Self Care for Sustainability

IMG_6456Today’s meditation was just under twelve minutes long and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer.   This guided meditations was one of my favorite types.  That is to say, it was one of the yoga nidra full body scans that starts at the top of the head and slowly moves through each of the body’s parts from head to toe, focusing on sensation and relaxation one body part at a time.

These meditations are very relaxing for me, and they also have the added benefit of allowing me to find problem areas in my body that need a little extra stretching or care.

There was also a small speech at the end about how to increase one’s focus so that you can tune out distractions, but… to be fair?  I wasn’t really listening to what she was saying, because I was enjoying the music that was playing in the background.

Hush Tarot - Queen of PentaclesToday’s draw is the Queen of Pentacles, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home, health, and manifestations.  This often translates into themes of nurturing energy that holds the weight of responsibility for others.

In the imagery of this card today, what I see is the “bride of dandelions”.  A beautiful and earthy queen that does not have time to dawdle but will make the time to care for and support those that are important to her.

The dandelions are a reminder that when you take care of others, you must also care for yourself, and that is the message in today’s card.  Without caring for yourself, you are unable to care for others.  Don’t forget that.  Self care sustains us and helps us in everything we do and everything we want to do… not just for ourselves, but for others as well.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: How to strengthen my personal power?

Tyldwick Tarot

Reading Summary:  Connect to the optimism you have been fostering (The Star) and bring it into your work and expertise (Eight of Coins) in order to kindle the strength of your passions (Ace of Wands)

Take Away:  In order to strengthen my personal power I need to make sure I’m not allowing myself to fall into old pessimistic habits.  Optimism is not easy for me, but it is healthy for me and opens me up to opportunities  because begins to filter into my work.   As this positivity slips into my work, it lightens and brightens the end products I produce, all the while inspiring me to create new beautiful things.

DECK USED:  TYLDWICK TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Write something free form inspired by the cards.

Hardy TarotThere was once a young woman that was fed up with her husband’s behavior and decided she’d had enough. He no longer brought her flowers or wrote her love letters, and all he seemed to do these days was work and sleep.  With her heart on her sleeve and her emotions driving her, she gathered up their two children and left him behind, striking out on her own to find something better. (Eight of Cups)

For a while, the freedom of her new life on her own with her children was glorious.  She wallowed in the new life that independence brought into her life and busily went about making a new home for herself and her children. (Page of Cups)

Soon, though, the newness of it all wore off and she found herself constantly overbooked and overburdened.  She came to realize that her husband provided her with more than just love, but also support.  Support that she had not realized he provided until she was left without it and had to carry all of the responsibility on her own shoulders. (Ten of Wands)

DECK USED:  HARDY TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is my favourite mantra?

Tarot of the Secret Forest

Reading Summary:  Don’t allow outer conflict to crush your inner spirit, instead take comfort in those that love you and the security and stability of home.

Take Away:  This was an interesting question and although I’m not sure this translated directly into a mantra?  I think what the cards did here was just as clear.   The thing is, when I feel like I need to crawl into a corner and “lick my wounds” after conflict?  It can be hard to deal with reality… because all I really want to do is go find a rock to hide under.

This isn’t unusual, and is pretty common with a lot of people.  But it’s important to remember that too much alone time is a bad thing, especially when feeling down.   So instead, I need to make sure I’m reaching out to others to get their support, not just in making the world feel okay again… but in emotional support to help soothe my suffering.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE SECRET FOREST

Be a Hero, Not a Villain

IMG_6396Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was another guided meditation with interval timer.  I’ve decided that the guided meditations definitely have a place in my meditation practice.  Although the non-guided meditations are nice, these guided ones sometimes allow me to relax a bit more fully and can assist in keeping my mind from wandering.

The also give me a little something to think about now and then.  Not that they are all gems, but there are definitely a few diamonds in the mix.

Today’s message was about choosing your battles.  There are things you can change, and things that you can’t change.  The moral of the story for today’s guided meditation was to make sure that you are choosing the battles you have a chance of winning… instead of railing uselessly against the rain.

Botan Tarot - Five of SwordsToday’s draw is is the Five of Swords, which is a representation of tests, trials, and conflict in the area of one’s mind, intellect, and communication. This often comes into play in the form of disagreements, arguments, misunderstandings, and debates.

What stands out to me in this card today is the look on that pheasant’s face.  I mean I know that pheasants can’t really show expressions but he sure is looking pretty damned cocky, yeah?  Cocky to the extend that it actually appears a bit snide to me.

That’s the thing about winning tho, right?  Sometimes when you win? It’s hard not to look back with that snide moment of triumph. It can be hard not to kick’em when they’re down.

The message here is that when that opportunity arises?  Rise above it. You’re better than that.

DECK USED:  BOTAN TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: What’s one of my super powers?

English Magic Tarot

Reading Summary: Learning what makes people tick and how to motivate them (Page of Swords) helps me build on my emotional knowledge (Page of Cups) and grow into a better person (Queen of Cups)… Even if that growth is somewhat slow in the making (Page of Coins into King of Cups).

Take Away:  Although emotions are not my strong suit, my ability to reason through people’s reactions is. Using this ability in a way allows me an entry point into understanding both my own emotions as well as other’s… which in turn assists me in my own growth.

DECK USED:  ENGLISH MAGIC TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: The Problem / The Lesson to Learn / Advice to Help You Through

Art Nouveau Tarot c 1989The ProblemEight of Cups – Giving up too quickly or feeling the desire to walk away too easily and too soon. This is bred from my need to step aside when I become irritated or frustrated. Especially in the area of people.

The Lesson to LearnThe Fool Rx – Grow up.  It can’t always be about you and what you want.  Sometimes you have to do shit just because it’s the responsible thing to do, whether you like it or not.

Advice to Help You ThroughTen of Cups – It’s important to remember just how ‘well off’ you are in your own life and appreciate that.  It gives you the luxury to behave in the ways written above without a lot of consequence, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a consequence on the other side of the table where a person’s cup is perhaps not as full as your own.

Take Away – I need to be more patient and understanding of others.  Not everyone can motivate as quickly as I can, or think as fast as I can, or come up with the right words as quickly as I can.  Instead of getting impatient and cranky, I need to make sure I’m practicing patience and understanding, and keep in mind that not everyone is as fortunate as I am.

DECK USED:  ART NOUVEAU TAROT c.1989

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question
: How am I asked to deal with areas in my life that currently feel like too much of a grind?

20th Century Tarot

Reading Summary: Suck it up buttercup (Five of Cups) and get your ass in gear (Eight of Wands). Just make sure you’re practicing moderation (Temperance) and making good decisions (Two of Swords).

Take Away: The thing is?  Whether it feels like a grind or not?  You can’t put off and avoid these things forever.  They’re a part of life and sooner or later you have to suck it up and do them.  That’s just a part of being an adult.   So is making sure that when you do them, you don’t overdo it and send yourself into burn out.   Making good decisions about how you work and when is  just as important as the work itself that needs to be done.

DECK USED: 20TH CENTURY TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What can I do about the fear of being wrong?

Lonely Dreamer Tarot

Reading Summary:  Explore more (Page of Wands) and accept that sometimes it’s going to happen (Five of Pentacles).  Learn from it (Knight of Swords).

Take Away:  You need to use these as opportunities to further your education and knowledge instead of hurdles in your way.  Being wrong can suck and feel really bad, but that doesn’t mean it’s something to fear or avoid.  Instead it’s an opportunity for growth, as long as you’re willing to take it that way.

DECK USED:  LONELY DREAMER TAROT

The World Won’t End

Today’s meditation was unfortunately interrupted by the call from the technician that came by to fix out internet.   Instead of finishing, I got up to discover that my webhost was also offline, and thus I had to get on the phone with them as well.   I had planned to try again after the technician left, but first  I was on the phone with the webhost for at least an hour (on hold… the fix took like 6 minutes).  Then the technician was here for a couple hours or more.   And then once he left, I discovered that the guy had accidentally ripped the wall shelf out of the wall that holds the modem and had to remount that, then re-configure the security camera… and on the whole it was just a clusterfuck and I didn’t manage to get my meditation in after all.  SO… I will try to do that tonight before bed.

Hush Tarot - Eight of WandsToday’s draw is the Eight of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of movement and fast paced action.  It’s about movement and decisive action that carries you forward.

That traditional meaning for the Eight of Wands makes the imagery of the card in this deck very interesting.  For, in this imagery, you see a woman in repose.  A break taken, rest to be had…. and yet look at all of the surroundings in which she rests.  It is busy.  Bees are busy building their nest, ants explore her skin.  Weeds and plants both sprout up and grow tall and strong, supporting a restless gathering of birds above, and among those weeds and earthen rocks, Fae ponies dance.

She may be resting… but life continues to march on.   And that is the message I see in the imagery of this card today. 

The message is that you don’t have to poke and prod and push 24/7, always on the ball and always pushing and shoving to keep things moving.  Life keeps moving, even when you step aside to take a little break and a bit of a rest.  Stop worrying so much that when you take your self-care time and those little rests you need, that everything is going to fall apart because you are not currently at the helm with both hands on the wheel.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: What’s shaking my confidence?

Tarot Leaves

Reading Summary: I worry that the actions have taken (King of Swords) against my mother (Queen of Swords) are going to come back and bite me in the ass somehow (Justice).

Take Away:  This was actually a really surprising reply to the question.  Not that it’s inaccurate, because it is definitely true.  Just that… it wasn’t where I thought the cards would go.

It is true that I have some confidence issues when it comes to my mother at the moment.  Although the guilt over my stunt in February has faded away, there remains this feeling that things are not finished in that arena, just on hold due to the pandemic.  They won’t be on hold forever, and like I mentioned in one of my readings yesterday?  That pendulum always has to swing back eventually.

DECK USED:  TAROT LEAVES

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Topic
: Do Spread #2

El Goliath Tarot 2nd EditionWolfAce of Swords – In order to encourage strength and bravery for the hurdles yet to come this fall, I need to make sure that I am capable of approaching these hurdles and challenges with a clear head.  This means making sure I get the rest I need and do what needs done to keep my brain from becoming fogged up and clouded.

OwlKing of Swords – To better trust my perception of the world and others, I need to learn that seeing with clarity is not enough.  You also have to act upon what you see in a way that is good for all involved.  It’s about lack of hesitation and incorporating those perceptions into my response rather than holding them apart and separate.

StagEight of Swords – In my life, greater dignity can create a stronger sense of integrity by making sure that I am not covering my eyes or looking at things through “colored glasses”.  While being oblivious can sometimes have its benefits, when your eyes are open and you know what’s going on around you, it assists in moving through struggles and obstacles with grace… and allowing others to trust your guidance in doing the same.

Blackbird Three of Swords and Page of Pentacles – In order to increase my motivation, I need to direct my focus toward putting my disappointments to work for me.  Even failures have redeeming qualities to them and provide us from a chance to learn and grow.  Take a look at these moments and seek out what transformative views are available through the lens of what has happened, then use this knowledge as cobblestones within your path forward.

EagleQueen of Pentacles and Five of Wands – Good and successful leadership requires a modicum of grace because it is through tripping over the thorns and feeling their bite that we develop the empathy needed to lead others well.  Without empathy, there is no connection with those you lead.  Without that connection, there is no way to know what they need and come to an understanding of the best path for the greatest good.

SalmonSix of Pentacles – I have been moving by instinct without realizing it in the direction of balance and fairness.  The thing is?  I do realize it… just not all the time.  My moral compass requires balance and fairness.  It demands it from me and from the world around me.  I move in that direction without thought, and am only aware of it occasionally from time to time.

Wild GooseAce of Cups – Emotions are something that I am “stretching into” at the moment.  For a long time they felt like they “didn’t fit” and I struggled with connecting with others on an emotional level, because I wasn’t able to connect to myself on an emotional level.  As I have become older, I’ve grown to realize the value of emotions and how precious the establishment of that emotional connection can be in building long lasting, positive friendships and relationships. This is something I wasn’t conscious of before, but have learned through trial and error along the way.

DECK USED:  EL GOLIATH TAROT 2ND EDITION

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: When do I trust myself?

Telluric Tarot

The TowerLibyan Desert Glass and Fire Lily – What connects the Fire Lily to Libyan Desert Glass is heat and destruction. One is created in the radioactive heat of a meteorite hitting desert sands… the other thrives in the ashes in the aftermath of fire’s consumption. Both are breathtaking results from catastrophically destructive events.  Many good things can come from chaos and destruction, you just have to wait for the chaos to end and the dust to settle to see what’s there waiting for you in the aftermath.

Five of Swords Cinnabar and Blackthorn – Blackthorn is extremely sour, and is protected by long sharp thorns.  Cinnabar is a dangerous mineral due to it’s high mercury content, and yet the vibrant color has been a draw to humanity for centuries both as an ornamental stone as well as ground into powder as a dye. Sometimes people do stupid things in pursuit of the things that spark their interests and passions… like wearing mercury rich stones or risking the long reach of sharp thorns to pick oh-so-appealing fruit that is then discovered to be oh-so-very sour.

The MagicianPolybasite and Dogwood – Both Polybasite and Dogwood are known for their value in versatility.  One is a wealth of alchemical elements, the other a wealth of potential to create an array of different tools, furniture, decorations, and even instruments. Add to this that the meaning of the dogwood flower is that of rebirth, and what you have depicted in this card is a wealth of resources and skillful adaptability.

Take Away – During times of chaos and conflict, I can find myself frozen.  This holding pattern can be full of uncertainty, but once that chaos has come to an end and the conflict has settled?  It is like the starting shot to get me going.  In the aftermath of these events, I know exactly what I want and where I want to go, and I am ready to forge a path and rebuild, eager to move forward, and trust myself and the direction my instincts and intuition take me in implicitly.

DECK USED:  TELLURIC TAROT

It’s Okay To Have Limits

IMG_6366Today’s meditation was just under fifteen minutes long, and was another of the guided meditations with interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The topic of today’s meditation was based on allowing ourselves to see the world with a sense of wonder.  This goes beyond the “pause and smell the roses” mentality and is about creating a fascination with our experiences, seeing them as a chance to explore our curiosities.

Mindfulness is believed to connect us to the world with a “beginner’s mind” and find a childlike sense of wonder that we otherwise do not allow ourselves to experience.

Botan Tarot - King of WandsToday’s draw is the King of Wands, which is traditionally interpreted as a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s drive and ambitions, goals and passionate interests, as well as determination and willpower.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the king’s features as well as the wolf that curls upon his shoulders.  It reminds me of my inner critic and how the dialog it whispers in my ear is always pushing me to do more, be better, work harder.

The problem?  I’m already doing a hell of a lot. I’m already doing my best.  I’m already working hard.  So this inner critic’s voice?  Is pushing me to go beyond my limits, and beyond what’s healthy, just as I see the wolf whispering in the king’s ear doing the same thing in this card.

The message in this card is to make sure you do not allow that whisper to get a foothold in your head and turn you into its slave.   Take care to make sure I’m not pushing myself too hard.

DECK USED:  BOTAN TAROT

#Zentember #LovelyHealing Challenge Prompt
Question
: What needs healing on my solar plexus?

Joe Sparrow Tarot

Reading Summary: Give yourself more credit (Queen of Cups atop Six of Pentacles) for how much you’ve done and how far you’ve come along along (Page of Pentacles) concerning the balance between your responsibilities and self care (Two of Pentacles).

Take Away:  It takes a lot of hard work and determination (solar plexus centered work) to make these kind of changes in your life. Don’t sell yourself (or your efforts and progress) short.  There still may be a long way to go… but you’ve come a long way and you’ve done a really good job so far.

DECK USED:  JOE SPARROW TAROT

#DiscordTarotholicsSep2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: You / Your Annoyance / What To Do About It

Tyldwick TarotMeQueen of Coins – I’m both a provider and a nurturer in my relationships with others, especially concerning my relationship with those I’m living with.  Z and my sister depend on me, and for once this isn’t something that freaks me out.  I actually feel quite comfortable in this role for the most part.

My AnnoyanceAce of Swords – Okay, so yes.  I’m comfortable with being a provider. I’m comfortable with being a nurturer.  But jesus f’ing christ they fucking talk ALL the time.  All day every day from the time they get up to the time they go to sleep.  Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk.  How the hell do two people find so much to talk about that they can feel days upon days, months on months with talking?  I have no idea but it drives me nuts.

What To Do About ItSeven of Staves – Note that these are toy soldiers and there is no actual conflict in this card.  This is about perseverance.   It’s about standing strong and accepting that when you’re living with two women, this sort of thing is going to be a part of that.  I love them both, and all the chattering doesn’t change that… nor should it.

DECK USED:  TYLDWICK TAROT

Lionharts #AstroTarotChallenge
Question
: How can I best approach my creative space and endeavors to make the most out of my creativity?

The Painted Tarot

Reading Summary: Take control (King of Wands), pick a direction (Two of Wands), and approach with a sense of wonder and curiosity (Ace of Cups).

Take Away:  This actually echoes back to my guided meditation from this morning. To make the most out of my creativity, I need both direction and focus… but I also need to blend in a sense of wonderment and fun.  This curiosity and exploration curiosity is what makes the creative process so very interesting.  It’s just as important as the other two qualities… perhaps even more so.

DECK USED:  THE PAINTED TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How can I build the courage to say no when I’m uncomfortable doing so?

Samiramay Tarot

Reading Summary:  Don’t let being kind (Three of Swords Rx) become a crutch or a handicap (The Devil). Saying no can sometimes create new opportunities (Ace of Pentacles) for others to master skills they might have otherwise ignored (Eight of Pentacles).

Take Away:  You know, I hadn’t really thought of this perspective before.  But, the thing is?  When I am told “no” to something? My brain immediately moves to how I can either get my way or circumvent the “no” and turn it around into my advantage in some way.  I’m not sure why I hadn’t realized this may be the same for others.  Not everyone, I’m sure.  But sometimes?  Saying no really does open new doors of opportunity, so I shouldn’t allow my temptation to sometimes abstain or say yes get in the way of that.

DECK USED:  SAMIRAMAY TAROT

Morning Bonus Read – WTF

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
I found this on Pinterest this week, and loved it, therefore this is your prompt for this week!! Pick a topic, and apply this spread!

WTF Tarot Spread - Corvid Romantic Playing Cards

Chosen Topic:  My unfounded feelings of trepidation concerning the upcoming holiday rush.

The Face of My Challenge
Six of Feathers

Change.  The face of my challenge is change and the shift of things from one situation to another.  I’m feeling a good deal of discomfort and a need to fall back on old habits.  These old habits are unhealthy and do not serve me at all, but are simply what is familiar.  Instead, I need to make sure I continue to move forward instead of backsliding.

The Crux of What Hounds Me
Ace of Roses

Concern over undoing all the new progress I’ve made this year.  I’ve grown so much over the year, and I am aware that that new emotional growth I’ve been fostering for the past few months is still tenuous and new. I worry that the new beginnings I’ve been fostering are still too delicate to withstand the savage storm of the holiday rush.

What is real about this?
Three of Crystals

I have people to help me and collaborate with me when I need them.  I am not in this alone.  I have the support I need and I need to include them in the process from the beginning, not pull them in later when things are chaotic and a mess.  Allow these people in my life to help so that everything doesn’t rest solely on my shoulders.

What is wrong about this?
Two of Roses

My discomfort and struggle with leaning into those that love me and want to support me.  As mentioned above.  They want to support me.  They want to help.  This discomfort and guilt is useless and is completely unfounded. I understand that this is one of my shadows, and one I will have to deal with over time, but for now I need to keep in mind that these feelings come from within and are not reality.

Where do I need more info?
Six of Crystals

It would be a good idea to delve into in what ways others are willing to help me and be proactive about getting that help… Rather than waiting until I need it and sticking them with tasks that they would prefer not to deal with.  This is about even distribution of the work load so that the help that they are offering is used to its best advantage, and it is a suggestion that has recently come up in a previous reading as well.

What can I do?
Ace of Crystals

Focus on the task at hand, and accept that it’s going to be different this year… and that’s OK. It can lead to better things.

DECK USED:  CORVID ROMANTIC PLAYING CARDS

Honor Over Impulse

IMG_6356Today’s meditation was eleven minutes long and was another guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretching. The topic of today’s guided meditation was dealing with feelings of overwhelm.

Specifically, the meditation spoke on how when we become overwhelmed, it is often because we are trying to take on too much at once.  In truth though, a project or any topic of overwhelm is so overwhelming because it is so big.  To solve this problem, we need to remember to break these huge projects and responsibilities down into bite sized pieces.

Like when you clean a house… you look at the house as a whole and it looks overwhelming and like so much work.  Too much work.  Instead, we need to look at the cleaning of a house as a bunch of little tasks.  Dust one piece of furniture.  Wipe down one counter.  

In breaking down these big projects, we then can see them as small things we can manage to do.  And if we focus on one small thing at a time, pretty soon that huge pile of crap to get done is  whittled down to nothing.

Hush Tarot - Five of SwordsToday’s draw is the Five of Swords, which traditionally is a representation of tests, trials, and conflict in the area of one’s thoughts, logic, intellect, and communication. This type of conflict often comes across as disagreements and competition, but what I find this card often indicates that is not so common of an interpretation is the “winning at all costs” attitude that this card can often convey, as well as being a reflection of “the spoils of war”.

Probably not surprisingly, what stood out to me in the imagery of this card is the plants. The flower in the background looks a lot like a clover bud, and yet the greenery beneath looks like dandelion leaves.

One of the lesser known representations of the white clover is revenge.  This combined with the dandelion, which commonly represents standing strong and overcoming hardships, gives me the impression that in this case the battle has already been fought, and what we are witnessing in the card’s imagery is the aftermath.

The card here today is a reminder that the honor of standing tall is more important than the temporary satisfaction of retaliation.  Sometimes (and I admit that this very well could be due to my Scorpio moon) I have this overwhelming urge to lash back at those that piss me off or irritate me.  The card here today is an encouragement to rise above these urges.

DECK USED:  HUSH TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How do I grow from my mistakes?

Tarot of Reincarnation

Reading Summary: Open your eyes and pay attention (Eight of Spades) so that you can see your mistakes (Ace of Diamonds Rx) as opportunities to grow (Jack of Diamonds).

Take Away:  This is about carrying forward the knowledge gained during my mistakes so that I don’t repeat them and can course-correct before mistakes become catastrophic. By learning to identifying mistakes early or by taking the lessons that come from them when you can’t course correct in time, I am then able to turn those mistakes into something of value instead of just another fuckup.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF REINCARNATION