Vulnerability and Trust

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and… I did it twice.  I was actually trying to fall asleep, as for some reason I was having a lot of difficulty in that area this morning.  I didn’t manage to fall asleep during either of those meditations, although they were very relaxing.  And I did eventually manage to fall asleep for a few hours some time after that.  I’m still feeling a bit sleep deprived, but much better than earlier before the nap.

Cosmos Tarot and OracleToday’s draw is The Magician card of the major arcana, which is traditionally interpreted as (essentially) “the man with all the tools”.   The card is about confidence and resourcefulness. The Magician is about having the tools necessary to do whatever needs done, and the skill to wield them as needed along the way.

I just have to say… I love this card’s imagery.  I love the Satyr helping the little lamb to get out of the tree’s branches.  It shows both gentleness and kinship, but also strength and surety.

The lamb, specifically, caught my eye today.  And the hands of the ram.  There is kindness and capability in those hands, and an aching vulnerability in the visage of the lamb.

The message in this card is to trust in the one you know can help you.  Trust in the one that has the strength and the gentleness and the loving care to help you.

Today’s message is about trust, and about putting yourself into the caring hands of the one you trust when you are feeling vulnerable.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
I’m struggling to maintain motivation.
Question
:  What single, small change can I introduce into my routine that would most benefit my goals moving forward?

Star Seeker Tarot

Reading Summary: Despite my fears and anxieties (Nine of Swords) , continue to make a conscious daily choice (Two of Swords) to grow and move forward (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away: Sometimes it’s not about the things we do, but the thoughts we keep. When feeling vulnerable, it can be hard to stay open and continue to advance on one’s desires and goals. Sometimes the biggest and best thing we can do is make sure we are checking in with ourselves and making sure to stay open… make sure that walls are not coming up and closing you off. The message here is about mindfulness and self awareness.  It is a small change with a huge and important impact on the long term growth you seek.

DECK USED:  STAR SEEKER TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
Free Day!  Pick a spread you’ve been curious about and try it out.

The Fifth TarotWhat doubts need confronting?

I was raised to always seek perfectionism from myself.  To demand it.  Directing my energy into this idealism has become not just a habit, but a compulsion that creates self doubt concerning my skills and abilities.

What ideal needs releasing?

Let go of the expectations of what your mother could be or should be.  You want a new start and a relationship filled with love and support, but this is not who she is and it never will be.  Expecting this from her is futile.  Her heart is not open, nor is it the bud preparing to bloom… instead, it is the withered bud folding in on itself.

What do I need in order to accept my present self?

Patience, tranquility… and most of all, alone time. This isn’t about self reflection as it is about finding peace and allowing time for all that you have learned and discovered to sink in and settle into calm waters.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: 
invest:  time // money // love // patience

Wheel of the Year Tarot

Invest TimeAce of Wands – In developing new skills and passionate pursuits. I recently ended up putting the wood burning project I’d been practicing for on the back burner. Perhaps it’s time to pull it back out and play with it a bit more. Some more exploration and experimentation is in order and could be fun.

Invest MoneyQueen of Pentacles – Literally… invest money.  Tuck some of that cash that you’re making right now away to replenish what’s been used over the past few months.

Invest LoveThe Hierophant – Sometimes being a guide to others and teacher requires applying a bit of loving understanding. In this case, I need to take time to make sure I’m investing a bit more love and kindness than is my normal into my client readings.  Someone desperately needs to hear it.

Invest PatienceQueen of Cups – In yourself and others. Compassion is important, and a part of compassion is allowing space for people and providing them with room to speak their truth. Being a good listener is an extremely important part of interacting with others.

DECK USED:  WHEEL OF THE YEAR TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  How can I maintain my creative flow?

Wild Unknown Tarot

Reading Summary: Give less weight to your mothers influence (Mother of Swords Rx), give more weight to Gideon’s influence (Father of Cups)… and have confidence in your hard won skills (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  The crap blocks my creativity most strongly is the shrinking, constricting pain that happens in my stomach whenever my mother’s claws manage to tear a chunk out of my insides.  Your comfort… your influence… your love is the balm to that pain and those wounds.  You lift me up and remind me that I am good and capable and more than just meagerly talented but innovative and skilled in my craft.

DECK USED:  WILD UNKNOWN TAROT

Percolating is Not a Dry Spell

IMG_5404Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and I chose to do a guided meditation today that focused on a method of using “volume control” as a way of quieting one’s mind during meditation, instead of shoving thoughts away or trying to reject or ignore them.

Sometimes brute force just isn’t the way to get what you want, and that can include when dealing with your own mind and ability to concentrate.  This meditation was a walk through on allowing thoughts to flit through, but turning down the “volume” on these thoughts until they move from shouting, to talking, then to murmuring, and finally to a quiet whisper in the background.

Women of Science TarotToday’s draw is the Nebula card, which comes from the oracle side of this deck’s cards. Scientifically, a nebula is a cloud-like substance in space made up of the death of old stars combined with gasses and other matter.  This essence is then where the birth of new stars take place, recycling old supernova remnants and other elements to give birth to something new.

I very much liked the line in the guide for this deck that speaks of this card being a reminder that before things can manifest into reality, they exist in a space of creative possibility and potential.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the eggs, which also speaks of possibility and potential.  Like the thought experiment of Schrodinger’s Cat, as long as the shell remains unbroken, there are infinite possibilities that lie within.  I also have a small draw to the volcano’s explosion in the background, which speaks to me of the explosive quality that creativity and manifestation can sometimes take on.

The message in this card today is about embracing one’s creative nature. Even in times when you are not actively creating, the potential is there and there continues to be “workings” going on in the mind deep beneath the subconscious.  Dry spells are not dry spells… they are times of subconscious percolation.

DECK USED:  COSMOS TAROT AND ORACLE

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Question:
  What issue should I wait on and avoid dealing with at this time?

Albano Waite TarotReading Summary: Don’t worry about stealin’ assholes right now (Seven of Swords). Whatever damage was going to be done, has been done now, so just focus on your emotional growth (Ace of Cups) and do your work (Two of Pentacles).

Take Away:  I’ve had so many warnings lately about sharing my inspired ideas and projects with others, that I’ve lost track of just how many warnings there has been.

The issue that I need to deal with later on has to do with the fact that I have either managed to avert this issue… or I’ve already fucked up and the fallout will come later on. For now, I need to focus on carrying on with carrying on as I have been.

DECK USED:  ALBANO WAITE TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic:
  resist // rise up // revise

Veleda Woods Tarot

The message in these cards is not mine and does not fit my life. I had the feeling when I was pulling these cards, that this message is not for me. I don’t know who it is for… but perhaps it will resonate with someone in the different places that it is shared, or perhaps the intended recipient will stumble upon it by chance.

ResistNine of Cups – Conformity.  This interpretation is not about the 9 of Cups, but about the imagery on the card. Individuality is important.  Do not be one of the many, but take a leap through the door and allow yourself to be unique.  Conforming to the values of others and marching to their drum instead of thinking (and feeling) for yourself is not the answer.

Rise upGuardian of Cups – The narrative you are given needs one’s heart and intuition to discern and dissect.  Instead of listening to what is being said, listen to what is not said which lies beneath the surface.  Listen to the emotions.  Do not allow those with ulterior motives based in negative emotions to carry you away with their narrative.

ReviseRanger of Wands – Your outlook needs examining.  You take after your passions and those things you feel deeply about with zeal and power pushing you forward, but are you going in the right direction? You need to examine what lies beneath that drive to move forward and push against… that drive that keeps you going.  Make sure that what lies beneath is good and pure… not polluted by other’s narrative or your desire to “fit in”.

Take Away – If you have read this reading and it resonates with you… it is time to do some soul searching , and some close examination of the motivations that drive not just you… but those around you as well.  What undercurrents of emotion are truly driving those you follow, admire and listen to? Deep down, why do you choose to follow them in turn?  It’s time to reflect upon these questions.

DECK USED:  VELEDA WOODS TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question:  When am I creatively true to myself?

Wheel of the Year Tarot

Reading Summary: When I allow things to develop at their own pace (Seven of Pentacles), and don’t allow myself to become overburdened (Ten of Wands) or listen to much to my negative in her narrative (Queen of Swords).

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that you can’t “force” creativity either through expectation or through negative enforcement.  Creativity has to come through positive reinforcement and patience, allowing that spark to come alive and develop slowly over time.  The trip to manifestation is only the end result… the full process is beneath the surface and only begins to come into conscious awareness when it’s ready to be seen.

DECK USED:  WHEEL OF THE YEAR TAROT

Healing is a Process

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and took place out on the balcony.  I needed some fresh air and distance, so I closed myself out there and laid out along the plants and pots to chill for a bit.  I took a lazy amount of time out there, even after the breathing exercises I rolled over to spend some time chilling with the overflowing of thyme I have out there this year, picking buds and cleaning things up.

Herbcrafter's Tarot - Three of AirToday’s draw is the Three of Air (Three of Wands) which is traditionally interpreted as representing themes of heartbreak, disappointment, emotional pain, and depression. These “emotions” do not live in the heart, but within the mind, and this is why although the card appears to be about the emotions, it resides within the Swords suit which is the suit of the mind.

In this card, my eyes are irresistibly drawn to the Echinacea flowers reaching for the sky today, as well as the hint of a rusted roof in the distance of the background.  Echinacea is an immune system booster, and is used in spellcraft as a plant that lends an energy boost to your intent as well as an herb used to promote inner strength. This makes the presence of the plant represented on the Three of Swords card especially relevant, as it transforms the card from a representation of desolation and despair to one of growth and support during difficult times.

The roof holds its own meaning to me when I see it in the imagery of this card today. It speaks to me of a long stretch of time. It takes time to weather a corrugated roof and create those streaks of rust and weathering you see in that small peek you see in the lower left corner of the card. Blended with the Echinacea, it speaks of the fact that sometimes it takes time to heal from disappointments and heartache.  Not everything can be immediate.

This message today is in reference to my journey of healing from “the letter”. It’s been months and months since the letter first arrived, and over six months now since I started confronting the fear and fog that swallowed me whole in response to that letter. It feels like this climb out of that place of fear and desolating doubt.  Today’s card is a message of encouragement and patience. A reminder that true healing takes time, and that’s okay.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
I’m struggling with self-worth.
Question:
  What three qualities do I associate with what it means to be “a good person”?

Lumina Tarot

Reading Summary: The ability to stay on the straight and narrow despite the shit that tries to tear you down.

I can’t quite break this one down as neatly as I usually do to display how I came to the bare bones of the reading.   What I see here is that the Three of Swords is the topic.  It is what “happens to you” and the basis of this reading.   The King then represents the strength to “stay the course” and the Eight of Wands reinforces single minded purpose  towards the direction I wish to go in seen in the Two of Wands.

Usually when I break apart my reading to display how I get there, I’m able to break it into pieces that fit together into a succinct sentence.  Something about how the Lumina Tarot communicates makes this process a lot more difficult.  I’m not sure why.

Take Away:  So in breaking this down, three of the qualities I associate with being a good person include the strength of will to “stay the course” of one’s beliefs and standards through through times of struggle and heartache, the ability to perceive the direction you want to go in through these times, and the determination to stay on that course.  This is about one’s moral compass and life goals, and about not allowing negativity to steer you away from those values.

DECK USED:  LUMINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic:
  Banish This / Attract This

Minchiate Etruria Anima Antiqua TarotBanish ThisTaurus –  It’s time to let go of your bullheaded stubbornness and rigidity. There is a great deal of inflexibility in you and in order for the growth you want to happen to flourish and really take off, you need to find a way to let go of some of that rigidity.

Attract ThisThe Grand Duke – Androgyny and a hint of mastery yet to come. The message here is about adaptability, versatility, and growth.  I need to invite these qualities in and allow them to ease the rigidity that is holding me back.  It is possible to hold on to who you are and your moral compass, even as you move through the changes taking place and grow into a better person.

DECK USED:  MINCHIATE ETRURIA ANIMA ANTIQUA TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic: 
let in // let out // let go // let rest

Albano Waite Tarot

King of Cups Let in Gideon, for he is your support and knows you better than all others (except perhaps L). Sometimes, especially when I’m dealing with subdrop, it can be hard to open up.  Feeling so vulnerable makes being so open especially a struggle, but that is what he is there for, to block out the danger so that he and he alone has access to those tender moments and inner knots, and can help me through.

The Empress Let out into the world my ability to nurture and encourage others. Remember that the creations you make and send out in to the world have power to influence others in positive, nurturing ways. They foster positivity and spread joy, bringing this warmth and energy into the lives of others, sometimes when they need it most, but always with the ability to then spread out from that person to the next and the next.

The SunLet go and allow the sun to shine. Don’t allow pessimism to win out. You’ve made he conscious choice to try and move in a more positive direction, to foster positivity and joy in your life. In order for this to happen, you have to allow it.

Ace of SwordsLet rest my harsher nature. That inner critic and the inner dialog that goes on with myself is not healthy.  Pushing it away is not the only path to easing up on this.  Letting it rest is another method worth exploring.

DECK USED:  ALBANO WAITE TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I capture my best ideas?

Wheel of the Year Tarot

Reading Summary: Take time to examine them from all angles (The Hanged Man), pick them apart and judge them harshly (Queen of Swords) in order to challenge their worth (Five of Wands).

Take Away:  This is more about how to sort out the best ideas from the not as great ones. It’s one of those times where that shrewd judgement and harsh sight comes in handy as it allows me to pick apart an idea down to its bare bones and look at all the drawbacks and other pitfalls it might have.   If it can make it through that process and come out the other side, it is truly worthy of exploring further.

DECK USED:  WHEEL OF THE YEAR TAROT

Cleansing Energies and Fresh Air

Today’s meditation was just under twenty minutes long, and was another purr-focused meditation as Luna again decided to come cuddle up against the side of my head while I was meditating, which shifted my focus from my breathing to her purring.

I really like this type of meditation.  It’s extremely relaxing.  I didn’t immediately fall asleep this time, but it was still really nice and I ended up lingering longer than I would have because I was really enjoying it.

The Herbcrafter's TarotToday’s draw is the Sun card, which is traditionally a representation of hope, joyous celebration, and all around good ol’ fun.

Spiritually speaking, Hypericum perforatum (St Johns Wort) is used to invoke the healing powers of light against the darkness and this is expressed no more evidently than it’s medical use as well, as medically this herb is best known for its anti-depressant properties.

The message in today’s card is about seeking out positive healing experiences and spending time outside soaking up the goodness of vitamin D while taking in the cleansing energies and fresh air of being outside among nature.

DECK USED:  HERBCRAFTER’S TAROT

#TarotForGrowthJuly Challenge Prompt
Topic: 
I’m struggling to find my purpose.
Question:
Why am I struggling to be honest with myself?

Aquarian Tarot

Reading Summary: Because change is hard… Juggling in my old way of doing things is hard to let go of (Two of Pentacles) because that familiarity is comforting to me (Six of Cups) and makes it difficult to choose a different path (Two of Rods).

Take Away:  It’s difficult to admit when you’re struggling, and that applies to me as well. I struggle all the time with the draw of the familiar and temptation to sink back into what I know so well rather than staying focused on the new path I’ve chosen for myself.  That struggle is… embarrassing and something that’s difficult to admit.

DECK USED:  AQUARIAN TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsJul2020 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question
: Is it always better to have more choices?

Wheel of the Year TarotReading Summary: There are always more choices available to us than we realize (The Fool). But as humans, we are not in the habit (The Devil) of seeking them out and instead stick with what we know (Six of Cups). When we do this, we miss out on long reaching opportunities and rewards (Seven of Pentacles).

Take Away:  I would interpret this answer as yes… and no.  What it’s saying is that we only perceive the number of choices we are able to handle… but that there are always more out there we cannot see.  When we open our minds to them, they become available to us… so I guess in my opinion this would be a yes.   Because the more open minded you are to possibilities and thinking outside the box, the more choices you have available to you… and I consider open mindedness and thinking outside the box to always be a good thing.

DECK USED:  WHEEL OF THE YEAR TAROT

#OwlandBonesJuly Challenge by Owl and Bones Tarot
Topic
:  plant the seed // take root // grow

Karma Tarot

Plant the seeds of doing things in a more patient and measured way (Knight of Coins)

Take root a more restrained approach (Temperance) over the wild charge driven by passionate intensity and interest (Knight of Swords).

Grow each day that you follow this path. With each day you practice this new form of patience, restraint, and measured approach, you build up the ability to instill these traits into your daily life with more skill and less effort (Strength).

DECK USED:  KARMA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: Do I believe I am creative? Why or Why not?

The Fifth TarotReading Summary: Yes (One of Shells). This is evident because I struggle with keeping a balance (Seven of Feathers Rx) between my responsibilities (Nine of Feathers) and the passion of my inner spark that drives me to go after and take part in (more like get carried away by) the things that inspire my creativity (Initiate of Fire). I often feel that my responsibilities (Nine of Feathers) are stealing away from (Seven of Feathers) my creative time (Initiate of Fire), and vice versa.

Take Away:  If I was not creative, there would be no struggle between my responsibilities and my passionate pursuit of those things that strike my interest.  It is in my nature to be both earthbound and realistic (Taurus Sun) as well as creativity driven (Scorpio Moon).  This conflict between the two is evidence of both sides of the coin and the constant need to find balance between them… thus evidence of my creativity.

DECK USED:  THE FIFTH TAROT