The Pursuit of Happiness

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and another fidgety meditation session.  I think that I need another hike to get out some of this pent up energy.  I’ve reorganized my decks and I went through and tucked labels into all of my swaddled decks today as well. And yet, as much as I’m feeling the need to expend energy?  I do not seem at all inclined to spend it on work.  Go figure, right?

Hush Tarot - Knight of CupsToday’s draw is the Knight of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of an active beta energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.  This often portrays itself in a theme of going after what brings someone joy or following your imagination and creativity into new adventures.

What stands out to me most strongly in the imagery of this card today is the guy down at the lower left corner holding the spear.  How funny is it that there’s so much going on in this image, so much to draw the eye, and yet it’s that little head and shoulders and the spear that draws my gaze.

I think sometimes we all need a little prodding to get going on doing the things that are good for us, and going after your joy is definitely good as long as you aren’t… you know… going after heroin or something.  In general, happiness is important to our well being, and yet sometimes we hold back without any real reason behind why.  That spear looks like a really good prod to get things going, don’t you think?

The message in this card is to stop hesitating and just do the stuff that’ll make you happy instead of thinking about it and putting it off.   You’ll feel better and be much happier if you just do it already.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: What’s my essence?

Tarot by Alexander Daniloff 2012 IV edition

Reading Summary: Someone that teaches others (Il Papa) how to find their direction (Three of Wands) during their darkest hours (Ten of Swords).

Take Away:  This somehow makes sense to me in… okay so I relate to this because of something that Gideon said to me… has said to me.  Or maybe he was saying it to someone else and I just overheard it?   Anyway, he said that I have this tendency to tell people exactly what they need to hear, just exactly when they need it most.  Like when I told him guilt makes for a crappy relationship (can’t remember the exact words) and it was in that moment he needed to hear it to realize the truth of his situation with is ex.

I don’t usually realize I’ve done this, and yet I know it happens because Gideon has said he’s seen it happen. Others have said similar as well.   And so I understand and believe… and very much relate to what’s said in these cards.   I love that I have the ability to help people in this way, and I’m okay with not being aware of having done it in most cases. As long as I’m helping others to make their lives better, and thus the world a better place?  I’m good with being oblivious for the most part.

DECK USED:  TAROT BY ALEXANDER DANILOFF 2012 IV EDITION

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: What do I need to focus on for self care this full moon?

Dragon Age Inquisition TarotReading Summary: That is one hell of a Three of Staves.  Just sayin’.  This is a newer deck for me and the first time I’ve spent any quality time with it since I received it.  And.. wow on the Three of Staves… just sayin’.

Continue to move forward (Three of Staves), even if it’s done with caution (imagery on the Three of Staves overlapped on the Page of Cups), in the direction of my emotional growth and finding the balance for it in my life (Page of Cups).  Don’t allow my internal anxieties and worries to overshadow this process (Nine of Swords). I’m internally strong enough to keep these things from growing and festering into something that will become a hindrance (The High Priestess).

Take Away:  For self care during this full moon I need to make sure that my anxieties and worries are not standing in the way of getting that emotional growth to a place of pause a safety for the upcoming holiday rush.  This isn’t about backsliding, but it’s about preservation of progress.  Allow my inner strength to shine through and burn off the cloying touch of my anxieties so that I move forward instead of backsliding.

DECK USED:  DRAGON AGE INQUISITION TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question
: Generate your birth chart at astro-charts.com and scroll down to houses to learn about your zodiac signs per house.

Houses

Information on the zodiac signs through each house means can be found here.

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What helps me stay positive?

Haindl Tarot

Reading Summary:  My “cup overflowing” with the love of others (Three of Cups) that is fostered through clear and strong communication (The Tower and the Queen of Swords).

The imagery here in The Tower of this deck is about enlightenment destroying the Tower of Babble.  This creates a dynamic in this specific card in this specific deck where the card has the ability to represent the salvation of good communication. 

In this way, communication doesn’t just bracket the Three of Cups in this reading, but are representative of pillars of strength standing strong on either side of the card of connection and emotion.

Take Away: Communication with those I love and trust helps me to stay positive.  It is the cornerstone of any good relationship, and being open and honest with these people fosters the bonds I have built with them.  I am, in fact, unable to always bring about my own positivity and optimism. I need their help to do this sometimes, and it is with their help and love surrounding me, as well as their wise council, that I’m able to take their support and advice without fear of betrayal.  This allows my trust to flourish so that I am able to share the  deepest and darkest parts of myself.  They are my shaft of light shining into the darkness.

DECK USED:  HAINDL TAROT

Transitioning from August to September

This is a spread that I do at the end of each month to close out the month.

Month End Tarot Check In - Hilda Tarot, Roots and Wings Oracle

Individuality The High Priestess, Six of Swords, Earth Mother – I’m in the process of trying to find a balance between my intuitive self and my more grounded qualities.  I’ve recently discovered that to find an easy balance is going to take scrapping old methods and rebuilding a dynamic that is more hospitable to both.

Dependence Nine of Pentacles, Nine of Cups, The Divine – As I move further into the fall and closer to the holiday rush, I begin to step away from a sense of wallowing in the comfort and security I’ve created.  Although spirituality will continue to play a part in my life even through the silly season, I am aware that I will need to let go of some practices for a bit until things calm down again.

Creativity King of Wands, Potential, Wildness – I leave behind the shelter of wallowing in comfort in order to reach for what I want out of the months to come.  I focus ahead now, seeking the potential that the holiday rush represents.  It’s a wild ride, but one I willingly do each year as my finances depend upon the holiday rush to balance out.

Limitation Seven of Swords and Perseverance – While looking ahead toward the holiday rush, don’t freak out about the time passing by.  You only have so long to prepare for what’s coming, but you need to accept as well that distractions happen and using time for self care and other things that are good for you  isn’t wasting time.  Yes, it might mean you get a bit less done, but it means that you are building yourself up to last longer in the long run.

Change The Magician and The Void – The Magician has been following me around a lot over the past few days.  It is a reminder that I am a strong and capable person, well prepared and well educated, and more than able to deal with anything that comes my way.  Do not allow uncertainty to convince you otherwise.

Sympathy The Star, The Fool, Vulnerability – These cards are a reminder of a past event that is relevant at this time.  The message here is about how sometimes you just blindly have faith and go after what you want and… even though such times often result in uncertainty and vulnerability… you always end up coming out the other side okay.  Wounds heal… experience lasts forever and teaches you how to deal with things a different and better way the next time.

Luck The World and Transformation – I have a chance to make lasting changes at this time.  It’s important to not look back, and not backslide.  Keep your eye on the prize and reach for those changes and strive for forward motion.  I’ve spent the lions share of this year working at not just emotional growth, but in finding a better balance between work and life.  Now that I am entering into the time of year that is the most stressful for me, I need to make sure that my focus on preparation doesn’t turn into obsession and edge out the progress I’ve made over the last few months.

Power Wheel of Fortune, Knight of Pentacles, Joy – Don’t allow the little irritations and upsets steal away my confidence, my progress, or my joy.  Just yesterday I did a reading that spoke on this.   Shit happens.  You need to roll with the punches and keep moving.  Adapt and continue instead of letting hurdles stand in your way and block your path forward.

Responsibility Eight of Pentacles, Time, Hope – The future opportunity here is about my work and time management. It’s about making sure that I am staying optimistic and using my time wisely to prepare for what’s coming.  I’ve gone through the rush a number of times now. I know what I need to have done ahead of time to make things go more smoothly.

Message from Spirit World – You are capable and strong, knowledgeable and powerful in your own right.  Life is a series of ups and downs, but you have the grounded spirit, the capable hands, and the know-how to take on the world and suss out what you want from it.

Message from Mind’s World – Move forward from the swaddled comfort of the summer and into the new energy of the fall.  This time of harvest for so many is your time of preparation.  Allow your spark to catch fire and lead you forward to where you need to be mentally, physically, and emotionally. Preparation for the holiday season is about more than just the supplies and products that need to be made and stockpiled… because you need to be readied as well.

Message from Known World – Spending some time having a bit of fun might feel like a waste of time, but it’s actually a deeply seated need that you have to attend to in order to continue to grow and get to where you want to be not just in the physical world with your business, but emotionally and spiritually as well.

Take Away – Balance. This is all about balance and making sure that I’m not neglecting the needs of my body, mind, emotions, and spirituality by sacrificing them on the altar of work and commerce. It’s okay to take time for yourself.  It’s okay to have a little fun and allow your mind to slide away from work and the business prep for the holidays for a bit now and then.  It will not be the end of the world if you aren’t focusing every single ounce of your attention and energy on what’s coming in November.

DECKS USED:  THE HILDA TAROT, ROOTS AND WINGS POCKET ORACLE

Side note:   I just noticed for the first time in this post that when I am doing readings for myself, I bounce between first person and second person as if I am both simultaneously reading to myself as myself… and reading to myself as if across the table from myself.

Everyone Is Lovable To Someone

Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was relatively uneventful and quiet.  Which is honestly a little surprising because that never seems to happen anymore.  The fire alarm decided to wait until after I’d gotten through my meditation to go off tho, so that was nice at least.

And yes, everything is fine.  It looks like someone was trying to break into the storage room and a buddy of theirs went and pulled the fire alarm to work as a distraction to give them time without interruption.    They didn’t get in so… yeah.

Next World Tarot - Three of CupsToday’s draw is the Three of Cups, which is traditionally interpreted as a “joyous joining” of friends whether in celebration, or collaboration, or just in friendship on its own.

Honestly? I’m not sure how I feel about the pink smiling shark.  I find it really distracting in the imagery of this card, and so I suppose I should consider it as the message.  The fact is, though? It’s just weird.

That said?  I can work with that.   It stands out…. so lets go with the shark.  The shark in this card appears among others and does not show its teeth.  Instead it is a shade of friendly pink and sports a smile.  This actually hearkens back to something I was thinking about in the shower yesterday. I had a client recently that insisted that they were unlovable and would never find a partner.  They were very upset and I refused to do a reading for them on that day. Instead, I told them I had something for them to think about.   I told them that even some of the shittiest people in the world that have people that love them.  Assholes and abusers, haters and closed minded bigots.  These horrible people managed to find someone to love them, so someone like him that isn’t horrible? Has not just as much of a chance of finding someone, but even more of a chance at it.

The shark clearly has friends in this imagery even though it’s a predator swimming among creatures he considers food.  Instead the shark gets along with them, makes friends with them.   So too can those that feel they are unlikable or unlovable find friendships and love.

The message in this card is that no one is unlovable.  No one is unlikable. We just feel that way sometimes.

And can I just say?  Sometimes at the end of the month I’m not ready to move on to different decks and wish for more time with the ones I’ve worked with for the month… but this month?  I’m so ready to move on from this deck and the Tarot of the Sidhe.  I can’t wait for the decks that come up for these pulls starting tomorrow.

DECK USED:  NEXT WORLD TAROT

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: What’s the next actionable step I can take to move forward down the path of healing?

Tarot of the Dream Enchantress

Reading Summary: Stay strong (Strength) in the face of change (Death)… your foundation might feel precarious but it is sturdy and will be okay (Four of Pentacles).

Take Away:  It’s about perseverance. Sometimes actionable steps are not actions at all, but more about being aware and standing strong.  Change is a part of life and sometimes those changes that happen can feel like the end of the world.  The cards here are a reminder that it isn’t the end of the world.  It isn’t all going to fall apart.  Your foundation and will continue to stay solid and strong. 

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE DREAM ENCHANTRESS

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Spark and Pen TarotLate at night in the deep deepest darkest hours before twilight, the green lady with the crown puts down her torch and her book, and pulls on her cape (The Empress). She goes to visit Coney Island to ride the Wonder Wheel and enjoy all that Luna Park has to offer (Wheel of Fortune). Soon, she will have to return to her place watching over the city, and pick up her torch and her book once more for another day (Death).

DECK USED:  SPARK AND PEN TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best support and nurture myself and my personal growth at this time?

Hilda Tarot

Reading Summary: Accept that sometimes shit happens (Justice) and you’ll have to make the best of it (Knight of Swords). Take those moments to rest and recuperate (Four of Swords) so that she can be ready for the next challenge (The Magician).

Take Away:  The advice here to help me in nurturing myself and fostering my personal growth is that I need to not let the little unexpected surprises in life trip me up so much.  Hurdles happen and just like tripping over a root on a trail in the woods, you have to pick your ass up and keep going because no one is going to come for you if you sit there and whine about it to the trees.

DECK USED:  HILDA TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How would I feel if I was more mindful right now?

Stunning Tarot

Reading Summary:  Hol-eee-shit.  *Eyes the cards.* Okay so if I was more mindful right now I’d be feeling a good deal more defeated (Ten of Swords) and in need of rest and retreat because the world (Four of Swords) would feel like everything is falling apart (The Tower).

Take Away:  The lesson here is that mindfulness is not always your friend. Sometimes you have to be a bit oblivious and obtuse just to get through the day.

DECK USED:  STUNNING TAROT

Full Moon in Pisces – September 2020

Full Moon in Pisces Tarot Spread - The Botan Tarot

Tomorrow night will be the full moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I’ve done a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us.  Today’s spread is brought to you by Ethony‘s Tarot By the Moon series.

1. What message does my intuition want to deliver?

Justice – Awareness is really important right now. Don’t allow yourself to be baited into going against your moral compass due of someone’s hidden motivations. You need to be paying attention not just to what’s going on around you, but make sure that you are examining motivations.  Both your own, as well as the motivations of others.

2. How can I connect more with my intuitive side?

The Fool – Let some of the starch out of your britches and relax. Your intuition works best when allowed to flow free. As you already know, gripping too tight or trying to be too stringent with yourself will smother that intuitive voice.

3. What emotions need healing?

Five of Cups and The Devil – There’s a lot of depression and self destructive urges lurking under the surface and although I work to heal them a little at  a time, and I am progressing… I still have a long way to go. It’s a daily struggle to lean into optimism, and to police those self destructive urges. Some more easily sneak under the radar than others.  It’s not surprising that the depression and self destruction would come up here, as it’s a long term journey… not  a short sprint.

4. How can I let go?

The Star –  I mentioned this in the previous question.  It has to do with leaning into optimism, working towards positivity, and foster hope in your heart on a daily basis.  These things are not easy for me, just as they would not be easy for pessimist… but if I want to make true progress on my healing journey, they are a necessary part of the process.

5. What self care do I need to focus on?

The Magician and Temperance – It’s important at this time to foster a little faith that you can handle whatever comes. Don’t stress out over the future and what’s coming along down the road, instead take time to focus on the present and allow your knowledge and skill to speak for itself when the time comes.

Staying in the present instead of pushing toward the future is not an easy thing for me, but it’s a form of moderation I’ve been working at exercising all spring and summer and will continue to work at into the fall.

DECK USED: THE BOTAN TAROT

Picking Up A Previous Practice

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long and I fidgeted through the entire process.   I had an idea for a new organization method for my decks, and honestly?  I just couldn’t calm down about it enough to do anything useful with those ten minutes of meditation.  I will try again tonight before bed.   Now that I have everything rearranged (again), I should hopefully be a bit less fidgety.

Tarot of the Sidhe - The Dreamer, Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is The Dreamer card (Ace of Swords), which is traditionally a representation of inspiration, new ideas, eureka moments, and mental clarity.

What stood out the strongest to me in the imagery of this card is the hands at the bottom.  Their positioning is probably supposed to represent the alchemical air symbol of an upright triangle with a line through it.  The thing is, though?  It looks an awful lot like the Hakini mudra (except that the pinky fingers are not bent in that mudra, so it’s not exactly… right.

Still, it’s actually pretty fitting, as the Hakini mudra is used for concentration and to boost the brain including memory, inspiration, and cooperation between the right and left hemispheres.

I see this card’s appearance today as a reminder of the benefits that including mudras into my medication can have.  This is an activity that I have really slacked off on over the past few months, but I think it’s time to start incorporating them into my practice again… and perhaps I’ll even start with the Hakini.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SIDHE

#TarotForGrowthAugust Challenge Prompt
Topic: I’m struggling to move past trauma.
Question: Who can I turn to for help enforcing those boundaries?

Tarot Mundi In Minima Tarot

Reading Summary: Family and friends (Four of Wands) will step up to provide solid back up (Knight of Discs) when needed (The Tower).

Take Away:  Friends and family is the answer here.  It’s those that are nearest and dearest to me that I can depend on.  People like Gideon, my sister, Z, J, Ms B… these are all people that are a part of my inner circle of love and support and people that I can depend on to help when I need it.    The key here is in the last card in this spread, which is The Tower, and the deck’s way of stressing “when you need it”. 

DECK USED:  TABULA MUNDI IN MINIMA TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsAug2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic: Do Spread #4

Odd Hand TarotSeeds SownAce of Pentacles – The seeds that I planted in the spring that have flourished have to do with finding a new balance between my responsibilities and my life.  This isn’t so much about the balance itself, which is still in the works, but the openness and willingness to make the changes needed and start upon a new path.

The ChaffStrength – Those seeds that have not flourished are the ones that I plant every year and this year have chosen  not to encourage.  That is the tendency to push and shove and force my way forward with determination and blind focus. In the past I have done this to my own detriment again and again, and it is something that has been working for me less and less with each year that passes.

The HarvestFour of Wands – Friends and family connections are going to be very important as I prepare to reap the rewards of my summer’s hard work. This card indicates I need to make sure I’m not just getting myself ready for the busy season ahead, but my those around me as well… both those that are here to help with that busy time, and those that are stuck waiting in the wings for the rush to end.

DECK USED:  ODD HAND TAROT

Lionharts #TheAugustTarot #ElementalChallenge
Question: How can I best provide help and support to my loved ones at this time?

Luminous Void Tarot

Reading Summary: When crap happens and they feel depressed (Five of Discs), be generous (Six of Discs) with my advice (The Hierophant) and my emotional support (King of Cups).

Take Away:  Honestly?  As much as I love to help people?  I always feel like when I give advice that it might be overstepping.  I mean, I know that the advice is decent and I have a lot of experience under my belt to base my advice through… and yet it always feels like encroaching? I’m relatively sure that this is not the case and just my own personal insecurities, but there’s always that worry of being seen as some sort of know it all. You know, not the good kind but the annoying kind.

Funny enough, you would think it would be the emotional support part of this reading that I balk at, but when it comes to those closest to me that I love and that love me? I don’t have a problem reaching out with a hug or some emotional support.  It’s probably one of the only scenarios in life where being emotionally connected doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable.

DECK USED:  LUMINOUS VOID TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I make the world a better place?

Pride Tarot

Ten of Swords – Show by example just how much you can survive.

Ooph.  Okay so this one is a hard one for me.  Not that I don’t share my struggles or that people aren’t aware of some of the things I have been through.  But if I were to list out all of the crazy ass shit that’s happened in my life…. or even just the ones that left scars on my body… it would sound like some sort of catastrophic “The Man Born With No Luck” B-movie or something. I have survived a lot.  A LOT.  But… it feels weird to put it all out there, which is sort of what you have to do if you want to show people by example just how much a person can survive and continue to move on from.

Eight of Wands – Send out into the world the positivity that you create. (imagery based)

This is something that I do regularly and love the most about my home business.  I love making beautiful things and sending them out to others to love and cherish.  I hope that every single piece of jewelry and other creation I make finds a home where it can brighten someone’s day… or many days, as the case may be.  I instill these hopes and that intent into each of the pieces I make.

Knight of Swords – Choose your battles wisely.

Sometimes we all pick battles we shouldn’t.  I think that’s a part of life and learning when and where to pick the battles that really mater and mean something.  To make the world a better place, it’s important to examine the battles you’re deciding to fight, and make sure they’re really worth the time, effort, energy, and emotion that you’re going to pour into them.  What is the motivation behind becoming involved?

DECK USED:  PRIDE TAROT

Self Care Saturday (On a Sunday)

These Saturday readings are (not usually) bearing in on any one thing or event in my life, as the question used is asking for a more general outlook. This is a self care exercise, and is not meant as a predictive reading… although that, too, happens on occasion.

The question is… What do I need to focus for self-care through the week ahead?

SCS

EarthThe Hierophant and The Lovers – Remember that you are in the process of learning how to be open and how to choose love. How to choose emotion and not just logic and intuition. Take time to recognize that on this path of emotional growth you’ve been on, the emotional factors aren’t going to stay in a nice little box away from the other areas of my life.  This isn’t something you can compartmentalize, so when emotions start to make themselves known in the areas of your life that you’re used to being very steadily grounded… don’t panic.  And don’t close down.  Ride it out instead and choose to stay open.

AirSeven of Diamonds and Blossom – These cards are all about growth, and relate back to what was said in the Earth section of this reading in that you need to make sure you aren’t reacting negatively to this phase of natural growth.  You’ve been on this path for a long time now, but that doesn’t mean growing pains still aren’t possible or won’t happen.  Just remember to stay focused on what you want to come out as the end result.

WaterNine of Hearts and Passage –  Again we hearken back to the lesson in the Earth section of this reading.  Here in the place of emotion  and relationships we see a card of passage that moves us from a place of darkness to one of light joined with a card signifying emotional harmony.  That emotional harmony is the goal that you seek.  The cards here indicate that you might feel some confusion or disillusionment this week, but you need to keep your eye on the prize.

FireDeath and Potential – With every change, a new opportunity is born.  Again we have a card here that speaks of gradual change.  In the Air section this was about growth, but here we see the death of what is being left behind, and the seed of something new.  During the week ahead, consider what things relating to your drive and your business that you want to let go of.  Only by letting go can you make room for something new.

WaningWing Taps – This week is going to test your calm and your resolve to stick with the changes and growth that you’ve chosen to follow through with.  It may be stressful, and you’ll probably have some trouble dealing with your anxiety.

WaxingSquirrel Smells – Centering and grounding will be extremely important this week in keeping things calm and collected and your anxiety at bay.  Make sure to meditate, and use mindfulness exercises with your senses to bring you into the here and now when things begin to feel overwhelming.

Take Away – Stress and anxiety this week are going to make it difficult to stay open and allow your emotional growth to continue to have the reigns.  It’s going to start showing in other areas of your life and don’t let that freak you out.  Use your meditation practice as well as mindfulness based centering and grounding techniques to help yourself in staying calm and open to the changes taking place.

DECKS USED: ALAN TAROT, ROOTS AND WINGS ORACLE, MINDFUL KIDS CARDS BY LITTLE RENEGADES