Morning Bonus Read – Personal Expectations

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week, let’s chat about our expectations of ourselves, especially during this busy time of the year.”

Ouija Playing Cards by HasbroWhat is one expectation I have of myself right now that is unhealthy?

Ten of Diamonds atop King of Hearts – That I can shoulder everything and not crack emotionally under the pressure like a dropped egg.  I am not the King of Hearts, and I do not do well under too much pressure, especially if my emotions become involved.  With my emotions at a higher level due to the emotional growth I’ve been fostering all spring and summer and the vulnerability that new growth has created, there is a risk of that shell being even more fragile than usual.

What is one expectation I have of myself right now that is healthy?

Ten of Hearts – Allowing my emotions to have free reign rather than being neatly boxed off and walled up for the next five to six weeks.  This seems counter intuitive to what is said in the advice above about what is unhealthy, and yet what this indicates is not that it is opposing advice, but rather that I need to find a better way of dealing with these emotions than closing them up in a dark cage in the basement.

How should I shift the unhealthy expectation into a healthy one?

King of Clubs – Use your drive and vision to motivate you into finding and using this better way of doing things.  New methods for old habits are hard for everyone, but you need to remember what you’re goals are… and that you can’t reach them unless you make these changes for the better.

Where should I look for support to make that change in my expectations?

Six of Clubs atop Queen of Clubs –  From those in your life that both admire you and inspire you.  With a foundation of admiration and moral support under your feet, you can take the inspiration that they create in you and carry it forward, even when things feel new, unsteady, vulnerable, or difficult.  That support system is there for you when you need it as long as you’re willing to reach for it.

DECK USED: OUIJA PLAYING CARDS BY HASBRO

Morning Bonus Read – Self Gratitude

Edgar Allan Poe Playing Cards - Gratitude Tarot Spread

How can I practice self-gratitude for my mind?

Seven of Clubs – Grace and music, rhythm and measure.  Harmony within passionate pursuits. Treat yourself to some quiet time with the music you love to experience on more than just an audible level. You have a variety of synesthesia chosen playlists to choose from to take your listening of music to a new level, maybe it’s time to consider using them for more than just listening, but meditation as well.

How can I practice self-gratitude for my heart?

Two of Diamonds – Don’t forget about balance.  Don’t leave it behind and believe you can ignore the need for it just to pick it back up once the holiday rush is over. Delving into the holiday rush and finding what pleasure you can in the whirlwind doesn’t mean abandoning moderation and measure, nor that you don’t have to still find some kind of balance along the way.

How can I practice self-gratitude for my soul?

Six of Diamonds – Self deception is not generosity or being kind to yourself.  Sometimes the truth hurts, but it is only through truth that you find what you need.  Be kind to yourself, but also be honest with yourself.  In doing this you both honor your soul as well as practice self-gratitude through the respect you give yourself and the moral compass that directs your feet along your path.

DECK USED: EDGAR ALLAN POE PLAYING CARDS

Morning Bonus Read – Releasing Chaos

The Ellis Deck - Shed That Shit Tarot Spread

What is disrupting my peace of mind?
Two of Pentacles atop Eight of Swords

I spent a good deal of time in the fall trying to run away from my thoughts and feelings about switching from the emotional growth of the summer to the responsibilities and overwhelm of the holiday rush.  Unfortunately, this created a bit of a procrastination situation that has developed into a harder time with balancing work and home now that the holiday rush has arrived.

Not being as prepared as I’d like to be (even though it’s my own damned fault) is definitely disrupting my peace of mind.

Why am I still allowing this to affect me?
Five of Cups

Because I regret fucking up. I’m experiencing the repercussions of the procrastination I indulged in during the fall. I do understand that I’m going to need to let this disappointment in myself go, though, as it will only cause me another hurdle during an already difficult and busy time.

How can I release what no longer serves me?
Five of Swords atop The Fool

The foundation of success lies in letting go and freeing myself to fully dive into the enthusiasm of the rush. There is pleasure and adventure in the process if I allow it… so let go of the tension and the tightness and the self-recriminations, and dive in.

DECK USED: THE ELLIS DECK TAROT 5TH EDITION

New Moon in Scorpio – November 2020

New Moon In Scorpio Tarot Reading - Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

Yesterday was the new moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us.  Today’s spread is brought to you by Ethony‘s Tarot By the Moon series.

1. What do you need to face that you’ve been avoiding?

The Fool atop Knight of Cups – That moody bullshit you’ve been feeling that’s making you drag your feet needs to stop.  It’s time to step forward into the spirit of the fool and embrace a sense of optimism and enthusiasm that will allow you to bound forward with alacrity rather than slog onward with a feeling of reluctance.

2. What secrets need to come into the light?

Five of Swords – You’re far more ruthless than you allow others to see. Your moral compass helps to keep this in check, but the temptation to do what needs done no matter the cost in order to win does rear its ugly head from time to time and with your emotions all stirred up?  It shows up more often than you’d like.

3. What conversation needs to be had?

Five of Wands – The hard ones.  The difficult ones.  The ones that turn into clashes because of how strongly you feel about it.  You work so hard to avoid confrontation that sometimes you forsake these topics of conversation when you should really speak out and allow your feelings and opinions to be expressed clearly.

4. What do I need to forgive in myself?

Knight of Wands – There have been a number of times in your life where you have acted impulsively and felt the sting of repercussions as a result. Stop beating yourself up over these things and using them to keep yourself “in line”.  Enthusiasm is allowed and so is the occasional impulsivity.  It’s a part of the learning process.

5. What shadow aspect requires integration?

Ten of Pentacles atop Two of Swords – You need to remember that a lot of your need and drive towards stability and security comes from the past and the injuries that you suffered there.  They influences the decisions that you make and the desire for that stability you crave.  This isn’t a bad thing, but needs acknowledgement in order to find balance.

DECK USED: OAK ASH & THORN TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – Situational Projections

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
There is a LOT of energy in the world this week. We are all carrying and absorbing a lot of anxiety, relief, uncertainty, etc, I’d guess. It’s crucial during these kinds of times to try to pay attention to our intuition underneath the anxiety, although this can be tricky to do. This week, pick one (or more) situation in your life that you need to make a decision on this month, and do a situation-action-outcome reading on it. The goal here is to get clarity and give our intuition (or spiritual guidance) a voice even in the midst of uncertainty and anxiety and big emotions.

Bag of Bones Playing CardsI chose to allow the cards to choose the situation discussed in the reading.  Therefore, the cards pulled for “situation” are used to describe the situation that becomes the topic of the reading as a whole.

Situation No. 1

SituationTwo of Spades atop Ten of Hearts – Struggling with decision-making when it comes to working on my emotional growth. I’m so used to using logic and discounting my emotions that sometimes it’s extremely difficult for me to allow my emotions to filter into the decision making process. This means that I end up stuck and stagnant rather than moving forward. This is a problem I struggled with through the summer months and feels… unfinished.

ActionTwo of Clubs – Taking the time to plan and strategize rather than just ignoring the problem or moving forward without a plan. I haven’t quite figured out how to do this yet.  I think it has to do with making sure I’m focusing on where I want to go, though, instead of becoming distracted by that feeling of lack of progress and ending up stuck there.

OutcomeKing of Diamonds – Taking control of my goals and being able to accomplish them from the rooted place of a stable foundation.  The King of Diamonds indicates that allowing my emotions to have a say in my decision making process won’t steer me off track regardless of the fact it feels like it might.

Situation No. 2

SituationTen of Clubs – Overburdening myself is a situation that I find myself in a lot.  Like… A LOT.  Although, this summer I did make a few changes that seemed to help a good deal with my cycles of burnout and recovery.I managed to make it through all of the summer without a single burnout episode, actually, which is kind of unheard of.   But now with the holiday rush upon me, I know that the old tendency to burn myself out until I’m not just overburdened but no longer able to function is on the rise.

ActionNine of Diamonds – Pretending everything is all right and good and that I’m in a good place instead of looking at the problem.  This is my main way of functioning through discomfort, whether that discomfort is pain or exhaustion, or any other number of situations.  The problem is?  When I do this it creates a well of closeted and walled off emotions, because I have to numb my insides for it to work.

OutcomeFour of Hearts – Delays due to dejection are the results of this unhealthy way of dealing with my tendency to overburden myself.  As I am susceptible to clinical depression, dejection is not a safe thing for me as it allows the slope down into the pit of depression to become slippery, and the more slippery that slope becomes then the faster and easier I slide down into the pit.  This reading is a warning about what not to do… and what to watch out for.

DECK USED: BAG OF BONES PLAYING CARDS

Weekly Creativity Prompt – Dirty Feet

Prompt: Pull (at least) three cards use them to share with us something you remember from your childhood that brings a smile.

Kimetsu No Yaiba TarotThere was once a young boy who spent all of his time playing in the woods at the back of his parent’s property with the Fae folk that lived there (The Fool). He had great fun romping with them through the forest, his laughter mingling with that of the Fae and ringing out among the trees (The Sun).

When his mother found out what he was up to in the forest (The Empress), she was very upset with him and restricted him from going into the woods. She told him that he was no longer allowed to play there or go into the woods at all by himself (Judgement).

The boy felt as if his whole world had been taken away from him and was devastated as it deems that his entire world was falling apart around him (The Tower). Even though he had a sister to spend time with, he felt all alone and bereft at the loss of his playmates in the woods (The Hermit).

Then one night a miraculous thing happened, and the Fae came out of the woods to come and visit him! They tempted him (The Devil) to come out into the night and play while everyone else was asleep (The Moon).

Sneaking out of his parents home was not as hard as he thought it would be (The Magician), and soon he was romping happily with the Fae folk once again (The Lovers).

For years to come, the boy snuck out of the house to play in the nighttime woods with the Fae, and oddly, no one ever noticed his dirty little feet come morning (Wheel of Fortune).  And by the time they did… It was too late to stop him (The Chariot).

That little boy is me.

DECK USED: KIMETSU NO YAIBA TAROT