – ace cups

Stop overburdening myself (Ten of WTF) and being so damned defensive (Six of WTF), and open yourself up emotionally to deal with things from a different angle (Ace of Genitalia).

Take Away:  This is about you and I, and about dealing with those moments when you tweak.   It’s about not allowing that sense of overwhelm and feelings of defensiveness get in the way of trying to understand where you’re coming from and seeking the emotional support and understanding needed to work through these things… because what I love most in life is you, and that means all of you.  Even those possessive, protective, and sometimes zealously jealous parts.

DECK USED:  REGRETSY TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Message for the day: Oracle / Tarot

Shakiti Wisdom Oracle and Guided Hand TarotOracle Message for Today: Listen to your intuition.  Sometimes this can be difficult when the drop is in the process of crawling up my ass, but it’s needed.  Especially in those times where my judgement can be compromised by the vulnerability and unsteady footing of the drop.

Tarot Message for Today:  Just hold on and ride it out.  It won’t last forever.

DECK USED:  SHAKITI WISDOM ORACLE AND THE GUIDED HAND TAROT

Don’t Shut Down

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Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and focused upon projecting a sense of gratitude, and how having a sense of gratitude in your live helps you to see the value not just in yourself, but in others as well.

It has to do with allowing yourself to notice how many good things and good people are in your life, and thus how deserving you are of good things on the whole.

The Fool - Majestic Earth TarotToday’s draw is The Fool card, which is a representation of unrestrained possibility, spontaneity, and innocence.  It speaks of beginnings and starting anew.

The message in today’s card is one of opening up and speaking up.   The drop is coming and it’s reminding me that in that soft and vulnerable place, it’s not okay to close off, but a time for setting myself open and free in order to allow those wounded and aching feelings inside to be soothed and healed.

DECK USED:  MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: How can I improve my relationship with money?

Love Is In The Earth Tarot

Reading Summary: Take care that I’m not spending my emotions (Princes of Crystal Cups) because focusing on optimism (The Star) is a better path to getting what I want out of life (Four of Crystal Wands)

Take Away:  By “spending emotions” I mean as in how some people “eat their emotions”.  Buying things to feel better, yeah?   The cards say that for a better relationship with money, a better path than buying something to “feel good” it would be a better idea to find ways to lift my spirits through optimism and a better outlook, which will free up that money to assist me in creating the stability and security that I desire most of all.

DECK USED:  LOVE IS IN THE EARTH TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: A positive message to carry with me throughout my day.

Majestic Earth Tarot and Gay Tarot

Reading Summary:  As this is the topic of my COTD, I added the COTD at the center and used this question (and the cards) to then build upon it.   Do this (Temperance), and not this (The Hermit).

Take Away:  Temperance and the Hermit are reinforcements of what I said above.  The drop can make me irrational, thus the arrival of temperance to remind me to stay calm.  The drop can also make me retreat into myself, and the Hermit is a warning about that, and an encouragement to keep myself from going there.

DECK USED:  GAY TAROT AND MAJESTIC EARTH TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: What’s a distraction? / Where do I need to focus?

Lion's Gateway TarotWhat’s a distraction? :  Past resentments and getting mentally wrapped up in the chaos of inner conflict is a distraction that I’m dealing with at the moment.   Some of this is the approach of the drop.  Some of it is what happened with my visit at mom’s recently.  And some of it is that negative “down on myself” bullshit concerning taking things slow.  All of it is distraction that isn’t doing anything for me.

Where do I need to focus? :  I just made my yearly appointment with my financial advisor at the bank.  This card is about productivity and about getting things done.  I need to train my focus on my goals as I go into this week, and make sure that my actions follow through on my intentions and desires.

DECK USED:  LION’S GATEWAY TAROT

#TarotTubersAtoZ (non)VR to The Hermit’s Cave

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Simon over at The Hermit’s Cave on YouTube did a sort of quiz type video called #TarotTubersAtoZ the other day, and although I don’t make videos, I am a part of that community and so I decided to go ahead and do a response here.

letters

So here we go…

A – Age:  31 for the next few months
B – Book (Favourite): Little Brothers by Rick Hautala
C – Career you wanted to be when you were a kid and what it actually is now: As a kid, I wanted to be a librarian.  Libraries are just… so amazing. I’ve always thought so. As for now… I have an education in horticulture and botany, which I use in three of my part-time jobs (working on a farm, advisor/teaching position in a nursery/greenhouse, and working for a landscaping company in the summer).  I also work part time as an attendant at a gas station, and part time as a nail tech in a Vietnamese salon. Aside from this I also run a home business where I design and sell jewelry, sell my nature photography, and work as a tarot reader for a handful of clients on the side (the last one is done either online or at meeting places when in person… NOT in my home).
D – Dream: Stability and security.  I want to be at a point where those things are no longer in question or at risk.
E – Essential item:  Comfortable shoes.  I hate wearing shoes, so they damn well have to be comfortable.
F – Favorite RWS Deck: Bianco Nero (not a classic RWS, but a clone.)  If we’re talking just the general RWS system, then it’s a tie between the Tarot of the Hidden Realm and the Stolen Child Tarot.
G – Gold or Silver: Silver
H – Height: 5′ 10″
I – Ideal day:  Get up early and go hiking. Take a nap in the woods before coming back. Some dinking around in the garden digging in the dirt and caring for my plants.  Pizza for dinner.  Relax with Gideon.
J – Joke (funniest):  I have NO idea.  I’m not particularly good at jokes.
K – Kid(s):  None. I think they’re wonderful as long as they belong to someone else.
L – Living arrangements: I own my fourth floor condo and live within it with my twin sister, who pays me rent that goes towards the mortgage.
M – Marseille deck (favorite): Le Tarot de Marseille par Pole Ka
N – Nicknames:  Leaf, Twist, Niner
O – Oracle (favorite):  Faerie’s Oracle by Brian Froud
P – Passionate about:  nature, the rain, tarot, photography, creativity, Gideon
Q – Quote (favorite): “Creative activity is a type of learning process where the teacher and pupil are located in the same individual.” – Arthur Koestler
R – Relationship status: Gideon is my partner and my Dominant. We are monogamous.
S – Season (favorite):  Autumn.  I love the smells of autumn and the shift to relief from the summer heat.
T – Tarot (first and last) –  My first tarot deck was the Celtic Circle Tarot.  The most recent to enter my collection (as of writing this post, anyway) is the Oriens Tarot, which arrived on Friday.
U – Upset (what upsets you most):  Injustice. Closed-mindedness. Senseless disrespect. Willful stupidity.
V – Vlog (which are you most proud of. And which is your most popular): I don’t have a vlog.  On my blog I am oddly most proud of the kaleidoscope posts that helped us heal from that dark time in our past.  My most popular post is apparently the 75 Questions post that I did last July.
W -Weakness: Self destructive impulses.
X – X Rated (tell us something naughty you’ve done):  *clears his throat* I once stuck my dick into tub of soft serve ice cream on a dare.
Y – Yesteryear (your favorite year so far and why):  I don’t have one.  I have difficulty with my memory due to a head injury when I was younger.  What memories I have are fragmented and I depend on those around me to assist me in keeping them (as well as keeping them in chronological order).  Without having a written record of it, there’s very little I can actually state happened in any specific year.
Z -Zen (what you do to relax and stay calm):  meditate, sleep, play games on my phone, talk to Gideon, lie in the bottom of the tub with the shower running

Organize First… Then Act

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Today’s meditation is currently as yet to be done.  I tried to lie down and do it earlier this morning, but I couldn’t manage to get myself to settle.  Rather than trying to force it and make myself miserable, I decided to give it a try later on, which has turned into giving it a try at bed time.

Knight of Pentacles - Tarot of the Hidden RealmToday’s draw is the Knight of Pentacles, which is the most solid and down to earth of all the knights. The Knight of Pentacles is about responsibility and getting things done, which is honestly a bit in contrast to how I’m feeling these days.

I am making a concerted effort to slow down and take things a step at a time instead of plowing into everything headlong and submerging in it until I either sink or swim… and I always fucking swim.  But what I’ve found is that in taking my time and not giving myself that stress to go go go?  I feel like I’m slacking.

The appearance of the Knight of Pentacles is a reminder that it’s not slacking.  It’s self care.  It’s okay to take your time because you are progressing, just at a slower rate than you’re used to.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE HIDDEN REALM

#TarotForGrowthFebruary Challenge Prompt
Question: What is my relationship with money?

Guardian Tarot

Reading Summary:  Look at that flow of flowers (no, they are not standard through the whole deck).  What really stands out to me in this read is the flowers.  They go from a few flowers sprouting from the earth in the first card, to abundance in the second card, and then abundance obtained in the third card.

Take Away:  As an intuitive hit from the perspective mentioned above, my relationship with money is one of fostering growth and harvesting the rewards of that endeavor.

DECK USED:  GUARDIAN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsFeb2020 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do I need to focus on for self-care this full moon?

The Oriens Tarot

Reading Summary:  My inner conflict is getting the better of me (Five of Wands) and I need to work on centering and grounding myself (Queen of Pentacles) so that I’m not bouncing all over the place (Knight of Wands).  Ignoring my emotions (Page of Cups) is a foolish endeavor (The Fool).

Take Away:  We are actually talking about this right now in IMs. That is, we’re talking about that sense of shame and conflict I’m feeling concerning the feelings of stagnation and lack of accomplishment involved in taking things slow.  The cards (which were drawn this morning) are telling me that I need to not hold this in.  Instead I need to confront these feelings and deal with them, something that you help me with.

From our talk: “I think that your fear kinda held you back for so long that you’re unsure of those first steps and feeling like you’re never gonna reach them. You can do this, babe. It’s a lot about organization and you are GOOD at that… this is a first step at that… being organized will make you feel better. More confident and secure.”

You’re right.   Maybe the first steps don’t have anything to do with doing things at all, but rather with getting organized.

DECK USED:  THE ORIENS TAROT

Owl and Bones February Two Card Challenge
Question: Connect with this / Find inspiration here

Alice Tarot by Baba StudiosConnect With This:  Finding direction. Wow. Okay.  So the majority of the reads this morning all deal with the same thing, as this read also ties into both the COTD for today as well as the Tarotholics Prompt above.   It speaks of needing to find direction and getting organized prior to trying to advance and ending up spinning my wheels.

Find Inspiration Here:  This is about realizing that this new, slower way of doing things should be seen as an adventure and not a chore.  I should take this new adventure with an open heart, rather than being down on myself when I occasionally stumble during the transition period.

DECK USED: ALICE TAROT BY BABA STUDIOS