Relationship Trauma (Daddy Issues)

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Cursed Auguries Tarot and Roots & Wings Mini OracleWhat wounds need healing from this relationship?

Knight of Swords and Balance – His impulsively savage treatment and painful words have set you off balance, and now, that balance is something you constantly seek and work to improve upon.

What basic truth / trust has been damaged?

Two of Wands and Transformation – That you don’t need to plan every little thing out for things to turn out okay. It’s hard to trust that if you don’t have your thumb on every little piece of the plan that things will still go as they should and to your benefit.

What is this trauma is holding me back from experiencing?

Two of Swords and Moon – The ability to be decisive without struggling with uncertainty. That uncertainty lies deep within and whispers.  You pretend it’s not there, and no one ever sees it… but it’s there beneath the surface and shows itself in how exact and precise you are in executing the decisions you’ve made.

Why it’s important to heal this trauma?

Page of Pentacles, Intuition atop Potential – it will help unleash your potential to grow into something better and greater than you are now, freeing your intuition in the process do that it will become easier to follow.

What are the first steps in healing this trauma?

Five of Pentacles, Vulnerability atop Perseverance – Remember that your feelings of scarcity are an echo of your past and not the reality of this moment. Those feelings compounded with your fears create a sense of vulnerability that makes it feel more reality based than it actually is.

How can you be more open to the healing of this trauma?

Page of Cups and Hope – Stay in touch with your emotions and positive in your outlook. Don’t shut your emotions down just because they are uncomfortable or unpleasant to deal with.

Advice from the spirits and guides.

Three of Cups and Sun – Chin up! Stay positive and look to others to help lift you up and keep you aloft emotionally.

DECK USED:  CURSED AUGURIES TAROT, ROOTS & WINGS MINI ORACLE

Stronger Than You Think

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Today’s meditation was skipped today because I wanted to nap before the housekeeper got here to work.  And then I wanted to nap after she left.  So… essentially I sacrificed meditation for sleep.

Serpent and the Peacock Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Nine of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of boundaries, resilience, hyper diligence, and protecting what is important to you.

Confession: I struggle with social anxiety. It has been a recurring issue for the past decade; ever since the home invasion. I don’t think it’s about the facial scar anymore, but there are times when just the idea of dealing with even one person is enough to send my insides quivering with nervous energy and make my muscles pull tight.

Today is one of those days… and it’s housekeeper day. Sometimes, I can hide away on these days and just put off social interaction for when I feel more able. Today is going to provide me with that opportunity, though.

I think that everyone probably has days like that. Days where you think that you can’t continue on and deal with what needs to be dealt with for the day. Days where you want to retreat into yourself and just not deal with anything or anyone.

Unfortunately, that’s not always possible. The Thera-Pets card for today is a reminder that even though you can’t always retreat, you will still make it through because you’re stronger than you think you are.

DECK USED:  SERPENT AND THE PEACOCK TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

Mr Lionharts’ #TheSeptemberTarot Rise and Fall Prompt
Questions for September 7th thru 9th

Roots & Wings Oracle and Cerise TarotAre my actions in alignment with what I want for myself?

Earth Mother and Ace of Cups – It’s a work in progress, but yes. As long as you continue to pursue your emotional growth, and ensure that you are both connecting with nature and using that connection to foster kindness towards yourself, you will continue to be in alignment with what you want for yourself moving forward.

Are my expectations aligned with what I can do right now?

Bound, The Magician Rx atop Five of Cups – No. Your expectations are far too ahead of what you are capable of at this time. This isn’t about putting yourself down for not being able to do more… It’s about having reasonable expectations of what this time in the present is for, instead of trying to push yourself into more than you are prepared for right now.

What (else/more) can I do in support of my goals/desires?

Held and Nine of Wands Rx – You need to accept that you are not as resilient as you want yourself to be. Be kind to yourself and understanding of your limitations. They are not weaknesses.

DECK USED: ROOTS & WINGS ORACLE AND CERISE TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What helps you when you’re…

Smoke & Roses Oracle, Roots Oracle, Serpent and the Peacock TarotAngry – Fern (Rumohra adiantiformis) and Justice – Distraction. When you’re angry, you need a distraction to pull your attention away from what is pissing you off. Something to balance the scales back out from the imbalance that the anger creates. When you’re angry, your view is polluted and sent out of balance. You are no longer unbiased and you are unable to see others perspectives clearly… only your own. A distraction allows you time to calm down and regain a more unbiased perspective.

Sad – Nasturtium (Tropaeolum majus), Holly (Illex aquifolium), The Moon – Often, your sadness is a byproduct of uncertainty. To deal with this issue in the moment, you are often helped by turning to the skills you have developed over time. By leaning into those things that you enjoy, you are able to sink into “the zone” and close out the world around you. This creative zone is a soothing balm that can help lift your spirits if what you’re working on is something that you really enjoy doing.

Needing to Relax – Ivy (Hedera helix) atop Blackthorn (Prunus spinosa), The Star – Spiritual growth and development through your connection with nature. By taking time to connect with your spirituality and your connection to nature, and by allowing yourself to sink into that bond, you allow the earth to help refresh your spirit and create a stronger connection to your spiritual self as well as the world around you.

DECK USED: SMOKE & ROSES ORACLE, ROOTS ORACLE, SERPENT AND THE PEACOCK TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

After the housekeeper left, I allowed myself to have bit of a nap.  I also made sure to have my smoothie today, which will hopefully assist my stomach in behaving itself a bit better.

Gideon’s Challenge

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IMG_7810Floating Free

It’s time to return
to frigid waters
chilled
through glacial melt
and slip within
the cold embrace
that stings the skin
and takes the breath
to float
under radiant sun
and allow time
to flow
soft and lazy
over the senses

Photo © ZenStatePhotography

Finding the Fire Within – Part 1

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Sofia Rito Lenormand

How can I discover my true self?

Rider and Stork – Trust yourself and your ability to weather change like a champ. More often than not,  you’re capable of seeing change coming long before it arrives. You already know yourself well enough to adapt without losing yourself in the shuffle, but by not ignoring what you see coming you can give yourself a bit of extra time to not get flustered and stay true to the path you want to be on and person you want to be.

What fears are holding me back from growth?

Letter and Lady – Ugh.  Seriously?  Okay so… yes.  I have mommy issues.  I fear the loss of my mother’s love and care, regardless of the fact that I’ve never really had all that much of it in the first place. I fear the painful and even cruel things she might say, and how much they would hurt to hear them from her.

I am not in any way, shape, or form, dishonest with her about who I am or what I do… but, there is a fear in me of losing what little… love there is from that corner somehow and I avoid her for this reason.  This avoidance and the fear that it’s rooted in hold me back in my personal growth and are a theme of shadow work that I need to look at exploring in the future.

What external factors are holding me back?

Tower and Key – Yes… I also have authority issues.  Although I am able to function around those issues for the most part, there are times when I struggle. Customs and border patrol agents, police officers, etc… these authority figures trigger my issues, especially if they are playing the “authoritarian” card in their interactions with me.  It does hold me back, too, because once I’ve been triggered and my back is up, it becomes far less likely I’ll be able to deal with them in my normally unflappable-seeming manner… causing hold ups and delays that otherwise wouldn’t happen.

How have these internal and external factors hindered my growth?

Crossroads and Book – They can cause you to be shortsighted, and not be as observant on gathering as much information as is needed to develop past these issues.

What would it be like to release those fears?

Scythe and Garden – Less cutting inner narrative. Less fear of external cutting narratives. This would result in more confidence because these things would no longer be a deciding factor and would carry far less weight than they do now.

I forgot to do the self care card at the bottom.  But, I did do a self care reading on Saturday.

DECK USED:  SOFIA RITO LENORMAND

Realistic Expectations

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Today’s meditation was approximately thirteen minutes long, and was the 9th installment of the Foundations II series on the Balance app. The meditation primarily dealt with going deeper into labeling techniques during meditation (namely with the thinking and feeling labels), as well as focusing on the breath.

Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal Cards and Noisy Museum TarotToday’s draw is the Eight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of action, speed, movement, and alignment.

In the imagery for today’s tarot card, I don’t see wands in the imagery so much as I see shooting stars… or perhaps more accurately, a meteor shower.

Sometimes when we’re working on something, it can feel like nothing we do is enough.  Negative narrative snowballs like piercing and painful spears, showering down on you like a meteor shower from above.

The Thera-Pets card for today tells us to remember that just because we’re being hard on ourselves during these moments doesn’t mean it will improve our performance… or do anything but tear you down in the moment.

Better to be patient with yourself and just do what you can.  As the card says… the rest will fall into place.  And by not abusing yourself with expectations beyond your comfort zone. You’ll be happier in the end, and it’s far less stressful that way.

DECK USED:  NOISY MUSEUM TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The #ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge Prompt for the Sacred Grounds Tarot Club
Questions for September 4th and 6th

TERRA Intuitions Oniriques and Cursed Auguries TarotHow can I build my confidence?

La Magicienne and King of Pentacles – Ground yourself in the knowledge of what you’ve done, and what you’re capable of. Acknowledge your manifestation powers, as well as your connection with the earth. 

How can I speak my mind?

Dissimulation Agressive and Justice – Be careful to deliver unpleasant messages with kindness, but don’t hold back and not deliver them at all. Sometimes people need to hear the bad shit, even if it hurts… and sometimes, they need to hear it from you specifically.

What makes me bulletproof?

Le Porteur de Chance and Ten of Pentacles – You are adaptable, and because you keep your eye on the goals that you want to achieve, as things come up that would get in your way you’re able to adapt in a way that moves you towards these goals instead of holding you back. This often looks like luck, but is actually a skill.

DECK USED: TERRA INTUITIONS ONIRIQUES AND CURSED AUGURIES TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What do you need to focus on for self-care for this new moon?

Noisy Museum TarotReading Summary: Keep in mind that most of your bad habits, self-destructive tendencies, and addictions (The Devil) are a way of self-soothing and self-medicating (Queen of Water). They are distractions (Ace of Fire Rx).

Take Away: Maybe it’s time to examine just what I’m avoiding.  What am I self-medicating and self-soothing?  Why do I need these things and what is causing me to need them to the point that they become unhealthy?

This might be something I need to unpack after the holiday season, as it definitely doesn’t sound like an easy fix but more of a lengthy exploration and potential shadow work.   With the holiday rush coming, it would be a bad idea to start these new explorations right now, but it might not be a bad idea to at least start mulling these questions over.

DECK USED: NOISY MUSEUM TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

Time playing Enu with Gid is always a pick me up.  The character is always so cheerful and can have a positive influence on my own mood, as long as I can slip into his skin and play him successfully.

Gideon’s Challenge

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Another World

A coating of
insulation
warm and soft
holding in the
wet and warmth
under lush embrace
verdant and alive
a comforting blanket
covering everything
as the tread of boots
allows exploration
and adventure
among
a green world
full of life

Photo © ZenStatePhotography