Daily Meditation

Even the Strongest Pace Themselves

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Today’s meditation was skipped as the girls just would NOT let me have some time alone to get it done. I may try to do a ten minute shortie before bed though.

Lazy Crow Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, manifestations, and the physical world.  This often translates into themes about taking charge of one’s finances, responsibilities that come with wealth, and stepping in as the head of the household.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the grapes and the skulls.  It’s not surprising that the card would contain thriving grapes winding their way through the imagery as this card is a strong indication of growth, maturity, and abundance.  The skulls were a bit more of a surprise though, and together they give the impression of hardass ruthlessness to me. The whole “my way or the highway, or heads will roll” sort of thing.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I find in these cards is that sometimes you have to straighten your spine and take control even when, perhaps, it isn’t what you’d prefer to do.  In those times, it’s still okay to do your best, but not over tax and overwhelm yourself to the breaking point.  Even leaders need to breath and even the strongest authorities can’t wring blood from a stone.

Do what you can, and it will be enough.  The only authority you have to impress is yourself.  So lower your expectations to a realistic level and interject a bit more understanding into that push for more.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How do I allow the negative thoughts or words of others to affect me? How might I change my reactions to that?

Paulina Tarot

How do I allow the negative thoughts of others to affect me?
Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles here is a reminder that you have been working with this particular issue with your therapist ever since your face was scarred.  You are not psychic and cannot read minds, thus the issue here is “mind reading” of the psychotherapy variety.  When you were first scarred, you did a great deal of this, interjecting your feelings about how you felt concerning your appearance into what you believed others thought of you when they saw your face.  After many years of working with your therapist on this issue, it is no longer a huge issue.  You know how to deal with it when it rises up, and have become an “old hand” in this area at making sure that you do not assume what others are thinking about you, often by asking outright when needed.

How do I allow the negative words of others to affect me?
Five of Cups atop The Emperor

This, unlike perceived thoughts, is something more solid and can affect you in a negative way when you let it. The key words there (as indicated by the Emperor) are “when you let it”.  Sometimes people’s negative words don’t affect you at all, at other times they do. This is about how strong and in control of yourself that you feel in the moment, but has nothing to do with them at all.  When you are feeling vulnerable, people’s negative words can affect you intensely and cause hurt feelings, melancholy, and dissatisfaction. When you are feeling strong, on the other hand, they don’t affect you at all other than in an analytical “examination of if there’s truly an issue” sort of way.

How can I adjust my reactions to something more healthy?
Death atop Two of Pentacles

The horses here in these two cards combined with the mutual direction they face indicate movement forward into the future.   The death card is a reminder that all things change with time, whereas the Two of Pentacles beneath it indicate that you have the ability to control certain aspects of your life throughout the process of those slow shifting changes and direct your energy how you wish.  The message here is to “keep on keeping on” and allow the feelings stirred up from negative words to slide off into the past as you continue forward into the future.  Leave them behind and keep going, as it is not their judgements you need to worry about.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Is patience and inherent virtue, or is it learned behavior?

Lazy Crow TarotReading Summary: Patience is used in order to get what we want (Knight of Cups), seize control of our lives (The Chariot), or wait out the impetuousness of others (Five of Wands).

Take Away: Patience is not something we are born with but something we learn.  It is a method of behavior that is learned in order to mold the world around us into something more in line with what we want out of life. Some learn through experience that being brash and loud and impatient gives them what they desire.

Others learn that patience has the rewards they want without the need for conflict and chaos.  This is something learned through experience and observation of others.  Thus, patience is not something we are born with, but is learned behavior.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I dusted off the coffee table, which is much more of an endeavor than you might think because my coffee table is about the size of a small dining room table and it’s filled with decks and jewelry making supplies as well as an adhesive workstation, etc.  So there’s a lot of organizing and shuffling stuff around involved in the process.   The dust there has been bugging me for a while tho, and no one else will touch it because they fear relocating something I need and then won’t be able to find when I need it.

Tea Time… Worldwide

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IMG_9537Today’s meditation was just under nineteen minutes long and was the next installment of the mantra meditation series that I have been following along with in the Oak app.

The meditation was very relaxing and I’m starting to suspect that the reason I’m struggling with my meditation so often in the past is because I’m not doing it for long enough.  Ten minutes might be more viable as far as time and scheduling goes, but I feel like I’m getting more out of the longer meditations that I’ve been doing over the past few days.  You wouldn’t think that the addition of just five or ten minutes would make that much of a difference, and yet it feels like there is a definite benefit and increase in quality to the longer meditations than my shorter ten minute ones.

Tarot of Mystical Moments and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of generosity, sharing, and leveling out the scales between the “haves” and the “have nots” through the process of giving and receiving.

For the longest time when I was young, I didn’t like tea. I didn’t drink it and I thought it was nasty. ALL tea. It didn’t matter if you added sugar, honey, sweetener, etc. And god forbid lemon (as I’m allergic to lemons). It didn’t matter if it was hot or cold, herbal or black. I didn’t like it.

This was long lamented by both of my parents, who said that everyone drinks tea… all around the world. When I see this card, I am reminded of my mother’s words as she insisted that tea is the common denominator between races and creeds. (Of course her words ended with, “so why should you, just a little boy, go against the world’s equality?”)

In a way, they were right. Although everyone around the world does not drink tea, there is a significant swath of those that do that go beyond countries and borders, continents and ideologies. There are tea drinkers in (nearly) every culture on earth and I would (without having any real research on this) be willing to venture that other than water, it’s the most consumed beverage in the world and has been for hundreds of years (or more).

In time (in my 20’s) I learned to enjoy tea, although I only drink herbal teas and avoid anything with caffeine. In fact, I drink tea every morning along with my first meal of the day. And what I see in the message of this card, combined with the Thera-Pets card for the day has to do with how long it took me to actually appreciate tea.

No matter how much pushing and shoving, begging or insisting my parents did? Back when I was a child I had absolutely no taste for it. I didn’t like it (or any hot beverage, for that matter). But in time, in the future, I eventually found my way to it at my own pace in my own way.

Don’t worry if you can’t get into whatever it is you (or others) think you should get into or get done today. If it’s meant to be? You’ll get it done when the time is right. It’s okay if it’s not right this moment.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF MYSTICAL MOMENTS AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can better I listen to my inner voice?

The Shimmering Veil Tarot

Reading Summary:  Painful moments (Three of Swords) are new opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) just waiting for you to reach out and take advantage of them (Strength).

Take Away:  The thing about painful moments?  Is that it is in those moments that opportunities are born. The problem is that we’re so distracted by the pain that we miss the opportunity entirely.  Later on we may look back and go “damn, I wish I’d handled all that differently” but in the moment? It can be hard to see that we’re being handed an opportunity for something new to emerge in our lives.

To increase my intuitive abilities and begin to hear that inner voice more clearly, the cards indicate that I need to remember the above about those moments and begin looking for those opportunities.  Don’t get so focused on the pain that I end up forgetting to keep my eyes open and let an awareness of what is being offered pass me by.

DECK USED:  THE SHIMMERING VEIL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What can I do to encourage that arrival? (Built off of yesterday’s read.)

Tarot of Mystical MomentsReading Summary: Think over your options before you make a decision (Two of Swords). Take control of your motivation and your inspiration and use them to create forward motion (King of Wands). Lean into what’s familiar and allow it to not just guide you but lift you up when you need a little extra boost (Six of Cups).

Take Away: Yesterday’s reading was about making clever, intelligent, cunning, strategic, good choices that then create fertile soil for good things to grow from. The advice today on how to encourage this outcome is that I need to really take time to think through what I’m doing and stay focused on the direction I want things to go in while I do so.

There is a correlation between the first card and the third card through atmosphere and color that also speaks of needing to keep an optimistic outlook while I mull over these decisions, and allow what is familiar in my life (my values and moral compass) to guide me when I’m feeling torn or confused.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF MYSTICAL MOMENTS

Daily Self Kindness

I went back to the store a second time when I realized that I’d forgotten to buy Imodium.  I think this counts because I really didn’t want to go back and considered just saying “fuck it” and suffering with the stomach ache instead of returning to the store again.

Equilibrium Adjustments

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Today’s meditation was just over eighteen minutes, and was another of the installments of the mantra meditations.  It was much the same as the others, but a bit longer.  At the end of it, it spoke on the different “stages” or “levels” you fall into when you meditate and I found this really interesting.  I think that the majority of my meditations are too short to experience much variety in this, but I have noticed that with these longer meditations I’m doing currently that they do seem to feel a bit different.

Architect's Tarot and Thera-Pet Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Death card which is traditionally a representation of organic changes that happen gradually over time.  This is not the “tear it down brick by brick in one destructive moment of chaos” that the Tower represents, but rather it’s about the gradual shifts that happen naturally in the world.

I really like the Eischer-esque feel of this card with the open walkway and the figure of a person sitting inverted upon it. It gives everything a slightly surreal quality that is a reflection of how odd things can feel when you realize a change has been coming and is now upon you.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a reminder that feeling out of place and uncomfortable is a part of change and not a sign that you’re screwing up.  Change can often be uncomfortable and awkward, it can often feel like a struggle to deal with and adjust to… these aren’t signs of your failure but rather they are “growing pains” as you adapt to a new reality different from the one that you’re used to.  These feelings are natural and fade as you become used to the changes and the newness of them wears off.

DECK USED:  ARCHITECT’S TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Whispering Woods Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What energy am I invited to work with throughout March?

A Siren's Melody Tarot

 Reading Summary: Remember not to overwhelm yourself (Ten of Wands) with work and that perfectionist attitude of yours (Eight of Pentacles) when there are other better and healthier choices available to you (Seven of Cups).

Take Away:   Bad habits have a way of sneaking up and biting me in the ass when I try to shed them, and this is one that’s sure to take a bite more than once as I work through finding a better balance between work and self care. I am being invited to make sure I keep my eyes open for this to rise up over the next month, and be diligent (and wise) enough to catch it when it does and make healthier choices instead.

DECK USED:  A SIREN’S MELODY TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Question: What good thing is ready to come into bloom in my life with the arrival of spring?

Architect's TarotReading Summary: If I’m clever with my time and efforts (Seven of Swords), I can tip the scales in my favor so that what I want to continue to grow will do so (Justice).  It might not be the speedy growth I crave, but slow growth is better than no growth at all (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away: The message here is that when you make good choices, good things will grow from those choices…. So make good choices. Clever, intelligent, cunning, strategic good choices.

This reading echoes back to the warning that was buried within my month’s end reading done earlier this morning.  That reading spoke of temptation to act out of character in order to get what I want, and thus triggering repercussions as a result.  Here we see that the prize for staying on track is making choices that are clever and beneficial, while remaining in line with my personal values, is slow but positive growth.

DECK USED:  ARCHITECT’S TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a break from work to chill in IMs with Gideon and watch him open his (belated) birthday gifts.

Allowing for Kindness

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Today’s meditation was skipped.  The reason for this was because I laid down to do it and ended up distracted by a cuddly Luna.  I felt so good and refreshed with Miss Luna’s cuddles that I didn’t really feel the need to meditate (and I was getting a bit cold) so I decided to skip.  Not an excuse, but there’s how it went.

Kei Tarot Love and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is a representation of emotional contentment shared with others in your circle.  Where the Nine of Cups deals with attaining that comfort and satisfaction, in the Ten of Cups we then “share the wealth” of those emotions with others.

You know, it’s funny.  Sometimes I love this deck.  Then other times I can’t seem to connect with the artwork at all. I haven’t figured out exactly why that is.

What I see in this imagery today is a field of snow, a rainbow, and a hint of green grass in the distance.  What I see here is a warming.  A thawing of the cold to something softer and warmer.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is an encouragement to be nicer to yourself, to warm to yourself and silence that inner voice that wants to hold you back and bring you down.

I personally do not call myself garbage… but I do often treat myself like garbage. I know it’s wrong, and I know that it is within my personal control to change this behavior.  I also understand (as hinted at by the Ten of Cups) that I can more successfully address this issue if I enlist the help of others in my circle that love and care about me.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT CARDS

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: I now give closure to this month and I thank you (ancestors and guides) for your guidance.
Question: What is their response?

Existential Tarot

 Reading Summary: Keep going (New Dawn). Don’t look back (imagery in Reason 7). Take your time reconnecting with yourself and the world (Throwness). 

Take Away: February has been all about my trek through the dark landscape of my depression from the slide down into the pit and visit to the very bottom, to the climb back toward the ledge.  Although I have not reached solid ground again yet, I can feel myself improving every day.  The advice here is to keep going and allow myself to recover at my own pace instead of looking back and possibly allowing that glance back to drag me down, or pushing too hard and being impatient.  They are saying that I’m headed in the right direction and everything will happen in its own time.

DECK USED:  EXISTENTIAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Do Spread 2
Question: What attitude and outlook should I embrace as I move into the week ahead?

Kei Tarot LoveWhat attitude should I embrace as I move into the week ahead?
Two of Wands and Page of Pentacles

Make plans and learn what you need to know in order to move forward.  As the Self Care Saturday reading that I did this weekend has already indicated, this week is about reconnaissance and planning. Make the calls that need to be made, take copious amounts of notes, and then strategize your way forward into what needs to be done.

What outlook should I embrace as I move into the week ahead?
King of Swords and Three of Cups

Take charge, but allow for others to some influence. They have the ability to keep you uplifted, even as you begin to carry responsibility again.  Your time off was restorative and  you’re ready to slide back into that mindset of “large and in charge”.  Just don’t let it swallow you whole and, in doing so, stunt your climb back out of depressions pit and into the light.  Let your loved ones help in lifting you up.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE

Daily Self Kindness

I took an ibuprofen, which ostensibly could have been for my foot, but was actually for my left thumb, which is feeling very sore and achy for some reason.

It’s Okay To Shuffle In the Dark

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Today’s meditation was just over seventeen minutes long and was the next installment of the mantra meditation course from the Oak app. Again, the meditation did not do the vocal part of things, but started the mantra in the head and kept it there. With each of the meditations in the course, the guide speaks less and there is more time to linger in the actual meditation side of things, which is really nice. I have a bit of mental straying today, but it was more like dreaming, then catching myself dreaming and coming back to center.

Silhouettes Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Knight of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of an active projective beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, and manifestations. While the Pentacles suit is one of slow movement, the Knight is an indication of forward motion and determination. These two qualities combine to indicate themes that have to do with slow progress, productivity, and working hard towards one’s goals.

One thing that stands out strongly to me in the imagery of this card today is the fact that the knight is looking backward.  They look to the pentacle in their hand… but also in the direction of the past even as the horse continues to move forward into the future.

This combined with the Tera-Pets card for today speaks to me about a need to be sure you are focusing upon what is important to you.  Sometimes when we are moving forward it feels more like we’re fumbling forward in the dark, and that’s okay.  The Knight of Pentacles joined with the message on the second card tells us that even when we are walking forward blind with our hands out to feel the way?  We’re still moving forward… and that’s what’s important.

DECK USED:  SILHOUETTES TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  A supportive message from the cards for this Full Moon

Nano Starseeds Tarot

 Reading Summary: It’s up to you to fight the good fight (Seven of Wands) as long as you feel that you’re in the right (Knight of Cups), but don’t forget that others are in that fight (Five of Swords) are a part of your past (Six of Cups) and thus a part of your future.

Take Away:  The past cannot be erased. What you do cannot be erased. You carry your actions forward with you into the future and forever after.  Make sure that when you are fighting for what you believe is right, that you keep in mind the methods you use and keep in mind that those you are fighting against and what you do to win will be indelibly inked into a part of who you are forever forward.

DECK USED:  NANO STARSEEDS TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What do I need to focus on for self-care for this full moon?

Silhouettes TarotReading Summary: Call your mother (Queen of Swords). Now (The Chariot). And listen to what she has to say (The Hanged Man).

Take Away: Apparently, I need to make a phone call in the morning (because trust me, she won’t appreciate me calling and waking her ass up in the middle of the night).

I was going to call her this evening.  Then I got a bottle of piss thrown on me by a homeless man and… yeah.  Well. Plans change.

These cards don’t just indicate that I need to call my mother, though.  They make it clear that in doing so I need to pay attention not just to -what- she’s saying, but where what she says is coming from.  The hanged man tells me to listen closely, and look deeper.  There’s more to the conversation than what lies on the surface.

DECK USED:  SILHOUETTES TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took three showers today, brushed my teeth four times. And plan on taking another shower before bed.

The Nature of Value

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Today’s meditation was supposed to be another installment of the mantra meditation, but it turns out I was so beat that I ended up dozing off within the first couple of minutes of the meditation.  So… today’s meditation was skipped and I had a nap instead.  I will pick it back up tomorrow.

Tarot Skrytých Světů and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of generosity, being receptive to help, and the giving and receiving that is involved in balancing the scales between the “haves” and the “have nots”.

Like so many of the cards in this deck, I see a lot of fae energy in this card.  The piper that coaxes wealth from stone, the seedling below that absorbs that wealth like mana from the gods. In the image here we have not just the have and have not but rather we have one that can coax what is needed from the world around him, draw it out to shower upon the one in need that lies below. This is an exchange of not wealth but energy.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I see here is that sometimes we need to look to others for inspiration.  Outside sources can sometimes give us the added oomph needed to do the things that need to be done… including the self care we need for ourselves.

I find this in my relationship with Gideon. Not once in the nearly thirteen years of our relationship have we ever borrowed, loaned, given, or requested for monetary support from each other.  Not once.  Not once has money ever been offered or asked for.

Instead, the exchange between us is in something far more valuable.  He receives from me what he finds of greatest value (and to be fair I am not sure what these things are, but I would guess that a part of it is my encouragement for him to be a better man, to do better and be better and shine brighter)…. and in turn I receive from him those things of greatest value that I need.  Support and love, encouragement and nurturing.  He gives me strength… and helps me be accountable to how I treat myself. That is the mana he provides to me in my life.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTÝCH SVĚTŮ (SHADOWSCAPES TAROT CZECH VERSION) AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Moments of resonance
Question: How can I listen more closely and go more deeply into my moments of resonance?

Fournier's Tarot Cats by Ana Juan

How can I listen more closely to my moments of resonance?
Ten of Pentacles and Nine of Cups

Be settled and grounded and grateful.  This is about balance and security, and the need for both in order to hear more clearly what those moments mean and where they come from.  When distracted by chaos or imbalance, it becomes harder to focus on those moments, and harder to render meaning from them, because there’s so much going on that’s pulling your attention away from that feeling of resonance deep within.

How can I go more deeply into my moments of resonance?
King of Swords Rx and Eight of Cups

Don’t over think it and instead let it lead you to new horizons. Moments of resonance are about intuition. Using too much reason and analytical thinking will just pick them apart and leave them like tiny pieces of shredded paper on the floor.  Instead of dissecting these feelings and invalidating them with logic and reason, allow them to take you forward into the sensation itself and introduce you to new understanding about what feels right for you and you alone..

DECK USED:  FOURNIER’S TAROT CATS BY ANA JUAN

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I best work at improving the skill of a more gentle and nurturing delivery during readings?

Tarot Skrytých SvětůReading Summary: Acknowledge that using a nudging and persuasive tone (Strength) is too much too fast for some people (Four of Swords Rx). Instead, slow down (Knight of Pentacles) and allow a warmth to overlay (Queen of Pentacles) your normally more forceful approach.

Take Away: Although my reading for others is focused on empowerment and helping them, sometimes I come off too strong in this regard and it feels like “too much” in the moment.  To temper this, I need to slow down and focus on instilling more warmth into my delivery.  It’s not about giving them a shoulder to cry on but rather providing a glowing center of warmth and caring that threads through that message of empowerment.  In slowing down, it then is easier for them to digest and the warmth further makes acceptance of what’s being said go more smoothly and easily.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTÝCH SVĚTŮ (SHADOWSCAPES TAROT CZECH VERSION)

Daily Self Kindness

When I realized I had dozed off into a nap during my meditation, I didn’t berate myself or shame myself for it.  Instead I wallowed into the pillow and enjoyed the relaxation.