Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_4675Encouraged

I see
a little bear face
nestled
among the moss
on a hike
among the trees
and draping ferns.
A painted bear face
that brightens
my heart
and suddenly
each step
is a bit lighter.

Painted rocks are all the rage around here these days.  You can find them in the city, in the park, on hikes… just about everywhere if you pay attention.  Usually, the hikes I go on are a little too strenuous for those that do the whole “painted rock thing”, not to mention who would want to haul rocks on a hike?   I found this one on one of the easier hikes, though, just waiting off the trail in some moss to peek out and encourage a smile.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

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These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

Veleda Woods Tarot, Synchronicity Oracle, Awakened Soul Oracle

Earth – High Priestess, Justice, Home – Use your intuition to find balance at home. This week may come with a hint of imbalance as you work through getting your equilibrium back after the events of Friday and Saturday with your mother. Instead of dwelling, find the route of least resistance through use of your intuition, and allow things to balance themselves out instead of trying to right the scales on your own.

Air – Nine of Wands Rx and Incantation – It’s time to refresh and reinforce your wards and protections. Instead of going by rote, take some time to sit down and work through what needs to be done and what needs to be changed up.

Water – Ace of Cups, Fledgling of Cups, Sister – Repetition of new beginnings is going to be a theme this week.  Make sure that whether you’re dealing with your new emotional growth, or approaching an emotional issue that has arisen again and again over time, that you lean on those closest to you instead of trying to stand strong on your own.  It’s okay to reach out for support when you need it, and they are more than happy to lend an ear or a shoulder.

Fire – Ranger of Wands and Fall – This is a reminder that you need to start working on the preparation for the holiday rush now.  The earlier you begin your preparations, the less rushed and struggling you will feel when the holiday rush starts.

Waning – Treasure – It’s funny that this comes up as what is waning over the week ahead when I just  noticed this morning how sad and tattered some of my “specimens” I use in my card photos are starting to look.  It’s time to toss out those treasures that have become faded and tattered, and seek out new ones to replace them with.

Waxing – Boundaries – This hearkens back up to what was mentioned in the Air portion of this reading.  It has to do with making sure I get those new wards and protections in place, and reinforces the need to make sure they get done this week and are not put off until later on for whatever reasons that might come up to stir up the temptations of procrastination.

Take Away – Focusing on sharing with loved ones and the protection and balance of the energies of the hearth is going to be a theme this week.  Make sure you are following your intuition and not falling into old habits.  New methods are to be encouraged rather than set aside this week, as some refreshing and “sprucing up” of old and repeated processes.

DECKS USED:  VELEDA WOODS TAROT, SYNCHRONICITY ORACLE, AWAKENED SOUL ORACLE

Desires vs Reality

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and was another of the harp string meditations with the interval chimes.  It was very relaxing and I dozed off somewhere near the end and had a pretty good sleep.  I’m not calling it a “nap” because it really did feel more like I had gone to bed and had a good sleep, even though it only lasted probably an hour or so.  I didn’t wake up so much “refreshed” as just a bit more energized with muscle strain eased.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is the Five of Water (Five of Cups) for the second day in a row. As I mentioned (just yesterday), the traditional interpretation of this card is about disappointment, pessimism, feelings of failure, and that “sour grapes” feeling of the glass being half empty.

I love the imagery of this card today.  It is… I find it breathtaking, and so fitting, all at once.  I see the image of an individual looking up at what they can’t have instead of enjoying what they have in this image.  Sea monster or not, that look at what lies beyond their reach is something I can relate to, and it still lingers upon the topic of my mother and her manipulations.

Every time she takes me by surprise, I feel so damned stupid.  And the fact is, that it’s that Five of Cups theme that creates the opportunity for those feelings to surface.  It’s that wanting for what I can’t have… that desire for what’s beyond my reach that causes the disappointment.

I desire the mother that loves me.  I deserve a mother that cherishes me.   Maybe, in her own way, she does both of these ways.  But it’s not in any way that I can personally see.  It’s not in any form that is identifiable to me.   My expectations are not helping this situation and I need to let them go, and accept things as they are.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m so burnt out all the time.
Question:  How can I be proactive, rather than simply reactive, about rest?

Lumina Tarot

Reading Summary: Stay in touch with how you’re feeling (Knight of Cups) and own it (the curl of the Fox’s tail in the Queen of Wands), and understand that it is fully acceptable (Six of Wands) to need rest.

Take Away: Part of the reason I habitually hit burnout again and again is because instead of staying in touch with how I am feeling, I push the warning signs away and shove them into a dark corner instead of listening to them.  By pushing these warning signs and struggles away, I can then plow forward and continue to push myself harder and harder, as I was always taught is the “right” thing to do.

If I want to be more proactive about my rest, I need to connect with those feelings and warning signs instead of ignoring them, and accept that it’s a part of being human to need rest, and not a failing on my part.

DECK USED:  LUMINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Hidden Strength / Secret Weakness

Tarot MaddonniHidden Strength – Nine of Pentacles – Creating stability, and the ability to be alone. I don’t need other people to entertain me or keep me company, I’m more than capable of doing that for myself. My independence is one of my greatest strengths, and not one that is obvious to everyone.

Secret Weakness – Three of Swords – I am my own worst enemy and my depression is my hidden secret weakness. I’m upfront about the fact that I deal with depression and have done so throughout my life… and yet when a depressive episode comes upon me, I work to hide it both from others as well as myself.

DECK USED:  TAROT MADDONNI

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  be proud // be humble // be brave // be strong

Student Tarot v4 Godard's Birds

Be Proud – The Lovers – I make good choices. This is something that I can take pride in.  Whether these choices are for my benefit or the benefit of others, whether it is in the person I have partnered with, or the employers I work for, or anything else.  In the end, with the guidance of my intuition and my moral compass, I make good choices.

Be Humble – The Star – I don’t know everything when it comes to spiritual matters. Fortunately, I’m not someone that struggles with saying “I don’t know” when I don’t know the answer to something, but I think sometimes I do come off as more knowledgeable on certain subjects than I am, simply because I am confident of my own personal path.

Be Brave – Ten of Pentacles -Sometimes even when you have stability and security in your life?  It feels like it’s not enough, or like it might be taken away from you on the whims of fate alone.  Obtainment doesn’t necessarily mean anything if you can’t hold onto what you want once you get it. It takes bravery.  Not just to go after what you want, but also to admit you want it and to work at holding onto it even after you have it.

Be Strong – The Moon – It can be hard to be strong in times of uncertainty, but remember that these times are transient.  Their impermanence means that no matter how confusing or uncertain things might seem in the moment?  Eventually it will all come clear again.  It just takes some strength and perseverance to get through to the other side.

DECK USED:  STUDENT TAROT v4 GODARD’S BIRDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Topic:  The part of my world that inspires me is…

Karma Tarot

Reading Summary: Guiding others (Grand Master) in sorting out (Justice) their struggles and worries (Nine of Swords) so that they can make gradual progress toward a better future (Knight of Coins).

Side note: For some reason the Grand Master (Hierophant) in this deck always makes me think of the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland.  I’m not sure why.

Take Away:  I’m not sure if the feeling I get from helping others with their path so much inspires me, as it kindles a feeling of warmth and positivity within my soul.  Perhaps that could actually be considered inspiration of a sort, though.  Not so much creative inspiration, and yet inspiration all the same.

DECK USED:  KARMA TAROT

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_2527Shrivel

Quietly wilting
edges ruffled
rumpled.
The petals
still fragrant
but fading
still beautiful
but tattered
just along
curled in edges
as beauty
slowly fades.

I will not allow what happened to cause the new petals of my emotional growth to whither and wilt.  These delicate edges of floral petals that are the growth of my emotional healthy and well-being are not allowed to be tattered.  Not by her. I will not allow this newest affront to cause me to backslide.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Struggling With Disappointment

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Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and one of the harp strings meditations with the interval chimes to walk me through my piriformis stretching.  I had a little bit of difficulty focusing today during the meditation, probably because today was one of my “long ass drive” days and I was really far more interested in getting my ass on the road than taking the time to meditate.  I did do it, though, no matter how much I felt the need to squirm my way through it.

Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Five of Water (Five of Cups) which is traditionally interpreted as an indication of pessimism or apathy. It is, essentially, the “glass half empty” card and can often be interpreted not just as pessimism or disappointment, but also themes to do with one’s attitudes around failure.

I’m  not going to go into goldenseal today, as what is really important about this card today, and the message that lies within it, is twofold and already very evident to me.  The first message being that when you have that “meh” feeling, it’s important to pay attention to it instead of just following where it leads. What is it really about? Why has it surfaced? Why are you following it so blindly instead of examining it closely? Don’t just accept it at face value.

The second message in the appearance of this card today has to do with the incident with my mother.  I feel like an idiot for being excited when I opened a surprise package from my mother and found her Hoi Polloi inside.   I should have known better than to think it was just a kindness because she knows it was something I want.  I should have known that it would be an effort to manipulate me in some way.

I was stupid not to realize it, or at least suspect.  I didn’t, and the feeling of disappointment and pessimistic unpleasantness that came when she displayed her true colors yet again and showed me that the ‘gift’ was really a manipulation tactic… was crushing.   Again.  And thus comes in the Five of Cups.

I need to turn remember what I have that is good instead of focusing on the shit.  I guess I’m just… taking a moment to throw my own pity party first.  I won’t let it last, though, I promise.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic:  I’m so burnt out all the time.
Question:  What causes me to be resistant toward rest?

Hanson Roberts Tarot

Reading Summary: The fear that if I don’t keep going and juggling everything (Two of Pentacles) that shit will fall apart (The Tower)… It also allows me to avoid owning my own emotions (King of Cups Rx).

Take Away:  If I’m too busy to rest, then I’m too busy to deal with my emotions, and thus I have an excuse to bury them instead of dealing with them.  This, combined with my constant fear of “dropping the ball” and everything crashing down around me as a result are the things that most significantly influence why I’m resistant toward rest.

DECK USED:  HANSON ROBERTS TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What in my life could benefit from more honesty?

Evolution TarotReading Summary:  You can have all the tools in the world (The Magician) and all the resources you need at your disposal (King of Coins), but any addiction allowed to flourish out of control will knock you on your ass if given the opportunity to do so (The Devil).

Take Away:  This is why even though moderation is not at all my favorite thing, it is so very important.  I’ve admitted this before that I was a bit fast and loose with my money over late-spring and early-summer.  That sort of thing is nice now and then, but it’s not sustainable for long.

What needs could benefit from more honesty in my life is that I need to look close at my spending and do the work to get things back on the moderate side of self-control again.

DECK USED:  EVOLUTION TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:  share // save

Women of Science TarotShare – Ten of Nano (Water) – Share the love.  This isn’t about money or resources, it’s about support and emotion.  It’s about love, and sharing that love with those that are important to you and closest to you.   With what happened with mom today, my first instinct was to close up and curl in on myself.  A better route is to stay open and share my feelings with others that love and understand me.

Save – Seven of Macro (Earth) – Slow growth takes time, preservation, and conservation.  It isn’t something immediate, but gradual.  This takes patience.  It’s important to make sure you don’t throw patience out the window when you feel frustrated.  Instead, take a deep breath and persevere.

DECK USED:  WOMEN OF SCIENCE TAROT

 

Gideon’s Challenge

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Ghost of Mt RainierObstruction

Two steps forward
one step back
each single step
worried about
legos
underfoot
I trudge on
weaving between
the obstacles
to get done
what needs done.

Sometimes days come where you just don’t feel like you’re making any progress, no matter how hard you try.  By the end of the day, everything you mean to have gotten done is left scattered on the floor unfinished, and you have to accept that the minimal amount you managed to actually do… is going to have to be good enough.

Today was one of those days for me.

Photo © ZenStatePhotography