using tarot for guidance

The Nature of Value

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Today’s meditation was supposed to be another installment of the mantra meditation, but it turns out I was so beat that I ended up dozing off within the first couple of minutes of the meditation.  So… today’s meditation was skipped and I had a nap instead.  I will pick it back up tomorrow.

Tarot Skrytých Světů and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Six of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of generosity, being receptive to help, and the giving and receiving that is involved in balancing the scales between the “haves” and the “have nots”.

Like so many of the cards in this deck, I see a lot of fae energy in this card.  The piper that coaxes wealth from stone, the seedling below that absorbs that wealth like mana from the gods. In the image here we have not just the have and have not but rather we have one that can coax what is needed from the world around him, draw it out to shower upon the one in need that lies below. This is an exchange of not wealth but energy.

Combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I see here is that sometimes we need to look to others for inspiration.  Outside sources can sometimes give us the added oomph needed to do the things that need to be done… including the self care we need for ourselves.

I find this in my relationship with Gideon. Not once in the nearly thirteen years of our relationship have we ever borrowed, loaned, given, or requested for monetary support from each other.  Not once.  Not once has money ever been offered or asked for.

Instead, the exchange between us is in something far more valuable.  He receives from me what he finds of greatest value (and to be fair I am not sure what these things are, but I would guess that a part of it is my encouragement for him to be a better man, to do better and be better and shine brighter)…. and in turn I receive from him those things of greatest value that I need.  Support and love, encouragement and nurturing.  He gives me strength… and helps me be accountable to how I treat myself. That is the mana he provides to me in my life.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTÝCH SVĚTŮ (SHADOWSCAPES TAROT CZECH VERSION) AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic: Moments of resonance
Question: How can I listen more closely and go more deeply into my moments of resonance?

Fournier's Tarot Cats by Ana Juan

How can I listen more closely to my moments of resonance?
Ten of Pentacles and Nine of Cups

Be settled and grounded and grateful.  This is about balance and security, and the need for both in order to hear more clearly what those moments mean and where they come from.  When distracted by chaos or imbalance, it becomes harder to focus on those moments, and harder to render meaning from them, because there’s so much going on that’s pulling your attention away from that feeling of resonance deep within.

How can I go more deeply into my moments of resonance?
King of Swords Rx and Eight of Cups

Don’t over think it and instead let it lead you to new horizons. Moments of resonance are about intuition. Using too much reason and analytical thinking will just pick them apart and leave them like tiny pieces of shredded paper on the floor.  Instead of dissecting these feelings and invalidating them with logic and reason, allow them to take you forward into the sensation itself and introduce you to new understanding about what feels right for you and you alone..

DECK USED:  FOURNIER’S TAROT CATS BY ANA JUAN

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  How can I best work at improving the skill of a more gentle and nurturing delivery during readings?

Tarot Skrytých SvětůReading Summary: Acknowledge that using a nudging and persuasive tone (Strength) is too much too fast for some people (Four of Swords Rx). Instead, slow down (Knight of Pentacles) and allow a warmth to overlay (Queen of Pentacles) your normally more forceful approach.

Take Away: Although my reading for others is focused on empowerment and helping them, sometimes I come off too strong in this regard and it feels like “too much” in the moment.  To temper this, I need to slow down and focus on instilling more warmth into my delivery.  It’s not about giving them a shoulder to cry on but rather providing a glowing center of warmth and caring that threads through that message of empowerment.  In slowing down, it then is easier for them to digest and the warmth further makes acceptance of what’s being said go more smoothly and easily.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTÝCH SVĚTŮ (SHADOWSCAPES TAROT CZECH VERSION)

Daily Self Kindness

When I realized I had dozed off into a nap during my meditation, I didn’t berate myself or shame myself for it.  Instead I wallowed into the pillow and enjoyed the relaxation.

Stronger Together

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9461Today’s meditation was just a bit over seventeen minutes long and was the third installment of the mantra course on the Oak app.  I included the interval timer for my piriformis stretches as well.

The focus of today’s meditation was (surprise, surprise) using mantra in meditation.  For this particular segment of the course, there was no vocalization of the mantra at the beginning and, although I know this wasn’t the intent of having the mantras be a mental exercise instead of a vocal one?  I feel so included.  Silly, I know.  But it’s really nice to be able to follow along without having to improvise due to my mutism.

Now… that’s all well and good, and the meditation was relaxing… you know I can’t not say something about the quote included in today’s meditation.   I really dislike this Lao Tzu quote, as I’ve mentioned before. Yes, nature does not hurry.  No, everything does not get accomplished.  That’s the whole point of changing seasons. Flowers die before they can bloom, leaves fall before they’ve turned, animals die because winter came early… not everything gets accomplished.   The quote makes absolutely no sense and I have no idea why it is so popular.

Fifth Spirit Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of moving beyond emotional contentment to happiness and sharing this emotional abundance with those around you. It’s about positive relationships and a sense of harmony shared with friends, family, and loved ones.

I really like the imagery in this card.  At first, the card seems a bit plain other than the dancing fish.  And then, when you look closer you see that the cups that are overflowing with a wealth of water (emotions) are of all sorts.  Wine glasses and baby bottles, sippy cups and dog bowls and mugs and saki cups.  There are all types to represent all the different types of people that make up the emotional bonds of family and friends in life. The imagery here very literally is a visual representation of the Hebrew bible phrase “My cup overfloweth,” which for those that are unfamiliar with the phrase, means “I have more than enough for my needs”.

When combined with today’s Thera-Pets card, the message in today’s cards is that the current journey through struggle and strife is not a journey taken alone.  Loved ones are there in good times and bad, and those that truly love you will support you even when you’re going through the worst of it.   Don’t forsake their support when you need a little help, instead let them lift you up and remind you that as strong and capable as you are?  You’re even stronger and more capable together.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  What am I asked to (gently) let go of during this Full Moon?

Paulina Tarot

 Reading Summary: Use your ability to inspire yourself and others (Queen of Wands) to gently begin nudging out the sadness and depression (Three of Swords) that has been stealing all of your attention lately (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  The figure in the Three of Swords so obviously needs a nudge to get them off their stool, but that nudge just as obviously needs to be soft and gentle.  The energy of inspiration can be gentle, but that takes a little more focus than just whisking yourself away in the inspiration.  Instead this is about giving yourself the inspiration to get off the stool, not to pretend that things are fine but simply to help straighten the spine and start moving.   At one time or another the time comes to stop looking at the big baddie that has oppressed you and start looking forward instead. During this full moon it is time to stop staring over your shoulder so intently…. and look forward instead.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What skill in my tarot practice needs improvement?

Fifth Spirit TarotReading Summary: I need to work on being more gentle and nurturing (The Empress) in my delivery (King of Swords with the megaphone and the Five of Swords positioned to surround The Empress on all sides..

Take Away: True enough.  I am always very focused on being empowering to those that I read for (as well as for myself) that sometimes I forget that there are times when a delivery also needs to be gentle and nurturing.  My readings often hand people the facts in a way to “light a fire under their ass” and I rarely coddle.

This means that my skills at coddling are not as strong as they could be, and as a result I can often come off a bit harsh, or even confrontational.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a pain pill.  My foot was really bothering me today and even after I put it up for a bit it wouldn’t ease up on the throbbing ache.   It isn’t hot, so it’s not an infection.   So I went ahead and took half a vicodin along with my ibuprofen.

Full Moon in Virgo – February 2021

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

In a couple of days, it will be the full moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us. Today’s spread is about the medicine within, and brought to you by Sharron Basanti of Seeds of Shakti.

Virgo Full Moon Tarot Spread - Jonasa Jaus Tarot 5th Edition

1. What medicine does the Virgo Full Moon offer?

Ten of Swords – You are coming to the end of a harsh and harrowing journey.  It hurts so bad, the pain you have sustained is great, but with the end of one journey comes the promise of something new beyond.  Although you are not yet at the “something new” stage, the Virgo full moon offers you the tail end of that long and arduous path that you’ve been struggling down.

2. What area in my life needs more structure and organization?

Wheel of Fortune – No shit. *Clears his throat.* Right. So the reference here has to do with how one feels when the wheel is turning, yeah? Consider that you stand on a playground merry-go-round. If you stand at the edge of the ride, then as it spins you feel the centrifugal force so strongly that it is hard to hold on, let alone do anything other than hold on. By the same turn, as you move closer to the center of the ride, the pull to the outer edges is decreased. You can stand up straight and not hold on so tightly, etc. There is less pulling against you… and less chaos as a result.

What needs more structure and organization in my life is my perception of life as a whole. I need to move towards the center of the wheel… I need to center and ground and find that balance that can only be found by finding one’s center instead of being pulled wildly outward toward the edges.

3a. What lifestyle changes would my body benefit from?

Hanged Man – More time taking a pause. More personal time. More time settled within those quiet and still  places that allow me to find myself and thus find perspective and peace. When things are feeling off center and chaotic, it is difficult to focus on your health and well being.

3b. What lifestyle changes would my mind benefit from?

King of Pentacles – Again we see a reference to being grounded and focusing upon one’s roots.  The King of Pentacles indicates that I need to focus on the stability and security that I have spent a lifetime accruing.  Allow it to provide reassurance and take strength and comfort from the fact that everything stable in my home life right now.

3c. What lifestyle changes would my heart benefit from?

The Empress – And a connection to the earth and grounding again is indicated here in the Empress, who provides a reminder that caring for yourself and others needs to be more important than more material pursuits. This card indicates that during this full moon, it’s important to keep my focus set upon my self care and the care of those around me.  And here we again see an encouragement to get out in nature and benefit from mother nature’s influences on my own mind, energy, and emotions.

4. What project that has been on the back burner forever needs to be revisited and completed?

Seven of Wands – I often see this card as “fighting the good fight”, and to be honest… that effort along with everything else has had to be on the back burner lately while I dealt with my depression.  I do not think that this is the kind of endeavor that can be completed, but I do think that as I stretch further towards the light at the end of my depressive episode, I will be able to re-engage in standing up for and defending those things I believe in.

5. Message from the Ancestors.

Page of Swords – Remember that this is a learning experience.  Not just the depression, although that too is its own learning experience.  But life.  Life is a learning experience.  it’s not a race or a battle, but rather one learning experience after another on a journey towards growth and becoming more (and better) than what we are today.

DECK USED: JONASA JAUS TAROT 5TH EDITION

Sharing the Journey

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9434Today’s meditation was just over sixteen minutes long and was the second installment in the mantra course meditations through the Oak app.  I combined this meditation with the interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

Like before, the focus of today’s meditation was about becoming comfortable using a mantra during one’s meditation practice and the practice started out with a vocalized mantra but within the first minute it was encouraged to go into a mental mantra. This made the class much easier for me to follow along.  I felt like I had a slightly more difficult time focusing today, but I still found the meditation relaxing.

Byzantine Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s intellect, education, communication, and reason. The Swords are about the mind, and the Queen has all her experience to guide her, which she then uses to communicate with and guide others.

The Queen of Swords is experienced and although her sword is not raised in an offensive pose, her hands upon the hilt show that she is ready.  Her upright position speaks of healthy intelligence, sharing, and support.  Her experiences are a guide for herself and for others.  And here is where the message lies.

I have mentioned this on my blog before, but here we see the theme come out in the cards themselves, a confirmation that I am on the right path in sharing my experience with others. Instead of hiding my depressive episodes from those around me as I have done for the majority of my life, I am being open about them this time around. I am allowing people to see what is going on with me, to observe the experience.

I don’t do this to gain attention or sympathy, nor to inflict my experience upon others (there’s a reason I hid it for so long, after all), but rather… to tell others that they are not alone.  To allow people who may also be going through similar experiences to see that there are others out there… others going through something similar.  Others that share their pain.

Depression is so often so very fucking lonely.  You don’t want to “inflict” your low mood upon others so you withdraw into yourself.  In that withdraw you are then even more lonely, and feel as if you are a burden on others, a burden on those you care most about.  You feel alone… and this compounds upon the depression itself until you feel hopeless… and feel as if there will never be an end to this horrible feeling. That it is the reality… the only reality… and will stretch into the rest of one’s life.

I share so that those that share this horrible experience can see that they are not alone.  And so that they can see it is not endless.  It is not forever… but rather it is a journey to get through.  Temporary.  And that I’m here  too.  I want to tell everyone that is going through this… You are strong. You are resilient. You will get through this. It is temporary.

DECK USED:  BYZANTINE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Moments of healing
Question: How can I make sure I am not fighting against my healing progress?

Moondust Tarot

Reading Summary:  Stay open to learning new things (Page of Swords) and don’t over burden yourself (Ten of Wands) with too many plans for what comes next (Two of Wands).

Take Away:  The reminder here is to avoid making plans for “after I’m back on my feet” and instead live in the moment.  Take things as they come for the time being, and allow myself the time I need to learn and heal and get what I can from the process.  Worry about the future later on when such pursuits won’t hinder  or distract me from my current healing process.

DECK USED:  MOONDUST TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:  What is love?

Byzantine TarotReading Summary: Celebration of family and home (Four of Staffs), respect for what those that came before can teach you (Patriarch), and generosity for those that have less than yourself (Six of Coins).

Take Away: Love is community.  The cards here speak of community, of learning from each other, growing from each other, helping each other… and celebrating each other.  It’s about the “each other”.  It’s about connection and gratitude and appreciation.  That is what love is.

I think that there are many, many different types of love.  But I think that this answer rings true throughout all those different types.  Appreciation, gratitude, and connection is what threads us all together and without that connection to someone (or something), what is there to care about?  Or love?

DECK USED:  BYZANTINE TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I went to the woods today.  I couldn’t hike because of the whole knife through the foot and using a crutch thing, but I drove out to one of the trail heads that allows ATV use, and asked one of the campers out there to take me up deeper into the mountain.  Promise of payment if they came back for me in an hour made sure I got a ride back down to my car again.   All in all it was a really nice visit, even if I couldn’t hike like I normall would have liked.

Slow Progress Is Still Progress

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9414Today’s meditation was just under seventeen minutes and was a guided meditation from the Oak app that was the first in a series of lessons about using mantra in meditation.  I included the interval timer for my piriformis stretches as well.

I actually liked the lesson.  I especially was appreciative of the fact that although it started out asking you to verbalize the mantra (something I’m unable to do due to my mutism), it moved quickly on to it being in the mind instead of passing through the lips.  This makes my participation much easier and I found the meditation itself relaxing.

Black Line Tarot 1st Edition and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Page of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive omega energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, or manifestations.  This is the energy of a learner, student, or novice in these specific areas and includes an energy of openness and growth.

I love the sprigs of plants as a representation of growth and manifestation in this card’s imagery, and the cherry blossoms above as an indication of innocence and beginnings.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, what I see here is a reminder that it’s okay to struggle and that we are our own worst critics.  When doing something that makes us feel vulnerable or trying something new, it can often feel like we’re sucking ass at whatever that thing might be even when maybe we’re not doing bad at all, or are even doing extremely well.  That “level of expectation” can often make us feel like we’re failing even when, in truth, we’re making great strides towards growth and learning.

I relate to this today in my personal climb out of the pit of depression I’ve been struggling with.  I found bottom, I’ve begun my climb.  But there are times when it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere.  The reminder in these cards encourages me that I need to keep trying, and keep climbing… because just because I feel like I’m not getting anywhere right at the moment doesn’t mean I’m not making progress.

DECK USED:  BLACK LINE TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Boundaries
Question: What boundaries have I been neglecting lately?

The Uncommon Tarot

Reading Summary: Using a combination of gratitude (Ten of Coins) and family (Six of Cups) to help in keeping me grounded (Four of Coins) as I work through my personal challenges (Strength).

Take Away:  The boundary that has been neglected is the boundary with myself. I need to stop my solitary “I’m strong enough” bullshit and allow others to help me.  Especially during the major depressive episodes, I have a habit of trying to retreat into myself, not wanting to subject those I love to the “ugliness” of the depression.  My family (both blood and chosen) has the ability, though, to help foster my feelings of gratitude and give me the extra oomph of grounding that I need right now.  Neglecting the boundaries I’ve set for myself and allowing myself to retreat as I have does not help me in my recovery, but can instead hinder my progress.

DECK USED:  THE UNCOMMON TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What is the best and worst thing about getting older?

Black Line Tarot 1st EditionWhat is the best thing about getting older?
Queen of Swords and Ace of Swords

Older and wiser means better new beginnings.  I’ve always been pretty good at picking up new things. New ideas, new projects, new skills… there’s never been much that’s intimidating about all that for me.  But I feel that with a lot of people?  There is a great deal of intimidation in trying something new.

As we age, though, and try new things again and again, we gain confidence in ourselves and that feeling of “newness” and worry about how it will go seems to ease and become more manageable.  It becomes less about “what if I fail?” and more about “how do I succeed?”.

What is the worst thing about getting older?
Three of Wands and Eight of Swords

Uncertainty about what’s ahead. This is something that I never understood when I was younger, perhaps because I had no fear of death when I was younger.  But, as I age and I find more and more value in life, I have begun to understand this fear and uncertainty.

When younger and willing to let go so easily, there was no concern over the when or how, no worry over what would happen after or where I would go next once this life had come to an end.  I have found, though, that as I have come to value this life more and more with age… I come to think about this uncertainty with a far less lackadaisical view.

DECK USED:  BLACK LINE TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

You know, I often sit down at this end of the post and get stuck at this section.  I can’t think of a single kindness that I did for myself today.   I mean… okay so yeah.  I took the day off.  I haven’t opened up my shops even once today.   That’s something, right?

Morning Bonus Read – Changing Seasons

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

Changing Seasons Spread - Hoping Soul Lenormand

Card to represent this new season of my life.

Heart – A thawing and rising of warmth as the ice that the depression has encased your emotions within begins to melt and ease.  Contentment and feelings of love and warmth return as the depression is being left behind. The new season that is rising up at this time in your life is one of return… of life and love and emotion that was once shut down is now being given the freedom to grow and thrive again as you begin to find the light you’ve been striving for.

How will I change in this new season of my life?

Clover – Good stuff lies ahead with a return of a more optimistic outlook and the ability to get in touch with and feel happiness once more.  The closer you get to the edge of that pit of depression and pulling yourself out of it, the better you will feel.

Something important I will learn.

Cross – There is reinforcement in the journey, and in the familiarity of the slippery slope and the climb back out. In repeating this journey it is not something new that is learned, but rather an assurance that the depression is indeed temporary and will be again in the future when it eventually returns as it has in the past.

Something I need to embrace.

Broom – Finding balance again will not be easy.  The climb out of the pit is hard, and there’s a lot of struggle involved.  It’s important to accept that there will be slippery spots in the climb, places where your hand or foot might slip.  Remember that the pain is a part of the journey and keep your ass moving upward.

A challenge I will face this season.

Scythe – When to let go. Too often you spend too much time fighting the good fight when the battle is already over.  Instead of being so rigid, you will have the opportunity in this season of your life to let go more easily, to let things flow more smoothly, and accept change without the resistance and struggle you habitually put forth at these times.

A lesson I must learn from this challenge.

Cloud – To live with uncertainty rather than fight against it. The unknown can be terrifying, or it can simply be something you’ve yet to discover.  In letting go of the fight against change, you will learn to better accept the unknown and not let it give rise to your anxiety.

How this challenge will make me a better person.

Lily – You will find yourself feeling calmer and more peaceful, and able to handle changes in a more mature and measured way. Remember that if you don’t take the lesson and learn from it, you don’t end up with the boon at the end when you grow from the experience.  Growth is very much the boon of this particular lesson.

DECK USED:  HOPING SOUL LENORMAND