tarot and psychology

Rest Is Allowed

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IMG_9226Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and was a guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for my piriformis stretches.

The focus of today’s meditation was about Shamatha, which is a form of Buddhist meditation where you focus your mind upon a single point and use that focus to clear and calm one’s conscious thoughts.

This is the sort of meditation that I am most familiar with and the talk concerning it’s practice and benefits really didn’t say anything new or anything I wasn’t already aware of.  I found myself instead tuning out the woman’s voice and listening, instead, to the water drop like background music as I often do.

Cosmic Slumber Tarot - Four of CupsToday’s draw is the Four of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of creating distance due to apathy or disinterest, meditation, or taking time to reevaluate one’s situation or emotions.

The thing is?  This card was far more literal in its imagery than normal today.  I very much just napped my day away, just like the person lying on the beach, toes tickled by waves as they doze in the sand.  So too did I sleep… and sleep… and sleep.

It’s not surprising, since I pulled an all-nighter last night and didn’t get to bed until 5:30 in the morning. The message here, though, has to do with allowing yourself that rest more than the rest itself.  Everyone needs a break now and then.  Today’s card points out that my sleeping all day had far less to do with hiding from my depression and retreating from the world… and everything to do with the need for some sleep.

Therefore, the message in today’s card is about sometimes rest being about self care, and not retreat at all.  And that’s not something to feel guilty about, but a natural biological need.

DECK USED:  COSMIC SLUMBER TAROT

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  A reminder of why I deserve the good (I want) in my life.

Lonely Ice Tarot

Eight of Coins – You are a good and dedicated worker. Over time you have used your time and focus to hone your skills into an expertise (or three) that can be used to help in ushering in those good things you want out of life like stability and security.

Six of Coins atop The Moon – You reach out to help others through their times of uncertainty, providing an ear or a shoulder for their worries, and help in finding ways to overcome their uncertainty and fear and turn these things around into a direction that is authentic to them and their own path.

Page of Swords – You are always seeking a better way to understand and communicate with others. Better strategies to try to reach your aspirations. This constant openness to learning how to find a better way allows for good things to come to you more easily as you are erecting less hurdles and blocks to get in the way.

DECK USED:  LONELY ICE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  Over what part of my life do I need to release some control?

Cosmic Slumber TarotReading Summary: Responsibilities and strategy toward my aspirations (King of Swords) need to be set aside. You don’t get to control this (Strength Rx). Just let I the crappy shit happen for right now (Ten of Swords).

Take Away: This is called being given a talking to by the cards.  I softened the message above, but it is pretty clear and blunt that at the moment I need to just let myself be in the depression. I have no control here and scrabbling for it isn’t helping anything.  Pretending you are in control is also not helping anything.  

It doesn’t mean wallow, but it does mean letting go and accepting that things will begin to get better at their own pace, not at whatever pace I want them to or try to set for them to move at.

DECK USED:  COSMIC SLUMBER TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

As mentioned in the COTD section of this post, I consciously made the choice to not beat myself up after spending a good deal of my day asleep rather than up and being productive. Normally, regardless of not getting to bed by 5:30am, I would have made myself get up and stay up through the day instead of accepting that I needed the sleep and allowing it to happen guilt-free.

Morning Bonus Read – Mercury Retrograde

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Under the Roses Lenormand - Mercury Rx Tarot Spread

What is the main theme of this Mercury Retrograde for me?

Clouds – This was actually the card I expected to hop out, as it is very clear that the theme of this Mercury Rx for me is all about the current major depressive episode I am going through from its descent to (we can hope) the beginning of climbing back out again.  I don’t have the expectation that I will be able to pull out of it so quickly, but this card gives me hope that my ascent might begin around the same time as the Mercury Rx comes to an end (around February 21st or there about, if I’m not mistaken).

How am I asked to honor my feelings and current Rx vibes?

Whip – It is important to remember that the self flagellation and dark inner narratives in your head are dangerous.  Respect their power and work on coming out on top by acknowledging their existence.  It is only through awareness that you can overcome their influences.  Stay focused on where you want to go and determined to make your way there as you move through the mire of your depression and you will eventually come out the victor over these challenges.

What am I asked to reflect on throughout Mercury Retrograde?

Crossroads – Now is the time to reflect on your choices.  Where do you want to go from here and how do you want to get there?  You have choices, even now in the middle of your depression.  Are you going to focus on doing the healthy things that will help you to climb out of the pit more quickly? Or sink into the mire and allow it to cradle you and eat away at your insides while it pretends to be comforting you?  You need to keep these things in mind as you go through this struggle so that you can recover as smoothly and easily as possible once the clouded darkness begins to ease its grip.

DECK USED:  UNDER THE ROSES LENORMAND

Motivations and Praise

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IMG_9217Today’s meditation was just over eleven minutes long and another guided meditation from the Calm app with added interval timer for my piriformis stretching.

The focus of today’s meditation was about that um…. I think it’s Icelandic?  The concept of watching the storm through a window while you remain comfortable and safe on the other side.  (*Looks it up and comes back.*) Gluggaveður.  Essentially it translates to “window weather” and refers to the kind of weather you like to watch but don’t want to be involved in.

The guided meditation took this concept, and used it to encourage how someone can detatch from the intensity of one’s inner feelings or the immediate reactivity of a situation in order to find calm and peace in the middle of chaos.   This… is not really good advice for me, to be honest, as I have spent the majority of my life detaching from my feelings and that is my natural inclination when something intense arises.  Now… I’m instead working on how to better connect with them.  Still, it was a nice meditation.

Kei Tarot Love - Six of WandsToday’s draw is the Six of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of accolades and praise, admiration and public/social recognition of one’s accomplishments.

This card actually echoed for me some thoughts I was having in the shower this morning about compliments and the motivations behind such things.  I had a long rambling dialogue in my brain concerning compliments, and how it’s always nice to hear compliments but how important it is to not allow them to go to your head.

I say this because when compliments are given, there is always a motivation behind them.  Always.  It can be something as kind or innocuous as someone caring about you and wanting you to feel good, or wanting to make you feel good because it makes them feel good.  Or it can be something as mostly harmless as someone wanting you to like them and thus they give compliments in the hopes to endear you to them.   There are also times, though, when compliments are used in less innocent and guileless ways.  They can be used to “pull the wool” over someone’s eyes or to manipulate, for example.

I came to the thought at the end that perhaps the absolute best kind of compliment is the unintended one or the “back channel” one.  That is to say when someone says something that was not intended as a compliment but you personally see as something positive.   And, the compliments someone may say to someone else about you with no thought or expectation it might get back to you at some point.   These are great and amazing, because you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no motivation behind them directed at you.  They’re like little nuggets of pure gold panned out of a river, yes?

Anyway, I feel this card was an echo of these thoughts.  All compliments are nice as long as they are true, no matter the motivation behind them.  Just keep in mind that like the wide open eye of the horse in this card’s imagery, that you need to keep an eye on what those motivations might be.  Just in case.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Radical transformation
Question: What area of my life and perspective is in need of some radical transformation?

Jonasa Jaus Tarot 5th Edition

What area of my life is in need of some radical transformation?

Four of Wands and Four of Swords – You are currently in a time of rest and recovery, but that doesn’t mean it’s a time to just lie back at  home and let the world move on around you.  Instead, it’s important to keep moving and doing small things.  They don’t have to be big or showy as long as you’re not sitting stagnant.

What area of my perspective is in need of some radical transformation?

Page of Wands and Queen of Swords – See if you can’t be a bit less harsh with yourself and a little kinder.  Remember that you are still learning your way, even as you’ve done this all so many times before.  Don’t expect everything to just be the same as the last.  The skills you have learned can help you rise above and do better this time around.

DECK USED:  JONASA JAUS TAROT 5TH EDITION

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  Where have I been settling for “good enough” in my life?

Kei Tarot LoveReading Summary:  Retail therapy (Queen of Cups atop Page of Pentacles) is all well and good but it won’t carry you forward to your goals (Knight of Pentacles). Make sure that you are using your scarcity issues (Five of Pentacles) to help keep you on track (it all comes back to the Knight of Pentacles).

Take Away: We all have fears and worries that help keep us motivated towards our goals.  One of mine is my scarcity issues.  The fear of failing at keeping stability alive and strong in both my financial aspects and home life.   This is a motivator for me and not necessarily an unhealthy one as long as I don’t use it to push myself too hard or overwhelm myself with either too much work, or too much anxiety.

Currently (the past month or three) I’ve been sort of slacking on using this tool and over the past month it has turned into a bit of a stagnancy.  I’ve also, admittedly, indulged in quite a bit of retail therapy.  So yeah… it’s time to do a bit better.  Fair enough.

DECK USED:  KEI TAROT LOVE

Daily Self Kindness

I had a chocolate muffin with chocolate sauce on top.  Okay, so I know that’s kind of stupid as a self kindness, but I don’t often eat the chocolate muffins and I’ve never put chocolate sauce on one before.  it was really good. Like a rich and gooey lava cake almost, with the lava on the outside.

Write It Down

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IMG_9197Today’s meditation was just over thirteen minutes long and was a guided meditation with added interval timer for my piriformis stretching.  I’ve also added back in some of the forearm flexor stretches because things have been feeling like they’re tightening up there.

The focus of today’s meditation was about dealing with conflict, and I learned something new in the middle of it all.  I did not know that, after the adrenaline inducing incident has ended, it takes the body at least 20 minutes to purge that adrenaline back out of your system.

Anyway.  The conflict resolution thing was mostly about how sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and walk away, calm down, then come back in a more calm and rational mindset…. rather than speaking in the moment and saying something you will regret.   It included a quote that I enjoyed within the guidance that said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret,” by from Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce.

Fifth Spirit Tarot - Ace of SwordsToday’s draw is the Ace of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of the new seeds of ideas, intellectual interests, and communication.

What stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the feathers.  Thoughts, in my opinion, are a lot of times much like feathers.  Float around you and flit through the air but are impossible to catch while in motion.

That’s why it’s important when pertinent thoughts, new ideas, etc come up that you write them down.  Write. Them. DOWN. For fuck sake write them down.

You  know… capture the feathers before the winds of distraction blow them away.

Sometime in the past couple of months I stopped this practice, and today’s card is a reminder of the value of writing these new thoughts, ideas, and valuable new perspectives down so that I can visit them a bit later and explore them more in depth.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Love language
Question: How can I better be open to and absorb love and kindness from others?

Existential Tarot

Reading Summary: Stop allowing your stubbornness and insistence that you can do everything yourself (Will 10) to slow down your acceptance and growth (Page of Action). It’s making you fight an unnecessary battle that belongs to your father and his judgments (Seven of Wands Rx).

Take Away: I was taught that it was not okay to lean on others and should be able to handle all of my responsibilities on my own, no matter what.  This was drilled into me throughout my life growing up and something I then repeatedly drilled into myself as an adult.   It can be hard to hand over control and allow others to help me and take over for a bit.  In order to be more receptive to love, I need to let go of that control and allow others to help me when I need it.  It’s not a weakness, no matter how deeply ingrained the lesson that it is has been taught.

DECK USED:  EXISTENTIAL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Do Spread 1

Fifth Spirit TarotSigns for February – The King of Cups is an encouragement to lean into those that I depend on right now for support and comfort. This sign is about what I need and more about setting plans aside in order to recover and find my footing than executing anything in particular I might have had plans to move forward on. I suppose you could say that the action plan involved with this sign is to connect with my emotions and take this time with him and the support he gives to grow instead of falling back on old habits and closing myself off.

Signs for March – The World is about watching for renewal and the feeling that I am stepping out of one journey and into the next.  Although I do not want my depression to last this long, there is a good possibility the sign we see here is the major life change that comes with being free of the pit once more.  That sense of finally finding the edge and pulling myself out, and finding life on the other side ready and waiting for me.

Signs for April – The Ace of Wands is about feeling inspiration and that spark that keeps me trying new things. Right now in this moment I have absolutely none.  But, when I am not in this dark pit of depression my inspiration and creative spark are nearly constant and even quite hard to keep up with. The sign of these returning to me in April is a good one… and something to look forward to.  When the time comes, I need to make sure that I am allowing myself to explore (and, as my COTD mentioned for today, writing down the ones I don’t explore immediately so that I can explore them later).

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I’m having a hard time thinking of something that I did that was nice for me today, then I remembered this morning when you told me to eat and then come nap with you.  And I did, even though there were other things I probably should have been doing, I had a really nice nap.

Knowing When To Say No

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IMG_9180Today’s meditation was just under nineteen minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches (which, yes, are still being a painful pain in the ass).

The focus of today’s meditation was about the reverence we feel for that which is beyond our reach and our ken.  I said something about this earlier today in a chat when speaking about “how tarot works” and where the messages come from.  It’s important to keep in mind that there is far more in this world that we don’t grasp or understand than there is that we do. This doesn’t mean that everything we don’t understand is magic or metaphysical or even spiritual… but it means that we need to respect that the potential for what is out there is vast and appreciate that potential of possibilities.

Moondust Tarot - Six of SwordsToday’s draw is the Six of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of letting go and moving on from conflict and rough waters into something calmer and smoother.

It is the hand (big surprise here) that stands out to me in the imagery on this card today and it speaks to me of saying “stop”.  Of having an awareness of yourself and what you are willing to put up with (the eye in the center of the palm) and being able, when things go beyond that point, to put a halt to them and move on to something better.

The message in today’s card is about diligence.  It’s about watching out for yourself and making sure that you remain in a place where you can be yourself and be true to yourself… and stand up for yourself by saying “no” when something doesn’t follow along those lines for you.

Right now, what I want to say no to is the depression that is weighing me down and dragging at my insides like barb-filled black tar.  I want to turn away from it and push it away… but it is not one of those things that I have a choice in.  But what I can do is continue to work at being authentic to myself, true to my values and beliefs, and patient as the world inside my brain begins to shift and right itself again… eventually.

DECK USED:  MOON DUST TAROT

The Radical Love Tarot Challenge Prompt
Topic:  Abundance
Question: How can I better recognize and appreciate the abundance in my life?

Destiny Deck

Reading Summary:  Remember that you are strong and capable and have the ability to take control of a situation, turn it into something you believe in and are willing to fight for, and balance that into your life.

Take Away:  This is about autonomy and the ability to build and manifest what I desire in life without “upsetting the apple cart” of my life balance in the process.  It’s important, especially right now while I’m struggling with my depression, to remember that I am still in control on what I do, where I go, what I stand for, and what I manifest in my life.

DECK USED:  DESTINY DECK

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What in my life makes me feel the most thankful that’s in need of acknowledgement?

Moondust TarotReading Summary: That I have the ability to be decisive (Seven of Pentacles Rx)) when presented with choices (Seven of Cups) so that I don’t overwhelm myself anymore than necessary (Ten of Wands Rx).

Take Away: No hemming and hawing, no waiting for later. I rarely need to “sit on it” when needing to make a decision.  I know what is right for me and I reach for it, and am able to allow the other choices that are not as fitting to fall away. I see a lot of people that aren’t able to do this and when they are confronted with a  number of choices before them, they stall out with an inability to decide and become overwhelmed by those choices.

This is something that I very rarely have to worry about, as the majority of the time I know what is right for me and am decisive in reaching for it.  The thing is?  I rarely acknowledge this in myself or even think about it… until I see those others out there that struggle under the need to make choices.  I am very grateful I don’t spend a lot of time stewing in my choices.  Very thankful.

DECK USED:  MOON DUST TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I spent time organizing my decks today.  I’ve been feeling frustrated by the lack of space and how I struggle to find the decks I need sometimes. It’s been bugging me a lot lately and eating at me. I can’t really do anything about the lack of shelf space right now, but I was able to get my “floating” decks (decks that don’t currently have a home on a shelf or in a trunk) into a semblance of order that will hopefully make things easier.

Morning Bonus Read – Responding to Change

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The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“The wheel of the year is tipping away from extreme and closer to balance. Explore this theme with your divination tools with some of the following questions.”

Whimsy Playing CardsWhat in my life is moving toward balance and away from an extreme at this time?

Jack of Diamonds – You are starting to get control over your negative thoughts and bring them back to center. This isn’t so much about the “bringing them back to center” part, which will happen on its own, but in taking that first step of awareness to what is going on and the conscious understanding that that negative inner narrative is your brain lying to you and not a reflection of reality.  As they say, being aware of the problem is the first step.

How is this affecting me mentally?

Six of Diamonds atop Queen of Diamonds – It is allowing kinder thoughts to have room to replace the abusive bitch in your head.  It is allowing you to be more generous with yourself and with what you are going through right now.

How is this affecting me emotionally?

King of Diamonds – It allows you to find the stability that you have been lacking, and see that there is a path forward.  You may not be able to grasp control at this time, but it gives you the ability to plan and strategize, which creates hope and allows you to realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can’t see it just yet.

How is this affecting me physically?

Four of Hearts atop Five of Clubs – You are fighting against your need for the things that could help you feel more physically well.  The opportunities to get out and hike, or spend time in nature are being rejected as the depression makes everything feel unappealing.

How can I respond in a healthy way?

Three of Spades – Ride it out.  This is what is happening right now and you know from your past experiences with it that it’s a part of life.  And temporary.  Let it happen, ride it out.

DECK USED:  WHIMSY PLAYING CARDS