Today’s meditation was skipped.

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Daily Mental Health Prompt: Seek a positive message to carry with you throughout the day and offer perspective.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of solitary satisfaction, a job well done, self-sufficiency, abundance, financial independence, and luxury earned through hard work

The Nine of Pentacles has then been combined with a card from the Crone Power Oracle and Affirmation Cards, which says, “I am serving. My being supports myself and others.”

In the grip of my depression, it can be hard to see that my presence in others lives serves a purpose. At these times I feel like a burden weighing others down, or even that I’m harming them.

It’s these thoughts more than any others that used to (prior to finally getting on a medication that works) pave the way to suicidal ideation. The idea that I am worthless, that I serve no purpose, that I’m hurting the ones I care about; these thoughts and feelings made it feel impossible that I should go on living and breathing.

Here’s the thing, though. If any of that was actually true? These people wouldn’t be a part of my life to begin with. They would have moved on instead of sticking around.

Now, when these thoughts crop up (which they still do during deep depression, even without the suicidal thoughts attached) I remind myself that the people that love and care about me are a curated collection of those that feel I matter. They don’t want or need free of my sphere of influence, but instead desire more time with me. Not less.

The message in today’s Nine of Pentacles and affirmation card is a reminder that those who love you do not see you as you see yourself… especially during times of depression. They don’t see someone who is a burden or that they don’t want to be around. These perceptions are the lies depression whispers in your ear; not fact.

DECKS USED:  LIZ DEAN’S THE GOLDEN TAROT (heavily trimmed) AND CRONE POWER ORACLE AND AFFIRMATION CARDS

September Prompts by @forgotten.dumpling & @ml.mecham
Prompt for September 16th : smudged watercolours

you reach for me
(King of Hearts atop Three of Diamonds)
in a moment of passion
(Two of Hearts)
and intensity
sparks a fire within us both
(Ace of Clubs)

and as laughter fills the room
you crowd in close
(Three of Hearts)
while brushes scatter
and rinse water spills,
work falling to the wayside
smudged and forgotten
(Five of Diamonds)
as pleasure steals the day away
(Ten of Hearts)

Other elements included in this reading:
Dried Cedar Bundle for Protection from Negative Influences
Selenite for Purification and drawing in Positive Energy

DECK USED: FUNGI, MUSHROOM & LICHENS PLAYING CARDS

@jourie.co‘s An Imaginative Life Journal Prompts
Prompt for September 16th and 17th

Reassessment – What is an assumption I’ve made that I need to reassess?

Queen of Cups Rx and Ace of Swords

Not everyone you get into conflict with necessarily wants to work things out. Sometimes it’s better to just let it be. By seeking closure and opening up communication, you just open yourself up to more abuse, as there’s no true opportunity here for reconciliation or closure.

Strength – How have I demonstrated my inner strength recently?

Queen of Pentacles and King of Cups Rx

You haven’t allowed emotional instability to create instability in other parts of your life of late. Often, when you emotions feel like they are in upheaval, you try to self medicate with destructive tendencies. Lately though, you’ve been able to keep that part of the cycle at bay.

Other elements included in this reading:
Bird Figurine for Encouraging Hope, Positivity, and Renewal
Dried Rosebuds for Potential and Beauty Waiting to Unfold
River Rock for Resilience within Life’s Flow
Rose Quartz for Gentle Kindness to Self and Others
Selenite for Purification and drawing in Positive Energy

DECK USED: LIZ DEAN’S THE GOLDEN TAROT (heavily trimmed)

I’m so tired, and I’m going to bed early tonight.