Your Past Self – Nine of Pentacles – Once upon a time?  I thought that I had all my ducks in a row and everything in hand.  Back when I was closing myself off to my emotions and working myself into the ground, I really thought I was in a good place.

Your Current Self – Seven of Pentacles – But I soon came to realize that there’s a lot more growth to come and it’s going to take a long ass time to work through. I began to realize that there was a lot more to life than work. I began to realize that I needed to slow down.

Your Higher Self – Three of Swords – I am my best and highest self when I’m able to look beyond my pain and negativity to see the growth and lessons these experiences are offering me. In the moment, this can be difficult, but I know that those lessons are there and I only need to find them and understand them.  It does not take the pain away, but it gives the pain worth.

What Blocks Your Potential – The Devil – Ego. Over confidence. And allowing myself to indulge too deeply in what would otherwise be harmless pursuits. I have an addictive personality, and even though I’m aware of it?  Sometimes it still manages to get its hooks in and take me for a ride I’m not ready for, causing blockages and detours, backsliding and often… recovery as well.

Family Patterns – Six of Pentacles – Being too generous and forgiving with my family.  My father’s abuse.  My mother’s narcissism. Their hurtful behavior is something that has left some serious scars, and yet I can’t manage to hold it against them.  At least not to the extent that would seem reasonable and healthy.

Personal Issues – Four of Pentacles – Overly focused on security and stability.  This is a need that grew from homelessness and severe scarcity. It comes from taking showers in the school locker rooms and sleeping under abandoned cars.  It comes from the instability of couch surfing, and an apartment furnished with car tires, milk crates, and cardboard boxes. It’s my past… and yet something I still struggle with.

Conscience – Ten of Wands – Feeling guilty about slowing down and taking things slower, not doing as much, and not progressing as fast as I’m used to doing. That hard, nose-to-the-grindstone pace that I’ve been pushing myself on for so long has taken its toll and I know it’s time to slow down, but somehow?  There are a lot of times when I feel so fucking guilty about that.  About not doing more and pushing harder.

Desire – Temperance – Less pushing and more time off. More time to connect with my spirituality and path. More time to connect with the world around me.  I have gotten a taste of the slower path and worked through some of my guilt concerning it, and I’ve come to a point where I actually crave more.  This from the man who, just a couple of years ago couldn’t take a couple hours off without going stir-crazy.

Lesson – Wheel of Fortune – Ups and downs happen. It’s part of life. Adapt, and keep moving.

Advice – Page of Swords – Slow down more. Now is the time to indulge in this behavior. Soon enough the holiday rush will start and you will have so much work on your  hands that you’ll be struggling just to keep up.  While things are slow, it’s okay to take time for yourself.  This is a new path, and there’s going to be struggles, but you’re aware of what’s come before and what needs to change.

DECK USED:  CAT-ROT TAROT

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:

What have you been putting off/procrastinating?

Jack of Clubs and Three of Diamonds – This was something that the cards have recently brought up.  It has to do with finding enthusiasm and joy in my work instead of looking at it as a chore.

If I want to keep my business running smoothly and moving forward, I need to make sure that I’m connecting with the enthusiasm and joy that running that business can bring.

How is that procrastination impacting you?

Queen of Hearts – It’s allowing me to concentrate on sorting out my emotions.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as growth in my emotional development and learning how to identify and deal with my emotions is something I’m currently working on.   But, it’s important that I don’t get so wrapped up in this process that I close my eyes to the needs of my business and keeping it running smoothly.

How is that procrastination impacting others?

Ace of Hearts – When the business isn’t as profitable as it can be, it impacts more than just myself but also those around me.  We all need the business to work and thrive.

What good things lie in your future related to this activity?

Nine of Hearts – This card is a reminder that things will pick back up.  Both through the eventual re-invigoration of my enthusiasm, and also because now is the slow season and it won’t last forever.  I’m allowed to focus on my emotions for now… the money aspect will come later.

DECK USED:  BOSCH PUZZLE PLAYING CARDS

The prompt for this reading came from one of my Discord servers and is as follows:
“This week, let’s value ourselves by looking for ways to accommodate our needs. Ask your divination tools:”

What is an area where I need extra support?

Four of Spades – You need to stop and rest more. Take more breaks while working. Intersperse rest and recovery into the every day more instead of reserving it just for special occasions.  You won’t get so tired and need those longer rests so much (and will be able to enjoy them more) if you allow yourself a bit of rest along the way.

What support or accommodations can I give myself in this area?

Three of Hearts – One of the ways you can accommodate yourself in this area is to let others help you more.  Not just help you in bearing the weight of work and responsibility, but allowing them to help you enjoy your down time, to help you decide when you need to take a break, and help you have more fun during those longer breaks as well.

What support or accommodations do I need from others around me in this area?

Four of Hearts and Eight of Clubs – Allow yourself to rest while they work. It will help them to pick up the speed on their own rather than you always being in the mix slowing things down.  They don’t need your constant supervision.  They are more than capable of doing these things without you there hovering all the time.

What outcome can I expect if I get this support?

Jack of Spades atop Eight of Spades – More time to sort out your own shit (especially mentally) rather than constantly pushing it aside. This isn’t about sorting through these things faster, but will allow for a higher quality of attention to be paid to this process, creating room for better results.

What outcome can I expect if I do not pursue this support?

Five of Diamonds atop Ten of Hearts – A happy family and no money.  ’nuff said.

DECK USED:  ARCHAIOS MUTHOS PLAYING CARDS BLACK EDITION