Chocolate Cake

Today’s meditation was skipped because nobody would leave me the hell alone this morning.  I swear to god some days the girls are so totally self sufficient, and then other days?  Every five seconds they’re in my hair bugging the fuck out of me.  Although… Z did make chocolate cake this morning.  So she’s forgiven.

Traditional Manga Tarot - Nine of CupsSpeaking of chocolate cake…

Today’s draw is the Nine of Cups, which is about obtainment and completion in the area of one’s emotions, relationships, intuition, and creativity.  This card is about emotional contentment, and taking time to be grateful and enjoy a sense of satisfaction in where you are at.

On Wednesday, I did a reading about whether I live to eat or eat to live, and here we have a card that is, in its depths, very much a “live to eat” card at its core.  It’s about enjoying what you have, finding pleasure and peace in the moment… and the imagery very much makes me think of eating cake.

The message in today’s card is to savor the good stuff.  Don’t let those things and experiences go to waste.

DECK USED:  TRADITIONAL MANGA TAROT

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Neptune Question
: A dream, hope, or desire I am asked to feed, or honor {more}.

Ring Cycle Tarot

A Dream I Am Asked To FeedEmperor (Wotan) – Independence and strength, but with the balance of a softer and more understanding edge. Independence has always been my dream, and one I feed regularly, but that softer edge is new and something I have been working on over this past year.  Learning to find that softness and encourage it is something that needs constant fostering.

A Hope I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Nibelungs – Working off my mortgage is something I’ve been focused on for a very long time and I have a timeline on that I’ve been hoping to stick to.  I’m creeping toward the end stretch of my mortgage over the next few years and I need to keep this hope alive by feeding it and not giving up on it regardless of the state of the world.

A Desire I Am Asked To FeedTwo of Gibichungs – Balance and fairness in all things is something that I am constantly in need of.  When things are unfair and imbalanced, I struggle under the weight of this knowledge and a nearly righteous need to fix it and make it better. No matter how much some may look down upon this need, it is not a bad thing and is a directive that comes straight from my moral compass. Don’t be shy about these values.

A Dream I Am Asked To HonorSix of Gibichungs – This card echos the above theme of fairness, but here we see a need to foster it not just one individual case at a time but within a community where all understand and treasure the fairness that is fostered and grows there.  There have been many times that my personal need for fairness is all about a personal drive, in this case I am asked to honor the dream within myself that such fairness would be valued by all and that everyone would work together to sustain it.

A Hope I Am Asked To HonorJustice (Wotan’s Spear) – We reap what we sow, and in my heart?  I hope that this is true.  I hope that, through the workings of the balance of the universe, the truly horrible and evil people in the world really do reap the pain and misery that they have sown. If not in this life, than upon their spirit to be carried forward into the next.  To honor this hope, it is important to remember that you don’t always have to right the wrongs yourself… you instead need to foster the faith that the universe will do that for you.

A Desire I Am Asked To HonorNine of Nibelungs – I desire to trust.  I look back on the innocence and naivete that I had a decade or more ago… and sometimes I ache for that gleaming golden faith that has been scored and chipped and peeled away over time.  I used to have such faith in people as a whole… and I miss it. I understand I cannot go back, but I hope to never lose the memory of that time and, as a result, become truly and irretrievably jaded.

DECK USED:  RING CYCLE TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Advice I need to hear at this time concerning my love life.

Ride or Wait TarotReading Summary: Lean on Gideon as needed (King of Cups) and depend on him to keep hope and positivity alive (The Star) rather than retreating into yourself or hiding from him (Four of Cups Rx).

Take Away: It’s so damned hard for me to reach out sometimes and I really don’t understand why.  It’s not as if he’s going to look down on me for needing him.  If anything, any time I express my need of him, he is ready to leap into action and be there for me with eagerness, love, and strength.  

And yet, my first reaction when I need support or a pick-me-up?  Is to sink into myself rather than reach out to him… even after being together over twelve years now.   Why is that?

Obviously, this is a good reminder… and one I need to hear pretty often, especially in times of stress.

DECK USED:  RIDE OR WAIT TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: What or who in my life is draining my energy?

Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

What in my life is draining my energy?
Page of Swords atop Nine of Swords, Six of Pentacles

My ambition and worries that I’m not doing enough. This has been especially troubling for me this fall, as I have procrastinated a good deal of the fall away without getting my shit done as I should have.  For some reason, even fighting against the lethargy of the weight of that procrastination, I couldn’t manage to get my ass in gear.

Who in my life is draining my energy?
Extra Card (In the Weeds) and Queen of Pentacles

Those that are dependent on me are draining my energy at the moment, although through no fault of their own, but rather because I’m not getting away enough for some alone time in nature. Self care is sometimes such a fucking pain in the ass and it feels like a waste of time… and then I don’t do it and end up in a situation of self harm through neglect as a result.

DECK USED:  OAK ASH & THORN TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: How have I acted on that advice given to me from yesterday’s reading?

Puppet Theatre Tarot

Reading Summary:  Developed strength of determination (King of Wands) combined with a built up strength of foundation in home and finances (King of Pentacles) allows me to then use these things I’ve learned to better assist others than I could have otherwise (Six of Cups)

Take Away: Yesterday’s advice was about looking after myself before others, and thus by putting myself first.  Here we see that in having helped myself first and become strong both in my determination and my foundations, I then am able to help others in more effective ways later.  Sometimes those you refused to help earlier in life aren’t able to forgive that refusal, and you have to allow for those “spilled milk” people and let go of them so that you can use your resources to instead help those that are open to your assistance in the ways you chose to help.

DECK USED:  PUPPET THEATRE TAROT

New Moon in Scorpio – November 2020

New Moon In Scorpio Tarot Reading - Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

Yesterday was the new moon, and like all new moons and full moons, I did a spread aligned to the moon’s current themes as a part of my recognition of the moon’s cycle and influences upon us.  Today’s spread is brought to you by Ethony‘s Tarot By the Moon series.

1. What do you need to face that you’ve been avoiding?

The Fool atop Knight of Cups – That moody bullshit you’ve been feeling that’s making you drag your feet needs to stop.  It’s time to step forward into the spirit of the fool and embrace a sense of optimism and enthusiasm that will allow you to bound forward with alacrity rather than slog onward with a feeling of reluctance.

2. What secrets need to come into the light?

Five of Swords – You’re far more ruthless than you allow others to see. Your moral compass helps to keep this in check, but the temptation to do what needs done no matter the cost in order to win does rear its ugly head from time to time and with your emotions all stirred up?  It shows up more often than you’d like.

3. What conversation needs to be had?

Five of Wands – The hard ones.  The difficult ones.  The ones that turn into clashes because of how strongly you feel about it.  You work so hard to avoid confrontation that sometimes you forsake these topics of conversation when you should really speak out and allow your feelings and opinions to be expressed clearly.

4. What do I need to forgive in myself?

Knight of Wands – There have been a number of times in your life where you have acted impulsively and felt the sting of repercussions as a result. Stop beating yourself up over these things and using them to keep yourself “in line”.  Enthusiasm is allowed and so is the occasional impulsivity.  It’s a part of the learning process.

5. What shadow aspect requires integration?

Ten of Pentacles atop Two of Swords – You need to remember that a lot of your need and drive towards stability and security comes from the past and the injuries that you suffered there.  They influences the decisions that you make and the desire for that stability you crave.  This isn’t a bad thing, but needs acknowledgement in order to find balance.

DECK USED: OAK ASH & THORN TAROT

Take A Look Around

Like yesterday’s post, I’m playing a bit of catch up. I can’t remember whether I meditated on the 7th or not. So I’ll leave this empty this time around as I finish up these posts that got started… but never published on the blog.

Tarot of the Little Prince - Eight of SwordsToday’s draw is the Eight of Swords, which is traditionally a representation of painting oneself into a corner, putting hurdles in your own way, and other self defeating behavior including negative inner dialogue and pity party mentality.

What stands out to me the most strongly in this card’s imagery today is that there is no swords or snakes on the other side of the large tombstone looking rock.  The boy and the fox are so focused on the snake and swords that they haven’t looked around to see that there’s another way out of their situation.

And the boy and the fox?  They are me.  Freaking out and forgetting to look at other options, allowing my worries and fears to narrow my focus.  I need to remember to stay calm and take a look around.

DECK USED:  TAROT OF THE LITTLE PRINCE

LionHart’s As Above So Below Challenge Prompt
Rising Sign Question
: How can I balance the self with those around me, to achieve what I am asked to work on this month?

Witches Wisdom Tarot

Reading Summary: Focus on your new emotions (Ace of Water) and not the old feelings of scarcity that so often drive you (Five of Water Rx). You need to be able to go after what you desire and not just what you think you need to do (Messenger of Water atop Ace of Air), and you will once again light the fire of inspiration within you (Ace of Fire).

Take Away:  This is about putting more priority on the pleasure of my work and letting go of that iron grip I have on the feelings of responsibility and desperation that I often you use to push me forward.  The truth is? I’ve been using those feelings of responsibility and desperation more and more over time, and they are smothering my spark of enthusiasm and inspiration under their weight.

DECK USED:  WITCHES WISDOM TAROT

#DiscordTarotolicsNov2020 Challenge Prompt
Question
: Wish for the Future / Next Step in Getting There / The Home of My Hope

Savran Forest TarotWish For The FutureThe Moon Rx – Less uncertainty is a great wish for the future.  Like most people, I struggle a great deal with insecurities and the illusions they create that make my reality mine and subjective.  These insecurities create a feeling of anxiety, and encourage predictive thinking that isn’t rooted in divination but rather is rooted in fear.  To be free of the uncertainties that stir up these insecurities would make for a beautiful future.

Next Step in Getting ThereThe Tower atop Four of Swords Rx – Make sure that you’re not standing back and practicing restraint during the chaos to come.  Sometimes, if you step back, you can ride out the chaos in peace.  Other times?  You have to fight for what you want to keep during those moments.  In this case?  You have to fight.

The Home of My HopeThe World – I take comfort from, as well as it being the home of my hope concerning, the cyclical pattern of life. The fact that we move through a journey that spirals back upon itself on another higher level again and again as we become better people through each event and trial we work through.  It fills me with hope that this cycle moves not just through our lives, but is also the journey of the soul.  A journey of betterment through time and experience.

DECK USED:  SAVRAN FOREST TAROT

Heal & Transform November Challenge Prompt
Question
: What aspect of myself am I ready to shed?

Oak Ash & Thorn Tarot

Reading Summary: I’m ready to take control (The Chariot) of my depression caused by my constant disappointment in myself (Three of Swords), and instead live in a place of contentment (Nine of Cups).

Take Away:  The cards are long-form telling me that I’m ready to shed some of my shadows that spur on my detrimental inner dialogue and create the potential for that slippery down-slope into depression.  This more generalized depression then has the ability to trigger a major depressive episode with far reaching and dangerous effects. 

The cards here indicate that shedding these shadows requires determination and control, but that the reward on the other side of having dealt with them and shed them is finding greater contentment in life.

DECK USED:  OAK ASH & THORN TAROT

#ConnectWithYourDeckChallenge by E Roebuck-Jones
Question: What is my biggest fear?

The Mushroom Tarot

Reading Summary:  Being overtaken (Five of Swords) by my mother’s qualities and influences (Queen of Wands Rx), and turning my world into shit as a result (Wheel of Fortune Rx)

Take Away:  The cards here indicate that my biggest fear is turning into my mother.  I have many of her qualities, and this is something I do very much fear.  I don’t want to become the cold, calculating, self centered type of person that uses the world and everyone in it as their personal game of chess.  I dread the effect that allowing these qualities to take hold within myself would have on my life and those around me.

DECK USED:  THE MUSHROOM TAROT