Paulina Tarot

Anxiety Is Not Premonition, It’s Just the Scales Teetering As They Settle

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Again, no meditation today.  My day pretty much got shot to shit between the car accident this morning and dealing with the insurance company all day, getting appointments set up… and unending repetitive trips to the bathroom.  So yeah.  No meditation today.

Paulina Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Queen of Wands, which is traditionally a representation of a receptive alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s spirituality, interests, and passionate pursuits. Contrary to the greatly misunderstood use of the word “passionate”, this suit is probably not about sex unless you are a sex addict.  Rather, it is about those things that light a fire of inspiration within your soul and the Queen of the suit is the energy that fosters that spark in others and encourages it to grow.

What stands out to me the strongest today in the imagery of this card is the color scheme, which loudly speaks of autumn to me and autumn speaks to me of experience.  We follow through the spring and summer, gaining experience, weathering sudden storms and blistering heat, the earth gives of itself throughout this period and when fall comes it comes with experience riding its coattails.   The Queen is also experienced, and she uses that experience to help inspire and guide others. 

Combined with today’s Thera-Pets card, these cards are a reminder that not all anxiety is useful. Sometimes anxiety is just anxiety and there’s definitely nothing premonition-associated about it.  For me, right now, this is definitely the case.  As I am emerging from the darkness of depression’s pit and into the light, I’m finding that I’ve been experiencing some intermittent anxiety issues over the past week or two. I’ve come to realize that these bouts of anxiety are not situational but rather, they are a part of my recovery and finding balance once again.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: What card best represents my shadow self at this time?

Waterfall Tarot - Page of PentaclesPage of Pentacles – Finding the way forward sometimes takes a little trial and error and a lot of slow steps and occasional stops along the way.  The importance is in staying focused on where you want to go, and what you need to learn in order to get there.

My shadow self has a lot to learn, but in being acknowledged, it is slowly beginning to “come around” to being a student in life instead of hiding away from it or allowing trauma to keep it suppressed.

There is no wallowing, only a need for encouragement and a guiding light to continue to follow in order to allow that shadow self to rise to the surface and better integrate with reality.  Being acknowledged has done wonders in this area for my shadow self once the realization finally sank in that it wasn’t going to be a temporary project, but something I planned on putting a lot of time and effort into.

DECK USED:  WATERFALL TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Does art hurt society in any way?

Paulina TarotReading Summary: Art inspires people, sparking passions for new ideas and directions (Two of Wands), but it can also can make people very defensive (Nine of Wands). At times it can create inspiration for great ideas and new ways of communicating with others (Ace of Swords).

Take Away: The thing about art is that it’s subjective.  To one person a piece may seem inspired and brilliant, relative and breathtaking.  To another person that same piece may seem disturbing, disruptive, insulting, or disgusting. 

It isn’t so much the art that hurts society, but rather individual reactions to how that art is perceived and how people react to it as a result.  So  in a way, it can indeed be hurtful to society if a large enough cross section of society reacts negatively to it…. the real question is whether that’s the art’s fault, or the fault of the individuals reacting to it.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

Random Prompt from Pagan Sanctum on Discord
Question: What is your greatest strength and greatest weakness?

Barbara Walker Tarot

Greatest Strength – Queen of Wands atop The Moon – My ability to use my determination and passionate nature to push through obstacles, fears, and doubts that may arise. This doesn’t mean not entertaining the topic of these fears and doubts, but rather turning them around into something useful.

Greatest Weakness – Two of Pentacles atop Four of Swords Rx – I am a slave driver when it comes to my own personal responsibilities and endeavors. I don’t often allow myself the rest I need, and in fact struggle with figuring out how to rest when the opportunity is presented, which means I often bypass the opportunity rather than using it to recover.

DECK USED:  BARBARA WALKER TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

My self kindness today is in getting some of tomorrow’s work done today.  I have a lot of things to get done tomorrow like going to get an estimate on the damage of my car, insurance calls, and a visit to the doctor. By getting a little of the work done today that needs to be done tomorrow, it will ease my stress a bit tomorrow as a result.

Even the Strongest Pace Themselves

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Today’s meditation was skipped as the girls just would NOT let me have some time alone to get it done. I may try to do a ten minute shortie before bed though.

Lazy Crow Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the King of Pentacles, which is a representation of a projective alpha energy, personality, or person in the area of one’s finances, resources, home life, health, manifestations, and the physical world.  This often translates into themes about taking charge of one’s finances, responsibilities that come with wealth, and stepping in as the head of the household.

What really stands out to me in the imagery of this card today is the grapes and the skulls.  It’s not surprising that the card would contain thriving grapes winding their way through the imagery as this card is a strong indication of growth, maturity, and abundance.  The skulls were a bit more of a surprise though, and together they give the impression of hardass ruthlessness to me. The whole “my way or the highway, or heads will roll” sort of thing.

When combined with the Thera-Pets card for today, the message that I find in these cards is that sometimes you have to straighten your spine and take control even when, perhaps, it isn’t what you’d prefer to do.  In those times, it’s still okay to do your best, but not over tax and overwhelm yourself to the breaking point.  Even leaders need to breath and even the strongest authorities can’t wring blood from a stone.

Do what you can, and it will be enough.  The only authority you have to impress is yourself.  So lower your expectations to a realistic level and interject a bit more understanding into that push for more.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

The Marching Into Darkness Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question: How do I allow the negative thoughts or words of others to affect me? How might I change my reactions to that?

Paulina Tarot

How do I allow the negative thoughts of others to affect me?
Eight of Pentacles

The Eight of Pentacles here is a reminder that you have been working with this particular issue with your therapist ever since your face was scarred.  You are not psychic and cannot read minds, thus the issue here is “mind reading” of the psychotherapy variety.  When you were first scarred, you did a great deal of this, interjecting your feelings about how you felt concerning your appearance into what you believed others thought of you when they saw your face.  After many years of working with your therapist on this issue, it is no longer a huge issue.  You know how to deal with it when it rises up, and have become an “old hand” in this area at making sure that you do not assume what others are thinking about you, often by asking outright when needed.

How do I allow the negative words of others to affect me?
Five of Cups atop The Emperor

This, unlike perceived thoughts, is something more solid and can affect you in a negative way when you let it. The key words there (as indicated by the Emperor) are “when you let it”.  Sometimes people’s negative words don’t affect you at all, at other times they do. This is about how strong and in control of yourself that you feel in the moment, but has nothing to do with them at all.  When you are feeling vulnerable, people’s negative words can affect you intensely and cause hurt feelings, melancholy, and dissatisfaction. When you are feeling strong, on the other hand, they don’t affect you at all other than in an analytical “examination of if there’s truly an issue” sort of way.

How can I adjust my reactions to something more healthy?
Death atop Two of Pentacles

The horses here in these two cards combined with the mutual direction they face indicate movement forward into the future.   The death card is a reminder that all things change with time, whereas the Two of Pentacles beneath it indicate that you have the ability to control certain aspects of your life throughout the process of those slow shifting changes and direct your energy how you wish.  The message here is to “keep on keeping on” and allow the feelings stirred up from negative words to slide off into the past as you continue forward into the future.  Leave them behind and keep going, as it is not their judgements you need to worry about.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsMar2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question: Is patience and inherent virtue, or is it learned behavior?

Lazy Crow TarotReading Summary: Patience is used in order to get what we want (Knight of Cups), seize control of our lives (The Chariot), or wait out the impetuousness of others (Five of Wands).

Take Away: Patience is not something we are born with but something we learn.  It is a method of behavior that is learned in order to mold the world around us into something more in line with what we want out of life. Some learn through experience that being brash and loud and impatient gives them what they desire.

Others learn that patience has the rewards they want without the need for conflict and chaos.  This is something learned through experience and observation of others.  Thus, patience is not something we are born with, but is learned behavior.

DECK USED:  LAZY CROW TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I dusted off the coffee table, which is much more of an endeavor than you might think because my coffee table is about the size of a small dining room table and it’s filled with decks and jewelry making supplies as well as an adhesive workstation, etc.  So there’s a lot of organizing and shuffling stuff around involved in the process.   The dust there has been bugging me for a while tho, and no one else will touch it because they fear relocating something I need and then won’t be able to find when I need it.

Stronger Together

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IMG_9461Today’s meditation was just a bit over seventeen minutes long and was the third installment of the mantra course on the Oak app.  I included the interval timer for my piriformis stretches as well.

The focus of today’s meditation was (surprise, surprise) using mantra in meditation.  For this particular segment of the course, there was no vocalization of the mantra at the beginning and, although I know this wasn’t the intent of having the mantras be a mental exercise instead of a vocal one?  I feel so included.  Silly, I know.  But it’s really nice to be able to follow along without having to improvise due to my mutism.

Now… that’s all well and good, and the meditation was relaxing… you know I can’t not say something about the quote included in today’s meditation.   I really dislike this Lao Tzu quote, as I’ve mentioned before. Yes, nature does not hurry.  No, everything does not get accomplished.  That’s the whole point of changing seasons. Flowers die before they can bloom, leaves fall before they’ve turned, animals die because winter came early… not everything gets accomplished.   The quote makes absolutely no sense and I have no idea why it is so popular.

Fifth Spirit Tarot and Thera-Pets Emotional Support Animal CardsToday’s draw is the Ten of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of moving beyond emotional contentment to happiness and sharing this emotional abundance with those around you. It’s about positive relationships and a sense of harmony shared with friends, family, and loved ones.

I really like the imagery in this card.  At first, the card seems a bit plain other than the dancing fish.  And then, when you look closer you see that the cups that are overflowing with a wealth of water (emotions) are of all sorts.  Wine glasses and baby bottles, sippy cups and dog bowls and mugs and saki cups.  There are all types to represent all the different types of people that make up the emotional bonds of family and friends in life. The imagery here very literally is a visual representation of the Hebrew bible phrase “My cup overfloweth,” which for those that are unfamiliar with the phrase, means “I have more than enough for my needs”.

When combined with today’s Thera-Pets card, the message in today’s cards is that the current journey through struggle and strife is not a journey taken alone.  Loved ones are there in good times and bad, and those that truly love you will support you even when you’re going through the worst of it.   Don’t forsake their support when you need a little help, instead let them lift you up and remind you that as strong and capable as you are?  You’re even stronger and more capable together.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT AND THERA-PETS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL CARDS

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  What am I asked to (gently) let go of during this Full Moon?

Paulina Tarot

 Reading Summary: Use your ability to inspire yourself and others (Queen of Wands) to gently begin nudging out the sadness and depression (Three of Swords) that has been stealing all of your attention lately (Seven of Swords).

Take Away:  The figure in the Three of Swords so obviously needs a nudge to get them off their stool, but that nudge just as obviously needs to be soft and gentle.  The energy of inspiration can be gentle, but that takes a little more focus than just whisking yourself away in the inspiration.  Instead this is about giving yourself the inspiration to get off the stool, not to pretend that things are fine but simply to help straighten the spine and start moving.   At one time or another the time comes to stop looking at the big baddie that has oppressed you and start looking forward instead. During this full moon it is time to stop staring over your shoulder so intently…. and look forward instead.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What skill in my tarot practice needs improvement?

Fifth Spirit TarotReading Summary: I need to work on being more gentle and nurturing (The Empress) in my delivery (King of Swords with the megaphone and the Five of Swords positioned to surround The Empress on all sides..

Take Away: True enough.  I am always very focused on being empowering to those that I read for (as well as for myself) that sometimes I forget that there are times when a delivery also needs to be gentle and nurturing.  My readings often hand people the facts in a way to “light a fire under their ass” and I rarely coddle.

This means that my skills at coddling are not as strong as they could be, and as a result I can often come off a bit harsh, or even confrontational.

DECK USED:  FIFTH SPIRIT TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I took a pain pill.  My foot was really bothering me today and even after I put it up for a bit it wouldn’t ease up on the throbbing ache.   It isn’t hot, so it’s not an infection.   So I went ahead and took half a vicodin along with my ibuprofen.

Ignoring the Good Stuff

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IMG_9322Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long, and was a guided meditation from the Calm app. There was no interval timer because I did not do my piriformis stretches today.

The focus of today’s meditation was on using your own actions to make the world a better place.  It spoke on something that I believe really strongly in, which is that it isn’t through massive acts of generosity or goodness that makes the biggest difference in the world, but rather it is those that consistently practice small acts of kindness and positivity.

Sometimes?  A smile is enough to lift what feels like the weight of the world off a stranger’s shoulders, allowing that smile to spread from you to them… and from them to others.  Sometimes allowing someone to step in front of you in line at the store is enough to lighten a stranger’s heart enough that they then in small ways lighten the hearts of others throughout the day. By being a good person, you encourage others to do the same, and they then encourage others as well.

Paulina Tarot - Five of CupsToday’s draw is the Five of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of the Five of Cups, which is traditionally a representation of disillusionment, apathy, pessimism, and regret.   It is about feelings that go beyond the detachment of the Four of Cups and slip into true feelings of disappointment of one form or another.

What stands out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today is the little beetle creature offering the figure it’s sphere. The tilt of the head and down-slope of what appears to be ears makes the impression of imploring the figure to please take what is offered and the hope it will please them.

And yet the figure turns away from even this heartfelt offer, focusing instead upon what has been spilled upon the floor to the point that nothing else can break through to lift their spirits.

Like the COTD from the other day, this is a reminder not to focus on the little stuff and let it ruin the big picture.  It can if you let it. Something as small as a sliver or a hangnail can decimate a spectacularly beautiful day… if you let it.  So don’t let it.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

LionHart’s Mercury Retrograde Tarot Challenge Prompt
Question:  What can I do today that will help my future self?

Mesquite Tarot

 Reading Summary: Take things on from the long term perspective (The Hanged One) of being able to look back upon yourself and your life later on (Judgement) with pride and a sense of accomplishment (Leader of Cups).

Take Away:  The fact that this reading ends in the Leader of Cups here indicates that what is being said here is a need to focus on what makes me happy and not just what I can accomplish or be good at or succeed at.  It’s a reminder that success comes in many different forms, and I need to make sure whatever form I chase, it’s one that provides emotional satisfaction.

DECK USED:  MESQUITE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Philosophical Question:  Where does your self-worth come from?

Paulina TarotReading Summary: Going through the gamut of changes (Death), uncertainties (The Moon), and choices (Seven of Cups) in life has built up my self-worth over time.

Take Away: It’s about experience and learning what you can handle, survive, move on from, and make work.  Sometimes life has felt like it’s going to break me. Tear me down and toss me into the trash.  And yet, I rise from these challenges due to the choices I have made.  Changes happen, fear happens, but it’s where you go from there that really matters. 

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

Daily Self Kindness

I am still feeling really good about my decision to change going to the post office to today instead of Friday. Although I did run into a few problems while I was out that way, it was not as harrowing as I felt it might have been and now that I’m back home again, I feel this huge sense of relief and comfort that it’s done.

Don’t Wallow

/ Twist the Leaf / 1 Comment

IMG_9165Today’s meditation was just over ten minutes long and was a guided meditation with interval timer for my piriformis stretches. And, it’s very clear that I’ve been skipping far too often, because my right hip is stiff as hell and it was nearly impossible to do the stretching as I normally would.  So… a few days of skipping will lead to about two months of time to regain the flexibility I’d been maintaining.  Still, it’s definitely got my attention.

The focus of today’s meditation was clearly about living in the present instead of ruminating on the past or being too focused on the future.  The thing is, though?  I say “clearly” because I don’t remember what was said in the meditation at all, but the graphic kind of speaks for itself.  I know I listened to it at the time, or at least I think that I did, but I think the depression is at a point now where I’m struggling with remembering even what happened a few hours ago with any clarity.

Tarot Skrytych Svetu - The HermitToday’s draw is the Hermit card, which is traditionally a representation of inner reflection and healthy alone time when one retreats to deal with and explore the self.

There are two things that stand out to me the strongest in the imagery of this card today, which is the hag stone that the Hermit stands upon, and the geese.

The geese in this card’s imagery insinuate that the Hermit is high in the sky. Far above where geese fly in their migratory trek. This is about lift rising above, and it speaks to me (along with the light that shins so brightly) of the solitary being a healthy and healing experience.

The hag stone that the Hermit stands upon speaks to me of secrets. Hidden secrets that can only be accessed by honing in one’s view and dipping into a side of things that you don’t examine in the day to day.

The message in today’s card is reminder that alone time needs to be healthy alone time.  Just retreating to wallow in your own misery is not okay and not healthy.  If you’re going to spend alone time, make sure that it is in the pursuit of inner reflection and growth, not to allow yourself to sink into unhealthy habits and thoughts.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTYCH SVETU

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What brings my heart joy?

Paulina Tarot

King of Pentacles – Stability and security. When I have that feeling of security that everything is as it should be and all is stable, I then feel free to explore my pleasures and indulge in my joys.

Ten of Swords – Knowing that even the most difficult journey comes to an end eventually. Sometimes bad shit happens.  Sometimes it happens and keeps happening and feels like it will last forever.  But the truth is?  Bad shit eventually ends, and in that moment we have the opportunity to birth a new thread.. a new journey.  It brings my heart hope, and thus joy, to know this.

Justice – That life can be fair, even if you have to work at it. I very much feel a deep seated need for balance in life… for fairness in life.  I can’t help this.  When things feel balanced and fair, even if that fairness takes from my pocket to even things out with another less fortunate, I feel good and pleased and happy.   Fairness and balance are important, and finding as well as fostering these things in life brings me joy.

DECK USED:  PAULINA TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsFeb2021 Challenge Prompt
Question:  What personal energy will best facilitate conversation with others today?

Tarot Skrytych SvetuReading Summary: You may still be learning your way (Page of Cups), but you still need to allow your emotions to flow easily and share them with others (Ten of Cups).  There’s no use in tangling yourself up in them while trying to hide from them or avoid them (Eight of Swords).

Take Away: At the moment I am struggling with a major depressive episode and I’m struggling under it’s grip.  The emotions I’m feeling need to be expressed and communicated.  My gratitude and my love need to be expressed and communicated as well. 

My natural inclination is to hide from my emotions, especially right now when I’m vacillating between a painful numbness and extreme bouts of dark emotions. Don’t hold it in.

DECK USED:  TAROT SKRYTYCH SVETU

Daily Self Kindness

I gave myself permission to cry today, and have done so multiple times today.  I’ve napped and tried to treat myself kindly, even setting aside some of my responsibilities of the day to allow more room for myself to feel less choked up and constrained.