One Plus One Equals One

Today’s meditation was ten minutes long, and focused on the subjectivity of time.  That is to say, how in some situations time feels like it moves at a crawl or even stands still, while at other times it flies by in a blink.

It specifically dealt with times when these slows or accelerations in time are stressful or uncomfortable, and how we can help take ourselves out of that space by stepping back for a moment and focusing on the now.  This includes a moment of mindfulness, taking a few deep breaths, and centering yourself in the moment.

I have a habit of doing this thing throughout the day, but it was a good reminder, because there are times when I am feeling flustered or overwhelmed that I forget the practice is available to me.

Today’s draw is the Nine of Brine, with a jumper card of the Knight of Oak.  (That would be the Nine of Cups, and the Knight of Pentacles, in tarot-speak.)

The Nine of Brine is traditionally a culmination card in the area of emotions, creativity, and relationships.   But, what I see here in this card is not so much culmination as support through times of difficulty.   I see the young elephant and the young human giving each other comfort and support as they are surrounded by the remnants of the dead.   The water they wade in is a reinforcement of the emotional connection blended into the support between the two.   They are washed clean together, they emerge together, supportive of each other.

The Knight of Oak (pentacles), is a card of action within the tarot, which deals with themes to do with hard work and productivity.  Again, in this card I see something that lightly touches on that theme, but that again speaks of a coming together and supportive relationship.  The moose and the boy work together to gather what they need.  Yes, the key word here is that they are working, but what I see in this card is far more than that and speaks to me of a joining of spirit and interconnected relationship.  Support between two spirits that are very different, and yet the same.

Bringing the impressions I am pulling from both cards together, what I see is an encouragement to take stock of and appreciate those connections I have that serve to support myself and the other individual in the relationship.  These are my close relationships, like you, my sister, and J.  In each instance, there is support given and received on both sides, and together in these relationships everyone is different, but together create something far stronger and more useful than as individuals.

These cards also speak to me of the work involved in preserving and fostering these relationships being worth it.  Sometimes, these relationships are work, and that’s okay.  That you’re willing to put in the work is a part of knowing how much you value what you have.

Deck Used: Stolen Child Tarot

Shelter In the Storm

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and ten seconds long, and focused on finding gratitude for the good times through experiencing the bad ones.

Honestly?  This is one of the main ways in which I connect with gratitude.  There have been so many things that have gone on in my life… that I have lived through, survived, worked around, etc.  My connection with  gratitude is easy when I look back at these times and compare them with what I have (and where I am) now.

I also think that is something that a lot of people forget to consider.  So many wallow in the experiences of their past  and how they wish things had been different, or the effects that those experiences have had on their present or future.   But it is much more rare to find those that look at those past experiences and accept them as lessons learned, and say “thank god that’s over and no longer my situation”.   I think this is an important part of the healing process.

Today’s draw is the Empress card, which is the 3rd card in the Major Arcana.

I love the imagery for the Empress in this card, and it speaks to me really deeply right now.  Delving into the subdrop is a difficult process that makes you feel small and vulnerable.  Today’s card is a reminder that my “Empress” is right within my reach, only a text or message away.  That supportive energy, that protective bulk, and that calming influence is hovering right behind me, ready to step in as soon as I reach out for it.

I love you, man.  Even with the subdrop.

The traditional meaning of the Empress card is one of strong nurturing energy.  She is the mother, fertile and comforting.  She is the queen, strong and supportive.  This card can also mean dependency upon another, and I think that in today’s interpretation, it is all of the above.

Deck Used: The Stolen Child Tarot

Acceptance and Appreciation

Today’s meditation was eleven minutes and thirty seconds long, and focused on emotions, and how they are transitory. It spoke on the topic of challenging emotions such as grief, anxiety, and depression and about how it is our instinct to push these emotions away.

The meditation was focused on how these feelings, and all emotions, are temporary and will pass.

This is the method that I take with most of my negative emotions, but especially the depression. In fact, it was one of the things that helped me before I found a medication to assist in relieving me of my suicidal urges. Accepting the fact that the depression is temporary, and that if you wait, it will pass? It keeps the mind on the fact that no matter how -forever- the depression feels, it WILL come to an end. It will move on and you WILL move past it.

That mindset has saved my life many, many times. I can’t say that I haven’t made attempts to end my life. I can’t say that I haven’t become so swallowed up in that dark place that I believed it would never end, unable to see the past happy times and unable to imagine a future with any of them in it. But since taking up that mantra of “it will pass”, that endless time is not quite so endless.

Today’s draw is the Three of Pentacles (with the Hazel Dormouse), which is a representation of collaboration, inspiration, and expansion in the area of finance, work, manifestation, resources, and the physical world.

In the guidebook, the Dormouse holds the keywords of discovery, devotion, commitments, resourcefulness, and vigilance.

The artwork depicted on today’s card stirs in me the familiar thoughts of family and working together with family to accomplish a goal. It reminds me of working on Ms B and Mr R’s property, where they are so on in years but still work so hard to keep their home and property beautiful and well-kept.

Working with them on their property is an experience in familial harmony that I don’t get with my own parents. They accept me in with open arms, and helping them makes me feel good. Working -with- them doesn’t just make me feel good, but is educational as they have taught me over the years about life, responsibility, working in harmony with other’s differences, how a multitude of different things work, and the value of doing things the -right- way instead of the easy way (because Ms B loves the right way, and Mr R prefers the easy way… and he always has to do it over cuz in the end the right way wins out every time, even when she lets him fuck it up first).

It reminds me, as well, in how well L and I work together and how in sync we are with each other on projects and even just everyday tasks. I may have built a life for myself, but -together- we have built something more than that. A life with depth and meaning and comforts and… We have, in essence, built what neither of us had in our home life growing up. A life of harmony and acceptance.

And that is where today’s card steps in. A reminder of these these connections in my life and how wonderful and valuable they are. Not just those connections with my sister and Z’s parents, but with Z, and with you, and with so many others. Today’s card is a reminder to be appreciative, and grateful.

Deck Used: The Animism Tarot

 

It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable… With You

Today’s meditation was ten minutes and six seconds, and focused on saying “yes”… and our motivations behind why we say “no”.

“No” can be a good word.  It sets boundaries and keeps us safe.  But, there are times when it is also used in a way that limits our potential.   In these moments, “no” comes not from a place of self empowerment, but rather from a place of anger or fear.

This guided meditation encouraged taking a moment when we’re about to say “no” to really consider why we are saying “no”, and where that response is coming from, examining if we are practicing good judgement… or if we are practicing limiting behaviors.  Then, when we catch ourselves doing the latter, changing that “no” to a “yes”, in order to foster new experiences and personal growth.

I think everyone has these moments where they use “no” as a limiting behavior, and I really liked this meditation and it’s reminder to essentially “grab life by the balls” and be open to new experiences.

Today’s draw is the 6th card of the Major Arcana, the Lovers card, and like all cards in the Major Arcana it relates to not one aspect of the human experience, but the larger picture.  The Lovers card has a vast array of symbolism and meanings which include themes such as duality, harmony, the alignment of one’s values with another’s, meaningful relationships (not just romantic in nature), and love.

Today this card represents being open and vulnerable with the one you love, and the trust and faith that it takes to do so.  It is a card that speaks of my submission, and of your dominance, of the balance we have, of our give and take, and of the depth of trust that has been built around us like an insulating wall.

The longer that we are together, the more depth develops into our relationship.  You find ways to accommodate my more dominant tendencies, and I find ways to accept and incorporate the submissive ones I discovered when we first met.  In the first few years, it was much a “on/off” type of switch.  We switched places, and it was either one or the other.   But, as time has gone on, this has turned into a flow of give and take that is always changing, and yet always stable.

The Lover’s card today is a reminder of this balance, of the trust we share, and the comfort we take in each other.   It is a reminder that it’s okay to be vulnerable, as well as a reminder to be conscious of, mindful of, and grateful for what we have.

I am.

I love you.

Deck Used: Student Tarot v5