Shadow Work

Happiness and Satisfaction

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Today’s meditation was skipped.

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Barbieri Tarot - Ten of CupsThe @GlitterbyInk #JanJourney26 Embark to Renewal Challenge
The Arrival Prompt for January 15th : Grounding
Daily Mental Health Prompt: Seek a positive message to carry with you throughout the day and offer perspective.

Today’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of feelings of completion, connection with others and harmony in those connections, and is often considered as the “happy family” card.

What is it that makes you feel safe? What is it that makes you feel satisfied and happy? What is the one thing that is absolutely free and you can do at any time that improves your life and your outlook?

For me, this is grounding. Especially grounding went out in nature. Feeling my energy dip into the hole soil and dig down in to join the other roots spread below gives me a sense of peace and calm, allowing me to truly appreciate living in a way that nothing else can.

The message in today’s “grounding” prompt and the Ten of Cup isn’t just asking us to reflect on what it is that makes us happy and creates within us a sense of peace and stability. It’s also encouraging us to participate in these things not just when we feel the need for grounding, although that is the perfect time to do so; but also just to connect with happiness, a sense of security, and a feeling of satisfaction in life as a whole that comes not through accomplishments, but through recognizing the things that create these feelings with you naturally.

DECK USED: BARBIERI TAROT (trimmed naked)

One Card Tarot Journal Activity by @mariasofia_astro
Chapter 5 | Entry 5 – Health and Body
Affirmation : “I love myself, especially during difficult days.”
Prompt : Everyone has bad or “blah” days. Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of the card you draw. What can this card see about you that you don’t? Is there a person depicted on the card? Is there a symbol? What about the cards keyword? Meditate on the positive attributes of this cards symbolism or artwork. Include something positive about this day.

Tarot Activity from The One Card a Day Journal by Maria Sofia Marmanides - Black Cat Tarot - The Hanged ManWhat feelings came up when I pulled this card?

Familiarity. The Hanged Man is my favorite card, after all.

And a bit of joy at the imagery of happiness on the cat’s face. Appreciation for the flow of lines and shapes.

What elements of the card’s meaning resonate with me and this prompt?

This card has come up as my significator card multiple times throughout my life in life-path readings done for me by others. It is a reminder to seek perspectives outside my own and always strive to see things from more that just a single angle.

I resonate strongly with this message and feel it is a major part of my life’s lessons and journey to strive to always see (and understand) things from others viewpoints as well as from my own.

What in the artwork spoke to me?

The monkey kitty looks happy. There’s a peacefully happy smile on its face that speaks of equanimity. There’s also a watchfulness in the eyes and angle of the head that encourages paying attention.

The unlikeliness of a cat being able to hang by its tail indicating you might only get a glimpse at best of what you’re seeking to see.

This card’s artwork seems to say that if you want to put yourself in other’s shoes and understand their perspective, you need to be able to set aside your own perspective, prejudices, and opinions for a moment.

My prompt response and reflections.

Dear L,

Thank you so much for always taking the time to listen to others, and setting your own preconceived notions aside to truly make an effort to hear and understand.

Human nature and others perspectives can sometimes be confusing, and there are times when it can feel nearly impossible to understand. You’ve found others that understand this effort, though, and are happy to try and help you wrap your mind around those people and behaviors that you’re unable to understand at first.

Keep trying. Your curiosity abounds and efforts are appreciated by those that come to you for an ear, a shoulder, or advice. This also allows you a way to grow and learn without overtaxing yourself as you do in so many other areas of your life.

At your side. Always.
– The Hanged Man

Other elements included in this reading:
Labradorite D6 and D20 Gemstone Dice

DECK USED: BLACK CAT TAROT

Ten Brutally Honest Questions to Help Recognize Your Shadow
Shadow Work Prompts by @peppe_curto

Shadow Work Tarot Reading with the Barbieri TarotWho are you performing for… when you’re not even being real with yourself?
→ And how much longer are you willing to abandon your truth just to be tolerated?

The Red Dragon – Your father. He’s long passed now, and yet still manages to wield control over how you see yourself.

→ I have never abandoned my truth. I do, however, have a tendency to ignore my needs in order to strive to meet standards that are his instead of my own. I’m aware of this these days, and I’m working on shifting away from that pattern of neglect.

What emotion do you judge in others because you’re terrified of owning it in yourself?
→ (Is it rage? Neediness? Pride? Be honest.)

The Forbidden Mer – Fear of rejection. The closing off of the self due to a need to protect yourself from being hurt, to the point you become closed minded and willfully obtuse.

→ The emotion that you judge others for isn’t fear, but rather allowing yourself to capitulate to your fears and be subjugated by them. I’m not sure what that emotion is called.

What truth are you too afraid to speak… because it might cost you being loved?
→ Or are you really just afraid of no longer being liked, accepted, or seen as “good”?

The Savior – That you need more support from others and are struggling far more than you let on.

→ This echoes back to my father and his ideas and ideals concerning being “a man”. I worry that if I show too much vulnerability, it will cause people to see me as perpetually weak.

What identity are you addicted to because without it, you feel invisible?
→ Who are you without the healer, the good one, the rebel, the successful one?

The Sorceress – Your longevity in divination and witchcraft allows you to feel seen in ways that you aren’t always acknowledged in other circles in your life that don’t include these aspects.

→ I work hard to balance this place of pride with a healthy dose fallibility. I feel it’s important that I’m not seen as all knowing and infallible in these areas, or in anything really. That said, in circles where this aspect of my life (divination and witchcraft) doesn’t play a role, I’m still a well grounded person people often come to for a sense of stability.

Whose voice is in your head when you’re doubting your worth?
→ And how long are you gonna let them rent space in there?

The Warrior Queen (pointing to the Red Dragon) – Your parent’s voices. It isn’t really one of them or the other, but both. This was a bit of a surprise, actually. It used to be just my father’s, but when I discovered the closed minded aspects of my mother I’d not realized were there when I was younger, her voice joined in.

→ As mentioned in the first question in this reading, I’m working on it. Awareness and acknowledgement are always the first step.

What version of yourself are you constantly performing… just to feel safe?
→ And is the performance worth the price?

The Green Knight – You like to present yourself as impervious. This feels like it protects you not just in that you “feel safe”, but also in that it feels like when others see you that way, they won’t even bother to try to hurt you. Sort of  how being aware of your surroundings in public and looking like you’d put up a fight can protect you from being mugged.

→ No. It’s not always worth the price. It can be a useful tool, but it also often creates a feeling of isolation.

What mask has become so familiar that you’ve started calling it “you”?
→ The confident one? The mysterious one? The put-together one?

Blue Archer – You don’t like to display your vulnerabilities, and thus have a tendency to “keep yourself at a distance” even when you put yourself within reach of others.

→ All of the above. It’s all about your worry of sharing too much, and thus opening yourself up to emotional pain.

What part of your truth are you sugarcoating to avoid being misunderstood?
→ And who are you really protecting?

Guardian of the Gates – You have a tendency to present yourself as friendly and approachable, hiding the more intense sides of your personality to only allow others a glimpse of those qualities instead of the full experience.

→ Myself. Sometimes I play it off in my head that my recalcitrance is to protect others from the more negative aspects of my personality, but the truth is I’m protecting myself from what I expect to be their negative reactions.

What do you secretly hope they never find out about you?
→ Because that’s where your real work lives.

The Sacrificial Lamb – That you feel far more broken and afraid that you let on, and don’t trust others to be kind or gentle.

→ I know that this is where my real work lives.

Why the f*ck do you still need 10 questions to look at your own shadow?
→ Stop doing shadow work on Instagram and go search for your shadow in everyday life interactions.

Who’s There? – Questions to assist in looking at your shadow help because shadows can often be hard to see and/or penetrate, making it difficult to seeing things clearly, playing tricks with the eyes and our self perception.

→ This reading is a step in that direction.

BARBIERI TAROT (trimmed naked)

Daily Self Kindness

I made time to spend with Gideon tonight.

Transitioning from June to July

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This is a spread that I do at the end of each month to close out the month.

Brady Tarot and Nature's Wisdom Oracle

Individuality – High Priestess and Dragonfly – You are currently in a place of spiritual growth and transformation.  As you explore your emotions, you are transforming more than that small aspect of your life.  Like ripples in a pond, these changes spread outward into other areas.  Those ripples hold within them threads that tug and transform what lies beneath the surface of the water as well, allowing for permanent growth through a shifting within the subconscious and spiritual realms.

Dependence – Hermit, Hanged Man Rx, Orchid – You are currently in the process of finding healthier ways of using your alone time. Let go of the tendency to retreat into the self and close yourself off. Stop using your obsessions to self-soothe as it is not healthy.

Creativity – Nine of Horns, Justice, Lotus – You are currently seeking a balance of emotional fulfillment and awakening.  You’re struggling a bit with finding that balance because of impatience, and you need to make sure that you are keeping in mind that this is a process that takes time and will not be forced but rather progress naturally, much like the process of reindeer shedding antlers.

Limitation – Father of Roots and Jack in the Pulpit – Don’t get so wrapped up in what you have done that you forget to assess where you are and what’s coming.  In this time of change it’s important to stay open to possibilities instead of staid and stagnant in your assessments and focus.

Change – Magician and Luna Moth – Keep in mind that you already possess all of the tools and skills needed to continue along this path of growth you’re currently on.  Don’t allow darkness to creep in and create doubts or  unnecessary strife. Focus on the light and stay positive.

Sympathy – Ace of Feathers, Two of Roots, Hummingbird – These times in which you have allowed yourself to forsake your inspiration and creative spark, taking it for granted and leaving it behind to pour your energy into the drive of your responsibilities and obligations, have hurt you even if you haven’t taken the time to acknowledge it. These wounds linger and are a negative influence on your current growth and goals.

Luck – The World and Nautilus – You’ve gone through transitions in development before and know that these times of growth and change are a process that takes time. Organization and structure always makes you feel a bit more in control, and it would help in this instance as well if you let it.

Power – Eight of Feathers, Chariot, Pumpkin – Pay attention that you don’t get too comfortable and confidence in the pause of stability you currently find yourself in. Things can change in a heartbeat, and you need make sure you are prepared so that you can control the situation when it strikes.

Responsibility – The Tower and Iguana – Keep yourself open to communicating with those around you, even when things feel like a struggle.  Don’t close up, as the opportunity these events provides to you is about increasing your bond with others through communicating with them about what is going on when things feel chaotic, and allowing them in to help.

Message from Spirit World – Hurdles require a sense of optimism and confidence in your abilities.  Make sure your connection with others is strong.  Sometimes shit hits the fan fast, and it’s important to foster these connections and qualities in yourself so that you are prepared.

Message from Mind’s World –  You are slowly learning that closing yourself off blinds you to what’s going on around you and within you as well.  Staying open and aware, and grateful for what you have will better allow you to move through these transitions with grace and further your growth along the way.

Message from Known World – Stop limiting yourself by training all of your focus and attention on the physical world and the responsibilities that lie within it.  There’s more going on than what lies on the surface and in order to move through the growth and transitions in your life right now, you need to open yourself up more and give yourself a foundation of order and organization that will allow you to open up more fully while still feeling secure.

DECKS USED: THE BRADY TAROT, NATURE’S WISDOM ORACLE

Shadow Work (The Less-Than Whisper)

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I hit a bit of a wall on research concerning the shadow work and steps for moving forward.

After some thought I decided to reach out to someone with a bit more experience, who suggested that the reason I’m having trouble assimilating this shadow is that it is not entirely seated In the shadow self at all.

They suggested that perhaps It may be tied to something that is a part of my core and needs further development. Meaning that the whisper has a source that isn’t wholly external to my ‘light side’, and there is something where it is rooted that needs growth or development within me. And once the ‘soul’ has grown, developed, and transformed, then the shadow/whisper can be reassessed if needed.

This has a ring of truth to it. There are parts of myself that, because of the way I walled myself off emotionally and grew up so fast, never developed properly or fully.

They suggested doing a chakra reading to look for blocks, which I have, and I will post next week when I am at a computer and have had a bit of time to analyze the results and dig deeper into it.

Shadow Work (The Less-Than Whisper)

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So I have not done all that much this week in the shadow work prep department.   The holiday rush has officially started and the “boom” of the beginning this year kind of took me by surprise.

stress

I do have my books out, and at the end of December I will pull a couple of my shadow work decks in preparation for revisiting things in January.

That “Less Than” whisper is still there, the “pissant” word still lingering on and causing me some issues, but I’ve managed to set it aside for the most part and will continue to do so until I can commit some time and effort to confronting it properly in the new year.

Shadow Work (The Less-Than Whisper)

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leaves

I have not done much in the realm of reading for shadow work this week, but I have been researching from writing prompts and tarot spreads that I will be able to use along that path once the holidays are over.

I have also decided to continue with the Tarot for Growth for another month, as although I sometimes find the prompts a little deep and skimming a little close to sensitive subjects, I am also enjoying it and I haven’t had anything from it actually trigger me, so I think it’ll be okay.

I may switch things up in December, though, and do a monthly challenge that’s a little more lighthearted.  We’ll see.

I am grateful, though, that the rawness that had caused that whisper to rise has eased off for the time being.  It was more than just the vulnerability of the drop, but incorporated the whispers of my father coming through when the veil was thin, as well as what has been going on with my mother over the past few weeks.

Now that her opportunity to “pimp me out” to her foundation buddy’s son for the Halloween fundraiser, all I have to deal with is her badgering about being disappointed in me, which is much easier to deal with somehow than the fact that she views my sexuality (and me at all) as a bargaining chip for social prestige.

Shadow Work (The Less-Than Whisper)

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Tarot Shadow Work by Christine Jette, (the first 1/3 of) Tarot for Troubled Times by Shaheen Miro and Theresa Reed, and Tarot For Your Self by Mary K Greer

I went to the storage unit over the last week and dug out the shadow working books and resources I have that I will be using in this journey.   I’ve begun re-reading one of those books, and am in the process of making a plan on how I want to go about the shadow work involved in this issue.

The picture of the books to the left are the three books that I dug out.  I will also be working with a variety of sources from online, and some notes I have taken over the years from previous shadow work and methods I’ve come across and/or done. One (very brief but informative) site that I discovered recently and you may also want to check out to better understand some of what shadow work entails can be found here.

On Thursday, the question for the TarotforGrowthOctober was how to better connect with the shadow self.   What I got from that reading was a warning that now is not the best time to do my shadow work, and I had to sit back and think about this for a while.

Trick or TarotIn all honesty, I think that the reading is right, and so I’m going to adjust my plan a little bit.  The holiday rush is looming large in the very near future, and in order to do shadow work safely, I feel it needs to be done at a time when I’m less at risk for overwhelm than that time of year provides.   I put a lot of strain on myself during those six (or so) weeks.  Not just mentally, but physically as well.

So between now and the end of the holidays, I am going to spend this time not in shadow work, but in brushing up on techniques and creating a more thoroughly thought out plan of action.   This will keep the task fresh in my mind without putting the extra strain on myself that very probably could exacerbate the stress that the holiday rush puts me under in the first place.

I AM still going to use a Wednesday post to keep me on track, though.  I want to make sure I don’t just shove the planning and preparation task off into a corner and forget about it.