Prompt: “Pull (at least) three random cards from your deck and use them to tell us a story about a real or fictional awkward moment involving food.”
The Hermit
Mrs Inglemore had a hate on for the kids in the neighborhood. Their laughter and playful voices always floating in through her window, the way they raced up and down the street on their bikes. The sound of balls bouncing, bikes being dropped onto grass or sidewalk, skateboards and rollerskates on pavement. She’d complained to their parents many times.
But most of all, and what started it all? Those greedy little bastards stole her pies!
Not every time. No, they were too sneaky for that. Sometimes when she put them on the sill to cool, they came back from the experience untouched. And they -had- to go on the sill, mind you. The fridge was too cold and made them somehow both soggy and dried out at the same time. The kitchen was too warm. After all, she’d just finished baking.
It had to be the sill.
Seven of Swords
The first time? Some little piggy child ate HALF the pie, right out of the pie pan before they unbalanced the thing and sent it toppling into the kitchen. Rhubarb and strawberries simply everywhere. Such a mess!
The next time was a few pies later on the next week, and they tipped the entire thing over to splat on the ground outside the window. The entire pie ruined, not to mention her begonias! Little sneaky bastards.
Seven of Wands
This time? She’s going to catch them in the act, though, and then they’re going to get reported not just to their parents, but the police too! It’s stealing, after all. So, she’d made her pie and set it on the windowsill every day this week, waiting each time for the children to show themselves. Hiding just out of sight on the other side of the counter, each time she waited.
And here they were! They’d come! She heard their sneaky movements as she crouched and waited, and when she heard the scrape of her baking pan on the sill? She popped up into view with a loud, “AH HA! I KNEW IT WAS YOU BILLY NASSON!”
The Tower
Only to be faced with a white tailed deer as surprised as she was! As she screamed, the deer reared back, cracking its head on the window’s edge and sending it dropping to smash down and shatter. The pie simultaneously going flying to splat over top of Mrs Inglemore’s head where she landed on her butt on the floor.
Five of Swords
And, a moment later when she came to from her faint?
There was Billy Nasson, drawn by the commotion and peeking in through the window at her along with his friends.
“Lovely new hat, Mrs Inglemore,” he exclaimed, before they all ran off to play.
